Christina Boudreau / Shame, Brokenness & our Identity as God's children

with wineries this is live with Ryan Reese call now 180 day five sixty four sixty one seventy three or post your questions using the hashtag live Brian Reese on his Instagram Twitter or Facebook what up what up I'm excited to be in studio again I've been on the road where have I been oh it's Australia a couple weeks we are going all in through the outback which is like their desert and literally kangaroos we're flying out in the middle of the road now I know why in Australia they have these like row bars that go off in front of the cars and they these huge lights the reason why is to see these kangaroos running across the street and literally we were driving out there for six and a half hours and we've seen probably like no joke almost a hundred dead kangaroos on the side of the road because they're just like a pass they just run out and they're just they don't they don't see the cars or they see them and they just people hit them it's just it's wild out there and out of ten of the most deadly snakes in the world Australia actually has nine of them interesting fact so basically you don't want to pass out on the floor in the desert or the outback because you will die oh and they have wild goats out there too because I guess when the some people came over from the Middle East they brought these wild good so there's all these wild goats in the in the outback as well and Australia is just a wild amazing place to go and boy did we eat we ate uh what do you call it what's it called crocodile yeah cuz in America we have alligators but we eat crocodile out there it's wild wild wild times then I went to Colorado and we got to do a tour through there and got to speak at Boulder University which Boulder is the second most liberal city in the United States yeah Boulder is the most second second most liberal state I can't even speak today I took a long nap over there okay let me try it again Boulder is the second most liberal city in the United States and God open the door first ago speaking the University and in the highest school in a bunch got saved so it was awesome keep praying for us that God will continue to open more doors with the killed noise we are touring in middle schools we're touring in high schools we are touring we've been hitting colleges and universities just wherever God will open the door to get in front of students because I believe 100% and I know that God has a plan and a purpose for every single person's life it does not matter where you've been or what you've gone through or what you're going through God literally is in the business of touching people's lives and transform them transforming them and doing great things and tonight I have my good friend Christina Boudreau in studio which she's gonna we're gonna talk about her testimony for about five minutes but then I want to really talk about what's going on in her life now because she is the poster child for someone there's been in a crazy place in their life and God has done amazing things Christina how you doing dude I'm doing good thanks for having me tonight again yes and a couple times yeah yeah always been good times so if you could if you want to find out more about her you can go to the you know the whosoever's com click on the radio show and I think we've done a couple shows two or three shows yeah yeah always good always good stuff so in five minutes give me an overview of your testimony basically how you found God yeah and then from there I want to talk about all the rad things that are happening now yeah yeah so um you know I was that kid just like a lot of people you know that gourbin Church you know my whole life I grew up going to harvest amazing church and I I remember giving my heart to the Lord at the age of six but at the time I had so much had a lot of trauma in my life you know face you know sexual abuse as a kid started wearing you know baggy clothes at a young age struggled with my sexuality you know being attracted to girls why were you wearing baggy clothes of a young age you know I think it was like you know remember wearing like basketball shorts and like baggy shirts and like third and fourth grade and I think a lot of it was like shame like surrounding my body because of the sexual abuse I was happening but so at the same time like I felt like identified more with like being like a guy and I was accepted more by the boys and so I felt like and I didn't I didn't feel like I really fit in with girls either you know they did the whole like dress thing the bow and the hair thing they did the whole um you know shopping with their moms and that wasn't me you know or tomboy yeah and sports because I know you surfing yeah yeah and you know I was always the kid playing basketball on the you know but the boys you know racing the boys playing football with the boys and so I would like stand you know with my arms with my hands underneath my armpits you know how guys would like I wanted to be a Navy SEAL I wanted to play football in high school because that was comfortable to me like every day after school even throughout high school like I would be at the gym for four or five hours a day playing basketball with the boys that's just what that's just what I did and so you know I developed depression you know at a very young age inner Exia and bulimia going into middle school and a lot of it was just me trying to numb the pain of not feeling good enough not feeling like I fit in completely with boys but not feeling like I was completely accepted by the girls at school started cutting myself you know in high school because I think my self-hatred ran that deep that I literally would cut myself and I would go in the shower and I would see the blood run down the drain but it didn't faze me because the emotional pain outweighed the physical pain that I was experiencing just really quick yeah for people they're listening because a lot there's always those older people or parents yeah that go wait I don't understand the process when they cut yeah why do people cut yeah so you know a lot of I actually heard about cutting when I was in rehab you know for my eating disorder I saw a girl that came in one day with bandages around her arm and I was like what is that and they're like oh she caught herself and so when I experimented with that for the first time it was like it it was only it releases the same endorphins that Pete that happened when people work out you know when people get high and so on a lot of kids cut themselves or self-harm or burn themselves or whatever it's a four of getting high of some type of release you know it's the same feeling that you get when you do drugs or you drink you know we're in people watch porn it's like you're just trying to mentally escape somewhere and so that's the reason why a lot of kids do it not all of them want have the intent wanting to kill themselves it's just another way of coping got it yeah so you got it in this in high school yeah yeah so I started to cutting when I was a junior in high school and you know the Lord did a huge work in my life when I was a teen you know one night you know