hello welcome to another episode returns desk where the apopka don't think I record all these ones at the same time I do them individually if it just happened II wear the same something haven't the computer on my knee anyway I want to at the moment with Oh Frick I'm fifty please come and see me this week I am in Henley on the 19th great Torrington on the 20th I don't even know where that is and nobody is coming extra on the 21st and then my rescheduled gig in Dartmouth on the 22nd there's a London gig coming up on may the 4th do check that out and hey why not become a bulb stirrer you couldn't change your energy over to a renewable energy company called bulb there they're probably cheaper than your current supplier they're really nice the customer service is really good there's no contract you can leave anytime plus you'll get 50 pounds and I'll get 50 fans if you use this code Boco UK / refers laughs Richard to 3/4 I mean come on that would be lovely wouldn't we get all that free gas and electricity um you know my in my house my boiler is trying to kill me so the more gas we put through that the more likely I am to die if I have died between the recording this in the filming you know still change over for the sake but actually my whole family would have died if I've died so I'll give it a Chris Evans if if I'm we're all dead anyway let's sit back and enjoy a very special change that squid there pop a star need Bucky Brian blessed [Music] ladies and gentlemen I'm just wondering if he's gonna be here but I will say ladies welcome to square theatre please welcome man he's a little boy in all of his dreams have finally come true he's Richard Herring square Theotokos but I was talking to the porn actor Jean Valjean last week it looks very much like Peter Baine him last week's guess I sent a picture of that I talked about this last week train him and I said a picture of Jean Valjean to Peter Baine we went oh my god that's very complimentary there's just something in it there's just something in the cheeki lo keem it gives when he's about to bum a woman it reminds me anyway he's French he isn't the real Jean Valjean it's not his real name anyway I'm gonna do a very quick bit of standards for the show because I think it's gonna take a little time but also my guest wasn't in the wings when I start so I'm just gonna give them some time okay I should say to everyone here in their room Maria Bamford is gonna be the guest next week so please do buy tickets for that it's gonna be awesome the stuff that's happen this week I was I was I was lying in bed after last week's podcast and my wife does the morning laughter usually with the kids and I heard my daughter saying to my wife daddy eats wee wee and poopoo that's what I can't believe she would say that I told you that in confidence that is there very upsetting and she's really going to doing what saying we we poopoo which is great because I spent like eight years of my life to the year between the ages of 28 and 36 and all I said was we we poopoo bottom the whole time so I'm just done really proud my wife thinks I'm encouraging my daughter but I'm not going all don't do that it's very naughty and then we laugh together this week is being recorded just after International Women's Day which went quite well as you know I do track men down on the internet and I won't go into in great detail but I don't remember much about it's a very wearing day from midday for me I just tell him men that there is an international men's day and it's November the 19th my favorite one of the day there was though some American gentleman type twins international men's day and I don't mean in a homo type of way and I replied November the 19th don't alienate the gays or you'll never get your dick sucked so that is that was my favorite of the day any sign okay see ya there way they've gotta come on John it just it's me these days aware that we'll be talking out here they say right so my guest this week he's having a great time the dressing room I think his on his own he's probably he's probably best known as brought in survivors that was a great show will you please welcome it's Brian [Applause] if you wish you can say he ain't even gonna pick I'm not sure you'll need a microphone but we've got one anyway just for the people at home the [ __ ] are you all doing here my own yes I think so I've got one thing to say to you [ __ ] amazed you're all here yeah what the [ __ ] you all doing here well our bar was should be here who speak they've come to see you Brian really I've been trying to get you on his podcast for a very long time it's been very difficult to get you I've had Hollywood superstars I had all sorts of people on there but Brian blessed is the one everyone wants I can stop doing the podcast that's a natural fact I have to say ladies and gentlemen I am huge in tenerife is my daughter out there it's so typical to lie when you know your daughter's out I hate admitting I'm gay anyway 30 hello I'll shank anything that moves anymore I have never [ __ ] in one anything except years ago in Tenerife the BBC firmed up and set aside beam up climbed Everest and for a Mallory's route of Everest dress like this anyway the film came out called Galahad of Everest in 1990 the BBC phoned up and said Brian you've won Best Actor at the tannery Film Festival I said what's obvious ever Galahad if ever assessor but I don't act in it I climb a rocky mountain anyway I went along to Tenerife and and there was there was Kevin over here my Robin Hood Kevin Costner very good not as dumb as he looks yeah Kevin Costner here and Daniel day-lewis for dancers walls laughs in the middle I accepted it and it was they gave it to me I said thank you very much is my best performance ever I mean how the [ __ ] could I lose seven stone which I do in the film by acting I [ __ ] idiot I accepted the award and so and it was a big bone on a piece of rock and I took it home and by [ __ ] Jack Russell 88 ask me any question you like well I have I have one question I ask a lot of yes and I think if this question might may finally be about to pay off have you ever seen a Bigfoot Brian Blessed well I can ask that question yes I'll be very serious now because I won't that consumer this audience I can be wonderfully serious and full of gravich as what was the question have you yet you're a big fella ladies and gentlemen a third of Canada is only been surveyed by helicopter a lot of the lost world in South America is completely unknown it said in Canada it's a Bigfoot sasquatch and