Chris D'Elia | This Past Weekend #104

this episode brought to you by gray block pizza 18:11 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles gray block it down you know what's up guys I'm coming up this weekend I'll be in Bakersfield then I'll be in Wyoming Illinois I'll be in Oxnard California Raleigh North Carolina Chicago Illinois Nashville Toronto Appleton Wisconsin Buffalo Salt Lake City and Washington DC that's all coming up the dark arts tour this fall tickets at Theo von comm slash tour t oh you are today's episode is brought to you by Ridge wallet some people have a wallet and you know who they are and some are you and these people carry a wallet in the back of their pants like some kind of dang creep I think anything you put that close to your butt is weird to me but some people they like that and I don't like that anymore I like our new front wallet and it's called a Ridge wallet and you put it in your front pocket and you can throw all the extra junk out of your old wallet you know your old wallet is made out of leather it's probably part of an animal what would what kind of leather is it you even know camel oxen and they this new wallet is a ridge wallet and it's front pocket carry keeps all your cards your license got the money clip built into it and you can get a beautiful discount on that on this item and it's a fancy item and the item is at Ridge wallet dot-com slash Theo th EO so get that Ridge wallet today's guest is a man that I really admire in comedy he's got his Follow the Leader tour that's going on right now and the congratulations podcast if you want to go and check that out but right now you can listen to us here it's mr. crystal [Music] stars with just me and you or do you start and then I go now we're in okay this straw is cracked yeah you guys first of all you guys have my rider which is hilarious yeah those of you that don't know what a rider is maybe ya comics knowing musicians but it's like what is in the green room when you arrive to a show and you guys literally have the coffee the my iced americano you got club soda water and then you got my toothbrush and toothpaste which I also get yeah what do you got a rider what's in yours I don't here's nothing I don't mind if there's a plate of turkey deli meat in the in the room that's the only thing that's for mine that's a good one I have so yeah I have this I'm gonna have vegetables and then and then I have what else do I have Tabasco sauce yeah for what the salmon that I also get oh yeah yeah that's beautiful man yeah and do you uh are you pretty adamant about those things like right when they get Roe those people know now no I mean more they're pretty good about it usually but some places you show up and they're just like all right cool let's start the show and then you never get your [ __ ] and you're like what the [ __ ] yeah yeah but I think that that's that has nothing to do with like you know I think that some places just aren't good at you know having your [ __ ] it's funny it sounds like a diva thing but like you know sometimes you count on it to eat like you show up and you're like I haven't eaten I can't wait to eat that salmon and you show up it's nothing they're like what yeah and it's just somebody says yeah it's just a dude standing there yeah yeah like we remember this like reciting like old vines you did like this yeah like there's one of these into my salmon yeah do you like you seem to embrace like celebrity pretty good dude do you feel like like you wear it well I feel like really do you feel like that thanks I'm just happy you think I'm you would category it categorize me as a celebrity I think so like I think there's some comics that like some comics I think I mean I think you still like it see you definitely love being a comedian you know yeah but you also I can't tell if you like trolling celebrity or if you love that like it yeah what is that like you don't talk them out yeah I do I like well it's the whole thick dude like it comes down to like people ask me also like why like what you laugh onstage like it's just because the whole thing is [ __ ] ridiculous the whole thing's ridiculous it's ridiculous it's ridiculous I get to do this for a job it's always it's it's always funny to me that people come to see us yeah do this [ __ ] yeah and the fact that you can become a celebrity off it is even funnier to me baffling yeah it's just like you know it's just like it every it's all funny to me like this shirt I got I like it you know it fades in and it's got these two rips yeah that's at least a little bit funny there and I'm like are I'll get it cuz it's got the two rips right you know what I mean do you got any extra for the right somebody yeah I don't know this was I think this is just maybe from Urban Outfitters so yeah a crazy thing but like I don't know like it it's always funny to me life is always funny to me and then all the stuff added on to that like celebrity and everything like that is just it's just hilarious them yeah has there been a celebrity you met that you were like wow this dude is like a like a like has too much celebrity going I mean Kevin Hart's like that you know I mean like just but but it not in a not in a bad way I think he embraces it in the rock I never met the rock but like the rock Kevin Hart those guys are doing it right you know what I mean but then there's guys like [ __ ] I you know he's kind of I don't know he really kind of had his moment but like Ludacris yeah and I met Ludacris it's like relax bro yes you know I mean he just had on sunglasses and and and and all [ __ ] and I was like we were indoors it was just like bro yeah you have to act like you're the I mean looks Ludacris was [ __ ] huge but you got to act like that's why I love being a comedian cuz if you're a comedian you can do it however you want you can it's always a joke if you're a rapper it's not a joke yeah you know what I mean if you're a Tom Hanks it's not a joke yeah but if you're a comedian you can do it however you want to Wow like you have that haircut I don't know if you think that that's dope or funny or both but that makes it dope to me right do you know I'm saying yeah it makes it sexy yeah I don't even know yeah I know I'm saying like if you're like close it yeah I'm this indecisive being a comedian is the best life dude it's it's it's you know when they say I hate this [ __ ] live him live your best life but like it's like dude I feel like I figured it out for me like I'm the HAP I'm so happy right I'm so [ __ ] happy and people we talk about comedians being like tormented and [ __ ] that's not you know uh uh but is it hit is there is that is that is there like a hidden you there that in its not but it's just not you I have anxiety and [ __ ] and stuff like that and like you know I always thought like people are like well like people say you know to a lot of times people say to let guys who look like they get like who look like they're like you know I think people have this at least had not anymore but like like with Joe Rogan and everything like changed that whole thing but like a comedian was this outcast that was nerdy and you know now now found humor and this is how he was going to defeat life you know but now I feel like it's it's changed because because I think that feeling like you're an outsider being an outsider doesn't come from like what you radiate it comes from who you are inside your head right dunno I'm saying yeah I am that way right I am that way and you know I think guys like who are like Rogen's that way you know what I mean you're that way and but it's also but it's it's and it's and it's like we don't have to radiate it we don't have to live yeah exactly they still have it and not live yeah like Santino's like that you know I mean but they're guys yeah they're not like these you know what I mean like sheepish writers yeah exactly do you feel like there's a swing back for entertainment entertaining comedians wait what do you mean like I feel like you know for I feel like there's been this thing for a while where you could just be a writer and be standing on stage yeah yeah equal come and I'm like why would people go to a theater to watch somebody just stand like that something could be reading whereas like some guys you go and it's a performance like you see them yeah yeah yeah you were like that massive ass you Maniscalco yeah yeah yeah yeah um you know I I just wonder if there's more of a swing back towards like I want to see something that I know is is the real McCoy you know yeah like I'm entertained totally yeah I mean I think that yeah I think that now you kind of with it with the internet especially you kind of have to have at least a little bit of it all yeah you know what I'm saying I mean there look I have a lot of love for a lot of a lot of guys should just stand there and do this but sometimes if you stand there and you're just doing your [ __ ] that is your act and you're embodying that quote-unquote character right but if you just have no stage presence I think you kind of fall to the wayside yeah I think nowadays just with the internet right on YouTube and [ __ ] people were watching and very visual I mean look at rap now you got to have orange and purple and pink hair Takashi nx9 and face tattoos Takashi Brown yeah nobody's about the nobody's even about the [ __ ] music anymore yeah you know if Takashi hit you up bro really right yeah he hit you up there like you get an email in the yeah yeah yeah first of all it's awesome to think that he emails how about this dude you get a hour that drops a letter through your bucket letter that's more like him and the owl is yellow and purple in our and it's in his eyes bro he's flying all crazy high 68 yeah well I had hahaha yeah and you get a letter and it's it for him for from it's from him to come down to like Dominican Republic where we keep him and he lives do you go do you go oh no way no for what you would I go yeah that's but now I don't want to go well that comes down to mean I don't want to go anywhere right but there's a part of me that would be like oh I be a funny story but like what do those guys do like I don't do drugs right I'm not gonna hold a gun right that's all I ever see that guy doing on Instagram so like I don't want to do that [ __ ] you know this party you want to do that yeah part of me wants to do it because I know we are a hilarious story yeah and it would probably be 15 minutes on stage so maybe I would do that yeah but like I went to e3 yesterday you know that [ __ ] downtown town of the game stuff video game thing and I was like look they invited me I was like I don't want to go but I like watching video games kinda to see the whole spectacle so I'll go and maybe it'll be maybe it'll be interesting and I went