healed me of eating disorders and it was just had a radical encounter with him but for four years when I was in college it was like I was constantly hurting inside and it was because I had never dealt with the trauma the pain of why I had run to those things in the first place and finally when I was 21 I had a teacher of mine who was like Christina I feel like you need to explore deeper areas of your story and that was finally when all of my issues of you know my sexual abuse and all this stuff came to the surface and I was really angry and it caused me to pick up a razor again and at that point in my life you know I stepped back from a lot of ministry I was doing for about a year and a half went back to counseling you know was very suicidal during that time tried to hang myself tried to overdose on pills dealt with the suicidal stuff in high school but the Lord saved my life I don't know how many times you know and so from that point the Lord has continually taking me on a journey of like him healing my heart in deeper ways and having me understand why I ran to those things why people run two different hurts and pains and so that's a little bit of my story and a nutshell and through that process the Lord just began to restore my sexuality and restore the femininity that he gave me to be because I think that was a big issue for me like when the Lord had me get real about my sexuality at the age of 22 I was like Lord well I'm not like the girly girls like from Legally Blonde you know I'm saying that movie where they're like oh my gosh Becky that wasn't my thing and so I really struggled with what does it mean to be feminine and the Lord really began to bring women in my life that showed me what God's design was for womanhood and what femininity looked like for it wasn't so much about me changing the way that I dressed like I dress feminine now and whatever but it was really the walls that needed to come down in my life it was the masks that needed to come down in my life and the mannerisms I once used to take on like as a guy like being a protector pursuer like I had pursued every guy I ever liked you know I had like both guys and girls the Lord began to show me that as a daughter I was worth being pursued that has a daughter I was worth writing for fighting for why do you think what like whitey what led you to go to date to want to date guys and girls tell me that's that's a common yeah you see that's a huge subject these days yeah you know I think every girl that I had ever been attracted to or every girl that I ever liked it was really because I felt like that feminine role in my life was lacking you know that nurturing role and so it was almost like like this girl was like kind of fed a part of me that was missing because of that lack of that nurturing figure in my life and I was like I really like the way she makes me feel I really like the way that that attention you know and I think so many girls when there's a feminine or when there's like a mother role lacking in their life they're attracted to that it's a natural thing for us to be drawn to something like a young girl to be drawn to a maternal figure but when a person doesn't have that it turns into this sexual thing which is what happened for me and then for guys like I naturally liked guys too but it's the same thing for a guy if a guy doesn't have a father figure in his life he's going to be maybe attracted to boys because of that masculine role you know I've heard that exact story of a guy that became a homosexual through that yeah yeah like the lacking of a father figure yeah yeah and I think the Lord me and my mom have a great relationship now for a long time it wasn't that way but the Lord during that time he was restoring me and my mom's relationship I had pushed my mom away honestly for a lot of years because identified so much with boy things so the Lord allowing her back into my life in during that relationship before that the Lord brought amazing like spiritual mothers in the faith to literally teach me what it meant to be a woman like they would take me shopping and be like hey this is your style this is how you should dress this is how you should act this is what it means to be a woman of God not what the world says but what the Lord says you know but so many young people now like so many girls like hold pansexual things in now where they'll start liking guys and girls where it's almost like whatever they like at the time is what they go for so the or a big thing now is like being in an open relationship where they could be in a relationship with someone but there's no strings attached and they can date whoever they want to but all those kids at the end of the day it all boils down to them lacking a healthy balance in the home of a father and mother figure and so yeah and that's what it was for me just being attracted to whatever felt good like at the time which is why I dealt with gay porn watching pornography all of those things caused like it just fed a part of me that was lacking at the time but all of that combined never satisfied what I only found in the Word of God and found in a relationship with the Lord so yeah and then you after you found God one I want to tell you about a little statistic I heard today from a TED talk which we're gonna talk about your TED talk soon there I was watching this guy and it talks about he was doing a TED talk he's not a Christian and he says why did he stop watching porn he went through all these reasons but he also accorded a statistic that said 90% of twelve-year-old boys watch pornography yeah dude that's a crappy new statistic I have not heard yeah cuz I know the average age now went down to six six years old but they said 90% of 12 which took it totally makes sense because the pornography was around at my in my phone when I was told totally be going down back then so then through this whole journey you find God yeah and that what was what was the the transformation from there like how did you okay so you encountered God but how did you get the marching orders from God like how'd you discover the plan and the purpose to what you do now what was that transition like and then I want to talk about what you're doing yeah you know I think you know from the time that I was a kid you know I grew up in church and I felt like I always had a sensitivity to the Spirit of God you know and to the voice of God but there is just so much there's almost just like a tornado of just broken this constantly surrounding me and but a lot of it was just like in moments in my life where I felt like like God my life doesn't have purpose you know God my life is going downhill these people have abandoned me these people have done all these things to me and it was always in those moments through people or through his word that that honestly I think it was even when I was in elementary school I have a huge heart for missions and the nation's you know and PTIN broken people around the world and I remember being in elementary school and God showing me and just giving me a heart you know to do missions one day and when I was in high school there was an organization that came and they're