then you move across the from Canada into Asia and it's the al-masjid the Russians have records of the Alma's giant seven eight nine feet tall you move across Asia it becomes Z Mehta MA and he becomes a Yeti and then you walk down to Sumatra and it's orang pendeks upright man and there is a BBC camera crew down there at this one they've been there for ten years taking photographs because they are besotted with it but you see I don't need that in the fact that I look in the mirror I [ __ ] adore the way I look I mean people like Branagh and Antony Sher and Derek Jacobi and and Miquelon all of their shite compared to me I have never met a man with such sexual drive and a look in the mirror of such [ __ ] amazing talent I'm [ __ ] unrivaled so I look in the mirror [ __ ] that is a [ __ ] lovely Yeti I love my face I love it that I look like a gorilla and so now to answer your question I have I seen my book but over the years I've worked with gorillas and they love me I wrestled a gorilla in Canterbury many many years ago many many prepare with me I'll be with you in a second a few years ago encounter it I wrestled Gerges he was six foot three a big lovely gorilla after wrestling I was very glad in their last King Kong film but one the blonde girl doing somersaults and King Kong laughing because gorillas love and when I asked a wrestle girge if I used to grab his bollocks what I want to say is I'm fed up with all this sex stuff I I've had females come on at me now these working with female gorillas that I did in Canterbury and chessington at the tribe there's about six of us at with the gorillas because they love me and they're very passive the females but they are dirty [ __ ] they empty your pockets you must empty about going there they empty your pockets and enter your pocket very quick and they're very passive and then gradually their hands start to move to watch your flies and they start to unzip and it's a universal language knock on the nose and then their hands come out again and they start heading for your [ __ ] again and you stop them like that because they are absolutely oversexed now you think it with me only with you or whether but the thing is [ __ ] skull the [ __ ] anyone with a gorilla now the thing is I put an apology in one of my chapters in my book and I apologize to the male gorilla because I mean they're all about thirty-five stow in men's shoulders and huge [ __ ] are that big they're like little lipsticks no mention this the human penis sorry girls it's made music about that long or that though I have known that long and they do get some awesome [ __ ] Jefferson some [ __ ] huge [ __ ] penises so the human male in spite of his great brain is gone I mean he dangles down there they're human beings males they have pretty big dongs so anyway I said no I'll just scratch from there for I don't understand why the gorillas are that big and you can understand why the females adore me and that's my point that's good this answer your question I presume that the male gorillas have a [ __ ] fantastic sperm count I think it's to do with that gorillas are very faithful so the testicle size and penis size is small it's something to do with that was think human beings I did write a book about penises did you yeah I can't quite remember to think that's right I think gorillas are more faithful so their genitals can be smaller it's something like that I think it's about balls rather than penis Iseman [ __ ] doesn't sound like they are but anyway there's certainly the yet he does exist I'm quite there yeah my question is do you went to search you ain't you ain't guys there's another question I asked is have you ever been in a canoe but I've never asked have you been in a canoe that's been paddled by an orangutan actually Guinness in Malaysia are there are those in this canal which is [ __ ] great orangutan [ __ ] loops and rang it's hang down there it was rowing this in this [ __ ] canoe now say it's just the right way and I was in this canoe being canoe bite is that the answer to your question yeah well there's a good answer it's a good answer that question have you have been in a killer bear Jersey [ __ ] as well they'll [ __ ] anything the boat now the orangutan has a reasonable yet they do out pretty good [ __ ] it seems when attaching brows all about animals is your book mainly about the [ __ ] of animals if see there are moment the pad the panther in my kitchen will mention my kitchen yeah why was the Panthers [ __ ] how was the Panthers [ __ ] I'll tell you the sperm-ship blue a blue color yeah but again but to know that they think this person's efficient but ask me another question I will do well someone has answered the Bigfoot question by saying that they've seen your foot and your foots quite a Bigfoot cuz you've got a didn't you do you have an accident with your foot where your foots flat but is that right way to get this information well I don't know she's incredibly embarrassing yes Lucy I think mom's brick stock said he'd seen your foot or he's a total prick that is by the by I'll CH in the basket then what we're talking about I don't know I mean when I was a little boy and I was a lovely boy in Yorkshire son of a coal miner and every week had guns he Flash Gordon in black and white in the cinnamon here by 78 years of age with the dusties which means dairy and of course when I saw Flash Gordon uh I always we then represented the characters and I always became volt on and you know got wings like Voltron I never dreamed the wand I'd actually play Volta every jump of Bridgers you know where the Flying Scotsman were and I jump far too high of a bridge and I had damaged my right foot and it's always been [ __ ] ever since you know but at me but it's a good weapon in judo and and it's got me I'm at Mount Everest but that's why my forties like in it I want to say my Ron Flash Gordon ladies and gentlemen I want to say there in Flash Gordon the adventure cuz I did the film and I think it's a wonderful film because it's comic strip is a wonderful style a lovely caster in it and everything else and there's a marvelous moment where me invade rocket ship Ajax absolutely amazing and it took ages that day to get the dynamite ready for days and get the special effects ready get the dwarfs rate the [ __ ] monsters ready and of course when you see films of Superman there's only two men flying or three men fly in Batman one man two men nothing but in Flash Gordon our film you've got four and a half thousand people flying it's amazing with their wings I mean