and I didn't want to be there yeah just because it was like I don't really care all that much you don't care and I was walking around I was like I just want to be I want to be drinking my club soda and [ __ ] coffee you know do you think so many people pretend like they care about [ __ ] because that's one thing where you don't get hung up on is I'm envious sometimes on my [ __ ] the amount of free time that DeLeo must have yeah sometimes and not that easy not so busy but just said like the free time you must have because you don't placate yeah that's a cooter bro you know what I mean mm-hmm yeah I do dude it no you you get it he [ __ ] knows who though he is it on his back it's about it's about a [ __ ] uh it's about you know barracudas when they see the [ __ ] shiny [ __ ] they go towards it you know if you if you're fishing you catch a barracuda you got a bracelet on that's your [ __ ] ass you know cuz we're cruise like what a thing and they grab it right dude that's if you can't be like that as a person you can't be like what Coachella everybody's going let's go that's a CUDA bro I'm not I'm not about that right no thank you I meant maybe I miss out on a lot of [ __ ] you know camping kuda we built all these walls yeah we figured it out why the [ __ ] you want to get away from it right why do you want to go back out you know I'm saying so what have there been coot things that recruiters in your life and you're like now you came back to me like all [ __ ] I mean look like you know we're all I always say I'm a podcast we're all a little bit kuda you know what I mean because you have to have that sort of like thing where you're like oh [ __ ] like I want to like like I have an addictive personality for sure like that that's like the hundred percent and I don't do drugs and I never have and I realize that that's that's that was like a blessing in disguise right because I don't ever do anything I have all these stupid rules but like you look like a dude that would help get drugs too so a definite fit yeah in my car like kilos yeah and I don't but I don't have I I don't I have all these stupid rules like one of my things like I don't do anything until I regret that I haven't done it like I lost my virginity after I felt like oh [ __ ] I should have had sex with that girl Oh a series and I was 19 I waited a while you know yeah but I never had that moment where I was like oh everybody did [ __ ] smoke weed I wasn't involved I should have been right I never had that moment so I never I never did it so you kind of it's interesting so you don't get tempted in the butt you get you get 10th do you not get tempted in the beginning or do you have this just something built in you where you wait til have some foresight does that make any sense nah um yeah I'm not really like that I just don't I just if if everybody's doing a thing it makes you question yeah you question first I'm just like what is it what's going on it just puts me off it it's not even that I'm questioning it I'm just like right like like the number one thing about that is frats like I have never join a frat join right join something are you out of your mind doing some yeah my my grandfather used to tell my dad you never volunteer for anything dude that's hilarious that's hilarious and as a kid I was like what but now I get it dude yeah it's like that Lil Wayne song on me dude yeah get out of here frat yeah have you met little Wayne no no no I would I would love to dude I got invited so I got invited to this it was some Saints after-party during like a NBA all-star weekend this is like a 15 years ago or 12 years ago yeah yeah so I go in and it ends up being this little bitty conference room it like this um at this Westin or something right and it's amazing like there's so many like the Kardashians are there before they're like as huge as they are it's kind of crazy Wow and then Mannie Fresh and little Wayne Mannie Fresh Rob yeah dressed like an astronaut bro you jet and the suit was too big they should not have put a big of an astronaut comes in and he's literally wrapping and like and they did one song and they jet it man but that was close ever got to oh my god I've never even seen Lil Wayne yeah a lot of people in New Orleans look like they're Lil Wayne oh yeah well that's a thing there it's unbelievable yeah a lot of a lot of dudes got that long hair and then it kind of took off but I remember hearing stories when we were young like listening a B G like we Cash when he was out it just blew up oh yeah so crazy I know and you would hear stories about him like having a car just like he borrowed a car from somebody like a Hummer he's 14 years old and he every day go to school and they [ __ ] take it take it from ya cuz I shot my first special in at the Civic oh yeah yeah in New Orleans and uh and I went there and I hated that place you know what every when I shot my special there it was like the best show ever the first special of course I like I have this all it's a nostalgia for and everything it was amazing and then every time I go back I'm like how did he like it was just like these crowds unlike that the I don't it's not the venue the venue was nice but like it just wasn't I was like what is going on is not good one time I had the flu of performing there but yeah I would say I've been back a few times and it's just never been even a 10% of what it was well yeah my [ __ ] it's awkward yeah yeah I mean New Orleans is an awkward City to perform and I know it's so music heavy yeah people want to drink they want to be outdoors you're gonna laugh just as much as somebody on the corner you know I know it's the truth yeah I yeah I got it um so you have so one thing I want to tell you about me you just hit a million followers on history yeah yeah that's pretty cool what were you were there nights where you were like there'd be a night where you're laying in bed you're like okay I'm not going to bed until this goes up another thousand come on no I know but I would be like I'm gonna go to sleep I'll wake up let's see where it is when I wake up no I mean nah I don't yeah I try not to I try not to give a [ __ ] about it I mean I love I love social media because it's an extension of you performing right I love doing that I love like like now I can put my podcast bits on there and it helps pocket feed the podcast and you know I'm control of that so was er so I mean cuz hitting a million's is I mean it's it's crazy bro there's countries out there and I'm sure Nick could pull up a list for us that do not have a million people and I don't say there's a million followers like there are kings out there of you know probably small mixed countries that do not have a million file yeah but that's why I that's why I think that like that's why I try I'm really trying to streamline the [ __ ] like I don't want people to follow me because we're like okay yeah he's pretty funny I want [ __ ] that are down that's what I'm saying I'm always I'm starting a cult you know what I mean like that's why I say this is not a podcast it's a call my podcast congratulations that shit's a cult right and when you when you when you click Subscribe that's it you're in you're a baby man right you got to fight these cooties you know I'm talking about so so these so I like this so don't get in the world get it right so so so that's why I created an app I have an app Instagram that shit's gonna fall by the wayside but you think so well I think that yeah I mean look if you have a blue checkmark they're there they know that and they want you to pay for reach mmm and you can you can promote your [ __ ] like sometimes I even see my stuff like if I'm performing in wherever I'll see a theater promoting it and it'll be coming from me it'll be like crystally and I'm like what I didn't post this right it's because they put money into advertising it but they know if you have a blue checkmark it's like a backhanded thing where you're like oh [ __ ] this is a good thing I'm official but then also you reach less people yeah like look at that look at the difference between Barack Obama and like Katy Perry like I think Katy Perry Prabhas way more followers but like she doesn't reach as much because Barack Obama can't be control cuz it's like a political hmm blue check right Katy Perry that want her to pay for that you know I don't know if your game I don't know if those people are good representative say I'm like yeah some people that they know that they're yeah they're advertising something are gonna be sell you know bringing people into a show they're going to charge them to they want to not reach the audience [ __ ] that I started you know I I get this app and then I'm sorry so I know that now I'm in control of it that's why I like a podcast you know what I mean these people are coming in they're subscribing to me they're not subscribing to some app but now in the beginning with podcast cuz I remember even like Amy Schumer um she used to be like [ __ ] podcast you know yeah why did - right yeah and then you came around to it yeah because I saw first of all I saw people I saw people that were making money off of it and then you know I'd look at guys like you know well Rogan of course is the is the man at that and then but like Segura and Bill burr and like where I was and I was like oh these they have like a oh people it's like a weekly thing it's like a weekly thing that people kind of feel like they're a part of yeah and they are you know what I mean did you feel competitive about it what do you mean by that like so when you see other dudes doing it like do you have that podcasts hmm that's not why I started it I I honestly started it like with like the rapper mentality was like let's get this money it's on the table like what am i doing right and then I didn't realize that how lucrative it could be and then I was like let me just try to do it without guests to see how long it lasts and then I was like now it's just like some stupid monologue that I'm doing my [ __ ] house yeah but uh I don't know yeah I just I just I might competitive I mean I don't know like we started at the same time right kind of yeah oh uh I always like look at your [ __ ] and I'm like aw it's cool to see yeah but but I like I like you're like my friend right I mean so I'm not competitive with you it's like you know it's like a fun kind of thing yeah it's like seeing your buddy like just uh that he's out there - yeah yeah yeah yeah like I like that you're doing yours cuz it's like it's cool too because I see a lot of times people are like Oh crystally and Theo von - to podcast I love you know like that's your man yeah but like you know I mean it's like our cool like cuz I think you're funny so if they think you're funny and I'm funny than me that means I'm funny yeah and