talking about like you know reaching young women and I was like god it would be really cool even I was as I'm struggling in my eating disorder you know I'm thinking God would be really cool in day to just help girls with eating disorders but I brought it probably wasn't until 18 years old when God did a huge work in my life that I honestly felt like though because I wanted to go to met I wanted to go to law school I wanted to do all these things you know in college but the Lord it was literally like a commission from him like I've set you free and like my life verse you know was found in Isaiah like you have anointed me to set the captives free you know and to open the eyes of the blind and that's what I felt like God really just gave me an image of a key and he's like I have anointed you to set people free he you know for me with all these things you've gone through and so much more like through his spirit and so that kind of got the ball rolling to what I'd done the last eleven years of my life so what exactly are you doing cuz I know that you do modeling yeah author and your speaker yeah recently you just spoke at the the TED talk in Irvine mm-hmm I wanted to go really bad yeah I really tried they couldn't go you know it was interesting because like you know even for my TED talk I had only ever watched TEDTalk before you know I think it was last year and so when they reached out to invite me to do it I just thought it was like a YouTube channel and then when they started sending me the paperwork and I and I was originally gonna say like no because I was like over summer you know I had just a lot of stuff going on I was in transition in my life a lot of stuff had happened a lot of and I just was kind of in a place where I was like I'm just trying to get away from all of this stuff but you know one of my really good friends was like Christina this is a great opportunity and don't let it slip by you and so when I did my TED talk you know TED Talks from what I understand now you know or just like a platform it's a secular platform explain it what is it yeah so it's pretty much the biggest platform that from what I understand that speakers can have but it's like something that gets put on their YouTube channel 14 million subscribers on a YouTube channel I think 15 million now and there's like entrepreneurs you know inventors like all these people that are making impact in the world you know like Justin Bieber did one like a lot of these yeah but whatever people a lot of big-name people are doing yeah and so when I got asked to do and it was just interesting so I was like looking down the list on the website like all these people and it was like people with all these letters behind their name and I just was like Lord I'm I'm your your kid that's why you put me to do this thing and so even the day that I I gave my talk I was I just felt like the Lord was just like Christina this is so easy and I just need you to share your story and share your heart and on the thing you're not supposed to talk about faith or religion but yeah yeah but I talked about the relationship between the creator and the created you know I talked about the Lord in my story and I talked about Jesus and I was like this is so you referred to him as the creator yeah that's it yeah and I and you know I think they're gonna be posting it on the YouTube channel in the next like couple weeks or so but yeah I talked about Jesus you know I wrote a book called I am beautiful and I put the illustrations in the back and I read through it you know and the gospel was all throughout that story I talked about the night that God saved my life you know he healed me and so I I just went for it because I was like Lord this is the biggest platform you've ever given me and there's nothing I can offer people accept you yeah like within Christina there's nothing you know what I'm saying and so and I literally like the whole audience was like in tears and I just saw the Spirit of God touch people and so many people came up to me after and they just were like in tears and I was like Lord this is all I asked you to do and you did it and so I'm excited to see the kinds of people that God's gonna use it to touch wait till it gets on YouTube yeah in front of 515 million p.m. and just all the random people that just come across it it's crazy yeah and it was just interesting because it like I mean I am a he I have a huge influence you know just within the secular world with modeling you know and like all that stuff and then in the Christian world between you know the church stuff and like youth stuff that I speak at but this like honestly bridged the gap between the two and I had people that don't believe in God that don't follow the Lord who are like dude we're gonna watch that and I was like that's why because I was asked the Lord like why did Ted talk dude this was never on my radar something I would ever want to do but I realized that this is something that he put in front of me to just tell people they don't know him about him so will you make sure you let me know when it comes out and I'm a post it for sure for everyone - awesome yeah watch hey you know what I'm seriously like I've known you for a while yeah probably like I don't know how long five years I've been there for five years I need for that yeah Anna yeah like six seven years yeah yeah and you know I've been watching you on social media yeah and I'm really proud of you just watching what's God's been doing I believe that I know that God has something like he's doing something in your life yeah and you know your God's doing something special with you with with with a lot of the young girls yeah and you know I'm a fan thank you so Road but ya know but anyone that's that's listening in you want to get some of them easy to come out and speak at your church or do your youth group get a hold of Christina Boudreau you can find it through my social media or you can find her on hers you're listening to the show you can find her easily through me to connect to her but get her out there I'm seeing I've seen her speak in person it's amazing and this generation these Millennials and these gens E's are relating they're given their life to the God they're given life to God in their lives are being transformed and you can get her book what do they even get your book so um I actually sold out of two of my books but I'm gonna be releasing a new one it's called intimacy and it's just about our intimacy with the Lord and our identity in him and I'm hoping that it's gonna get released like next year but yeah still working on it so okay all right well yeah so if you go to www.hsn that's my website for most like ministry stuff right on right now and you can get all her her details there so okay so you did a TED talk you got a couple books tell us a little bit about you know we know that you're you're doing some modeling yeah tell us about how God's using that because you know it's awesome about what you're doing reason was won by huge fan is your in the world but not of the world yeah because we know that if you're of the world says in John you know the lust of the eye the pride of life the lusts of