at the front so it took ages and it really get our wings together I did have a course an extra wing as wire I had an extra wire on my [ __ ] because I mean to hold me up cuz I'm being rather heavy down there I know the [ __ ] lines when I'm flying up there you could end up with a falsetto voice I've got a demon so add an extra one on my bollocks anyway that sequence will be flying down you know everyone's get it then they gave me a bazooka and of course he's made a cardboard you know and this give me the bazooka and flashes alongside me their course the terms I use my RAF squadron when I do my national service and there it is so there's some background action and I wait how well who wants to live forever squadron 40 one for you understand cut cut cut Brian we put in the special effects I have never felt such a canteen or hey good I mean does that answer your question there's a lot there's a lot to get through Brian I want to talk to you about you delivering a baby on the heath somewhere there's no end to my challenge in the nineteen sixties you delivered a baby my lungs fill up with that's when I've got such big lungs they fell for it okay when I lived in Richmond I I went into Richmond Park well our dream Francis Smith in said cars oh I was insect cars between 1962 and 65 I was fancy Smith the tough guy though I mean everyone adored me Jesus I got 28 let her take 28,000 letters a week but an audience of 35 million it's amazing she's as fancy Smith the birds were crazy I love myself and I look in the mirror and I'm [ __ ] love myself in any way I dress as I was in at this time in 1962 63 63 I went in Richmond Park and there was a woman in distress and there raced across no bugger around of course and answer and she was having a baby well of course I'm a war baby myself we were brought up you're probably having you in gold or Yorkshire and we have the doctors cause of any few nurses it wasn't like the midwives and all there and we helped deliver babies there's a little boy you help spread the legs and all this and there so I spread the legs got a pants off got an underwear off and the head was coming out I got it to breathe deeply and I pull out the baby slowly I took my shirt off and put the baby in the shirt and calmed it down and then I bit up the afterbirth off and tied it in a knot and then I pressed her belly to get rid of the clots when you about all these things and then I shouted traffickers the [ __ ] shout could have killed it but eventually got an ambulance and a poor Italian girl and I put in the ambulance and and I delivered the baby and off she went and I've never heard from her since is that true absolutely it is right I don't know why my life is full of all these things but it always seems to happen to me very clever things up you met Pablo Picasso you remember meeting Pablo Picasso it's a long story it's not another story well yeah it's an insane story I'm the son of a coal miner in go for I bought him extra lifting Gil thought profit Avenue Flying Scotsman and all wet and the isles of war baby we had two pilots in in our house two Polish pilots who shot down messersmith's at filling their Airport they went to it was so exciting and when the war ended there was a great celebration it was for a park near Sheffield 350 thousand people and they would Zhukov there the great Russian general and Patton the great American general all got together no more we kind of believe that we got where we are the moment Kenny warmongering going on in the world that's gonna be no more Wars we'd won the war those great celebrations no no more no more no more no more no more they don't singing that it was the park and at the town center they had paul ropes and Paul Robeson was the great black wonderful bass baritone he was in sounds of the river he sang the famous canoe song are you poor are you cool are you good and he helped at the town hall four or five thousand people speechless and he had a great emotional content in the fact that I would feel I try to do it when I was in King Lear he seemed to have him emotions upon emotions upon emotions yeah kind of rasping wonderful boundless kind of wave of waves of emotion when he spoke of my people your people and peace and embraced embrace all the Russians embrace the Americans it was wonderful and then right up there was Picasso you I'd rushed backstage because I got all Paul Robeson's letters records and I went into his little dressing room and there was cuz you know I was always adventurous and now just you know just nine years of age excuse me where the Great Yorkshire at mr. mr. mr. Robeson you didn't sing are still suits me and they said well young man that's that's what you work with my wife do you know a jazz it well yes I do so I sang it with him you does she ever wash the dishes does she do the things that we just do you do them no you won't will you do them no you won't when it's raining who's the fella takes up the whole umbrella and we but no matter what you still suits me say but of course you'd have cost him and he held me Paul ropes other they said Picasso is up there painting and I went up there got in front of everybody and there was Picasso alongside and and he was a talking with the different people like this I said are you Picasso though you Picasso with all the auctions around me yes I am I am a because I you someone like Carmen Miranda if you're Picasso draw me something and he got his pen and he drew a dove of peace in ten seconds I look today and it was shite see this is not a dog this is not a dog it's not a job I'll draw your dog honey any said it is the first time that I have a critic to the child it means nothing I'll draw your door and I drew him a Java well I gave you accepted it and I gave him his back you can see that other piece when you see it now of course to an adult it's a hand like that holding a dove of course it's beatific and I gave it back to her and my you know and it was in the it's in the gallery in Sheffield you can see it the Dove a piece of brine Basset turned out it's valued at 57 million my father wouldn't talk to me for a fortnight any more questions it was a longer story than I think we got plenty of I fancy you myself I'm taken unfortunately now Brian lives I waited a long time for you but over I like this I don't know I haven't seen this through many places but when you were playing fantasy Smith and Zed cars do you do you were in the BBC TV centre and as people of my generation will remember the scat the statue of Helios in the centre that Roy castle