[Ayanokōji] The following is a fan-based parody. Classroom of The Elite is owned by Syohgo Kinugasa, Studio Lerche, and FUNimation. Please support the official release!... At your own risk... [Aino] Oh hey, I didn't see you there! I'm Aino Kōji but most
of my pals call me Aino. After going all out back in middle school, guess what? I finally snagged
a spot in the high school I've been dreaming of... TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL This place? It's a government-backed hub to groom the future pillars of Japan! With a 100% employment and college entry rate, This school prides itself on its comprehensive, state-directed teaching methods, dedicated to shaping the nation's future. Finally, I'm about to embark on my long-awaited journey to the most prestigious school in all of Japan! The only shot I have to get in is by catching the annual bus exclusively for students, and thankfully, I made it just in the nick of time! Ah fudge. [Old Lady] (off-screen) Why you! [Old Lady] Excuse me, young man! I am so very tired... Would you kindly get off your FAT ASS And let me sit here? [Kōenji] Excuse me? Sorry, but I got here first and I was- [Old Lady] Oh for the love of... Seriously now? I ain't demanding the world here. I'm only going to rip out your SPINE And play it like a BLASTED ACCORDION If you don't vacate that seat of yours! [Kōenji] Jesus Christ lady! Have some class. [Kushida] Come on, let's be kind to our elders! It's up to us, The younger generation, To help and look out for the elderly. Don't be rude, Please consider giving up your seat! [Old Lady] That's right! [Kōenji] By the gods! The barbarity of this proleteriat is vexing! You were right mommy... I should've taken the civilized person's bus! Cease this ridicule at once! bITCH [Old Lady] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth!? [Kōenji] With lips as soft as hers... OF COURSE I DO! *Audible Silence* [Kōenji] MMMMmmmm! [Old Lady] What the actual FUCK is wrong with you?! You know what... keep your spine! I think I'll beat your ass the same way I do my kids! [Kushida] Guys, we should get along! :) [Kōenji] You insignificant PARASITE on society... You meaningless BABOON! ONE PIECE will FINISH before I give up my seat! [Old Lady] Oh I'll live way longer than that! This old hag's got decades in the PSIA! Ever been waterboarded with human urine, richboy!? [Kōenji] The successor to the Kōenji family will never BOW to the likes of such WORTHLESS and UTTER human filth! Wait a minute... Why are you even on this bus? You're like EIGHTY we're going to a damn highschool! *They argue in the background* [Woman on Bus] FINE! Just take my seat! Holy SHIT you people are fucked up! [Ayanokōji] I was expecting a boarding school, but this place? It's on a whole other level! [???] Hey, you there. [Horikita] You saw it, didn't you? Hey, any response? Not exactly a fan of this awkward silence. (internally) Oh no... What if he figures out my secret? That I'm... Not like the other girls! I can't let that happen My whole cool façade will be shattered! [Ayanokōji] What was that? (internally) Oh no! Did she notice me staring at her? What should I even say? She's... clearly Not like the other girls! I can't make friends if people Immediately think I'm a creep! *gears turning* [Brain] Don't tell her the truth. Tell her you just... Took interest in her book or something. [Ayanokōji] (internally) Got it, thanks! Sorry! I just took interest in your boob- [Brain] DAMNIT AYANOKOJI! [Horikita] See you around... (internally) He seems like a simple pervert. I don't think he's onto me yet, but... Knowing men like him, I better keep my guard up. [Ayanokōji] (still trying to defend himself) A grand capacity for emotions and uh... Depth in my soul! I mean I'm not soulful, but you know, I've got a big- And she's walked away... [Brain] Really improved your situation there, bud. [Akane] Thank you! And now for some words from your student council president! [President] Good morning, students of TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL I hope you're as excited about this school year as I am! Now, before we get on with the speech... I'd like to take a moment to thank today's sponsor! NordVPN Ever wanted a reliable, Safe internet for ALL of your curricular and extracurricular needs? NordVPN has you covered! Providing all of TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL'S Budding students with High -quality access to Global, tracking free internet, all year round! [Ike] (in the audience) Well at least that's over... [President] And now... I'd like to move onto our next sponsor: Audible! Have you ever wished that you could read... Without reading!? [Ike] (in the audience) No? [President] Well now you can! [Ike] (in the audience) NO! [President] This speech was made possible by Audible! Audible is the leading provider of audio books... So do us both a favor! And use GAY GUYS THIGHS to