the flesh we know these are not from the father yeah so Jesus has called us to be slides of serpent generals enough yeah to be in it but not of it so the here you are you're in the TED talk mmm you're you're bringing glory to the king slides the serpent generals enough as you're delivering it yeah and I mean he is the creator of the universe then now and you're also doing you've been doing modeling for for a while how is that working yeah so um you know the Lord called me into the industry probably when I was you know 18 years old you know restored my life of eating disorders and you know I think it was probably last year that you know being involved in any type of industry you know I was excited internationally working with you know modeling for companies that caught topic Charlotte Russe what seal and all these people I really did you know come in I'm like you know I took a break for a few months you know coming back into it it was one of those things where I felt like you know the Lord like has used me in that place you know to reach girls with an industry who are like even escorting you know girls in the industry who are dealing with eating disorders who are on drugs to kind of be a role model of like purity for young women you know because like so many girls now are like they're like half naked on social media you know and just how to show girls like you could be fashionable but be modest at the same time you know you don't have to have everything out there and it was probably I think last year that I was really like lord I need you to just help like me redefine who you've made me to be you know and so I took a you know a few months away from from the industry you know I went to the Philippines and even this summery I took a break from the industry to just kind of clear my head a little bit you know went up to Montana with Pottersville I was working with horses and stuff for a while and one of my you know my pastor's wife up there Pam Roselle you know she had been involved in the industry for a long time you know doing like she had toured and did like Broadway and all this stuff and because I think within the industry like the Lord you know has called me in there to make a difference for him but I think a lot of it had it had come to the point where I felt like I was being so pressured by like expectations of agents you know like constantly having to live a public life you know when it came to like the industry and what it wanted me to be even in like a lot of the Christian world and what they wanted me to be and I just was like torn and I was like god I feel like I can't measure up to everyone's expectations you know that they want for my life and I think that's like well we all struggle with is just somehow along the way we end up finding our identity and what we're doing and not who God says that we are and I and my biggest thing is identity but I realized that I looked in a mirror even like literally I remember being in the airport flying back from Montana to my TED talk and I was like Lord if I were to and I literally had asked the Lord to strip me of everything like literally like where it was just me and him like no modeling no ministry no nothing and I was like God when you went up north yeah yeah it was in Montana like right fish Montana was there you literally killed the noise yeah and you're you were too safe to say you were shoveling cow poop yeah yeah I literally was a wrench yeah yeah I went to the parcel ranch cuz I literally was like I was like - we just need to go to town so that's extreme okay most people are like how much I'm gonna go to Joshua Tree that's what I do yeah you were like I'm actually leaving dead go hang out or a ranch where there's like nothing yeah yeah you know I was literally you know I had a lot of transition stuff happening you know in my life I won't get into detail too but I remember I remember literally calling um you know my my leaders up there Pastor Mike and Pam rose up from partes fields and I was like I just need to get out of town I just need to like put aside the expectations of the modeling industry and the ministry world and all these different things and I just need to like be with Jesus and it was honestly during that time when the Lord stripped me of everything that I I struggled like honestly I think the first couple weeks whereas literally like working at a ranch like mucking stalls every day you know like covered in dirt from head to toe and I was like Lord is like it have I found my significance in the accolades of this world or can I still know my significance without those things yeah and it was during that time when the Lord stripped it all away and it was me saying okay I'm gonna step back during his time that I was finally able to just even be okay with knowing that Christina is loved apart from her photos and her bookings and you know all these things that people have known me as people find their identity yeah in their job possessions and all these these things so here you are just strip it God and yeah I live without all this stuff yeah that's hardcore yeah and I remember there was a day is he was not too long ago where I was you know up in Montana and I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown because I think living a public life for so long like you and I'm sure you've experiences to like you've had people that have only have have used you because of what they could get from you you know like people that have only come around because of your status or whatever but at the end of the day they're not there for you you know when it's just like when you're not doing anything at all and people would always come out of the Woodworks and stuff me my friend talked about that but honestly like my leaders up there Pastor Mike and Pam Rosella my pastor Mike was actually in Uganda when I felt like I was like kind of losing my cookies a little bit he just was like Christina like you are loved regardless of these things that you have done like your significance is found in you know he talks about the relationship between the Potter and the clay and he was like you are so loved and me and Pam love you so much regardless of how many stages you stood on how many pictures you've took in that to me I felt like was God speaking through him to me and it really did heal so much of you know because in the industry it's like you're disposable you know like I get using you thrown aside same thing in the Christian world and so God used them so much in my life and yeah and I was able to just continue he mucking stalls and I was like I'm a loved child of the King whether I'm on a stage or out in the middle of nowhere you know and so ya killing the noise is good yeah yeah yeah and then when you came back from that that's when everything kind of lined up for the yeah yeah and the whole thing yeah and so I think it's crucial we're gonna better break in yeah two minutes or something but uh I think it's it's I know it's crucial that you need those times two to kill the noise so you can just kind of really figure out what's going on in life it's it's interesting because right now at this point in time I'm at a place where