tap danced around you you a story yes it's a bit embarrassing I was Spencer Smith we had all that we would the creme de la creme you know I mean I they loved it so much the four boys in the car may inspector and the sergeant's I mean we're just massive we could do anything it was wonderful there's any BBC one and ITV that's what they were the time so I couldn't walk any I was bigger than the beat closure but I was his and everybody wants to be in said cars I mean you know from Lance Olivia to James Mason Kenneth more vitro tool and all and they all wanted to be in said cars and wendy hiller I did a two-hander with her virtuous in said Klaus absolutely very Marvis but anyway we'd played cricket with the director-general upstairs on the fourth floor as you see now and in the middle was heavy us this great can a poll kind of Cenotaph thing and at the top was Helius all naked and bronzed lovely and so forth very very high indeed above above a fountain and I'm in bed said the director-general and you well till all of them you Carlton green said Brian you're a mountaineer you climb mountains you you've climbed the Matterhorn and I'm Bob blah we want you to climb Helius and this is 12 o'clock at night they're all pissed direction I went then they turn the fountain off and I've got on a shim it up shim it up Mishima now I got to the top and then you well done shouted well dad well done blessed now take it out and I took out this wrench let this condom and I blew it up into a balloon with the end where the sperm goes in as you know I tied it onto the [ __ ] of Helius everywhere god bless and said the director-general well done now I hope people look at the bloody thing the she's very proud of it that I came down they turned the [ __ ] fountain I'll [ __ ] drench me you couldn't do that today or could all the yuppies he live there would be furious I met you once before Brian and in the 1990s I'd say at a party I might be early two-thousands and you told me you were training to go to Mars not for a TV show that you were going to go to Mars have you been to Mars yet I have the piston Adam said no I'm going to mom my last question I work I won't shirk it I [Laughter] was a funny years ago Kenneth Branagh and I I don't know man the actress we have a father/son relationship Kenan are you in the audience can wear bollocks it doesn't matter anything we have we have a father-son relationship I'm the Sonny's the father is a know he's an old come to compare to me and so I listen to all his ambitions and he sits in my heart and it looks at me and I think I'm the only person who completely surprised and shocked him all that and then when he's finished talking and says what you're doing next so well I'm going to Mars yes it's it's a little red dot in the sky I said but now I'm going to assimilate you see my biggest love in life a space I as you're sitting here now people say well you'd never get me Brian going into space it'd never get me in a rocket ship but you've got no choice you're traveling at 57,000 miles per second as you sit here and so as a solar system and so it's a Milky Way so every time you wake up you're in ered a different part of the universe your space travelers and we're young we are the children of Stardust yearning for the stars it's in us but we're only beginning there's so much out there it's amazing that you can get your laptops and press them and then you can see all the continents on Titan and you can see and and all the other moons on Titan you know it was astonishing that that we can now see all these continents on these moons and on these planets there are mountains on Mars four times higher than Mount Everest Olympus Mons the size of Spain I want to go there I want to climb it I want to be there at the age of six house told by our infant teacher mrs. gamma so that there were other worlds besides ours I thought they were painted the Stars no no no no no they're real and Mars Mars I painted Mars when I was six years of age all red I wanted to go there so I saw things like Flash Gordon and high school things like angry red planet you know the man from Planet X journey into space yearned and yearned and yearned and I said NASA and the interplanetary Society the other day I was heartbroken at seven because I couldn't go there and I'm still heartbroken get off your [ __ ] arses [Laughter] a little shop right but they long because of my passion because of my love cuz I mean I meant gone back the head the head of NASA and he sounds like Kermit you know he's one of the great brains in the world of brightest one of the balls is wonderful it's wonderful you can just grab the surface bright it's all his whoops that is one of the greatest [ __ ] brains in the [ __ ] world and Zubrin who's doing Mars direct he's building sheds and things on Devon island in the Arctic and and training people for Mars and I'm part of the Martian program I inspire them I I wore Martian prototype suits 27 million quid each so I said to Ken I'm gonna get four five mountaineers the best in the world I'm gonna get NASA on board I'm gonna get the Russians on board a Chinese on board Mac apologists geologists the lot and we'll go we'll film in Russia will train in Russia I'll be trained completely as a cosmonaut total training and I'll do the same I said and we'll go to Reunion islands in the Pacific we did massive tens helicopters I just I ran my own scripts what I want to do I don't want to be restricted let me got there and the suits that are made are being made by the man who designed predator Kevin hall who is the predator 7-foot for and he was there was lovely and they fit really suits up I'm wearing Martian prototype suits and trainings where this this volcano ISM or on Reunion Island it's called Terra that you're up salat and then it's a plate volcano like you'll find on Mars and we trained on there and I was with Katherine desta veil of the great woman climber who climbs in France you know Yosemite alone without a rope she's climbing with me and she's with me are we gooo you know I know with all these microbiology some biologists and I'm with and then I am and you wear these suits and they have their very tight almost rightousness and the like veins they have inside and that through knavish it is you have to pee it takes it out of your body it's amazing so I'm trading with them all and then one day I said when we climbed a few cliffs I send they're said to go um Beck I said gone back I said we're running out of oxygen or the auction cylinders of that [ __ ] and they're going