Breaking Into People's Homes To "Shop"

he's a little bit too busy tweeting about how there's a strange man cradling a bottle of balsamic vinegar and staring at his balls did a wolf just walk into the convenience store okay screw my joke i really don't want to get attacked right now don't suppose you have anything to say about that do ya [Music] what's up guys welcome to a house of thieves a game where i finally realized that shopping is way too much of a pain in the ass you gotta work from nine to five to earn a little bit of money and then you gotta go to a whole bunch of different stores and deal with people so i'm just gonna try letting other people do the shopping then i'll break into their homes and take whatever i want the only real downside that i can see to this plan is that you kind of gotta go in the middle of the night which is inconvenient i don't really wanna serve jail time for mouthwash and game controller among other things so we need to pick out a house where it looks like the lights are off and hopefully we don't have any witnesses doing jumping jacks on their front lawn at two in the morning to be fair his testimony isn't gonna hold up like what kind of kangaroo court would believe him jumpy joe down the road is definitely not the one that i need to worry about making noise like should i be concerned with the fact that this guy seems to have a guard bird i've never dealt with a guard bird before probably because they do a [ __ ] job at defending people's property you do not care that i'm here in the oh there are lights on inside uh okay well how about we just ring the doorbell you know like i don't need to approach as a thief i don't need to break in right away and steal stuff instead we can ring the bell and if somebody is home and answers the door then uh hello sir would you be interested in joining the late night calisthenics i'm sorry did he just answer the door and kiss me on the mouth i mean there's definitely one way of getting rid of solicitors usually when you spot a thief on your property you call the police or if you spot a jehovah's witness then you tell them to eat [ __ ] but you don't slip them the tongue it's making me think i may have chosen a bit of a strange house but we're committed now i suppose i apparently found a clue which is ironic because i still have no clue what's happening here kissing dudes and then slipping in their back door not what i signed up for today that being said i will try my best to avoid the argyle smoocher in the night maybe we could just go over here that sounds a whole lot safer oh come on how can you afford a guard bird but not a doorstop that's not on me ah damn it now he's panicking he heard the window break and heard me blame him from across the house oh that's gonna make things a whole lot more complicated now isn't it i don't even know what i'm looking for right now oh he's got bear traps what the hell oh no no no you you don't want to deal with me you don't okay i swear to god if this window explodes again are you kidding me every single time it's like the dude has never opened the door to his bedroom before which come to think of it actually does make sense considering he just roams the halls of his house all night looking for men's faces to suck i don't think he's onto me i'm just gonna close the door and buy my own business mouthwash game controller diamonds yada yada yada yada yada okay i know what some of you guys are probably thinking why don't you just steal his computer isn't that going to be a whole lot more valuable than mouthwash and i'll ask you if you're going out on a hot date and you've eaten a whole bunch of garlic which of the two would you want the most i'm not here for the profit i'm here for the essentials we're just gonna have to uh blind you and be on our way i think most of what i'm looking for is probably in the kitchen you can't uh follow oh you can't follow me all right i guess we're gonna be ringing around the rosie until i lose your dumb ass oh don't mind me i'm just getting ready to steal your game controller but not your console for reasons i don't know okay he didn't appreciate that i'm never gonna finish my shopping list we absolutely can't afford to be seen otherwise this is gonna take all night so you go down around that corner mr shorts and then i'm gonna open the danger door but then close it before it smashes your window unbelievable actually i'm gonna turn on the lights because i think my flashlight may notify him that i'm here but his lights don't and we need pizza slice american football toothpaste bread wrench donut gold chow cheese on a plate bottled smoothie so things change ever so slightly but not all that much oh okay we got the football we got the gold chalice you see as soon as you don't get seen then everything starts coming up milhouse anything over here pizza slice was that on the list okay donut maybe on the list i'll take it you know what i'm not going to ask why the smoochy man keeps a ballpark frank in his sock drawer because i'd rather not know to be perfectly honest is he nearby i wonder no okay uh toothpaste we do needs great not gonna take a dump this time i think he's coming from behind me okay i need i need to go this way close that there anything over here another great computer that i'm not gonna steal red wrench bottled smoothie cheese on a plate we need to go to the kitchen i would imagine that we would have cheese on a plate okay uh bread bread hello bread oh wait on bread yeah because we don't want the loaf we clearly just want the slice that's been bitten off wrench bottled smoothie okay no no no uh where do you keep your bottled smoothies i would imagine wrench would be in the garage like over here-ish oh wait this is the bottled smoothie okay wrench wrench wrench that's it we have the list we made it out only two minutes and i got spotted so he's gonna be a little panicked but in all reality he's the predator in this situation oh great the convenience store also has a guard birds i mean i really shouldn't be surprised considering i've blown this place up in fireworks mania and kill it with fire at least half a dozen other games i want to say i'm honestly amazed i'm still welcomed here now take the item and leave the shop without being noticed oh i see so i need to wait for you to fiddle around on your not-so-little phone and then grab myself a floppy disk probably not wrench tool hot dog or full alcohol bottle don't suppose you carry full alcohol bottles do you the amount you're swaying