Cheapo Toy Soldiers and Fake GI Joe | Ashens

hello step-by-step heart-to-heart left-right-left we all fall down like toy soldiers as I great 1980s poetess Tiffany said no I mean it wasn't Tiffany as Marty ko wasn't it oh why done bloody now I'm trying to reference crap old 80 songs let's look at some toys instead it's not thing this whenever I do these um knockoff GI Joe figures stroke crappy soldiers um a lot of people moan and whine about it and yet they are the most submitted thing to my TPO box strange isn't it and look this one's an everyday bargain it says it was two dollars fifty from the Americas somewhere doesn't sound like a bargain when you look at these figures force it says where they completely ripped off GI Joe pictures we know where they're coming from it's a military figurine set apparently on the back there's virtually nothing except a barcode how exciting come on then let's meet the team see what's what and oh my god II haven't got any eyes why doesn't he have any eyes eyes this is the lookout lookee Charlie he uses his daredevil skirt dial um audio sonar skills - I don't know good lord he's cheap he's got screws visible in his back very lightweight plastic the paint is crazy frankly when look at this in his hands is all missing and horrible and he hasn't got any eyes maybe just got like a stocking yet over his face he's just robbed a bank I don't know for tonichi has got this giant gun which he can sort of stick in his hand no he when he held to held his gun his fingers snapped off that's the sort of quality we're dealing with even Y doesn't have the eyes I'll get rid of him right let's have a look at choking hazard who is the sergeant and commander of this team I have decided he comes with a mobile phone to call his mum for help when anything goes wrong that's why he's in charge he's got a really good pay-as-you-go thing set up Lisa's got some eyes and a terrifying unibrow I think it might be mr. Spock actually sort of an olive drab thing going on and yes still as cheap as all monkeys can he held his phone in his hand yes then turn but he can't hold up to his ear really mom mama Connie mom mrs. manleigh shooting at me mom mom can't pick me up yes that's why he's in charge next is leek face the mighty am so called because his face is leaking out all over his helmet he's got some sort of super high-tech helmet thing going on there and looks the most GI Joe ripoff he I think possibly from the steel Brigade days except he's in a nicer color and yeah his skin is also leaked out over his gloves and basically he's melting this is his special power when something bad happens and the bad guys come he melts and dies in horrific agony that all sought him out also his accessories a pair of handcuffs approved giant handcuffs too big for wrists their ankle cuffs yep he's been reading Fifty Shades of Grey and wants to practice it out before he melts entirely and finally it's Cyclops from the x-men I think maybe Cyclops from me from the horrifying nightmare inducing x-men with weird blobby faces and oh my goodness the paint is so thickly slathered on this one it's actually closed on his hand off but yeah this sort of a sunglasses and hair thing going on I think it's very hard to say actually here's a really close look at that for you just to stop any ideas of sleeping you might have and further accessories include this pistol well he's obviously not be able to hold that his hands ridiculous that's quite nicely moulded once compared to the rest as I push this ridiculous laser rifle thing and a pair of binoculars obviously the binoculars go to the lookout here you are mate you can hold those there now your fingers are broken why doesn't have any eyes anyway let's move on to the next thing she'll be something a little bit more high quality with elite force collect all styles you must collect all styles or your family will be burned three plus ages on the sheriff's badge there and quite oh that's about 4-inch articulated action figure with equipment and weapons weapons are no longer equipment and here it is again in French if you aren't that way inclined basically I think it's sloth from the Goonies not entirely sure and they're just as the same on the back but collect all styles and an angry world war ii german mother looks at it right Kalinin let's see if we want to collect all Stiles no Stiles whatsoever you can collect our Ryan Stiles when Peter's a community comedian come on here we go well he's articulated and made of rubber it's plastic man no it isn't it's definitely sloth from the Goonies look hi I'm sloth I just like to mention that sloth love chunk thanks for coming out Baby Ruth bath that in fact Babe Ruth bars may in fact be in here I don't know is it Babe Ruth or Baby Ruth buzz no Babe Ruth was the baseball player Baby Ruth is the chocolate thing is now I think anyway thank these are supposed to be sand bags they do look more like we'll just parcels of something that's been delivered can't get over the wavy legs