there and became there again there they have very refined so I said they're emptying well Brian I said where's the oxygen really not helmets and all that about 15 of us but he says there's a use your compass Brian if they can't use a compass you're a mountaineer been to Everest and all this and you can't use a compass I said no no I said but you have to understand of course I can't use a compass there are no magnetic fields on Mars I'm galumbeck and Zubrin and the whole of NASA said god [ __ ] damnit we're gonna [ __ ] die you have the best [ __ ] brains without masa here and we got these come telling us there is no magnetic Elam [ __ ] bars oh why didn't some [ __ ] think about me I point out simple things to them my relationship with NASA is wonderful they're lovely wonderful people she [ __ ] I shake in the 50s in the 50s and 60s we had blue Street Black Knight and black arrow it was a letter I'm not criticizing the Labor Party it just happen to be a Labour Party or canceled it all we were training at the warmer rocket range in the 1950s we led that we would we would have had a Verner von braun we'd have been on Mars we cancelled it at the European rocket Ariadne that's Blue Streak ah ah look here youngsters I can see what they're of all ages you know my religion is is young people and we have brilliant young scientists all over the country and they're out to [ __ ] work I used to talk to Pillinger before he died about this you know and it is tragic but at last I am working in Abingdon with Skylon developing space planes with the Moon and Mars and they're coming back we're coming back and I'm part of that program and it's incredibly exciting and so we're gonna get out there I know think I want to say is I love undersink there's something that makes me [ __ ] angry and that's all this middle-age crap I'm sick of age I'm sick of all this age thing I mean 40 it's very young it's not middle-aged I think middle aged between 55 and 65 but it's not how old you are it's how you are old I mean Christ when nothing now where the pills are gonna get of the vitamins are gonna get we can go on and on and on I also when I'm on Everest and all these other mountains and things and dangerous things I've done I do not believe in death death right up your ass as the great poet John Donne said death thou shalt die you've always been alive darling a young woman young a young man young woman young I mean say you've been alive 25 years whatever your age is you know you've been alive 25 years but when were you dead you've never been dead you've always been alive we have derived at what you are now in 25 years it's taking eons exploration I find now in astronomy mountaineering all the other sciences say is that exploration is not a discovery so Britain's talking about at the moment its enemy a treatise on it it is a remembrance a discovery is limited but remembering as TS Eliot says we shall not cease from exploration at the end of our exploring will be to arrive at the place where we started and know it for the first time so it's all there is out there and we're gonna make it I'll stop for them out [Applause] we go I'll ask you this question then have you ever seen a ghost friendless I've had strange experiences in this rediscover we do I stand in my varied and wonderful life and I've always been very modest I've met remarkable you know I've always been helped I've said for a son of a coal miner in a c-class secondary school Patrick Stewart and I Patrick short of jean-luc Picard Star Trek he it was bald when he was 12 yo buddy Patrick you'll be all right you'll be all right then I realised that whole family were [ __ ] balls but Patrick would follow me everywhere I've always two or three years older than Patrick and I took him everywhere we went on drama courses we went here there and everywhere but he was the son of a milkman and I was a son of a coal Heuer the hardest work in a coal mine 18 tonnes and the weekend my dad who was heroic to me a play for Yorkshire opening fast bowler amazing it's absolutely kind of adorable but anyway we're gonna say uh I've waylaid myself Patrick I mean anything we had nothing we had no qualifications and Patrick and I loved the amateur theater in Rouen we went on summer drama courses in Yorkshire in the colder Valley magical Valley magical place magical professional teachers we'd ever trim to be in professional teachers 3 11 and 12 and 13 years of age and we come back from that and then our teachers you see we all need help it is so much on your own you can do so much but then you need teachers you need people to help you people have taste and knowledge we all need help but a team and Patrick and I remember we went we went to Sheffield to Lyceum and we'd heard we never seen a professional actor and we had heard of Donald wolf Regina I don't a body house off you who is Donald Wolford wolf that was my physique he was kind of broader than he was long and he was the greatest King Lear of all time because I played Lear recently and he was a great King Lear and Harold Pinter said I you know it took up acting I took up writing in everything because he saw Wolford as King Lear and we got there we saw Patrick and I saw his King Lear which you know mesmerized me what he did of course she's a tremendous big head and that we kid II don't have it done [ __ ] and Yago and hello and Richard the third which of the second you name it he done it I was holding on to the curtain in front of Patrick and I are we a mesmerized and he said thank you very much ladies and gentlemen next week I shall be presenting my Hamlet and my good wife will be playing a failure and a man from the back said your wife's a bloody [ __ ] Wolfert replied nevertheless you couldn't pace wolfish now I'll give you one more story about all this I have always take the piss out of great actors I love as a National Theatre which is a bit like [ __ ] cold hits they couldn't persuade me to stay there and I've playing dworkin stage of revolution and I was a little turn walking up and down the corridors with fifty kind of Russian sailors actors playing the part and next door were the Olivia it was said John Gielgud now all you also don't know you've heard about Wolford and Gilbert a lovely voice marvellous lovely voice the great Sir John Oh Sir John giveth and he was on a little journey in Volpone and got feathers on his head look very lovely and used to pass me in the corner and I used to grab his ass [Laughter] so Peter all set remember Ron you know we all love your brand we do love you but