i'd imagine you used to have a half full one i'm just now realizing nothing in this store has a label so there's no way of telling if this is a bottle of malt liquor or olive oil i don't suppose you'd actually be willing to tell me would you that's five bucks you want to pay cash or cart yeah i guess the price would be important for a customer too but everything is going to be free around here i just want to know if i'm about to take a swig and it's going to taste like gasoline or an italian armpit he's a little bit too busy tweeting about how there's a strange man cradling a bottle of balsamic vinegar and staring at his balls did a wolf just walk into the convenience store okay screw my joke i really don't want to get attacked right now don't suppose you have anything to say about that do ya that's a hefty upgrade from the guard bird i'll tell you that much should i risk stealing this i feel like it's a bad idea i'm going for it anyway am i okay am i dog foods no i'm fine we're in the clear i got full alcohol bottle didn't i oh i need to throw it in the truck all right for a second there i thought i needed to get a paper bag so that i could drink it in the street but we'll just do a little something like that and there you go one down three to go we need a hot dog wrench tool and floppy disk why would you get a floppy disk out here i'm telling you guys old habits die hard like every time i've ever been to this place i've transformed it into a crater using half a dozen different creative ways so now as soon as i see the pumps i'm just searching for a lighter or matches or something like that we actually need to go to bob's hardware i'm surprised they're open again and bob even seems to be working hey bob i don't suppose you carry a wrench tool do you you've ever heard of wrench tool cause a distraction that should be easy enough the neighborhood's full of wolves for my shopping list i need to find a floppy disk with an s but for my distraction i could use a floppy dick sunglasses and a tie i don't suppose you'd like to go stumble around bob's hardware for me would you or are you just gonna keep having the paper bag treatment in the parking lot i don't think i can convince him to help me out what am i gonna do to get bob moving it will be a distraction around here oh hold on maybe i can uh pull a bit of a hitman a little something like huh that oh okay that was distracting that actually worked hey there we go don't mind if i do why didn't i take it i need to walk out with it okay hold on we gotta sneak past him i'm just gonna hide back here until he slowly meanders back to the cash in the clear i don't wanna get caught the last thing i want is for them to call the security wolves and into the back of the truck beautiful now wrench tool hot dog you would think that they would have hot dogs in there that might be what's attracting the wolves no you know what it's time that i become the canadian that i am i can't fear the wilderness i've brought you a peace offering you majestic creature of the wild i say as he moses out of the convenience store it's a molson xxx it's the finest beer of my people here take it i'm gonna assume that means that the peace offering was accepted and that you now won't eat my ass are we cool i'm just gonna go in and get a hot dog now don't mind me i can't believe i'm stealing a hot dog aren't they like a dollar it's completely ridiculous there we go and you're not paying attention dude is doing a great job today i wonder what would happen if i got caught probably nothing good right should i find out i don't really want to know i'm still hung up on finding a way to blow this place up like you'd think they would have a lighter or matches or something stashed around here also it's a little weird that i showed up with a semi truck to steal this pockets probably would have done sufficiently but uh who can really complain i may need an escape vehicle who knows oh oh here we go really just kind of sitting here you don't mind if i steal your tools all right then i'll toss you in there and we should be good i think i broke reality there for a second that took me almost 20 minutes in all reality it should have taken like two but i just love [ __ ] around so we're back in a residential neighborhood we've got another house to shop around in like i know i said that the semi truck was kind of overkill but at the same time i think a little red wagon might not quite be enough like if i'm gonna be robbing this place of a car oh never mind yeah that's probably going to be irrelevant it's nine o'clock at night and pissing rain out what are you doing where are your sleeves so i'm tired of robbing places with rented u-hauls and children's toys therefore i need a car we need to get a key to start the car we need to get a key to open the garage door let's take a look around the house first i want to make sure that i get invited to the world's saddest birthday party what is wrong with the neighbors well i've taken a quick peek into all their windows and i think it's safe to say that this is a bit of a paris hilton house the lights are on but no one's home so i should be able to safely shimmy up this ladder real quick okay little too quick and my initial judgment may have been off by a little bit but we've got a key that's good oh that's bad okay um you know what maybe one of two keys is good enough for now i was spotting crap crap crap no i'm hiding you can't see me if i'm hiding right are we good did that actually work here we're moving around anymore good great okay so i think the garage is out here yep there we go oh yeah that is definitely a car that i could see myself robbing a house in the only problem now is we need a key to start that car and i would imagine it's probably upstairs or tits oh super tits can i just like hide here nope sure can't and i can't jump over the car another day another man's lips let's try that again shall we the key is still right there so i'm just gonna go ahead and grab it and then maybe there's oh my god the other keys right there but i can't oh i can't take it i can take it wonderful i got everything this could be a speed run right now we're good to go i can't believe i was lucky enough to find them both get me out of here throw it throw it throw it i'm in the car wait escape the police what i'm driving okay uh oh no no no no don't you dare run oh come on i just bought this thing jumping jack neighbor help me i did not see this coming this thing steers like a tank why does it look like