I was just talking to David you know out there that works with the movement I was just like hey from now until January one when I go back on tour with the kill the noise tour I'm I'm gonna really work set time aside to kill the noise turn off the phone I'm Joshua Tree is my spot when I want to talk to Jesus I head to the desert you know you just hang out there there's no noise out there it's very beautiful nothing's around you don't just go into the main road the main areas you just I just park in the park and I just take off walking yeah with the water and then I just find myself somewhere out there by myself and you know just talk to God worship sing pray and just wait on him and there has a bit of time that I've actually went out there and talked to him and he talked back to me yeah giving me answers but it's crucial that you start reading you dig in you press in to find that direct for that next chapter of your life yeah because so many times we're just you're caught up in this routine of your job and your possession has all these things and you never spend time and you wonder what am I supposed to be doing in my life even if you're a Christian you have to literally disconnect time have time and time again to hear God's voice to know what that next chapter is in your life I have Christina Boudreau in studio model author speaker she's legit it's TED Talks speaking I'm proud of you I'm proud I was like this is seriously epic we're gonna be back in two minutes right have to brake to continue this epic conversation with Christina Boudreau 180 days five six 460 173 or post your questions using the hashtag live Brian Reese on his Instagram Twitter or Facebook I think I speak for the entire administration when I say [Music] you we are back in studio with Christina Boudreau author model speaker get her out to your church contact her talking about identity connects with the young girls go to her Instagram you're gonna see she's in front of thousands of girls year-round speaking I've seen her live and it is amazing to see what God is doing in her and threw her out she's affecting people's lives so before we get back to the story I do want to plug the kill the noise because right before the break we were talking about yeah you heading to a ranch leaving your possessions leaving your jobs leaving everything and heading to a ranch and just thank God Who am I and what do you want me to do and that's where God meets you is when you surrender all yeah surrender all you deny self you surrender all and I think it's crucial that we do take those times to kill the noise in our life to hear what God wants to do for that next chapter in your life I believe that we go through all these different chapters in our life and God shows us his plan that he has for us that for these next six months or this next month or the next year so speaking of the kill the noise I do want to plug our high school tours we are touring around the United we are doing the United States but we have turned into a worldwide tour now we're in Australia where right now we're going to Colombia we're going to Mexico we are in Toronto we're hitting all the United States shoot we want to go to England South Africa wherever please contact us we will come to you we were too or any middle school any high school any college university whatever it is to let people know that God loves them and he has a plan for their life we are seeing thousands and thousands of students give their life to the Lord or ever we go contact us at the whosoever's dot-com so Christina so you're out there you're killing noise yeah dude we kill the noise it happened yeah so now I've as I've been stalking you on Instagram yeah I see you chewing it with a lot of different young girls you're yeah you're speeding a lot of different places yeah what are the different places that you speak at so I do a lot of I do a lot of youth groups young women's your young women's conferences like middle school yeah middle school high school I do a lot of schools do a lot of like human trafficking recovery homes that's a huge passion and heart of mine I was actually at there's a like a in Orange County there's a emergency shelter that houses it's the only one that houses kids and youth had been rescued from human trafficking so like in Southern California and so I was there earlier on this month teaching to them but yeah doing I do a lot of yeah a lot of conferences like youth women young women you know young adult type stuff I just have a heart for youth you know in reaching this next generation because it's like when I see kids now it's like they're at all you know I have 12 year olds like I was even at there was a retreat I did earlier on this year for harvest you know I grew up going there for church and like this is her fifth and sixth grade retreat I did a Saturday night session and you know talked about I just asked them you know how many of you guys have cell phones it's like they all raise their hands like these fifth and sixth graders and it's like you know what they have a cell phone they have access to porn and everything else and I was like how many of you know what self-harm is they all raised their hands and like that night is I'm like talking to these kids like afterwards like usually after I talk and talk about all this stuff that young people are dealing with now I have kid after kid coming up to me but like rolling up their arms you know I'm cutting myself you know and I'm like okay we're gonna delete the you know sexting apps or whatever it's like you have so many kids now like usually after I share you don't have them over like close your eyes you know and I'm like by raise of hands how many of you are dealing with porn you get like a fourth of the kids raising their hands how many of you guys have dealing with suicidal thoughts or cutting you know yeah most of them raising our hands you how many you guys dealing with you know homosexuality whatever it is and it's like before you know it all these leaders at the churches come up to me after and they're like we had no idea and I'm like dude [Applause] like I was a kid that struggled in youth group I'm like Steve whoa burn was my high school pastor at harvest heaven his wife--for amazing I was a kid in youth group that struggled and you know they were like loving me but I felt like I was alone to know and talk to them yeah no one talks about it you gotta bring the darkness into your life and expose it yeah and when she talked about you realized men I'm not alone because Satan wants everyone to think they are alone yeah I was just talking to some dude the other day some kid the other day and he was it was like suicidal he wanted to kill himself or something you know we were talking in and I was just like dude look you're not alone yeah like the enemy want you to think that you're low because that's what ya thought he was all isolated that he was all alone no one knows where I'm goin to him like dude yeah there's tons of people that are going through this and guess what the ones that I've given their life to God and rest in ya God has worked out these details and set them free yeah so yeah you got to talk