I mean like you know I know like yeah I remember whenever I first like I think I feel like a lot of guys are probably intimidated by you like in the comedy space and I probably was I think you know when I think back but then like you know you've done like some real nice things for me even just like help me getting over the Laugh Factory and like you know just uh you know like you'll tag your buddies on social like you'll do stuff that's like super nice do you feel like people have a misconception about you ever and this could have just been me and my own inferiority well I don't know I think that people think people judge people and that's fine you know until you get to know somebody but if you're like like I think a lot of people you know um you know like I like fashion I'll wear a cool jacket I get what people think about that when they see a long haired dude with a [ __ ] beard and and a big and a jacket yeah max Amini yeah you know you're like you're like oh that guy's a [ __ ] [ __ ] he thinks he's funny get it also an [ __ ] from like the seventies but but you know but like you know I I we do have to do you I don't yeah but also like but like I said I get it's funny dude I get the jacket cuz it's funny right I'm not I'm not [ __ ] Brad I mean it's goofy gawking [ __ ] that's in his head and like i like i also like love my friends and like i want them to do well dude I don't want to BS you do I don't want to be honest I don't want to be the the best stand-up comedian on a on a on a lineup I want some people to think I want to be some people in that audience is favorite yeah but like when I'm gonna line up with you Rogan Joey Diaz [ __ ] Ali Wong and and and and Nikki Glaser these people that I think are really [ __ ] funny like uh I like that people like them more than me like that right because because it's like we're the cast of characters in this moment in history that are at the Comedy Store or wherever the [ __ ] it's got awesome to me yeah I've talked to other comics that don't like that they're like nah I want to be the best I'm the headliner and [ __ ] like that it's like who has time to feel that way right it just eats you up inside I want I want everybody to do as best as they can for themselves yeah you know I believe that I I totally believe that about you man I think you definitely have this unique way of um yeah you want all your friends there with you yeah yeah a hundred percent and I want them I want them so badly to do to do well yeah I want them so badly to do well because because I want to do tours with them in my head in my back of my mind oh I want to create a show where I host and I bring everybody else out on tour and I want them to do well because I want networks to be like oh [ __ ] yeah of course we want that guy on tour he's great I want you to do what because I want to do well too right I want to do you know what I mean it's like it really does help in the end if you and when people like when things getting when you get inclusive and there's this weird idea I think whenever you especially in an entertainment industry of when you're unincluded a yeah people were so kind of greedy this whole industry is that it's like we have to do it everything for ourselves but when you get inclusive that's when things really start to just shine I feel like yeah well with the go yeah absolutely yeah the more yuning's loaf you know each other yeah yeah I know a hundred percent guys that are the other way and you know I don't wanna name any names but comedians also were it's a very singular thing it's just you up there you don't you don't have a band youth right you know I mean if you don't bring an opener which a lot of guys don't it's just you so I get how it's very selfish and you know how you can be competitive other about how many tickets did he sell oh what's his podcast doing on the show because you probably feel isolated you know much they didn't you that's how you see it but without naming names I mean guys fall to the wayside like that man yeah if you keep people that you know if you keep people down it is it's not good for you to it it's not good for you at least that's what I've seen no I believe that man and I think actually some of that stuff I think actually learned from you and even learn from like simon rex like as a buddy of mine and he like always includes his bf loved that girl and he's just so inclusive like it just and it just makes him cuz then people are like oh I want to know more about what's in his world like I was back to more what he respects and you love good humor man you love it yeah yeah crazy promise how much you love like you really love it yeah I laughed so much dude I mean like one of my favorite things to do is to get you know sometimes you come eat but like after the show is to like when we're all making fun of each other and one guy who eats with both em is he so uses both utensils at the saw is that Joe I don't know a weirdo yeah just there's some magic ah go he's havin a beard and then not having a bit yeah yeah yeah that's Joe yeah he's a weird right no it's like he works for his food it has to be there yeah yeah yeah anyway it always taught how it looks like he has to jacket yeah only has one jacket I always joke with him I say like it always looks like you're wearing a backpack even though you're not that guy [ __ ] always is wearing a backpack I don't give a [ __ ] if he's naked he's got a beard it looks like he was married and had a family at like 9 years old like you [ __ ] looks like he's been through too much man dude how many waiters at macaroni grill did you look like over the burner I will tell you this straight up I've never been a macaroni I know you don't believe me but probably never been a macaroni no I know I know I get it I wouldn't believe me if a guy like me said I've never been a macaroni girl I'd be like get the [ __ ] out here I would never trust that guy but I've never been I never had that moment I was like I should have went to Macaroni Grill what is the number one place for people has anybody ever brought somebody up to you like that dude definitely looks more like me than me Oh me yeah oh for sure yeah yeah there's a few guys there all yeah I like when there are more handsome who couldn't but like sometimes I look like ugly [ __ ] and I'm like ah maybe I'm ugly cuz I get like I look like a bird a little bit you're right and and you know that's funny you got to hone your [ __ ] man it's like you know but like yeah some people I'm like that guy looks like me and that sucks yeah I got to change it up somehow next life maybe or something yeah that reincarnation do you feel so with let me go back to this million followers so I mean that's crazy can you bring those countries up again necks are ewwww oh really yeah well he did it oh wow yeah I mean these are some countries um haha yeah start with one for Cypress booty Fiji Montenegro Macau Solomon Islands I mean these are nothing like huge countries but Cyprus have heard of yeah Belize you have more Amoz the Bahamas mm-hmm so you have more people you know that you can act like you have more followers than whoever runs the Bahamas there's some Owens WOM yeah Guam's huge Guam scrums a big you know PR but popular but it's 160 mm I got kind of crazy we're even making the big of a deal about it yeah I mean I got like seven times now yeah yeah that's baffling did you do you feel a little more relaxed now that you got to a million on yeah in social media yeah I but there's nothing to chase now right just in that way like I'd like I don't have to get you know because once you get like 950 you're like oh my get a million soon and also even if you don't you forget about it people always hitting you up like you almost got a million mansur like I forgot to think about it but yeah now I don't did it start to snowball were there things like so was there a moment like where you had like what what was one of your biggest early jumps kind of and on histogram yeah probably when uh when I don't know like I'd get like 10 20,000 sometimes in a day but like like when Bieber did the ice bucket challenge Rylan's me on that I got like 30 or 40 Wow you know what I mean but I also like I like I said like I don't want people following me just cuz right I want them to follow me because they're like you know what I mean so I don't care if I had five hundred thousand five hours I'd rather that if they were like down for if they were brother call Aslam you know like won't be like WOM they'll go they're there with Guam yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah you know if I have one hundred sixty-two thousand people let that's how many Guam has yeah if I had that for me I'm set bro right if they're down if they're down yeah you want the kind of people that they'll die for you if you have to it's never gonna come down to that but yes do you think you're somebody out there that would what one of your fans it would not for you oh I don't know prot well there's crazy people out there so so yes that's crazy bro but but but you do too I got some people that might [ __ ] pull their hair out yeah like you and that's not a comment on how powerful I am that's a comment on how sad people are it is yeah you have people that would probably at least like shock themselves for you okay you know and I'm talking about a heavy electric shock yeah heavy heavy okay yeah yes I'm not gonna shut them down or a failed attempt yeah for me maybe jump off a building yeah and be like well you know that's gonna happen and you knew it how high but if it's belief all right so you're at probably maybe the two stories I'm in somebody jumping off the balcony maybe you're at like about six stories maybe at all you got to get to that level where you're just like though you know but I don't know if there is but cuz it's great but then but I don't know but if you get to a crazier level a a Wilder level of celebrity do you like at a level now people might feel they can have enough connection to you where they can you know they would then do that that they would kiss someone you would kill themselves no I just feel like I don't like it's it's a double-edged sword like I like I like the fact that people feel connected to me mm-hmm but like you probably get this to like people walk up to you and they're like hey Theo yeah or like hey Theo what's up and you're like oh do I know that person right or is it a fan right and it's confusing yeah like come up correct right you like don't don't be like hey Theo if I don't know you you don't know the person's like hey Theo like what yeah you're gonna be like oh man hey listen your stuff good job right right but like I was at the diner last night I walked into the bathroom as I was walking to the bathroom some do goes hey that's Topher