Comedian Sam Morril Heckler Clips Part One

are you guys leaving i'm not offended you don't have to stay no yeah she doesn't know what cuddling well where is her lucky boyfriend that's what's happening that was you didn't you didn't know what cunnilingus is wow you still don't know well it's a pretty short explanation you should know it's when a guy puts his tongue on your vagina repeatedly and tries to make you feel good and i'm sorry you've never had a good relationship how old are you if you don't mind me asking she's like 75 it's been it's been rough so you don't know what look you know you never heard the term okay you have you have two moms then you should definitely know what it [Applause] is sophisticates eating beaver for the room well i'm glad to help guys you know sometimes i'm a comedian sometimes i'm an educator you never you don't always get to choose but that was one i didn't think i'd have to explain i gotta tell you i was like you know university of wisconsin pretty good school i thought they would have covered that one sheriff you know the the scam is they want you to go to best buy or walgreens to buy a bunch of gift cards and then you read the code on the back that's a little weird you know you all right yes you what i thought he was going to drag you upstairs [Laughter] let's find the designated driver quickly [Applause] whenever someone walks that confidently through a showroom i'm like oh they're [ __ ] hammered no one no one walks most people were like let me be very cautious there's a show going on but this guy was really [ __ ] going he was walking like a toy soldier and he kept coming when i don't get close i was like oh here we go all right good thing they're not paying me enough for this game good thing i love comedy so much i'll do it for [ __ ] hey and now i'm the bouncer too that's fun i don't know about that sir i'm sorry i just told the jokes i didn't design the [ __ ] venue [Music] i don't believe there was ever a door here i'm gonna no you know what i just checked it there was never a door this [ __ ] was living in a field of dreams fantasy there was a door here right now he's walking into a lake there was a door here a minute ago the water's up to here i'm going to keep going i feel like a door the door is like a few more feet in i'll find the door [Music] we got to his funeral his friends are like he was always looking for doors when a door opens when god closes the door he locks out a drum it's like that famous expression that was so weird and he had like you know what i don't mean to profile people's faces but he did have bouncer haircut he had like the buzz cut him like clearly he works here and then he was shit-faced and walking toward me i was like i don't think he works here i think he's a drunkard man well i say we all stay here until he surely drives home let him have the road to himself and just have at it you guys i can hear every word you're saying you're the least quiet people of all time oh that's all right i just you know it's a live performance you need another drink yeah that's not my jurisdiction do you see the mic do i look like i'm taking orders up here patron yeah yeah not i'm not gonna do it you what one shot i didn't give a [ __ ] about the numbers the principal i'm a comedian what if i just took her order and you guys are like he's just gonna leave right now there was a point in my career when i might have nine late-night appearances three specials get your own [ __ ] drag [Applause] and whisper your [ __ ] orders for the love of god i don't get when comedy clubs became this like [ __ ] safe haven for drunks what happened i put out thoughtful material i'm not saying this is les miz or hamilton up here but [Applause] maybe a little respect for the performer [Applause] i don't like a patron drinker either i'll tell you they think they're better than you because you're ordering patron but they don't even have [ __ ] about tequila a drinker i'll [ __ ] tell you that right now i better take it with a lime and salt to you piece of trash it's people with shitty lives usually right because i get messages sometimes so like you [ __ ] suck and i look at the guy's profile i'm like yeah i mean of course you want to be distracted right now i see why you're holding on to this anchor are you showing me something you're pointing to what the pornhub you pulled up pornhub in my show you thought that'd be a good idea for some reason most people watch at home you wanted to break it out in the showroom it's most certainly not a tuesday it's a friday this has been one of the strangest interruptions to extract i'm watching pornhub cool i work pretty hard on these jokes also it's not the day you think it is well that's why they pay me the big bucks folks you know what i buy you a shot a shot no i'm a [ __ ] adult i sip i don't shoot shots what are you 18. i'm done with shots when you do shots your night never ends well you never do i just said that it's not that bad to [ __ ] students what do you think [Applause] i'm welcome that was the most jersey [ __ ] interaction ever i'm gonna interrupt your show and then i'm gonna expect you to be grateful for and then somehow she's gonna send me a dry cleaning and spray tan bed on top of it i'm like wow she really [ __ ] nailed it that was good you know what i'm doing better now i mean she's not wrong [Music] but i feel like you want to tell me so where are you from congratulations [Music] where are you from i think i speak for everyone [Applause] you know your boroughs [ __ ] with the only decent thing you created is pete davidson he's a pokemon [Music] she really changed her tone you're losing us you've improved quite fast i hate to say it but she is kind of right about all of it what do you say miss you're not really so much i'm not ragging on teachers i don't think i ever racked on teachers i like teachers i probably jerk off their teachers another time when i was a kid i dripped off the teacher corner so much that it ruined my after school every time my teacher would talk to me i think she would [ __ ] me in fact you're in a lot of trouble like what an idea [Applause] teacher porn you what do you have is it weird for you to watch teacher porn have you ever watched it you can't go quiet on me now [Applause] some [ __ ] cop out you know why you don't like teacher porn because you don't want to picture [ __ ] one of those staten island meatheads now uh have you ever watched it though and how do you feel about it it's pretty hard i gotta say you did a pretty big 180 which is your favorite day like have you ever no no no i'm almost done i'm almost done i'll leave you alone you're the one who started this so i get to go home so have you ever is there ever been a student where you're like in like a year out of high school at my father have you ever thought that never what's the what's the oldest that you would [ __ ] like a student like high school [Applause] older guys so would you [ __ ] the principal they're always walking around sweatpants what sometimes wow all right so okay pe instructor how about like a special ed teacher they care about kids they used to be on people that are hard to communicate with [Applause] staten island is amazing it's an amazing borough because you get there and you're like it's still the [ __ ] 1950s you're like news travels slow they're not going to have a me too movement instead now like another 30 years staten island what's your favorite part about staten island holy [ __ ] that's gonna be a loud the food yeah you got good italian food right yeah a nice cutlet the what the protection i wish your mother used protection [Applause] oh my god [ __ ] killing me the whole time shut up don't [ __ ] play dirty because you're lazy you're a teacher this is gonna go viral you're gonna lose your job she's gonna wake up tomorrow morning like remember how i just totally roasted that comedian your friends are going to be like i remember it a bit differently you didn't do well you know what i'm winning you're all over the place i'm diagnosing you with manic depression adhd adhd that's the nicer way to say [Music] how [ __ ] up are you guys you just do like don't gang sign after saying don't break that was weird we at the crips are part of me don't go back that's america right there don't breathe how are we losing to the chinese i feel like they feel like ignorance is not as cool in the west what do you do you should pick up a book okay

Channel: Sam Morril

Views: 365,636

Keywords: Sam Morril, Stand-Up Comic, Heckler, Roast, Jokes, Mark Normand, Bert Kreischer, Cunnilingus, Alcohol, Porn, Drunk

Id: p5G8eewqPo0

Length: 18min 50sec (1130 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 27 2020