about yeah and you do you know and I had you know even like earlier on this year one of the big things a lot of this generation is dealing with is like anxiety and panic attacks like I remember like earlier on this year you know when I was just feeling the weight you know before it killed the noise like I was in bed for a week just feeling a panic attacks like I literally could not get out of bed and I was I felt like I was losing my mind and I just had some amazing people pray for me and what the Lord showed me through that was just like her Cena like you just deal with stuff you know but I wasn't surrendering a lot of my burdens to the Lord because I would go somewhere I was sometimes teaching up to eight times a month you know at all these different places and all that like I was dealing I felt like a surgeon in a trauma unit you know like I was dealing with all the heavy stuff the kids that are demon-possessed you know like the kids dealing with homosexuality like I don't care how dirty I have to get my hands oh the culture yeah yeah yeah you know and that's the Jesus ministry by the way yeah and I just you know and not many people are willing to get their hands dirty and I was that person and I just needed a season where I needed to take care of myself and I'm doing good now you know but since even telling others like yeah like I dealt with the anxiety and panic attacks I've had church leaders I've had my friends who are pastors and their pastors wives like calling me and they're like dude we're dealing with depression we had a pastor in Chino a couple months ago commit suicide because he's dealing with depression and stuff and you have so many people that are struggling in silence but people are afraid to like the church if the church is a hospital why aren't we afraid to show each other our wounds and go to the doctor and get help you know what I'm saying but so many people now just want to be like Oh everything's good but it's not good yeah people are struggling everyone yeah leaders I mean everyone's going everyone goes through yeah hard times we're not yeah people on ministry or if there's pastors or whoever whenever we're all have our struggles yeah we all battle meeple yeah some battle with porn yeah some battle with you know whatever I mean there's no these different different issues but God is the healer and this is why we have to have the Brethren we have to be able to come to people and yeah transparent have them pray for us you gotta have your inner circle Jesus had his inner circle yeah everyone needs their inner circle that you know there's guys you know Sean McCain the guy did the radio show with two I bring him in and and we mean we pray you know and things I'm struggling with you know yeah at different times he prays for me and that's just that's just the way it is yeah so you went through that stuff God God's been working working in you in through you and that's also awesome because then you get to let these girls that you're in front of know that you've struggled sometimes we go through these things so God can work in us a week and let people know that he can set us free and help us through these times yeah and that's one of the things that you know I'm so big on every time you know I'm in front of like you know youth or girls or women or whatever is that I never want to be someone that that has arrived quote-unquote like I share with them the process that God's currently doing in my life you know and like even it was um like a month ago you know that I was up in Montana and it was like you know over earlier on this year you know I just had you know just walked through abandonment and just different things in my life you know stuff I'd shared with you and I literally just had a day where the enemy was just going at me with all these lies you know and I'm walking with the Lord for many years and there is like all of these thoughts in my mind like her seen a yeren loved yeren wanted no one cares about you and in like the enemy started planning these like suicidal thoughts in my mind like if you're to just end it all and I remember just calling you know Lori she's one of Pastor Michael's assistants I was I Lori I just need you to come and just be with me right now and just pray for me because in that moment but I felt like a tsunami of lies just hit me and I was like I didn't feel compelled to pick up a knife or do anything weird you know to hurt myself but those lives reveal in that moment and she prayed for me and she battled with me and I shared that at a young woman's thing that I was at at North Coast Calvary and Carlsbad in front of 350 girls earlier on this month and I was like this is a current battle but God like showed me in that in that day that even though I felt so unloved because of the abandonment all this stuff I faced this year God showed me my worth in him in that moment and it was a revelation and I shared that with these girls something that I walked through even a month ago of how it still get attacked yep it literally was life-changing I have leaders coming up to me and being like dude me too and so I think that's why like I just want to be someone that this generation can identify with because they don't need someone else to they don't need another Kylie Kardashian or Justin Beiber to follow in social media cuz their life looks perfect they just need someone who's like dude I've been there I'm still in process I still get hit but like if I can make it through you can make it through to like I just want to be a real human beings can identify it with and that's just I live my life and that's what this this generation is living to is authenticity yeah because um you know they people could see especially with like social media reality TV all the all that stuff that we have now people want to see the real thing so when you're connecting with these kids they don't want to see the perfect life because their life's not perfect yeah and if you are transparent about what's going on and how God's working in your life and you're working it out yeah it's alright to be in a storm it's a right to be coming through hell at the moment you could talk about that yeah and what God's gonna do and then after you go through that storm and you come out on the other side cuz God's in the storm he's through the storm he's on the other side of the storm he's brought storm yeah and you could talk about oh yeah I went through this but then this is what God did in my life now and you could talk about this you know the coming out of it yeah so the all these stories it's it's it's a must that we are authentic yeah when we talk even just people in the street ya know because people have this perspective on Christians like you know they're the one obit you know they're they're good boys and good girls and yeah you know if that's that's not it you know yeah yeah but we're truck were saved by grace but we're working on our faith and God is transforming us he's making all the old things are I've passed away and everything become new but we're still we're going through we're going through trials and tribulations and we're having victories as well yeah yeah and that's one