Casually Explained: Dangerous Australian Wildlife Tier List

yo this video is sponsored by expressvpn so i went to elementary school in australia uh primary school if you will and now that i live in canada i realize that there's a lot of things that north americans don't take seriously about their day-to-day life at all like constantly having to avoid the inevitability of an immediate and painful death as an example in north america they teach you in school it's important to eat healthily because you want to stay fit so you don't get sick and have a long life and you're like okay yeah i guess but in australia they make it very clear wombats have a top speed of 40 kilometers an hour and the weak will be left behind so what other terrifying australian animals are they'll make you glad that airlines are going bankrupt right now uh f tier so first off in the f tier we have all the australian animals that are actually just really nice and are in fact completely harmless so next in the e tier we have animals that look dangerous but actually aren't that dangerous echidna uh in addition to being the inspiration for guy fieri's hairstyle these guys love to cross roads not to get to the other side because they hate inflated tires in reality they're actually extremely timid and will curl up into a ball if you threaten to take away their chaos emeralds huntsman spiders these are probably the most common variety of spider where i lived and are usually about the size of a coaster uh when you rub your leg against your headphone cable this is what you assume you felt to be honest though when you see one of them you say ah oh it's only huntsman d-tier looks friendly just what they want you to think uh tasmanian devil um these little guys look like cute miniature dogs and just like cute miniature dogs they're completely filled with evil for their size they are the strongest bite force of any mammal on the planet and half of them have contagious mouth tumors they spend their day walking the perimeter of their territory looking for other tasmanian devils to dispute property boundaries with uh koalas now they might seem cute and cuddly but don't let that fool you there they'll be at the petting zoo feeding the little guy some eucalyptus next thing you know he drools on an open wound and now you have to somehow convince your boyfriend that you got chlamydia from a koala the trees while seemingly inconspicuous even the trees themselves in australia are dangerous because they're literally always on fire why you might ask well take the eucalyptus tree what do you get from the eucalyptus tree eucalyptus oil that's right the trees are literally made of oil sea tear i'm gonna just not go near that thing um platypus now when north americans see a platypus they all say the same thing beaver go quack but they couldn't be more wrong while beavers look at a body of running water and think stop platypuses instead think here i will look waiting to stab your children with my venomous spurt i even think of coming close to my eggs well no because i have electromagnetic sensors in my big ass duck bill i'm not even joking about that so anyway uh great white sharks well these things can kill you easily almost every instance of one attacking someone has been a huge misunderstanding and the shark has been very apologetic basically every time it's a great white thinking hmm a seal i'm going to eat that and then when they go and take a bite they realize it was some dude paddling on a surfboard and they feel really guilty for worsening their already poor public relations so they quickly swim back to the depths hoping they won't get turned into soup kangaroos besides being absolutely kangaroo jacked kangaroos have a giant ass tail they like to use to initiate dropkicks on unsuspecting pregnant women well they don't generally attack unless they're aggravated they can be very defensive of their offspring so be very wary they seem to have something in their pouch because it's probably a glock b-tier it looks dangerous because it is dangerous uh crocodiles uh crocodiles are basically the venus flytraps of reptiles i'm pretty sure they don't even have the ability to think it's quite profound honestly if they're a crocodile philosopher i feel it would be like you must be patient in life but when opportunity presents itself you must sink your teeth in and never let go um mr crocodile what do you do if you feel like more and more that opportunity is just slipping away then i get it with my spin move uh jack jumpers giant ants with huge jaws that can jump like two feet high and are always angry they're basically wasps but can't fly except for the ones that can fly if you get stung by one of these it hurts a lot for a few hours and then you're mostly fine three percent of people are allergic though and they're absolutely not fine uh scorpions these guys suck because they're somehow immune to crushing damage but the good news is they're pretty dumb so you'll walk into your bathroom and there'll be 10 of them chilling in the bathtub because they can't get out even though they have three attacks they can only hit things that are coming from the front so the best way of dealing with them is sneaking up behind when they're not looking and turning the faucet on trampolines everyone in australia has had at least one friend with a shitty rectangular trampoline that has had all the protective foam eaten off by wallabies at some point you will get your entire leg lodged between the springs or have the whole thing crash through your neighbor's house on a windy day a tear