a ferrari will you please stop running into me you're gonna make me drive over a pedestrian how do i escape the police what's the plan here do i just go real fast maybe i do run over a pedestrian that'll be a decent ah okay no i'm just gonna wrap it around a pole stop please for the love of god stop did i get caught i got caught damn it here's what i'm thinking just pedal to the metal we go as fast as we can and we cause some distractions to make him call an ambulance but for me because i'm in the ocean this police officer is so far up my ass that i can taste him i don't know how to escape like is there a way out of town or am i just supposed to like take these turns like a normal human being he's gonna pit me he's gonna pit maneuver it precision immobilization technique i've watched cops i know exactly how to get out of this kind of situation or not oh crap okay i guess we'll go this way where am i going i'm just gonna like roam around the neighborhood until i figure something out oh oh i am just supposed to roam around the neighborhood until i figure something out that works what is he only paid by the minute he just gave up even after all that i'm still gonna go with the semi truck like i'm sure i'd be able to fit a bottled smoothie sliced cake gaming console donuts football i could fit all of this junk inside of my car that's what it is right i need to avoid this guy's guard bird and steal his junk actually i'm gonna see once again if somebody's home i feel like this is just the easiest way of going about it i'm apparently wearing my finest carbon fiber suit so if somebody answers on this lovely sunday afternoon then uh hello sir do you have a moment to speak about our lord and savior harambe please don't kiss me he died for your sins i really wish your little bird bath had a couple inches of water in it so i could go inside find a tiny toaster and toss it in with you i know it's not technically the bird's fault that i keep getting caught but at the same time this is pissing me off i really just want to get in get out and be done with things oh huh we can cut his wi-fi yeah that's a pretty good distraction i could probably also break his window oh okay did he just jump at me with his [ __ ] i should have known i was gonna get a face full of dick for cutting off the internet while he was in the middle of jacking it to a blt do i need that no thank christ i really don't want a burger that somebody had their junk in so what am i looking for it's just a little bit of everything again pan is probably downstairs diamond probably in like a safe gold chalice might be a round candle red would be in the kitchen gaming console be a living room cheese on a plate would be kitchen electric toothbrush bathroom frisbee who knows so i don't need any tools we have in here hey okay this is fine wait i'll just be quiet well chalice sure console thank you screwdriver i don't think i need it i think interesting over here you got a frisbee in here my guy oh do i not want to take the controller that seems a little weird right i'm gonna take the console but not the controller all right whatever nope nope frisbee there we go okay we're making decent progress candle red cheese on a plate electric toothbrush this should be an ensuite bathroom right no because that would only make sense bathroom is down the hall we got a toothbrush candle bread cheese on plate diamond pan so we need to get to the kitchen but i think he's down in the kitchen or maybe he's out dealing with the wi-fi oh that's cheese cheese i should have looked before i ran for the cheese now i need to find a hiding place um um do i need to find a hiding place i heard him yell but he didn't come after me oh he did he did see me oh this a locked door crap crap crap crap okay uh well we saw a key over here we just ring around the rosie with the freaking keiko there we go stop stop stop stop stop uh unlock did i open it i didn't open it i'm just gonna head outside how about that you you will follow me oh you dick you won't follow me now right you won't follow me now i think i'm good i think i finally lost him is there no hiding spot around here i'm pretty sure this sleeping guy is awake now but i gotta grab a pan okay he's got a bear trap pan and i'm out good to know bear trap in the kitchen should have grabbed bread god damn it i got dx for weeks my friend i'm gonna have to lose you around the flamingo we're gonna close the door i didn't close the door bread there's no bread where's where's your bread there's your bread there's a cookie damn it no i can't lose on a cookie at what point do you say to yourself i'm gonna go down to the vending machine and spend the dollar to get a soft drink can rather than cowering in the aggressive gay couple's bathroom i really don't want their smooches but they don't take no for an answer where would they keep a soft drink can it would be the kitchen wouldn't it they've got cookies they've got cake somebody's birthday would it be in here maybe no soft drink oh that's bad that's bad okay maybe upstairs possibly not see anything down here uh nothing nothing soft drink it soft drink can i'm cornered i'm running oh my god i've done soft drink can okay throw yourself through the window wrong window no they caught me no i didn't i i got out i got out i forgot that i don't need to make it back to the truck it faded to black and i thought i was getting smooched oh my god this game is such stress all right you know what i think that's gonna be it for this episode of the house of thieves guys i don't know what's happening here but i am very interested in finding out there are actually a whole bunch more levels and some themed levels like a christmas one and an easter one so if you guys want to see more of this game as always be sure to like this video leave a comment letting me know and maybe i'll return to shop steal again soon but thanks much for watching this video i hope you enjoyed and i'll see you next time [Music] you

Channel: CaptainSauce

Views: 291,092

Rating: 4.9708786 out of 5

Keywords: house of thieves, a house of thieves, house of thieves game, house of thieves gameplay, house of thieves ep 1, house of thieves episode 1, house of thieves part 1, house of thieves funny, house of thieves funny moments, a house of thieves full game, a house of thieves walkthrough, a house of thieves playthrough, a house of thieves pc, captainsauce, captain sauce

Id: 4K3E08xkfdc

Length: 21min 40sec (1300 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 14 2021