of the things that like you know even earlier on this month you know when I shared that with these girls like so many of them like I literally felt like like and I had so many of the church leaders like you know in the prayer warrior you know older ladies come up to me after and they're like that moment that you shared that they were like we felt like the Spirit of God broke through because all of these girls like what it causes them to do is to take off their masks and to put down their walls and be like I'm hurting too because I think in society and in culture especially being in Southern California and even like you know me being involved in modeling industry I'm so used to people wearing these beautiful masks and performance and everything's like the cool hipster Christian and that's one of the reasons why I also needed a break over summer I was like dude I just I just need to get out of town Tori you know and and with these girls it was like they were like when you said that it finally gave them permission to say I'm hurting too you know and and no matter how long we've been walking with the Lord like we all get you all get hit you know just because you're teaching a Bible or because you live a public life it doesn't mean that you don't need to take care of yourself that's one of the reasons why I went to Montana over the summer to kill the noise is because I had spent so much of my heart in my life for the last 11 years reaching hundreds and thousands of girls around the world and I just needed to kind of just let people love me for a season which is what I've had their through potter's field you know and so yeah well I'm stoked for you I'm excited to see what's gonna what's gonna happen in the future yeah I know that we're gonna get you on a kill the noise to order get out of high school yeah or two or three or four or five I'm so excited for that yeah it's gonna be sick you know yeah all right well we off I don't know maybe like ten minutes left or something like that I don't know the time but we're getting towards the end so we've laid out a lot of different things tonight yeah what would you say to someone that doesn't have a relationship with God yeah or maybe someone that fell away from the Lord I don't know maybe just wherever they're at in their life they just need to they're just at the end of themselves yeah and they need they don't know what they need but they need to be touched by God you and I know that yeah what would you say to those listeners right now they're listening through YouTube through the airwaves yeah what would you what would you want to say to them to really encourage them and their identity yeah and in the relationship and just their future yeah take your time yeah yeah you know I think I think we have so many different people out there listening tonight you know and so many people you know I think I don't know if this is just for whoever out there but so many people I think are searching for God and maybe that's you tonight where you might be the person that his might just have you might be the one like posted up in the back of church every single week and you're hurting and you think that no one sees you and no one cares and you might have just been like you know what dude I'm done with this church thing because you know I've walked in the hospital and no one has you know approached me and I feel someone loved and someone wanted and that's a lot of the people that I've that I've talked to lately where you feel like you're significance is so wrapped up in the amount of people that love you or don't love you and earlier on this year like I encountered a large group of people that like that I felt so abandoned by and I felt like that was my identity that I was abandoned that I was unwanted that I was unloved and all of these and my significance was only found in what I did with my life but I just want you to know tonight that you are so loved by the Lord that the Lord that you are his child that your significance isn't found in the amount of money that's found in the bank or in the amount of followers on social media or a guy or girl that likes you or isn't liking you back it's not found in in your job title or how well you perform in its sports if you're a young person out there your identity and significance isn't found in whether your parents are loving you the right way or not loving you the right way or whether they show about your sporting events or whether they don't like the simple fact that you are so loved by God exactly like if you were just stripped down completely buck naked in front of the Lord like you are so loved by him in that moment because that is what I experienced this summer in Montana when I wasn't taking pictures when I wasn't on a stage when no one was liking my social media things cuz I was you know modeling for some big company like when I was mucking stalls in the middle of nowhere with dirt on me from head to toe when no one knew who I was besides my ministry friends out there people in town had no idea who I was I knew that I was so loved by God because he made me to love him and to be loved by him and my encouragement to you would just who is to rest in the fact that you are loved regardless of whether you know your spouse or people on social media or whoever isn't loving you the right way that people are poor measuring stick of your worth your significance is found in what Christ did for you and if you were the only person on this earth he would have died for you because you're that worth it to him and even earlier on last month when I was just getting all those thoughts about my significance that was a simple thing that God showed me that I that the like that the the worth of a poem is found in the eyes of a poet that the worth of the piece of art is found in the eyes of the artist and the worth of a piece of a pot is found in the eyes of the Potter and the worth of your life is found in the eyes of your Creator not in the eyes of people and so that would be my encouragement to you for whoever that was for so if someone wants to give their life to the Lord yeah right now yeah if you are out there today and you are just like you know I don't know where I'm at and you might be at the end of yourself my encouragement to you would to just to just be to give your heart to Jesus and it's a simple thing of saying God like that literally the father of heaven came down to earth he felt all the pain and he bore all the way in all the sin that we've ever committed and he did that so that you could be set free and so that you could have a seat at his table as his child in an invitation to being a child of God it's literally God signing you know like the adoption papers and him writing his signature in the line that says father and you literally just saying God like I want to be your child I repent of my sins I want to put my faith in you I pray that you'd become my personal Lord and Savior I pray that you would fill me with your Holy Spirit and I put my trust in you and I want to follow you all the days of my life and it literally is just saying god I want to be your child that's it so you just call on his name ask him