here that is pretty rubbery well we've got some articulation going on and some amazingly slopped paint some articulation can't really bend the legs on my and these are so cheap and yeah just look at the face the face only a mother could love sadly not his mother she was like some gangster psycho from the Goonies film if I remember he's got a giant shotgun that nothing could hold let alone fire begins leg he's got somebody get a submachine gun that again is completely out of scale he's got a giant mag light style torch I'm able to hold that there we are now you can go and bang people on the head with that that's about the only useful thing you can do some extra bullets and or energy drinks and a big knife he can't possibly hold well that's marvelous Deary me and the next one's even uglier good grief look at the face on this Rio who in the entire world would have facial hairs ridiculous as oh my god it's me that's a bit frightening when it smells of Rio man if you thought the other one was soft rubber I cannot do this in real life yes anyway this is me from the time when I was in the military and was made to carry gun as big as I am and part of a wall for some reason yeah it sounds about right your job is to carry this small piece of war which has been made out of chocolate bars look he's opened it up for the chocolate bars out there and he's made a ball from them that's something to do and it's all the same weapons as last time just with a bit of wall you know look a bit so shocked you know slightly worried by what's been going on in the world imagine you probably would be if you're a bloody war zone wouldn't you I can kind of do that cut it open my legs Oh dearie me I also like the way the arms and legs are completely different colour to the body they're not even trying also sorry camouflage does it he's camouflage for the desert and the forest simultaneously meaning is not effectively camouflaged for either oh well off I go hello what's next yes this is apparently me looking a bit sad after I've dyed my hair red for some reason and these sandbags on that one and finally a firefighter because you know firefighters and breathing operators are very useful on elite force missions as we all know chocolate-bar walk um not quite sure what to make of that imagine his name is mumbles because whenever you ask him anything quickly get over here gone anyway we can't get any more ridiculous than that he lied he's a giant zombie purple skin soldier with loads of small soldiers that are set to start what they're flippin heck is the idea internists combat force army playset right army playset Souls different factions that make sense giant zombie doesn't make sense what sort of army situation is this in fantastic let's have a look filming he is zombie my cat ex that's some a fifties b-movie roar this soldier has been made giant by radioactive paste or whatever comes with a giant hand grenade and even though he's a giant he's got a gun bigger than he is but just why can they ever make guns that actually fit in their hands or at least vaguely the right scale so what is that we had part number on it maybe that's the start of an exciting puzzle I doubt it he's got white splotches over himself Reese trip to yogurt while he's eating it and it's got some with hooting monkey face going on walk walk rub the skin I don't know if there's going to come out well in the camcorder but is a light purple color so he's been dead for some time actually most of the skin is be green and his hair is green he's just sort of slathered himself in purple mud I think in order to stomp on the tiny soldiers who have we got now they're all the same on either side look that's disappointing although the faces will their focus okay I'm regretting focusing now just look at it it's like some sort of them Aztec carving has come to life and formed military and they're lots of them and they're all the bloody same oh no he's a different one what's this one he's got a bit a sort of a pretty boy action hero look about in this one he also got no weapons that's a bit of a problem he appears to have a small carton of eggs he's never been in a war before and I very much doubt he'll make it through this one who else are we got um oh my good god look at this what's happens whole head has been entirely squeezed even the camera doesn't want to keep focus on it look at it ah something have a jeonggi Ito comic but oh dear it's a sprue hanging off it like a real quality this one and again no weapons it's just been shot okay let's head crushed by something was falling to the ground dying looks a bit like a sort of undead Chuck Norris maybe that's how he eventually dies as head squeezers and now that's not very likely actually and yeah and his head is squeezed on all the different versions of it which is nice um we've got some buddies this person thought to bring a gun sadly he completely forgot to bring anything that vaguely corresponds to human proportions I would guess that his nickname is slim he's