you're terrifying such Arden it says you bruised his buttocks so I left I took a rest I didn't book it came into his dressing room one night in any of that was covered and I was inside it [Laughter] in central people later on it set some Michael Browns whenever you know that Brian Blessed he's a terrible man but he's a lovely bit of rough I'll do one more theatrical story of a triangle at the Royal Shakespeare Company there was a director there called Robert Atkins all actors when they feign Victorian acting to Robert Atkins a little bit about all the robbers you really called huh me again and he began Regents Park and he was ten years as Rorschach's make how many putting on Marvel's productions Robert Atkins in my physique again and anyway the bastards cuz they have [ __ ] shits at times imagine they they said to have you there you'll do very well here but we want some new blood in some new minds and therefore we have to give you our notice in three weeks time Charlie sharp whole thing's well-known it's just sit on the last night we'd lovely to make a speech if that's all right at the time after mentioned that the Royal Shakespeare Company was sponsored by flowers ale so would you make a speech of the last note oh because speech on because speech on the co speech another last night the curtain came down and then it went up and he stepped forward and said I've only got one thing to say flowers ale is peace and that was it curtain speech at the time and I have to say that when I went to the medical happened for Patrick and me we were in the amateur theater I drew my national service and then Patrick and I applied for a scholarship we we could only fill in the date and our signatures do we have no we had no qualifications no you know no certificates at all of qualification educational certificates nothing and they they said don't buy labs you both connect they're giving you a scholarship because this working-class boys it's a miracle and we're going to go to the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School because we wanted to go there because we knew the teachers there and so you had you had the risk for Vic Theatre School you have a downs that suspension bridge you had the university for the academic side and the Bristol that company with people like Peter O'Toole and and Schofield appearing in the company I arrived there oh so excited and you weren't allowed to mix with the Bristol Old Vic Theatre Company they were brilliant O'Toole's Hamlet was his best performance ever black hair black beard he had then big nose oh he did all kinds of things he'd jump off the stage and sit with the audience and said are you enjoying it this next bits lovely if he was so wonderful outrageous we could mix I run at the University outdoing house regrets being playing an old Admiral and when it was finished Pete Rose will rush backstage and he'll I said yes Brian isn't that as Brian Blessed yes I'm Peter I'm Peter oh joy I've watched you you know you always start from strength I start from fragility but tonight you were fragile it was wonderful absolutely wonderful national service at JJ's parachute regiment how are the Navy the parents are bastards when Lassiter we weren't I don't like parachute yes our shorter schoolboy boxing champion either almost persuaded me to be trained to be a British light heavyweight maybe a George it now well what do you want what you want her to it's all so became contentious and all the time we competed and one time Peter and I we ran all the way from Lee woods across the suspension bridge into Clifton at 3 o'clock in the morning and there were two professors professor Joseph's and professor Murray and they'd been to see Sir John Gielgud in the seven ages of man and they were crying their eyes out oh he was wonderful yes such a phenomenal grasp of the verse your two boys you must go and see you must go and see him and that crying their eyes that and then they walked away I know two looked at me and said it's it's amazing isn't it I mean they're so enamored with Sir John Gielgud they fail to realize that you and I are both bollock naked [Laughter] what was the question you can answer I must say just something for a second just for a second and you're being very understanding very enjoy I won't to say this or know that of course 50% of my life is exploration for 2% acting and so forth aren't you richard briers said to me Bryan Bryan you never praise actors you praise explorers our Mallory and and Scott and Shackleton but you never you never say these days a good word about us so I'd let us say categorically now as but as he can hear me Richard that I think that acting bear with me on this is the hardest of all arts I say this because I've been trained operatic Lee and you can say if you're singing I've got a bit of a bad throat a bit stiff in Bali you can say well but of a ligament problem a bit stiff tonight but in acting your body your face your eyes your nose your voice your imagination your heart or soul 90% of the time is shot down and you've got to have the courage to continue and that is immense courage that you have to apply but as Hamlet says acting is holding up the mirror up to nature up to life but of course climbing Mount Everest is life and I found that is a big difference but I love both leaning on to Everest just for a short bit I went there three times broke all kinds of records we make gal head of Everest one that love the award I told you about are we I mean they're three times Brooke all the world records old age at twenty eight thousand six hundred feet without oxygen as there is no end to my talents and so I fulfill those wonderful dreams me to the North Pole beam to the lost world a being with in Mongolia climbed a mountain there with a wolf the steppe walls so they don't they're wolves so they don't have dogs yes she's [ __ ] troll where the [ __ ] was I definitely yes and you said they know about us anyway I was on not the nine o'clock news and I thought because actors love actors have got to be actors you know when I'm Galahad of Everest sir suddenly was on a camera and I to be me I couldn't act and I got to like me I got to love me you know so I got to know who I really was and when it comes to climbing mountains everybody wants to know about toilets and I was on the program with the Queen site as well she was she washed it after the watershed whatever it is and so forth and we were on the southern side of Everest we're pretty rough time in the monsoon conditions and we got up to 26,000 feet now at