into your life and then the most amazing thing is that you can be forgiven of all your sins yeah and then he will fill you with the power from heaven which is the Holy Spirit and the job of the Holy Spirit is to purge and destroy everything that is unholy in your life that is destroying me this is the stuff that's in our life that we don't want it's our porn addiction it's our bad habits it's any addiction it's maybe lying or being crooked or just even it's these things that are like our struggling with our sexuality God will reveal himself and he will start showing you who he is and he will give you the gifts of the Holy Spirit love joy hope self-control kindness all these different things in your life that that maybe you're lacking and he will take everything from your old life and he will be petty I'll pass away and everything in your new life will become brand new it says that he'll get your sins and cast them as far as the east is to the west or bury him into the deepest part of the ocean and he'll never bring them up again so if the enemies say never comes back and he puts those lies in your mind that from your past life just remember me and God never brings them up so you neither do you ever have to remember those things or dwell on them because they are forgiven their past and all you have to worry about is what you're gonna do moving forward so you just walked by faith and faith is believing in something you don't see so you just walk into it and God will start showing you your destiny your purpose and the plan that he has for your life and how do you do that you read the Bible and the Bible is the DNA of Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ is the DNA of holiness you read that the Bible is the instruction mount the Bible is God's voice as you read it it will speak to you now that you have the Holy Spirit inside of you the Bible is a spiritual book when you read the Bible without the Holy Spirit it's just words but when you read it with the Holy Spirit it comes alive and God's voice will start speaking to you and you'll be going through something that day and you'll read the Bible and literally he'll literally answer the thoughts that are in your mind and don't stop reading it until he speaks to you and he'll also speak to you through he could speak to you through dreams through visions through audible voice through a small whisper through people he speaks to us to many different things even through creation he could speak to us but it all comes down to that point - when you give your life to God that's when all these things start happening religion is like a man trying to be a good boy or a good girl yeah I'm not a good boy or I'm not a good girl either but I'm not a good boy and religion is a bunch of like rules and regulations a relationship is when you invite Jesus Christ into your life he fills you with your Holy Spirit and now the line is open the connection is open you could talk to the Father God in Jesus name and he will speak back to you and a Christian walk is exciting mm-hmm it's not dead I was thinking about Christianity without the Holy Spirit I'd be like I wouldn't even be a Christian this would be back yeah so anyway it's exciting and you can start living that life and that destiny the were created for we have about three minutes left why don't you any last words yeah so um I actually kind of wanted to talk about you know just potter's field and what they're doing there is that cool yeah so I'm connected with an amazing ministry called potter's field ministries and it's in Montana and I don't know if there's any young people out there they have an amazing emissions program called ignite and I'm actually going to be a part of the program from January to March in Florida it's amazing they're actually going to be what's the name of your friend out at Calvary st. Pete oh my goodness Jairus yes yes yes yeah yeah I know gyroscope jamming his dad's name yeah Hodge yeah much yes yeah st. Petersburg yes yeah so we're gonna be out there I'm gonna be going through the program and you know it's an amazing program where they do three months of training with some of the most amazing Bible teachers like Don McClure you know Pastor Mike Roselle they have amazing you know pastors on staff and then they also they do six months on the mission field in Uganda Kenya Costa Rica and Guatemala and then they do a month back of you know and so if you guys just have a heart for missions and if you want to just make an impact in the world in that way Pastor Mike is actually on tour right now in California he's gonna be at water of life tomorrow we have our mud man food truck also yes and so mud man is an amazing it's like a burger chain that's a part of potter's field and so every burger that sold helps feed one of the kids and their kids programs around the world they feed about 22,000 kids worldwide nothing but amazing things about Mike yeah and I still haven't even we texted we can text yeah hopefully I could connect with him why why he's here yeah yeah yeah he's like an older version of you and you're like a younger version the radio show next week or something yes I'm gonna reach out to him yeah yeah well thank you for being on the show thank you for having me it was awesome I'm excited to see what's gonna happen yeah make sure you send me your TED talk yes the link when you get it I will post it again you hey it's uh we're out like some go to the whosoever's calm we got all kinds of rad product yeah and obviously when you buy our products it funds our mission to to middle schools and high schools around the world and when you wear the product it opens up doors yeah what's the who so whatever my Bible yes yeah they go who that what are the whosoever's and it literally opens up rad doors to talk about Jesus in a non-religious way and I believe we got the best product out there yeah and it's all premium we saw it's belts skateboard skateboard stickers hats pencils I mean we got pencils oh we do we got it all check it out at the whosoever's dot-com and we have an app it's for free go to the App Store download it has all the past radio shows all archived has the shine shine Bible studies idea the Gospel of John and all the rad products and pictures from the high schools all the high schools we go to you could check them out Thank You Kristina for being on the show so having your and we love you guys peace this has been live with Ryan race to connect or find out more about riots click on why and - Rhys comm check us out next Saturday at 9:00 p.m. for live with Ryan Reese

Channel: Ryan Ries

Views: 2,247

Rating: 4.9223299 out of 5

Keywords: The Whosoevers, K-WAVE, Ryan Ries, Calvary Chapel Golden Springs, Calvary Chapel, 107.9FM, The Movement, Saints & Sinners, Kill the Noise, Holy Spirit, God, Truth, Radio, Live with Ryan Ries, Sexuality, Abuse, Identity, Porn, High School, Hurting, Cutting, Suicide, Pills, Gay Porn, Ted Talk, Books, beautyhasnosize, modeling, montana, horse ranch, mexico, canada, youth, retreats, self-harm, panic attack, burdon, enemy, mask

Id: y79zK7nRpKQ

Length: 58min 2sec (3482 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 26 2018