you're Topher that's the character I played on workaholics don't come at me like that it would just be like just be a person to be like oh I saw you on workaholics great job like I'm don't say I'm the guy you're not I mean yeah [ __ ] out of here yeah but also I have a weird thing and it might be a shortcoming about how like once somebody recognizes I've done something I don't want to like like I did that the drunk girls bit that I did went viral and once and once that went viral I might I'll never do that on stage again Wow I don't want to be like once somebody knows me from something I don't want to ever do it again like I'm [ __ ] like I was one of the first people on vine with a million followers I hated that app because everyone then oh then it got real not funny right people were like what's up when your girl walks by and you know what and then there's a McLaren in the vine for some reason and you're like where'd they get this [ __ ] McLaren from yeah somebody's eating marshmallows or something yeah yeah and and then some guys just like oh you broke my armor some [ __ ] and then you're like what what is that and then that once that sort of happened I stopped doing I've stopped doing it and that app got corneas [ __ ] that fast dude and then but for something but I was one of the first people with a million followers yeah so people kind of a lot of people know me you know were introduced to me from that and I was already doing theaters as a comedian before vine but people didn't some people like those kids they don't know 15 year-olds didn't know well they probably can't even get into one of your shows exactly so a lot of people know me from vine and that's fine but to be like oh you're from vine it's just it irks me a little bitter oh and it's old yeah well now yeah at this right it's fine to be like I started watching you on the vine okay sure yeah I get it sure yeah I guess it's interesting because I wonder if that urged us because you know does that earth you just because it's old like you know it's um it's a fad that went away or does it work you because it's like you know because it's it's um it's not something that you it's not where your best entertainment is yeah it's like it's so I look dude I get what it is it's right easy it's it's it's eat well not that it's easy but it's it's quick I don't think about it do you know what I mean I'm not I'm not like some of these people on Instagram you see these Instagram videos and they're cut together and this and that like I'm doing that [ __ ] yeah all my work goes into my standup yeah all the more my work goes into my standup do you know I ain't like or or if I'm on a show or something like I don't give a [ __ ] about the Instagram is gonna be boom boom boom that's it IIIi think of a funny thing BAM and people are like oh you know if people are like what the [ __ ] this is stupid no [ __ ] it's a social media I tweet [ __ ] and people are like oh do that so stupid no [ __ ] the [ __ ] is free yeah this is social media this is what it's for dude what do you want me to put well written [ __ ] on Twitter get the [ __ ] out of here yeah that's your come to a show yeah [ __ ] do what about when people are like oh I can't believe you were in town just missed you oh dude that is the bang bro dude it's so hard to not go nuts yeah about that I go nuts about that it's so I can't believe I missed you can't believe I didn't know you were here yeah well I'm you how about that when they tagged it with this I'm your biggest fan yeah no you're not I was in your city two thousand people knew it two thousand people sat in those seats those fans there are two thousand eager fans of me in your city yeah you shouldn't even go outdoors bro bro you're embarrassing yeah and it doesn't even you don't even get it and it's and it's and the fucked-up thing is for me to say that it's embarrassing I sound elitist but [ __ ] that it is still your embarrassing embarrassing and here's what else you a fan of do you love your mother do you love your [ __ ] family you're healthy not no probably not not as much as you think you'd probably not as a matter of fact if I had a son and he was whoever's biggest fan and he missed their show yeah and he said but I'm the biggest fan I really might all relationship with that son dude for real man oh definitely does that's not cool bro that's not cool you think there's a lot of dads that ever hug their sons you mean like man my Sonny [ __ ] you know what I hope so yeah but I also hope that secretly they were like but I [ __ ] up too yeah yeah you know what I mean right like yeah he's not [ __ ] but I'm all you know yeah I'm realizing that I'm not [ __ ] either he's not [ __ ] did you know what I'm realizing if we had a podcast together yeah it would take over anything III do think so yeah well maybe we'll think about that but yeah that would be [ __ ] insane bro are you equal to a yeah we're just so different though I that's why it's good yeah just two white guys kicking it oh yeah the endangered species podcast because we're going out of hucking business man yeah do you feel alarmed being an alpha male in this time period right now you seem to manage it really well like I feel like a lot of guys kind of move kind of pensively here and there yeah you can't and not as a comedian you can't do it who said this bill burr said he was like well somebody told me bill burr said this what but I'm sure he did but it was very interesting he was like he was like I'm 50 I shouldn't be the edgy one yeah he's like wow kids college kids think bill burr is edgy and bill was saying this he's like I shouldn't be the edgy one I should have there should be 16 year olds that are the edgy ones yeah and he's [ __ ] right that's crazy it's like the first time that that hasn't had I know at what point you know we're [ __ ] 38 at what point was it was it were we edgier than the [ __ ] 17 year olds yeah because these kids at college they're so scared of what to say [ __ ] dude yo [ __ ] that yeah dude I will you can't you can't I mean imagine that imagine having this feeling in your chest okay imagine all the things you've ever wanted to say as a comedian as a person and them just stuck inside of you oh yeah and not actually coming out into the world bro that's where a lot of these kids are probably living yeah definitely and you know they're not well look that's why to me being a comedian is so fun and important it's like look I get to say what I feel but also I'm joking and you have to be you have to say what you're feeling as a comedian otherwise you know yeah what are you doing you doing I mean you can I mean look I have bits that don't mean anything where I'm just [ __ ] around being silly I like doing that tours sure but you know if you come and you watch my show for an hour there are things that I feel and say that are also funny that I think are funny that that are how I feel and I'm not sorry about the jokes you know do you feel more there moment so were you like you know just because now it is tougher to be an alpha male bro it's tougher I think if you're starting out now yeah as a white alpha male so you're kind of you feel like you're a little bit grandfathered in kind of I mean just squeaked in I feel like you know because yeah I think if you're yeah I think it's tough for do it I think it's tougher in you know in a certain way I get you know if it's I still feel like if you're a white guy and you're born today you kind of won the lotto right but yeah I agree but in the entertainment industry I think it's tougher to break in to really you know yeah if you don't have some sort of yeah I mean not that you know right now I'll take anything away from people who aren't know but it's not it's not the most popular thing right now you know exactly yeah but do you think now's a great time for somebody also to go against the game so hard because this like yeah well like that's like people people who like people who are doing it really well like Bill burr yeah like who's a white guy who's 50 like people who like that or like or like down for that right there like these are fans these people that jump from the skyscraper yeah yeah I'm saying yeah berkutov subscribe Scotty Oh jumpers yeah do you notice that like cuz I noticed that um that some comedians kind of become celebrities mm-hmm and to me burr has really remained a comedian commedia yeah I admire that for sure a hundred percent it's crazy like he pulls up and I'm like oh this is yeah he's a comedian first I think it's hard to do that I think it's hard to do that because but also I think that if if the the reason why he's that big is because of stand-up whereas Kevin Hart he's a huge comedian but I think the reason why he's that big is because of movies right you know there's nothing wrong with that I want to do that yeah but but once like if Bill burr I think was headlining him movies then that would change right you know what I'm saying do you think that that's a desire thing for me I mean obviously we don't know because we're at him but I don't know it's like but there is something from a comedians level where you almost respect if you were yeah bill more but you see him as the true article still yeah that's true and it a little bit has to do with you know the way you look where we look at it you know but I mean like like like Rogen's the real deal you know and and Kevin Hertz the real deal right but but there's so much more there's so much more yeah or than just the comedian right so it's tough - it's tough to kind of keep them in that box as comedian do you shy away from things where and sorry to just be grilling with all these questions man but it's you know it's you know I have some curiosities do you shot like were the things that you shied away from like like offers for things that you've gotten you're like no [ __ ] way even though it's a great offer like you yeah yeah do you feel like you can make those decisions for yourself just out of the you don't know yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean I've said no to a lot of things you know that were good offers money or like exposure maybe I guess and yeah I just like I've turned down you know to be leads and shows on network and it's just because I just didn't you know it's like I either done a version of that mm-hmm you know which is why they're offering it to me anyway because right I always seen him do it I don't want to do that yeah I've done it I did it like you want to do something new well it's like I did it and I know what it is and like like doing a sitcom like I was on a sitcom with a live audience for five years in a row Whitney inundated oh right yeah and then undateable and it's like after Whitney I was like dude I don't wanna do another sitcom unless it was