Bonkers bonking: three stories of strange sex | Alix Fox | TEDxEastEnd

the second that people find out that I'm a journalist who specializes in investigating sex sexuality and fetish they almost always ask the same question and that is what's the weirdest thing you've ever written about everyone seems to want to know the most bonkers stuff about bonking in the most off-the-wall tales of people getting it on so tonight I thought I'd share with you three of the most remarkable things people have ever said to me during interviews and then explain a little bit about the stories and the science behind them so should we just plunge in there which incidentally is not a great technique to use in the bedroom okay here's my first remarkable quote I can queef through both of my vaginas at once so my funny farts harmonize quite a lot to take on their right do you fully understand this quote first up you need to know a little bit of lady pot lingo a queef or a funny fart also known as a muff cuff is the squelching squishing or trumpeting sound made by air exiting the vagina air bubbles can get forced up inside a lady's innards during intercourse or indeed embarrassingly enough during yoga classes and a queef is the sound they make when they escape you got it excellent you also need to know that the incredible woman from whom this quote originated was born with two vaginas her name yeah I know buy one get one free her name is hazel and she has a seldom-seen gynecological condition called uterus didelphis now most women's bodies are built with two ovaries which joined to two fallopian tubes and then those feed into just one central womb which has just the one vaginal canal that connects it to the outside world I love the term vaginal canal by the way I like to imagine there are narrow boats inside of mine so that's the situation up in most ladies baby-making stations but while hazel was in utero while her mom was pregnant with her and she was developing two structures known as parametric ducts which usually fused to make one vagina one womb sorry with hazel these states separate they formed instead a pair of wounds side-by-side and in Hazel's very unusual case each of these two rooms also has its own vagina canal so she's got two vaginas this means that Hazel's genitals have two holes where you would usually only expect one and she tells me that they're arranged so that one is slightly higher than the other so if you're looking at her head on so to speak then she kind of looks like in her downstairs domain a bit like a yin-yang symbol when it comes to intercourse hazel can happily accommodate a penis of her choice in either of her vaginas but not both at once when one hole is full the other one gets pushed closed so so make when she's making love with her husband the ins and outs of that kind of circumstance pretty much look the same as they would for any other couple however if hazel and her partner choose not to use birth control then a phenomenon known as super fat asian may occur there is a slim chance that hazel could become pregnant in one of her wounds with an embryo and it would start to develop and then it's a later date she could become pregnant with a second embryo in her second womb thus bearing two children of different ages at the same time that was a whistle of or an astonishment not one of Hazel's melodic queefs by the way moving on to my second remarkable quote earthworms have brought me more sexual pleasure than any woman on the planet now this quote came from a chap in ER 60s who I'm gonna call Hubert and Hubert is a masochist he's a person who derives sexual gratification from pain there are very solid scientific reasons why some people get their cheeky thrills through being hurt in a controlled and a consensual manner when the body experiences pain it produces chemicals called endorphins and these are a type of natural opiate so they work to suppress the transmission of pain signals in throughout the body working in a way to give a kind of kind of comparable calming effect to drugs like morphine and just like morphine they can also produce amazing feelings of euphoria which makes them very addictive so from pain can come exceptionally alluring forms of pleasure it's common for masochist to inflict pain upon themselves or indeed have it inflicted upon them using specially designed sex toys like floggers or spanking paddles or canes but in Hubert's case as the years went by he became a little more inventive in his choice of tools her hubert lived in a very beautiful picturesque village in a tiny luscious cottage with a garden and a garden shed and Hubert's big kink was to gather plants and in sex from his garden anything that could bite him or sting or otherwise inflict pain take it into his garden shed and use it to sexually torture himself I know this not just because he talked me about it but because he showed me pictures there are things I cannot unsee you people including a photograph of him inserting his penis into a jar of mosquitoes another shot showed him grasping his manhood with a gloved hand full of nettles and thorny brambles I can see you crossing your legs and I understand why he also spent quite some time explaining to me how he tried to lure wasps into stinging his Wang by covering it in Jam but I think the most inventive and grotesque of Hubert's experiments involved him digging up earthworms rinsing them under the kitchen tab and then popping them in the freezer where he claimed they would set solid and stiff he would then attempt to insert these into the end of his penis and up his urethra I think you but had hoped that his body heat would then thaw route the worms so that they wiggle back to life which was something he thought would be very pleasurable and while there are species of worm worldwide that can withstand incredibly low temperatures most of the types that are common to the UK unfortunately die when they're frozen so I don't think that adventure worked out particularly well for anybody involved now I hope I don't have to say this but obviously there are red flags popping up here when it comes to both personal safety and animal cruelty so please leave the worms in the vegetable patch and don't put them anywhere near your meat into veg I can see that there are people here that are sort of trying to work out whether they can worm their way out of listening to the rest of this admittedly quite extreme TEDx talk so please be reassured my next story is comparatively more palatable and it begins with this quote one of the best orgasms I've ever had created a pea green tower made of building blocks I should be absolutely clear this person is not ejaculating Lego bricks which is possibly the only thing more painful than treading on them no in order to explain this story I need to take you way back to when I was 17 years old and working as a waitress in a local pub one night just towards the end of my shift I started to feel distinctly unwell and by the time I got home I was in the midst of a full-on allergic reaction