that from you have a change at 5,000 V to change it to any change of 15 the height I'm on block at 22,000 feet you have 14 days to live and you die dive like over atmospheric pressure gamma rays cosmic rays at 25,000 feet you've got four days to live and you drive with the same reason the lack of atmospheric pressure etc and 28,000 feet you've got one day we only 26,000 feet that's me David em woman Adams Graham Highland and dodgy and four of us on the load CFS there's loads I'm their severest their joined and it's a four-mile drop change the pieces if you fall down there 387 dead bodies down then change pieces and four of us in the two-man tent and I'm the only [ __ ] brains working because it doesn't bother my brain you can see I'm saying can't you a general it doesn't bother my brain I'm wearing the [ __ ] tent and suddenly Empire and there's storm going on we're gonna go for the summit in two hours time as a storm going on and suddenly a compliment Adam because you'll see you talk to Bonnington and all these people and they're asked about toilets on Everest and they say well we had a good but we had our private Danny we behaved very well we took our paper and things like absolute Barnes Mountain Lee has a dirty filthy bastards there's an L say Mountaineers have 30 ears and pee through leather britches they wipe their ass on broken glass those Hardy sons of [ __ ] they're dirty [ __ ] I have to say if you do go to Everest always make sure you camp above the French turns into a club mark ll pull your pants on your dirty [ __ ] anyway at 26,000 feet there we are uncertain hemmelre Adam says I'll go to have a [ __ ] as you can't have a [ __ ] you can't have a [ __ ] [ __ ] you can't move none of you come with you listen to me and the wind's blowing I've got two carabiners holding the bloody tenter of four of us in the two-man tentacle I said [ __ ] yourself just [ __ ] yourself it will be sawdust in about two hours time because he does it out assured your [ __ ] goes to powder oh my god I'm a gentleman of all Christ doshi get out of him we've got his body across unzip snow coming in it's a rope out their time off time off tile think of your mother think of your children think of your wife you can't [Laughter] goes out there as a [ __ ] eventually it comes back we unzip the snow pouring you how come he's easy easy easy easy we get him in the corner so I said well look women a mouse hell of a brewer we're gonna go for the summit in two hours time and then after a while Graham Harlan said there's a terrible smell of [ __ ] and I turned round and there was a turd on a permit Adams shoulder [Laughter] what it Ham was it had a Shh and the Turner gone up in the air and there was a lull in the wind and it landed on his show and that is a glamour of Mount Everest [Applause] so what was written so so you haven't seen a ghost [Laughter] [Applause] oh ma am I being [ __ ] upstaged you give me a bit I'll just quickly see the ghost when I train with its wonderful teachers in Highland and the Yorkshire vales no I did because that wasn't talked about no [ __ ] lúcia mentor I've seen you in the same things as me you've got your book outs which we must mention again bribe bless the Panther in my kitchen fantastic it is the slots of you used to work the plaster is that right we can or each other plaster they are very supple wrists I can mix that way mix that way so when I was in the three musketeers because I believe all actors should wear defense well I did a sword and saber in the RAF and at drama school and won the gross to foil championship so I've always fans study the three musketeers house Porthos after fancy Smith was a big change being flamboyant as Porthos very very flamboyant with a moustache Jeremy Brett was a wonderful d'Artagnan and so the BBC looked after me I said we need help they put me in the three musketeers if I mean I Claudius and and all that kind of things are the first things I remember one of the first problems I remember really getting into as a kid and your Caesar Augustus in there yes you are it has to be said Bryan a fantastic actor I do want to say that before we end we're absolutely [Applause] they were very kind they of course when we done five episodes suddenly her be wise I I've been in Towson said cars we had we had the best writers we had all the best writers in it and as I said everybody wanted to be in it and the greatest director was Herbert wise oh did director I Claudius the Herbie wise was terrified a small man but Strafford Jones was our inspector and quite a big star and so forth in rehearsals one day and he was a minute late and we could dictate anything we're so popular why not with Herbie wives and her we just looked at his watch and said you are one minute late do you hear what I just said welcoming to a publicity said Stratford they don't ever ever ever come to my rehearsals late and he should scare the [ __ ] travelers took some doing anyway I have found times and you may find it too when I've wanted to say bollocks to everything and go for a walk a walk about that I need to be on my own but any I love silence I'd love to marry change and I'd love silencer to be on my own and we're rehearsing with Herbie I got a big that episode I had a huge part is fancy Smith and I didn't turn up I wasn't a minute late I didn't turn up and Herbie went ballistic is this heaven [ __ ] him that bigoted can't that [ __ ] should I get in sanctum sanctum sanctity I give me the director channel give me no one relevant give me the head of programs I'll get that [ __ ] shot I'll skip the bastard and they said please his fences Smith I don't think I will he will never ever play fancy Smith again it's out I don't like his caring he's too strong it don't stand me and they said well when Brian comes in we do promise you won't say a word what I'll skin him anyway after about seven hours I came in and there was Herbie and I just shouted my dad is in shock he's in leasing firmware through [ __ ] shop I'll be too lazy for me Tom Catherine furball they're both [ __ ] die you look cry my eyes out and Herbie Wiseman the Franklin's I said to him we told you you want me to say anything right let's start rehearsals I'm so sorry Brian anyway they said to me that because I'll use the Chairman's ah they said to me months later they were doing I Claudius with all the creme de la creme and this my agent said Herbie wives want you to play augustus caesar was happy wise he hates me he can't stand me anyway he wants to see her and so anyway I say it should be Paul