perfect undateable came along that was literally the perfect sitcom for me to do you know and then we're gonna go live forget it yeah I'm not doing another sitcom after that that was it I did it he did it yeah so you know so I remember somebody came they offered me uh something I can't remember what the show was some of the Pirates or something no see I would have said yes in a heartbeat that are you know what I mean just to do that but I don't see how some moviemaker doesn't look out and see like a ship coming into a new land and you're on it right dude you're at the front maybe who you telling draw I know I know I'm on the front of that [ __ ] no dude and you have both your legs still and people are yeah how did he get 38 with both of those legs yeah I'm still here cuz I'm still here [ __ ] yeah dude iiiii I'm telling you man I got this movie coming out I think the end of this year and that's what you shot in Vancouver Toronto Toronto and I've never said what it what I play Jaden Smith right yeah but I don't know if I'm I don't want to give too much away about it but uh yeah it's definitely different for me man like what do you play I don't well you see it but it's called a life in a year yeah and it's just different and and they were like hey you that you want they want you to do this and I was like really and I was like aw it's a comedy and they were like no and I was like other than I'm there wow it's a drama you know she's dying of cancer Cara Delevingne is dying of cancer and I'm taking care of her I'm like her her surrogate rental figure oh really yeah I mean I'm not her actual but yeah but you're her caretaker yeah yeah so in was that um and that's what Jaden Smith as well right yeah did you meet Will Smith yeah good yeah yeah was that yeah so he it was wild I mean he saw me in he saw me in my outfit and everything shooting the shot what do you mean I feel like you're in a bubble so are you Aaron and you are yeah and he was like and he was like oh he goes Wow and I was like I didn't ever think I'd meet you like this and he was like and it was like but this is it you're the actor and you're playing this and [ __ ] and then and then I I saw him cuz he produced it wasn't me produced it huh and then I saw him later in not the outfit and he was like and he was like I was like man you know how like when you know somebody in the room you make eye contact with you like it what's up well when one of the when when that guy's Will Smith and you never don't think about it you're gonna look we're gonna do this right you can feel him you know ya never looked at me once and then I realized oh he doesn't know what I actually look like oh he did cuz he saw you in the other yeah yeah so I don't wanna give too much away I don't even know if I'm supposed to or not but like he's uh he he's that whole family's amazing do it I mean that family is like I'm there like I don't understand I keep waiting for like skeletons to come out yeah they're just like the perfect family Jada will willow willow yeah and Jaden Jaden yeah and did it feel I mean did he seem like a comedian did he seem like a mogul did he seem like an actor he honestly seemed like a dad and a cool guy yeah like a like a role model they're like legit yeah you know and and Jaden is a great kid I mean he's like 19 now maybe but like he's just like a cool dude did you feel like you could pick up any kind of swag points from a little bit like you were like were you doing a little bit of research cuz that guy I know he's cool cuz he's wow he's like a ninja you know he's like I know he does it all and do and he and then his album came out afterwards and I was like damn it's good like he's good right he's he's good he's talented for sure oh my god it's got to be so [ __ ] hard for him to be Will Smith's son you know I mean like and then be in the entertainment business it's like it's like I saw a video of LeBrons kid playing basketball he's okay well no they'd say oh he's really good but it's like how good you gotta be how good you gonna be yeah you gotta be the best which you can't because your dad's the best right so I'm saying dude imagine if your [ __ ] dad was the best so I'm saying it's like imagine oh uh uh you know it's like any of them like Meryl Streep's daughters doing she's an actress dude my dad was 70 when I was born right I remember my dad [ __ ] he got this Buick he bought it from some black dudes in our neighborhood he couldn't hear that good yeah it had 22s or something the back of it right oh wow so he had this Cutlass 88 and he would drive around with just bass bro just takin her sad yeah at 70 oh boy at 80 this is at 80 cuz he returned this is when I was 10 yeah and he would just drive around one of the blew out and he got a bunch of Chinese [ __ ] [ __ ] and it literally rattled for like two years just crust it out oh my god I mean he was kind of great too you know he lived by himself he had to take care of himself but so you're saying it would be easier for you to become better oh yeah the finish line is right next to the starting line yeah but I can't imagine if that if your dad is Will Smith how does your dad then not how does your dad keep you from feeling that pressure yeah I don't know dude I don't know I mean it's one thing if you're not gonna be in the business then okay I get it right but yeah dude I I don't know do you feel like did that inspire you at all to think like oh I could have a family or this did that give you any thoughts like that or like yeah yeah sure I mean everything you experience in life kind of shapes you a certain way to a certain degree and I thought when I yeah I probably I was like oh wow that's cool you can do it cuz dude I hate when something about me like I hate when people break up man like it makes me feel bad like like who's splitting up now that I read and I'm like ah that sucks like Chris Pratt and and oh yeah you know I mean like I was like oh that's a bummer when I saw that like that sucks yeah I want there to be the Hollywood couple that's like you know what I mean that makes it yeah yeah my buddy uh friend of on Josh Kelly Mary Katherine Heigl and she's uh you know she's from 27 dresses is that her yeah and um four year oh no some of this yeah yeah yeah she's a mattress yeah and they've live out in Utah and they've managed to like well there's every day for like ten years yeah yeah that's cool I wonder how people do it I know there's so much temptation I know I know well but also you're never with each other if you're doing that you know what I mean like like like if you have a movie like thinking about if you shoot Lord of the Rings oh oh yeah I'm gonna be in New Zealand for seven years yeah oh and you're gonna be doing some movies also in Toronto Vancouver and then LA New Orleans yeah I'll see you yeah there's none yeah how do you fill that in yeah what do you do I'll see you when were older yeah I'll see you in art somebody else has raised our kids yeah I know right yeah and a motel something yeah just I don't know I don't know how you do it pretty shocking yeah do you feel like you'll be able to do your podcast forever I don't know uh I always say like dude if it's not growing then what the [ __ ] am I doing it for right so it's still growing and yeah otherwise you know I don't I don't know IIIi I do like that it's a lot of me though and people subscribe to it because that's that's me and of course I'm doing a lot of jokes and silly things on it but they know it's pure it's like it's almost like we you're saying like you like it when people are there for you yeah yeah yeah like in the same in almost the same way that stand-up is you know yeah it's right there yeah it's right there yeah did you know like we need when you think back to like some of your thoughts and stuff do you have when you were younger did you feel did you know like and not even in like a and like a [ __ ] up way or an egotist boy did you know that you could be as good as you are um I think you kind of have to try to do that yeah I I was like dude um I'm funny like I know what's funny right and I know how to translate that and I know and I know that because it makes me laugh right you know like like you know I'm not doing it to make I'm not trying to I mean I like when other people laugh but if they don't get it I I don't care I think that I think they're wrong I think they're they're they're I don't I don't think that they get it there I don't think you know they have a different sense of humor and it's not that I want to say it's not as good but yes they're missing something yeah they're missing something yeah you know it's interesting I know like one thing I started to get back to a [ __ ] that makes me laugh I'm like oh this if it makes me laugh even chuckle even what I'm thinking about about myself yeah I'm like this is gonna be good well yeah because you're funny and you know you're funny because you're a comedian right and you sell tickets right so if you think it's funny then it's funny that's it right so yeah in the end that matters most for like even for young comedians like it might not translate to the audience at this moment but if you believe that that is funny you know it yeah yeah and I have sometimes on my stage where I'm like I you know rarely I'll be like this is funny you [ __ ] only some you were laughing like [ __ ] it [ __ ] this you know and you know maybe that's my fault but that's what keeps it moving that's what keeps me you know going do you feel like um do you like so you got to this million followers and that you feel like you kind of like you kind of won that what do you mean like like you like you see almost it's like you beat the video game a little yeah yeah I guess you're yeah do was there moments where you're like like you put stuff out you're like oh [ __ ] nah I mean I mean cuz you're pretty prolific Lee you put out a lot of stuff and it's good I mean it's obviously like thanks but I just uh like we use that concerned on it no yeah no no no no cuz it's just Instagram right you know what I mean it's not like like if I'm gonna shoot a special then yeah I'm like should I cut that bit out I put this bit in chat you know I mean because that's like my art Instagram is not my art it rise high you follow me on a daily basis or whatever the [ __ ] you know right so and I mean you gotta you gotta let yourself do that and if somebody's gonna be like oh you shouldn't oppose to this all right [ __ ] okay right that's you that's you yeah you know Nick did we have another calling question that came in my name is grace Ann and I have a question for Chris and Theo if you had your dream comedy festival what group of comedians would you want to headline it and where would you want it to be it's a good question man I would go to Chicago and I