kills you snakes thankfully there were no snakes where i lived because i lived in a house if you go outside there a ton of these bad boys just waiting to be stepped on which they typically don't act like they enjoy but suspiciously seem to encourage one of the most common venomous snakes in australia is called the death adder yeah death is literally its first name even if you're like well everything in australia is upside down so maybe it means the opposite well guess what the opposite of death adder is that's right life subtractor you just can't win they're always two steps ahead uh stone fish stonefish are a dumb fish with an even dumber design because even though they hate being poked by children they nevertheless decide to disguise themselves as a rock in shallow coastal areas like bro everyone's going to want to flip you over that's like hating the microwave but you disguise yourself as a cinnamon bun and then hide in the fridge funnel web spiders loves wearing functional boots red back spiders loves comfortable seating and a good postcard a blue ring octopus shoots up to eight electric destructo discs at a time drop bear a carnivorous relative of the koala bear that's often attracted to barbecues and other public cookouts has been known to plummet up to five meters from eucalyptus trees onto passers-by has particularly sensitive hearing and becomes enraged upon hearing non-australian accents or about american tipping culture its favorite food is woolworth's generic sausages placed diagonally on a slice of plain white bread but will also settle for hundreds and thousands on a thick coat of margarine hates vegemite box jellyfish loves the beach but is very predatory and has been known to lure half-naked girls back to their lair by offering them free henna tattoos a lot of people think that you're supposed to treat a jellyfish sting by peeing on the affected area but this doesn't actually do anything and at the end of the day you're just another weird guy at the beach peeing on their daughter's leg ira kanji jellyfish along with being very painful if one of these stings you you can develop such a severe sense of impending doom that people beg their doctor to just end their suffering telstra similar to the ira kanji jellyfish they make you want to kill yourself s tier it kills everyone and also happens to start with s stingrays see i haven't even said anything about them yet and you're already sad esteer for sad the sun as a tasmanian i spent a lot of time looking at the sun growing up and i remember getting more and more freckles every year until i moved to canada and then it just stopped which made me think oh no i was dying the good news is i've heard that girls think freckles are pretty cute and i i'm sure this is because girls love bad boys and when they see a guy who freckles they think damn that guy's tougher than the sun so yeah s tier for sunscreen so seniors are all currently quarantining ourselves and are therefore naturally protected from both girls and the sun and the virus thing the only thing left to worry about is running out of things to watch on the computer and with today's sponsor expressvpn in just one click you can reroute your ip address to over 94 different countries which allows you to continue to binge watch content that might not be available in your region so as a side note expressvpn gave me some suggestions on how you can use the service to watch new content and they were like yeah if you reroute from the us to the uk you can watch rick and morty on netflix and i was thinking yeah i don't watch that then they were like oh well you can watch your name if you prefer that and i was like i don't even watch anime stop suggesting well they also have all the studio ghibli movies and i was like okay yeah i like those ones i'll watch them thank you but no they're honestly so good you need to watch all of them if you haven't um anyway when you connect to a different server expressvpn encrypts all of your data so none of it could be tracked by third parties even by expressvpn themselves this makes it so no one is able to steal your information even over public wi-fi and more importantly your girlfriend won't be able to see all the eucalyptus oil you've been buying for your um skin so if you'd like to find out how you can get three months for free make sure you click the link in the description or head to expressvpn.com forward slash casually explained [Music]

Channel: Casually Explained

Views: 2,649,058

Rating: 4.9757376 out of 5

Keywords: envelope laser rectangle, Casually Explained, stand up comedy, comedy, animation, animated comedy, satire, how to, advice, funny, stand up, comedian, hilarious, humor

Id: VslW0_1w5LQ

Length: 9min 29sec (569 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 25 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/dadrep]

I really enjoyed this one. Nice work son

[u/IM_AN_AUSSIE_AMA]

Bro don't do us like like that with that S Tier...

The moment of confusion

A moment of recognition

A forever of sadness :'(

[u/Bjantastic]

fuck me the life subtrabtor joke is pure gold

[u/still-no-pickles]

dude you don't even need a vpn to watch the ghibli movies, they're already on canadian netflix

[u/aquanutz]

Should have called it "CODE S" ... where you'll eventually meet Mcanning in the grand finals in 2022. Calling it now.

[u/Namnguyendoto]

That death adder line was so good. Thank you jamie

[u/Ashinhoc]

The opposite of Death Adder is Life Subtractor!

[u/Snapyboi2000]

I'm still waiting for the stick figure YouTuber to upload. The other one.