get 50% off... Writing's not easy! That's why Grammarly can help. This sentence IS grammatically correct... And, I know what you're thinking... My dad hits me too! Well... that's a fair point... But wait! There's more! My girlfriend left me for a hotter and younger man... Awesome 3D graphics... Visit Grammarly.com today... Courtesy, of course, of the RAID: Shadow Legends™️ devs. [President] Well, That's it for today's sponsors- Thank you! [Ike] Wait... Weren't you going to give the incoming freshmen a speech? [President] Oh... Uhhh Good luck I guess! [Ike] Tha- that's it!? It's been THREE HOURS! [Ayanokōji] Seems like everyone in the class is making friends. Guess I should too. Makes sense, right? [Brain] No! That's what everyone else does, fool! You wanna me the protagonist, don't you? You've already got the window seat going for you, why stop now? Let them come to you. [Ayanokōji] (sighs) Understood. [NickEh30] OOOOHHHHH CRAAAPPP [Horikita] Yeah keep staring buddy, I might do a trick. [Brain] (sarcastic) Oh hey, nice to meet you too! [Ayanokōji] (not sarcastic) Oh hey, nice to meet you too! [Horikita] what? [Brain] Sarcasm, Ayanokōji. Sarcasm. [???] Hey guys! It's out first class, right? Let's introduce ourselves and get this friendship train moving! [Kushida] I'm in! [Kei] Sounds interesting enough. [???] Alright! [Hirata] 🎵 Whatsup my bros? The name's 🎵 🎵 Hirata Yosuke 🎵 🎵 Professional Soundcloud 🎵 🎵 Always down to clown! 🎵 🎵 Or play some Earthbound! 🎵 🎵 Around the compound 🎵 🎵 It's nice to meet y'all! 🎵 🎵 Let's all hang this fall! 🎵 🎵 Also try my delta-10-tetrahydrocannabinol! 🎵 [Kei] That... Was fucking... AWESOME! *class cheers for Hirata's "song"* [Ayanokōji] I- What the fuck was that? [Kushida] Nice to meet you everyone! My name is Kushida Kikyo. I'd love to be *suuuper friendly* with all of you! I'm always willing to lend a *helping hand* to anyone who needs it! I'd love to make many great memories, so don't hesitate to invite me anywhere! The cafe, the theater, The back of a home depot at 11 o'clock at night, I'll *do it anywhere* I mean I'll hang out anywhere! Nice to meet you all! [Ayanokōji] Hey, she seems nice and lacking of any ulterior motive! Should probably... Introduce myself! Play it smooth, ya know? [Brain] Alright Ayanokōji, it's almost your turn. Leave it to me. It is of utmost importance that you- [Ayanokōji] Don't even worry about it! I've got it covered! Been running through this scenario all day. [Ayanokōji] *In imagination* 'Sup everyone! I'm chillin' with my bud, right? And he's munching on somethin' and I'm like Dude... what's that you're eating? And he's all casual, like Ah, just a potato chip. And I'm here thinking, Hold up! That ain't a potato chip! That's my Father's... Ashes. *class loudly cheers for Ayanokōji. [Hirata] *now in reality* Yo bro, it's your turn on the mic. Drop us a beat! [Ayanokōji] what [Hirata] Well... uh... Give us a... greeting? Yo? [Ayanokōji] oh... Well um..! Oh, um uh uh uh... yeah! So... *dry laugh* Like I was... y'know... I was hangin' with my buddy! And, um... he's... My father's ashes??? And I was like, well that just happened! So, yep! I'm uh... Ayano... koji? *desert sounds play as a tumbleweed rolls through* *class claps politely* [Ayanokōji] I blew it. [Hirata] Good one! [Ayanokōji] Hey, she's smiling! I guess she thinks I didn't mess up the first- second meeting too bad! [Horikita] Seriously, where is a Death Note when you need one!? [Ken] *kicks desk* UGH why the HELL are we stuck on your dad's ashes? I'm trying to vibe to the greates track of all time- World is Mine, by Hatsune Miku! This ain't one of your lame rap songs, alright? Lookin' at you Hirata. {bro's catching strays💀} This is hardcore stuff! Miku's like, a fucking princess who- [???] Alrighteverybodyshutthefuckup, class is in session. Apologies for the delay, I was occupied 'assisting' the financial office counselor. Welcome, Class 1D, to your first day at the TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL [Sae] I am Sae Chabashira, Your teacher for the next three years. [Haruki] Pork Ay No Ess {Wait is this motherfucker speaking spanish?} {Nah bruh I'm subbing this for free I ain't readin allat} [Sae] Actually, it's because my last *girlfriend* thought proposing after 2 months was *too early* Oh, also, if you ask me about it again, I will slit your wrists without a second thought. [Sae] Anyways Before we start, I'll be explaining the school's unique currency. We operate on a points based system here at TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL These "points" can be used for various expenses, Such as food, entertainment, and daily necessities. There is nothing on this campus that can not be bought with points. The allocation of points occurs at the beginning of each month, And the value of one "point" is set at ten cents. It's crucial that you exercise prudence in managing your points. Furthermore, I *must* emphasize that the points you've been assigned for this first month amounts to A hundred thousand points each, Which holds a cumulative value of roughly ten thousand dollars. *class reacts in shock* [Ike] OHMAGAHAHAD [Sae] This insitution evaluates students on merit, and your enrollment here has already earned you considerable value. Now, our school operates on a set of rules clearly outlined in the terms and conditions. Following these rules will be key to your success here... [Ayanokōji] (internally) Ah man, that's a big book. Surely we don't have to read all one thousand seven hundred and eight pages- [Sae] Make sure to read all one thousand seven hundred and eight pages, as well as the mandatory foreward. [Ayanokōji] (internally) Oh alright fuck me then I guess. [Cashier] Thanks! Come again! [Ayanokōji] Yeah, thanks! (internally) Wow, unbelievable! Only $15.60 for one of these bad boys? Even on the official site, the unit price is still something close to $30 even when you buy the Get a Grip Combo bundle… [Brain] I refuse to believe you just used those points on a sex toy. [Ayanokōji] (internally) Come on. We've got like $10,000, right? I mean, if points are handed out every month, this is nothing. [Brain] Consider the situation you're in, genius. Twenty-five students per class, four classes per grade. That's three hundred students. $10,000 every month? That adds up to three million dollars a year! Even *with* government funding, do you have any idea how crazy that is, For mere highschool students to- [Ayanokōji & Brain] (internally) Oh, a woman. [Horikita] Oh. It's *you* again. I'm busy ignoring you right now, can you come back another time? [Ayanokōji] Hey, can we like... be friends or something? :D [Horikita] No. [Ayanokōji] Hey, if we're stuck sitting next to each other for the next year, We might as well make it somewhat civil, right? Just tell me your name. [Horikita] *sighs* [Horikita] My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee, for the Kame Yu dep- [Ayanokōji] (as Horikita continues in the background) Why do I even try? [Ken] What did you just say about Miku!? [Flunky 1] I said, Vocaloid songs aren't true music, weeb. [Ken] huh? Hatsune Miku's music is absolutely legendary: "Melt", "Romeo and Cinderella", "Rolling Girl" - Each one is an emotional masterpiece! [Flunky 2] Look at this loser listing off his trash taste! [Ken] Bring it on, bitches! All three of you! I'll prove who the real loser is, IRL or in Project DIVA!! [Flunky 1] Sorry, but we have better things to do than fight somebody who thinks A fictional idol is their "girlfriend"! [Flunky 2] Yeah, go cry to your fake girlfriend, pussy! [Ken] She's not fake! I've been to her concerts *three times* now! [Flunky 3] Yeah yeah and I'm sure she shook your hand too! Keep screaming about your imaginary girlfriend, dumbass! [Ken] She’s very real to me! {Quick warning for headphone users} [Brain] Hey, pick up that trash can. [Ayanokōji] (internally) What? Why? [Brain] We might not know all the rules or guidelines here, But his behavior could very likely end up Causing problems for you as well down the line. [Sae] And that, students, is exactly why "They're, There, and Their" are different, despite sounding the same. It makes sense to me, I'm reading those words off the script right now, But they're all spelled differently. I am also paid to tell you that Grammarly could help If you're having any trouble learning the differences. That's all for today. Look over the material for tomorrow. [Ayanokōji] (internally) Ayanokōji, checking in. It's April 14th, 2:52 PM. One week in, and it feels like my social life's already been Born, grown up, and put on life support. Any bright ideas to salvage what's left of it, Brain? [Brain] Well, the high school classroom can be quite the formidable opponent. Why don't you listen to someone else And see if there's something you can add to their conversation? [Ayanokōji] (internally) You know what? You're right! I can't just stay in this funk forever! I'm gonna step up my social game and make a ton of friends. Just you wait and see, I'll befriend everyone in the entire school! [Horikita] Oh hey, Ayanocreepy. What's wrong? Couldn't make a single friend In the whole week we've been here? [Ayanokōji] You..! Are... also alone? [Horikita] I know you are, but what am I? [Ayanokōji] A-alone? [Horikita] Good work, genius. At least I *try* to keep everyone at arm's length- Or... should I say ashes' length? I'd hate to offend your dead dad. [Brain] In all fairness, you probably could have clarified that your father is not *actually* dead. [Ayanokōji] *sighs* Shut up. [Horikita] Excuse me? Who do you think you're talking to? [Ayanokōji] Oh... um... me? I guess? [Horikita] Me? Gongaga. [Ayanokōji] Ah yes, it is I who bears the poor communication skills on this side of the room. [Horikita] huh? [Ayanokōji] Nothing. I'm gonna go take a leak, Alright