would go with I go with Chris Rogan I would go with I'll probably go with Eddie Bravo was the emcee cuz that guy's so crazy pal he's spent time around him no I know you've been on your podcast and snow bright I saw him last night dude he's so interesting bro he was he was cool he came up to me last night he's so interesting yes oh yeah I know he's definitely interesting Nikki Glaser maybe we yeah Whitney Cummings you know if I was trying to you know really make it you know just trying to diversify the thing Santino yeah Fahim yeah how many people can be on this thing I guess what's the festival a lot that's a good point yeah I could keep going and in Chicago is where I would do it yeah um that's cool I'd like I'd like to do it one in LA you know what I mean Wow I mean it's makes no sense b-but because you know you can just but uh I'll age I love it I'll get there my second special in LA because I'm LA dude right like all these [ __ ] oh you gotta be from boss you got me from New York you gotta be from Chicago eat my [ __ ] dick bro yeah y-yeah have bits of my dick for you yeah I mean III I'm from New Jersey but I started stand-up in LA [ __ ] that yeah that [ __ ] is but how many people try to get you to rep Jesse though every yeah I'm from New Jersey but like wow did not even realize that you definitely seem like something from PI Jersey I know I do I know I do Wow two parks at East Coast born West Coast raised that's me man that is you huh that's what he did he moved from Baltimore to [ __ ] you know like we heard that do you feel like you fit right into that when you heard Tupac say that yeah yeah yeah yeah to pasta the go you seem to navigate like on this level that's just so comfortable man is it it means a lot is that just a car is that you know like you just seem to manage your own like confidence and yeah it's like you're I think I've worked on it you know um I think a lot about myself in either in an egotistical way or in a well I should because I'm me right I mean and because your own business and all yeah at that - yeah and so you have to i remember reading an article a long time ago about somebody saying something online and getting in trouble for it this is before all of this outrage culture right and i was like oh [ __ ] I don't ever want that to happen to me I better [ __ ] let [ __ ] know who I am mm-hmm so they know what they're gonna get mmm you know I'm saying if right like take Chris who's the Captain America Chris Evans mm-hmm if this guy was like uh I've made the joke my first special seven years ago when black dudes laugh they relocate yeah and when they laugh they [ __ ] right I've met a black dude laughs hard once he drove to Vegas right so if [ __ ] crisp Evan said that on Twitter yeah they would light him up they'd be like oh you're racist but like he's not know but he's just this guy who was like you know an actor that's like a good guy that's like it's like [ __ ] dude that shit's all facade anyway you know me right this is what I say if you don't like it get off the boat right that's it go shopping yeah I like that is if that makes me think to to really just lay down the line of you know figure out what my line is and lay it they do it that way dude but that that's what being a comedian is man I mean like look at Joey Diaz he's the best the best version of that yeah you know what I mean yeah sometimes I guess I I get fearful sometimes you know I think I get less and less four years out here I was like I didn't even know who I was you know I think I knew a little bit but I just was afraid you know I feel like I had to fit into this box or like be this way anyway you know I hate it I just I don't know I hated it but also you know the I mean people knew you from a different thing right oh yeah that was tough to overcome that yeah I mean now you're not that and that that's hard to do but you know it's like you know time has to pass and then you gotta get you know it's like but time has to pass for sure yeah and then you have to I mean that should put a chip on my shoulder man oh I bet it did because I lived out here and people were like [ __ ] this dude oh yeah no doubt but it made you [ __ ] better for sure it made you a funnier person yeah because you got because that's what gives you that alright [ __ ] these people they don't know me this is why I am [ __ ] what also made me think oh if this industry these people gonna act this way towards me then I'm gonna take the thing that they prize the most that they say is like the hardest thing to do in the whole world and I'm gonna [ __ ] do that interesting good I'm gonna do that so good that they can't say anything yeah what are they gonna say then yeah [ __ ] Muppet so somebody Muppets out of here well that's I'm saying you get your podcast you're in control of it yeah I like that more now do you feel more in control a little bit as you like do you feel like it's headed more that way in some ways yeah yeah yeah yeah I wanna I wanna I want to have my channel whether it's on YouTube or my app or my podcast is like I want I want it to be my channel it's me it's my channel we're do you think the desire from like just to have to I mean you have like it a thing it's not like you want to be the best but you want to be the best you want to do everything you can do I want to be this sounds so corny but like I want to be me I want to be the best version of me and I think you know there's enough people out there that like that guy and I want to find all of them yeah you know but that's what being a comedian is I think do you have visions oh no especially now like the world kind of ends and [ __ ] and then you guys are all in a like someplace that's made up out of like used cars and all stacked together and there's walls and stuff I don't know yes I always imagined that when I'm like older like that I would be on you know like a cabin with like a bunch of tall grass surrounding it and like we'd go outside and like talk about ideas and make fun of each other and that I mean you got some people that are gonna cook in you got some people that are good at you know entertainments there's no [ __ ] guitars nobody's playing that [ __ ] no like listen to this [ __ ] get out of here that [ __ ] you know don't change the tone of the whole goddamn thing with music you know I'm talking about my [ __ ] is I don't [ __ ] with music either when I get up when I get out there I don't do that we don't bring our iPod [ __ ] bullets we don't do that whatever the [ __ ] those beats we don't do that we don't [ __ ] with that we talk we [ __ ] laugh we eat good food and we [ __ ] dude yeah you know and there's chicks out there tears chicks and dudes and but sometimes even if it's dudes [ __ ] that's okay yeah it's absolutely okay but it's also sepra Sep it's it's separated to like this alright this party's for dudes no chick right you know what I mean and you girls have your own [ __ ] you know but I'll fishing you go fishing with the guys you could you could yeah you could you could yeah there's a probably you know do you go or do you just kind of think I go no I think I just chill and then they bring the fish back and then you know yeah you make fun of everybody at the fish yup yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's great dude I don't even know if there's currency yeah it's just you know it's just and you can jerk off and calm and like the Oh chicks can you know what I mean whatever - whatever and is there any shame if people are jerking off and stuff I mean you don't jerk off in front of people if they don't want you to jerk off it's a lot like life but like but like you don't you know but also there's like that room where it's like oh that's the jerk-off room you want to go in there just right go chill and like chicks will be there watching you jerk off and you can they can jerk off if they one can [ __ ] you know what I mean yeah it's like a crazy room yeah how do you die man how do you die because no because I like it you know when I listen to your acting stuff and I see you like have these you know like you get these visions and like you know and you talk about how like you know it's them it's life as a movie and there's this thing you know and you how do you die man cuz it has to be something neat yeah you can't die in a [ __ ] [ __ ] ass way like in a like in a hospital can you I don't want to I think that like this cookies and [ __ ] on the table or something in this [ __ ] yeah somebody's supposed to be there with you and they got a call or in the [ __ ] hallway yeah you died um I think that uh I you either this is how you go you either you you're in your bed mm-hmm at home mm-hmm you just have a malfunction and pass away if you can't get that mm-hmm there's no oh he's got he's got cancer he got taken to a hospital for [ __ ] to two months and he dies there I'm not doing that [ __ ] yeah bro don't do that now uh oh [ __ ] he's on his last leg I don't ever want anybody saying that [ __ ] about me right why cuz you don't want that news to get out or you know I just know I don't want that's boring regular [ __ ] yeah I want I think honestly a cool way to go hmm you gotta do something I know but who knows if I'll be big then you know what I mean who knows if I'll have my if I have my think it'd be cool to like if somebody like if somebody poisoned me like that I like really like if I broke their heart and then they poisoned me like some real like Korean [ __ ] yeah they're not I'm saying or like no Japanese I guess it would be Japanese I don't mean to be racist but now look either one does a lot of Korean no Korean is a lot a lot of a lot of revenge yeah yeah that most multi-factor ever been a movie in made by Koreans or Japanese that wasn't about revenge yeah but a lot of poison meat - in all their films there's a lot of food poison so so yeah so like if I broke a car and I probably you already did the thing that whatever you are its you've already done waiting that's buried you're milling in the distance you've done it you've done it you've done the thing that ruins you you're done if I ran for president it's already over yeah way yeah me too just cuz a couple of texts have probably sent 100% now I could see this maybe you're at a diner right here in the mountains right your truck breaks down right and you thought yet you like and you have a dog in the back you try can't even [ __ ] serve it to your dog but it fits the vision right so you walk up you walk up to this diner right you get in you call you know maybe Michael anoche or somebody or maybe even um you know Chris Pine or somebody I know him yeah and you call them and they're like yeah we'll come help you yeah and you but in the meantime you're gonna wait you can have a sandwich right and they don't have anything on the