like that bloke who got flattened and does piss of the water the Beetlejuice also his gun is not n shaped anything like a gun doesn't look like a gun if he made himself a match boxes dearie me here's a green soldier with a deformed head and one arm oh dear I thought the big soldier was a zombie though I think actually they're all zombies particularly this one and anything else different flowers or bazooka on the shoulder boys are one of those he's what these other hand looks like he's got a Grinner he'd in it I think we can guess what happened here nobody told him that grenades go off after 11 seconds or so if you don't throw them he found out the hard way oh well that was an exciting foray into the world of abject horror and really badly made toys wasn't it shall we look at another one answer yes I like this one because it comes to push box with a powering handle look yeah and the carrying Landel says toys ok toys on it nice in the future our ruler do you know I've been thinking that myself a lot recently US defender combat control team in the future a ruler come into the market warrior zero our English we not speak this cost 15 something's it would not be dollars or pounds I don't I think this came from far far overseas he's got so sort mr. Spock but turn the bloke like that I was going on there controls the world destiny look Hong Kong by the looks of it turn that sticker that's that's where it came from crawling force yes that's the best force crawl with my knees elbows and my twisting waist my rifle shoots with light and sound in threats to double-a batteries not included switch here on his knees and he then crawls across the floor and makes noises this is apparently the second variety of this we said onions a bit strange look not to three ghosts onions on that one well and anything more weird written on the side Army Combat Team achlys controls the world destiny coming in third unasked really auto ok so let's see what's in this second let's break him out mister and here's what he comes with himself he looks very intent I think he may be a sniper mmm not sure from that rifle actually probably not he's really cheap and hollow plastic as you can probably guess and amusingly you can make it look like you dance as if you do that well that's something there just roses got the same kind of skin as his uniform that must have been handy and he's got this small puppy which comes with him because that's really useful for going into a combat zone and trying to not be shot by the enemy you really want an excitable puppy but if it is tiny why why has he been issued a small dog I don't know maybe his wife's away for the weekend and how many words he look after it he's also got these other weapons he has no hope of holding because all his arms are molded around that one silenced pistol bonus ammo grenades binoculars assault rifle and child sized handcuffs maybe they are actually his size handcuffs and they go around his waist oh I just like to point out when I look he's got a hold chip to him where you can see all these internal cogs that's nice war is hell my favorite thing though is that a the handcuffs don't open and be they've got handcuffs written on them four times just in case you didn't know well that's fun and I tell you what let's go and see what this thing looks like crawling across the floor shall we well that went pretty much as expected right here comes the troop tube cylinder de troop that'll be French them don't broken his neck already hasn't even seen combat yep yep these ones are in a tube and that combat force is the hair houghton p.m. redeeming people yes I can actually come from the tube you for super soldiers of Oh My giddy aunt Wow them in order to reduce plastic costs they've got big holes in them who's a really grotesque and again very bad on the whole painter scale well this here with his again judgeth is that not look that's exactly the same as the one that came with the crawling soldier completely different size of set came from a completely different country these were M that's a tu on the thing actually and yet all the pieces of the same again he can't hold don't like touches this is really cheap plastic and not very nice but hey I'll bet he's happy with his hat well I don't know what I can say about this aside from the fact that if he were to take his sunglasses off it would probably destroy the world who else have we got again gun that can't be used on man with different hat he looks a bit looks a bit Charlie Sheen this one winning tiger blood donors DNA a monkey tea kettle barbeque there we are that was a small breakdown for all of you watches there Oh blimey then I once walked his military speciality be having lots of brightly colored chrome objects attached to his chest that's always useful interesting this is the first figure that is actually picked up the face recognition on the camera don't know why and oh and the other two figures are the bloody same oh man that's the worst tube of troops I have ever