major anaphylactic shock my face bloated so much that my mum thought I'd been beaten up and I couldn't hear her asking me what the hell had happened because my ears had swollen shut I blacked out and when I came to it became evident that I had sustained a degree of brain damage through this incident that wasn't the only way in which my neurological wiring had started misfiring I was also left with an intriguing mental quirk called synesthesia and synesthesia is a condition where a stimulus that triggers one of the senses like touch or sight simultaneously produces a ghost sensation in another of the senses like taste or hearing now that's kind of difficult to wrap your head around right so I'll give you some examples a sinner seat might read some words and simultaneously get a strong flavour in their mouth so the stimulus of seeing text also gives in this ghost sensation of taste right or they might listen to a particular piece of music and see colors and shapes my type of synesthesia is quite rare I get all factory hallucinations which means I smell things that aren't there and these phantom perfumes tend to be provoked when I feel certain states of emotion when I'm stressed the world reeks it's kind of a metallic love sickly odour whereas when I am content and happy I tend to get sweet bakery smells so if I'm chilling out with my friends and having a laugh then my nostrils will be filled with the hot odor of cinnamon pastries and buns and things that I was lovely it's like being in Gregg's which is a northerner I appreciate if I'm dating somebody and I start to become more enamored with them frequently they'll begin to emit citrus notes like lemon washing up liquids or lemon bond funds or lemon sherbet I actually look forward to life giving me lemons because when I smell them it usually means that I'm falling in love oh thanks my synesthesia effects my sex life as well according to where and how I'm being stimulated my orgasms variously smell of custard doughnuts red licorice or Haribo Kitty's super mix candies unfortunately doesn't work the other way around I can't sniff sweets and give myself an orgasm otherwise quite frankly I'd be chatting today to you today with a bag of pick a mix sellotaped firmly to my face it's not always sugary smells that I get either one of the most memorably intense experiences that I've ever had with a partner smelled like it was infused with jasmine and wept potting compost it was kind of like someone had swapped my lady garden with Kew Gardens or like the most delicious way possible of being buried alive it was it was stunning and I was intrigued to find out whether there was anyone else out there who was getting these amazing extra layers of sensation whenever they got laid so I interviewed 25 other similar seats to find out and I discovered that I am not alone this one guy called Scott from Canada who had a huge stroke around a decade ago and thankfully he's recovered in the main he's got a bit of a limp but he was also left with acquired multimodal since the anesthesia it's a bit of a mouthful like a lot of the things I write about actually that means that whilst I only experienced phantom perfumes pretty much all of Scott's senses are incredibly tumbled and jumbled for instance if he reads a menu and it's printed in a certain hue of blue he cannot eat anything from it because that particular shade makes him feel physically nauseous and if he's chatting to somebody and he gets a kind of suspicion that maybe they're fibbing to him or trying to con him in some way he sees shimmers of light and his twinkling sounds kind of like a magical human lie detector Scott is openly gay and I ha I asked him how his synesthesia affects his sexual experiences with men he told me that climaxing with a partner for him looks like the detonation of a hundred bright supernovae and that clouds of orange and purple fog enveloped them both he also told me that some of his climaxes smell of all kids and earth which is so close to what I've experienced and I've actually since discovered that there is some research out there that suggests that the similarity and what we're feeling in bed might be down to the fact that we've got similar types of brain damage to an area called the temporal lobe not the person that I interviewed named Harriet she gets visions when she orgasms and the pea-green tower made of building blocks is one of the things that she saw that appeared in her head when she was in bed she's also experienced mirages of turquoise waves like silk Flags blowing in the wind or she's had climaxes that have looked like Burgundy soft marshmallows or pale gray woven fabric like structures sounds beautiful huh it's like what happens in her parts she spontaneously sees as art now I could just wander off stage right now and leave you with three wacky anecdotes about sex to tell all your friends but I figured that since I have the privilege of communicating to you from this platform this evening that also sends you away with a little bit of a message as well the tales that I have told tonight are just the tip of an enormous iceberg of examples that I could give you to illustrate how sex and human sexuality encompass an enormous spectrum of wildly diverse and compellingly intriguing different physicalities different tastes and different ways of being the variety of different ways that our bodies and our minds are built is massive there are different turn ons that can push our buttons is massive the different things that we can do to ourselves and to each other to make us feel fantastic is inspiring ly wonderfully joyously massive and yet society tells us that in order to fit in we need to conform and confine ourselves to what to me seems like an insanely narrow proscribed definition of what is see of all the weird things I've heard about sex in my career the idea that you could look at all that diversity and all that possibility and say no the only thing that you're allowed to do and the only thing that you really ought to be is this teeny tiny very limited and very limiting thing that might be the weirdest thing I have ever heard we only get one life so to me the saddest and strangest thing that anyone can do in bed is feel that they need to limit their self-expression limit their self exploration limit their self acceptance in order to be sexy now I am not telling any of you people to go out there and stick a worm up your Wang okay but I am telling you to stick it to anybody who ever tells you that your personal your individual your unique way of being sexy isn't good enough thank you very much you you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 280,026

Rating: 4.7403045 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United Kingdom, Life, Adventure, Biology, Body, Comedy, Emotions, Happiness, Health, Humor, Journalism, LGBT, Love, Nature, Neurology, Passion, Romance, Self-help, Senses, Sex, Society, Women

Id: skzYzjNZtF4

Length: 18min 33sec (1113 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 10 2017