menu that you like you know for a walk go figure right but the lady says that they can make you something special she says we have a special of the day and it happens to be like your favorite food like oh that's wild so you get it you're sitting there eating right you take two bites and then you realize you're poison you look in the distance and the waitress or the manager is an old flame something wrong yep yeah that's a way to go and I'll tell you what to you Bruce and you would spy would 100% respect I'd be scared of [ __ ] I would cry probably but but I would but to have that gentle conversation where they sit down and they let you know what happened and they're like listen i poisoned you this is it there's nothing you can do about it you broke my heart you know and and I loved you and you really hurt me in in you know 2008 or whatever it was yeah and you've lived your whole life you're 77 and I never got remarried I never had another guy I always you were always a person on my mind and I have to kill you before I die and that's what I did and I'm sorry but I had to do that for me do tears running down my face man and I eat the rest of that [ __ ] [ __ ] before I die to me at all give me a nominee you have this special [ __ ] give it to me I'll ingest it and I'll die dude I feel like crying right now man yeah and that's how I'm gonna go that's how I want to go dude and no [ __ ] that's how I want to go and if I take those last few bites and I feel the poison swell my throat up and I look over at that my dog not my dog whatever the [ __ ] that dog is sitting in that truck and I'm waiting for [ __ ] you know either my opener or Chris Pine to get there and they they die before that I die before that bro but I'm looking at that dog and I'm wondering is that dog - that dog not mine that's the last [ __ ] thought I have and I'm holding the girl's hand and she gets it and it's like I'm so sorry honey yeah man that's the feel that's a real way that's the real way bro because that would mean something at the last moment you'd be having at least an effect even if that effect is that you are letting them have that mode even if it's yeah it would be something real yeah yeah it's like you're like this Neil Armstrong for like real [ __ ] sometimes man that's just emotional yeah I I yeah I would go that way I would like to go that way actually what would you go into battle could see maybe going well that's another way with a sword but not with a gun no no no no no but I don't want to get like all cut up yeah soft battle maybe like slap battle he died keep that getting sort out a lot that's West I got one more question and I want to ask you so you had like you know you had the thing with the Logan Paul thing that happened right in hinds like and you know he kind of called you out and then you kind of burned him a little bit but um is that safe to say yeah I mean I think I I think I probably started it I I just well but I mean I just meant it as like a he was like last blog it's important and I wrote no it's not no it's not yeah but I mean like that's because like I would first of all it's not your last blog yeah second of all it's not Borton yeah and you know that yeah and do you think did you know that was gonna go as crazy is it no no I didn't think you'd respond yeah he responded his what bait that's what really when he responded oh also it's like when he respond it was when he responded it was like is that word responded I'm getting off yes he was fond he responded and he was like uh-uh I know and I looked at it and I was like oh damn I was like I almost immediately kind of felt bad for him yeah because I was like this is gonna be horrible for you right because this is what I do yes that's true and also everybody already doesn't like you right so it's easy for me mmm and I was like oh I have the as soon as I saw it I was like I got the best thing to say yeah this is what you'd say and I thought about it and I'm like this is the thing to say yeah and I posted it I went to bed yeah and I woke up and it was like I was on The Tonight Show in 1985 ha ha it was like people were like hey man what's up drunk driving walking down the street doesn't Jesus Christ real Arius yeah dude was hilarious it was hilarious I'll go to the gym people like hey man [ __ ] take that guy down it was some guy at the gym yeah yeah and there it is kita there and I and I'm having fun you know I'm sure yes I always say people aren't what they say they're who they are and I think we've lost sight of that in this 100 and age it's like somebody says something or like I'll [ __ ] that guy and you know this kid did that thing he did a dumb thing I'm gonna take the benefit of the doubt I'm gonna have I'm gonna say he knows that that was dumb yeah I'm sure if you were to do it he wouldn't do it again and not because of it would ruin his business but because he knows that that's a [ __ ] dumb [ __ ] thing to do Yeah right I'm sure he's a good guy I'm sure he's a good kid I'm gonna take the benefit of the doubt I'm sure he's a good guy I probably when I hung out with if I were to ever hang out with him I probably be like this guys are [ __ ] annoying his [ __ ] yeah but like I would just playfully be like yeah you [ __ ] idiot what the hell you're so stupid don't do that [ __ ] and you'd probably laugh it off and we'd be probably like oh you're [ __ ] you're stupid too cuz of this and maybe we get along yeah I like that [ __ ] but then he kept going and in my mind he's just having fun but I don't know maybe not maybe he is actually angry at me cuz I'm just having fun - it's just fun it's just funny like what are you doing don't do this - first of all don't do this don't do this - a comedian right period because this is their job right and you're an adult yes there's that - but also don't do it to me yeah I'm definitely gonna write back right I'm not Jerry Seinfeld right who's just like oh you [ __ ] wrote that about me uh who wants to waste time on that guy right I am petty [ __ ] yeah I'm gonna do it the [ __ ] was there any aftermath that people didn't see like was their communication after we're like he reached out or you reached out or you know the dude or any publicist reach out that no what's what's today no there's nothing no no no just everybody talked about it yeah I gave just it was just wild I got a lot of followers off of it which is I didn't really expect it was insane it was I guess I never had much did ya it got more favorites and retweets than any Donald Trump yeah it got nice em yeah Wow yeah what yeah wild yeah it was it was huge it was huge it was huge as a matter of fact it happened the same week that that Kanye thing happened where he said slavery was a choice mhm I wonder if that if that didn't happen how big it would have been hmm because that should all obviously took over the whole world yeah like yeah it was so crazy how big it went yeah did you know that something could hit that big like did it even believe had it blown your mind a little bit it was funny yeah I was like what the [ __ ] yeah yeah I guess that's a lot Wow six hundred sixty-four thousand likes hundred forty nine thousand that's Guam let's everybody in Guam few times over but everybody in Guam with the retweets right yeah 160 mm oh yeah yeah yeah with the retweets yeah but yeah what if everyone who read tweeted it was just everyone in Guam yeah that was just like a [ __ ] dude if you met Chris Lee you think you you think he was cool think about him me yeah yeah I would think he would be like I would be I would be mad that that guy's already doing it yeah well I want to do know it sometimes I felt like that what about you in the past like you're so kind of you know you you go so quick and so confidently into so many little spaces and big spaces but that it's like [ __ ] dude I you know I thought about this but now he did it so now it's like it's kind of hack you know Wow I don't know you don't really hold people to that now you know cuz it's like everybody can do whatever yeah you think your own [ __ ] but um but yeah me do you ever feel like you've been on this like vibration a little bit that's like kind of like this this humor vibration or something where I think there's a wavelength and I think that you have it I think that if you're a truly if you're a funny person you you are just that you're kind of like I don't know if you're born with it or if it your childhood it develops or what I don't I don't know if you're born with it but but you see these guys I've talked about this on my podcast but you see these guys on Instagram trying to trying to ride this wave length and they're just not on it yeah and they're just doing all of the things that a funny person does but it's and they because it's what they think that a funny person does but it's just not translating because they're not on the wavelength yeah oh yeah that's what they that's what it that's what that's the idea it's like I saw it's like I saw a horror movie the other night I'm not going to say what it is because I'm because you in it mMmmm no but it's I'm not gonna say what it is but everyone loves it and I and it was it was fine but it just had a lot of things that horror movies have in it because it felt like oh that's what a horror movie has yeah and it's just not it's it's like that's what it's like I think with humor it's I say it's like you're either on the web like that you're not guys like Will Ferrell are [ __ ] hilarious he's on it you know what I mean but then there are other guys you can figure it out make a career mm-hmm but you're just getting the people that are all aren't on the wavelength right you know and you think the weight comes from me it's it's almost like a it's just at your own wavelength yeah well yeah I think it's a web - like like Bobby Lee's on it yes a hundred percent yeah guys just you know what I mean you're on it you know Santino's on it yeah and it's just like Fahim it's like it's just funny it's just how the people are Whitney's on it it's just like you know it's do you think it's kind of fascinating that humor is this thing so say if like you make me laugh right yeah like I make a sound and I shake at the same time like like that's what laughter is like it's pretty weird yeah it is very weird it's very weird I think about it yeah it's like coming out of your heart yeah a little bit yeah it's a weird thing like laughing dude how about some people just don't laugh we're just don't laughing they don't like imagine being like a Wall Street guy and just doing your job not really no one thinking Karen what's funny yeah not making jokes right not thinking of your own stuff yeah that is all day long all broke all I'm doing is thinking of what's fun yeah that's all I'm doing I'm looking at [ __ ] why is