seen and I've seen a few in my time believe me right it's time to have a look at one of the old parachuting figures you gotta love these paratrooper soldier force bonus launching slingshot included which you probably wouldn't want you just want to drop it off something tall real working pairs we've all seen these let's not get into that yes we know how it works yes that's how you do it wrong smash your thumbnail over the cheap plastic well this is interesting as our first female soldier I think it's based on some sort of molding taken from a GI Joe sort of valor vs. venom era figure I think not entirely sure what I am sure about is that it has the worst paint imaginable except for all the others we've seen today um yeah she's showing off her muscles no she isn't she's holding on to the parachute and Oh got to be with probably in the back there she's been hollowed out and has had a nail put in the back has a really evil thing to do to an enemy combatant but hey at least she's camouflaged or is that just sauce all over I've got no idea and yeah there's something a little bit frightening about that I think it's the tiny tiny pupils and the fact that her face has been painted on its like a weird statue somebody started to paint and then gave up on thanks that's probably not that far from the truth is it anyway let's get back into bad bloke territory with 2-pack of American heroes Manley's look the highest-quality thing so far by fact of eight million these were 1.99 regular prices 399 sale price was $2.99 it's confusing and he looks a bit like sort of Solid Snake ripoff military figures with accessories we had worked without out nothing on the back and it's fatty just as it should be right what's going on here then I wonder where he came from with no idea if only we could work out to the country of origin via some method but we'll just never know I suppose right well high-quality plastic the others are they still pretty bad articulation actually works head is moulded out of you know flesh coloured plastic so it looks a lot better and this is like a thousand times better the others still load of crap as compared to like a proper figure this one appears to be based on Flint from GI Joe I would have said and again it's got a weird square bulky body thing going on but far there's a far and away the best thing we've looked at today can they hold a weapon web living is up I think we'd hold that bit yes weapon for you sir no that one maybe yeah ray you win an infinite number of coins well done well done inexplicable massive laser rifle make up with what's that about there that leftover from something else I know stick on the end of the particle accelerator of the handle that'll sort the military out brilliant oh well that's the end of that then except for God there's always more combat soldiers sold outs that's foreign for soldiers to pack yes we have noticed by the way that there are two of them well this is not thing and completely different look and scales of the others they've got a sort of well just green drybrushed in much a good lighter green going on with them just the visor and the face to tell him apart and my goodness I notice this before that's one seriously creepy face he's gone in there he's just discovered the horror of war for the first time or maybe he's about to be killed and has just realized maybe both these things either a possible for the face like that are only the arms are articulated very cheap hollow plastic as well well that's a shame this looks much higher quality in the box but basically they just waved their arms a bit the guns I saw this weed damn drybrushed green things don't really understand that well let's have a look at the other one he made it a sensible move of covering up his face so he looks cooler less sensible move of not being careful when he was decorating them is it a gas mask I think it probably is yes it is my god that actually kind of makes sense right cool-looking hell nicely and yeah that's one of the best-looking figures today I think as a pity is almost completely non articulated in the paint scheme as the laziest thing conceivable oh well there we go his military speciality is sandwiches of all kinds and that's how he got to be a combat soldier this one specialty is just making a little weird noise in the back of his throat constantly hence the face he thinks if he does it enough the end will just give up and go home in fact it's just us who do

Channel: ashens

Views: 736,905

Rating: 4.8994713 out of 5

Keywords: toy, soldiers, army, men, figures, figurines, GI Joe, action figures, rifles, guns, accessories, no eyes, Cyclops, crawling, ashens, review, funny

Id: QhQwnUvXNCs

Length: 21min 15sec (1275 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 17 2012

Reddit Comments

[u/LordHayati]

Intel has reported that whomever made these abominations has no allegiance to any side. The codename for this meanace is "BootLeg". Be advised, Subjects affected by "Bootleg" are dangerous. Over.