Kira? [Kira] I told you it was a joke! Horikita! My name is Horikita! [Ayanokōji] Heard ya loud and clear, Parakeeta. [Parakeeta] Well it looks like someone took a bite of Dumb-Dumb fruit! [Ayanokōji] I'm... not even gonna ask. [Kushida] Hi there, Ayanokōji! Mind if we talk for a sec? Something important, I'd rather keep it low-key, you know? [Ayanokōji] (internally) Holy shit Kushida's a thousand percent gonna ask me out! [Ayanokōji] Uh... yeah sure, what is it? [Kushida] Alright, so, um... here's the deal. I may or may not have blown all my cash at this, uh, Totally legit gambling thing the Class 1-A folks are running. [Ayanokōji] (internally) The cameraman is doing God's work right now! [Ayanokōji] Uh-huh. [Kushida] Okay, so, picture this: I was so close to scoring that pass! But those 1-A guys, they play dirty. Like, seriously, they bet hard and win even harder. One game, and boom! All my points are gone. Now, I'm broke as a joke, and I kinda need your help. Like, desperate times, you know? [Ayanokōji] Exactly what I was thinking. [Kushida] Oh, you've been staring at those Camera angles this whole time, huh? Well, how about I pay up in a way we can both enjoy? [Ayanokōji & Kazuma] Absolutely. :3 [Ayanokōji] Hey, can I ask you something? Is it *normal* to do it in the back of a Home Depot like that? [Kushida] Probably! [Ayanokōji] And... the seven dudes? That part's normal too? [Kushida] I think so! [Ayanokōji] And what we did to that pumPKIN- [Kushida] Thanks for the points! I'll be sure to use them resonsibly and thoughtfully! [Kushida] I gambled- [Ayanokōji] You gambled it all away didn't you? [Ayanokōji] (internally) Man these high schoolers are blowing through their points like it's nothing. I can't quite wrap my head around it. Luckily *I* have been spending my *points* responsibly. [Phone] Congratulations. Your 10,000 point purchase of the "Bored Ape NFT" was successful. [Brain] Hey, sorry to interrupt your "responsible purchasing" But, can we just acknowledge how weird this whole situation is? Why is everyone just slacking off— And more importantly, why is your teacher just letting it happen? Isn’t this meant to be some elite school? [Ayanokōji] (internally) Well... I guess thinking about it... I guess it is a little odd. This school is meant to facilitate hard working leaders of the future, So earning all the “points” without having to do any sort of work- It just feels off. [Brain] Exactly! Especially for a learning environment, Fiscal responsibility seems like an important thing For the future of this country to know! [Ayanokōji] It's just like the Notorious B.I.G. said! Mo' money... Mo' problems :( [Brain] *sighs* Please stop quoting random sources in an attempt to sound intelligent. [Ike] Well yeah dumbass, You said you had to spend it all on that Home Depot for... whatever reason. I mean... Now that I think about it why is it here a Home Depot on our campus [Kei] Same with me! What's going on? [Sae] Alright, take your seats everyone. We're going to get started. [Sae] Yes Haruki. As of today, your points for the second month have been allotted. [Sae] Need I remind you about your wrists? [Sae] All points were in fact allotted, and this class was not overlooked either. [Ike] But- But Ms. Chabashira, we-we have no points in our accounts. *class jeering and murmurs* [Sae] What a load of bullshit. *le gasp* [Sae] You all have become quite bold during your tenure here at TOKYO METROPOLITAN ADVANCED NURTURING HIGHSCHOOL A whopping 37 tardies and absences in the last month alone, Along with 117 instances of talking and device usage in class. And just to top things off, a collective ZERO Bitches were received by any of you, Which I believe to be a record low for the school. Success in this institution is evaluated based on various criteria however, and, Thanks to a certain renowned Home Depot enthusiast among you, You've somehow accumulated 100 class points. [Ike] But- None of us received any points! [Sae] Oh, that's because I stole it. [Ike] huh [Sae] Decided to think of it as a bonus, Got loads of coke and this ridiculous rack. [Sae] Oh- he know's what I did. Last night anyways. He’s doped out on blow for the foreseeable future, so don’t count on it. [Hirata] (interjecting) We'll tell the student council! [Sae] Do you think those virgin boys Will believe some students from the lowest ranked class, Or their sexy young teacher with these huge implants? *le gasp pt. 2* [Ike] Audible gasp! [Sae] (laughing) Did you actually think that a bunch of measly little students Would be receiving all that money without a single catch? Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re all the lowest of the low! The bottom of the barrel, Each of you more worthless than the next. What did you all think you were? Some kind of- Classroom of the Elite? [Ayanokōji] (internally) Holy shiT SHE SAID THE THIN- Subtitles by AtypicalAlex Thanks for watching!