that funny wise it's funny cuz that's what's fun to me Wow people don't do that even a little bit yeah what are you doing yeah yeah it's baffling when you have that access to have this thing that makes you laughter so weird bro that you can say and do something that that does something into somebody's head and then immediately into their emotions and then they make a you know yeah shake yeah it's so weird they're not even thinking about it it happens it just happens it's not like sleeping it's not like anything else right you just it's involuntary yeah you came like oh my goo laughs now yeah it's a yes yeah I'm gonna have enough for eight hours yeah it's almost like Tourette's yeah [ __ ] yeah what you can run control of it you just got to do it and you know in the it's almost like here a [ __ ] sorcerer bro because you know how to make them do this you have powers yeah you're like yeah do we even know they were calling questions I think we have one more Chris yeah hey this is Klan ask Chris why he looks so pissed off yeah I know I know first of all his name's Quinn no it's hers I mean it hey this is Clint Clint Clint Clint with an in for a little alright first of all all right so yeah [ __ ] with an end yeah so all right all right Clint really never met anybody named Clint in my life and I never will and I wonder % never will and I know that I know I'll never met a guy named Clint it was no [ __ ] way if some guy actually yeah if I were ever to meet a guy named Clint it would be the day I get poison at that diner I'll tell you that so can't even imagine you talking about him yeah I know imagine me talking to a guy named Clint Han no I know dude I'm trying to think about I don't even Who am I with in there you know what I am what when I picture a me talking to a guy named Clint I'm that [ __ ] shadow emoji yeah you know I'm talking about who uses that that's what that is that is emoji is the emoji of me talking to a guy named Clint that's what that's what they created that emoji for that we do about the hojin with a guy with crystal he's talking about him Clint oh I got it it's a shadow we got it put it on yeah and then you know there's the two shadow emoji that's me you're talking to a guy so um why do I was like pissed off I know I have that I don't mean to have that it I think it's cause I'm always thinking and in my own world in my own head but like I had a I was with who was I with I don't remember who I was with but I was shopping oh my buddy Cedric I don't talk to him anymore but um she she came up and she said hey do you guys need any help and I was like nah we're good were just hanging around she says okay and I don't know how the conversation happen but I was like I asked her I was like oh she said something like oh yeah you guys don't look like you need any help I just wanted to check and I was like what and she was like well you just look like you don't want to be bothered and I was like oh oh yeah and I was like do I look like that and she was like yeah I was like like I look like unapproachable or what and she was like you just looked like you're thinking about something or like you're you're you're upset and I'm like oh weird I'm not upset at all and that was when I realized I mean this was I was like 219 yeah and that's when you realized oh I exude that on my face but I don't mean to and I think I'm getting these wrinkles here because of it right I just noticed a few weeks ago but yeah I'm just always thinking about [ __ ] right not interested not smart things it's interesting but not smart thing did you um I used to hit like my eyes go right down here in the middle highbrows going in yeah and I would free years bro for literally probably 15 years I would hold my [ __ ] eyes open open yeah just cuz I was so self-conscious about how I saw me it makes a lot of sense I've seen you when I think of you in my head you're doing that not really yeah maybe fun I'm not [ __ ] around either I know you know that's okay but you have good skin though yeah but it's I mean it's okay but it's not I just don't want to be like that forever well you're still young you know yeah you're not even 40 yet do you do you have a thing against a age I've kind of I mean there's things I want to do I guess but it's all about accomplishment like I feel like I've I'm accomplishing things that I want to accomplish and I'm happy so you know so you don't feel that burden like is I think a lot of men feel that burden of like you know I want I have to I mean a little bit yeah I definitely I can't say I don't but like but having some sense of achievement yeah yeah it probably makes it it gives it a little bit more of a peaceful look at your landscape yeah definitely yeah but yeah I mean you know I have I have a good life I'm happy you know I'm able to do what I want to do and I'm 38 and that's awesome yeah I mean it's cool man everyone hates their job I don't right so yeah and you bring people into your fold man and I think that that's neat you know I do think it's a you know cuz some people could be you know kind of super greedy and you don't be that way ya know [ __ ] it who cares yeah well I think it's nice man um I appreciate you so much for coming in today bro whoo this is fun man I'm glad I did dude if you ever have I guess my congratulations okay yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna opt for sure I'll probably do that some at some point yeah yeah yeah we'll be funnier on there we don't sometimes it'll don't be refining on here oh really yeah really yeah we don't like do we we don't really I mean off-court Clips your [ __ ] yeah you ask real questions but but that's good though but yeah but here's what's funny to me yeah yeah but you're funny though so you don't have to be funny do you no I mean yeah yeah I think somehow I'm in the in the solo episodes I it's it's more funny hmm but it's to me it's just interesting like you know just to think about just you know cuz I get curious about the way their peers especially guys that I admire behave and what makes him kind of tick one last question so you have a brother right and you love I said yeah I saw a funny video you your dad and your brother the other day when you guys looking at piece of mail it's almost as [ __ ] a little bit of like a suburban Seinfeld in a weird way but - was there ever a point where you started to really feel like you were getting like pop isn't like you're starting to get popular yeah and you were worried about like how your brother might um like relate to you or you didn't want sure like him nuh uh yeah of course I I mean just I don't it you know it it family's a weird thing that way because my dad would start to you know he's a professional in his own right right he's a famous producer yeah and director producer director pretend uh and he and and people now say to him you know he jokes around about it he's like now I know I'm Krista Leah's dad what the [ __ ] and you know that's family I don't ever want anything from my professional world to taint or make family stuff weird I know that they're all very proud of me and I'm very proud of them but my brother is like a version of me like I would I would do anything for my brother more than I would do anything for anyone else I would I would fly to Guam right now for my brother if he needed me and and and and I wouldn't do that for anybody yeah so I'm always I always you know look my brother's a director writer and he's done stuff and is doing stuff now and as long as he's happy in his own perfect my brother doesn't want to be famous or anything right there's not that but uh but he wants to be valued for his work and I think he is and he's [ __ ] super talented and honestly I feel that way about him a lot I feel like I feel like a [ __ ] man I'm this comedian up there talking about my dick yeah or [ __ ] or whatever the [ __ ] right Australia or whatever the [ __ ] I decide to talk about my brother's doing real actual [ __ ] that's like so good I mean he's so talented so it's like it's like yeah it so I feel that way too you know about him you admire him yeah I mean the guys yeah the guy's one of the most talented guys yeah period yeah he's great and he's [ __ ] hilarious and he's cool he I was thought like he was like the cool one like oh no he's like sexy and she's got long hair girls was like what's his deal he only wears corduroys like who the [ __ ] that's Louie you know I mean it never wears jeans you know else does that Paddington Bear I think he other person yeah the two people who do that are my brother and up there yeah that's the [ __ ] weirdest [ __ ] awesome and when people can check out congratulations podcast Nick was there anything else that we wanted to just real rapid-fire weed we tried to take some Instagram questions there weren't a lot of ones but rapid fire I want to give you three how [ __ ] it's okay how [ __ ] is it to cover yourself from the rain with your hands wants us truck back what oh it's the act okay uh it's it's it's uh it's a little [ __ ] the Sun though what about the Sun is even worse that's that's more [ __ ] yeah that's more [ __ ] uh yeah from at Aaron spam Ewell's how [ __ ] is it to blow out birthday candles it depends it depends on how you do it honestly if you're you know what I mean if you're if you're if you're just like and you do it fine but if you you can be [ __ ] about pretty much anything people don't really get the bit that how [ __ ] is it thing really [ __ ] to get out of to get in or out of the the a two door car to get in the backseat really [ __ ] because you're like oh oh yeah I'm really [ __ ] now what about this what if somebody put out their birthday candles with a little bitty [ __ ] over there so [ __ ] no [ __ ] yes so [ __ ] one more how [ __ ] is it to tiptoe out of the shower to find your towel if you forgot it from theater that's pretty [ __ ] thanks so much Nick Chris Lea thanks so much for being here bro thanks man I had a good time too I'm a huge fan and I love your work man meeting you too same thing you know it hundred percent alright dude thanks a lot yep on the breeze and not feel of tolling like these leaves I must be oh but when I reach that round I'll share this peace of mind I can feel it but it's gonna take little time for me to set that parking brake Oh [Music] [Music]

Channel: Theo Von

Views: 1,620,171

Keywords: theo von, this past weekend, chris delia, congratulations, podcasts, stand up, stand up comedy, the comedy store, the laugh factory, improv, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, the fighter and the kid, jre, joey diaz, eddie bravo, comedy central, man up, netflix, no offense, man on fire, theo von stand up

Id: QcWyAFvoVls

Length: 85min 19sec (5119 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 14 2018