Scofield it should be Alec Guinness not me and I went too long and he cast me didn't say anything he had cast me as gospel Caesar there was a big press meeting John Hurt Jacobi mean Baker Shawn Phillips Patrick's Church everybody was there and the press said wonderful casting but we can't understand why have you cast Brian Blessed as Augustus Caesar and he said because no one can shoot [ __ ] like he can and that's exactly of course what Augustus does he talks shite like most of our politicians talk shy and he gets you everything's a nursery aren't you looking lovely today oh yeah are you leaving us today are you going to the poor to go to Greece oh I'll help you on your way and have your [ __ ] throats slit on the Euro sir this can work it was as I'm picking on you you're the [ __ ] and say it was very mafia and so you know it's extraordinary but Herbie eventually said to me one day he said and they're all sad because having a wonderful time I'm making a really laugh as Augustus you're gonna die in this one we're all dreading it Brian kosher now 85-86 and you're dying on I want to see Rome die on your face Shawna's ten pages of dialogue but I'm not going to see her it's just the cameras gonna be on your face and you start dead you die as a cameras on your face and I want it on your face for high five and a half minutes I said happy can't be done it can't be done if you see people in films when they're dying you count least three seconds seven seconds freeze-frame we're not having a curtain blowing behind you so he's no cheat five and a half minutes just say action I won't run for five minutes and it got headlines in the papers because of course in the end there there's no one quite like me very true very true I think it's everything I ever dreamt that this would break and there was so much more to talk to you about but what we have what is it it wants you to keep going keep going I'll tell you what of course I'll tell you I'll tell you what holy it's all right I understand that he has got to get through other people in this and we're gonna say is damn I was going to say that bran is always fascinating because I I fear nothing I don't fear death because death doesn't exist [ __ ] off I fear nothing I've got mountains and I got this no goddamn volcanoes I have no fear whatsoever when we made Galahad of Everest everybody was in the film Mountaineers are the best order the Dalai Lama was in it all these kind of wonderful people in it as I followed him out his footsteps but the BBC said well everybody said it buying telling everybody that all thrilled to bits is gonna win everything which he did but we want you to meet RINO Messner and I wasn't scared I felt shy I said it climbed the eiger north wall if he quarters of an hour I mean he ran all the way back to the South Pole Scott's expedition there and back is a [ __ ] holiday is the first man to climb all 14 eight-thousanders acclaims climbs over 26,000 feet without oxygen the climbing world bowed to methods in a castle didn't meet anybody Christ I'm a greenhorn I mean this is not the ideal figure for going up mountains you know I mean so yeah it was mr. Brian the approach Messner with what they explained that said an actor I don't want to meet an actor so well he's he's a servant of the whole project you know it's not about egos he's telling the story of being a servant one minute I'll give him one minute I'll [ __ ] so he went to his car see as a castle and there was a castle at the Middle East here all over his garden and I was really [ __ ] embarrassed you know an event a thing thank God he wasn't there and then suddenly a car a car came up and this car came up and this man got out of it in ringlets it just come from the South Pole and we put drums on it voom voom voom voom voom voom and it's Messner and I shouted rivals here and he turned around he looked at me he strode across it took me by the shoulders it looked into my face and said you can stay all day your ass [ __ ] mad as I am [Applause] now I'm just gonna say now to bring it to a conclusion I'm gonna miss you all and eventually it's happened again a few years ago would I be Pavarotti yes Brian was not frightened of anything and and so Ken Brown is a [ __ ] scared I'm not [ __ ] scared I said but we're not in kaskus I was in tears well we're now sing cats I met preceeded Domingo and and Carreras and I said you call him maestro and you kneel to him and you bow to Pavarotti he said yes I do I do because I my voice has a lot of fruit in it I have difficulty with certain projections Carreras here has a cloudy voice but Luciano he is the maestro his voice is perfect it has great clarity and gold that's why again anybody they offered not for me for charity a hundred thousand hundred fifty thousand two hundred thousand two hundred fifty thousand three hundred fifty thousand quid you know for born free and other charities for animals in this cell yeah so I said yes [ __ ] anyway on that night I stepped through the mist and the makeup was wonderful I mean the black on my hair and padding and I step four and I look through the mists of her [ __ ] hair Pavarotti's here and then I'm oh Christ it's me and the audience cheered and cheered and cheered and then they stopped and he thought well it looks like Pavarotti but he'll never sound like him I would need a piano and I've been shouting a bit you're trying to frontiers he was holy Oh Oh [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] I wasn't that good come on they very much there's a little then we're doing a podcast with someone else see the second [Music] has like them sky potato [Applause]
Ruhullusterper!
Great podcast! Good interview?
When I went travelling this podcast was a saviour for those long bus journeys. Such a fantastic back-catalogue: on top of those mentioned below the Stephen Merchant one is cring-inducing, Armando Iannucci, Adam Buxton, Graham Linehan and Tony Law episodes are all worth a go. Well worth supporting too by buying a badge/donating.
The entire back catalogue is worth a listen.
Possibly the best British podcast I've heard.
I need to find a way to get Brian Blessed to adopt me. Imagine him being your dad.
I love rhlstp (rhlstp) but couldn’t finish this. Brian Blessed seems like an absolute bell end. He comes across as really rude and exaggerates all of his unfunny and self indulgent anecdotes.
I just watched both of the Limmy podcasts (first one) and they are hilarious. Even though nothing that Limmy says is actually humorous, he's just naturally funny and brilliant.