Masturbation is the New Meditation | Keeley Olivia | TEDxLeamingtonSpa

[Applause] it was the fourth consecutive Sunday that I'd been sat in this particular coffee shop with my laptop writing and today was a special day because before now I hadn't known if I was writing purely for my own catharsis but today I knew my words would be shared with others freely on the internet the whole world and that thing that I'd been writing well of course it was my masturbation memoir I was both mortified and thrilled thrilled because finally I was living my version of anarchy in the UK circa 2017 something I had long dreamt of since childhood growing up the daughter of two young punks in the 90s and I was mortified because I had just spent nearly a decade of my life as a professional scientist and research academic and now I was going public with my masturbation memoir what were people gonna think I was writing this memoir because I had been on this epic journey of personal discovery in sexual awakening over the past five years working by day as a medical statistician and by night doing my real work as a transformational and loved sex and relationship coach what I had learned blew my mind my body it was capable of producing these life-changing orgasms things I had previously believed with a stuff of legend reserved only for beans not quite of this world I had to tell womankind what I had learned oh how delighted they would be female orgasm was a myth no more and the direct pathway to it about to be revealed I was going to tell the whole story of ordinary female sexuality including the unglamorous and uncouth along with it the possibility for what lay beyond for the first time in modern history women were going to have a guy to get their very own magical vaginas if this is what they so wished I had conducted upon myself a great masturbation experiment over the course of one year I had masturbated for an hour a day five times a week now this might not sound like very much some members of the audience but for me it was revelatory the world I grew up in said that masturbation for teenage lads was the norm any opportunity into a stop trying his best not to get caught by his mom but for teenage girls it was a different story it was more hidden and less spoken about even though I remember my body feeling like a walking hormonal catastrophe causing my every waking thought to be about sex yes I wanted to masturbate I just didn't really know how consider this a woman's sexual anatomy is comprised of the vulva on the outside home to the clitoris and the vagina on the inside home to the hotly debated g-spot and the cervix the old Latin term for external female genitals is pudendal and it translates literally as shame limb this is the legacy we're dealing with the clitoris is the only organ ever to evolve for the sole purpose of orgasm and pleasure it has 8,000 nerve endings twice that of the human penis and guess what every female mammal has a clitoris who knew that female mammals could be intersex for more than just procreation now back to masturbation teenage girls have flicking the bean the colloquial term for rubbing one's clitoris but what about all that inside goodness how does a woman come to know the landscape of her own vagina the answer is simple she needs a sex toy she needs a dildo now in the UK too by a sex toy from a shop on the high street you have to be 18 years old but it's 16 you can have consensual sex with other adults so what does this show us well it shows us that many young women are entering into sexual experiences with others having never fully had the opportunity to know their own bodies or they are putting things up their vaginas that weren't designed to go up there and yes this actually happens true stories from the frontlines of war Manatee but nobody talks about that do they female sexual urges are real and by pretending they don't exist we are robbing women of the opportunity to truly know love safety and belonging within their own bodies when we consider this context of masturbation things like the gender orgasm gap seem obvious of course men would be having more orgasms in heterosexual relationships than women when they have had so much of a head start porn intended I first learnt to orgasm when I was 20 by squeezing the muscles in my vulva really tightly and watching porn this created a short contracted orgasm in my clitoris later when I decided I couldn't be both a self-respecting woman and watch porn I bought myself a vibrator and now found that the only way I could orgasm was through thinking about the porn I had seen this made me feel really sad I knew my body was capable of magic yet my sexuality fell constricted and trapped learning to experience orgasm while being present in my body and not going off in my mind was hard but I did it by using my breath and placing my focused awareness on the pleasurable sensations in my genitals and allowing the natural sound and movement of my body I could experience my sexuality in a deeply relaxed and surrendered way this was very different than the tense contraction I had previously known self-pleasure became a way to lovingly connect my body and orgasm for the first time felt soulful and nourishing masturbation became my new meditation and I was one step closer to knowing the magic my body was capable of next I went in search of my g-spot and proof like magic I found it it wasn't like I never tried before I just didn't have the right instruction or conviction that it even existed truth was I'd always been a bit scared of the inside of my vagina something exacerbated by having genital warts at 19 and living in fear that they would one day return when I experienced my first g-spot orgasm that day I learned something spectacular that my vagina was not broken or ugly or smelly or disgusting or Megan or any of the other disempowering notions I had internalized about my vagina she was in fact this treasure trove of grandeur and finesse with so many gifts and blessings to give my vagina and I were becoming intimate friends and this fault really good the next expedition was north to my cervix I had heard of women who had experienced these deeply spiritual orgasms from their cervix and quite frankly if that was on the menu I wanted my taste it took me about five months of consistent diligent cervical stimulation before I even began to feel pleasure there but when I did I can assure you it was well worth it the day I experienced my first cervical orgasm was the day I was so fed up with trying that I exclaimed to my cervix if it didn't happen today I would accept my fate and move on with my life something in that letting go of control allowed my body and psyche to move me into the most profound state of transcendence that I had ever known about 40 minutes into myself pleasure practice something remarkable to a supernova happened in my vagina and I am quite sure that in that moment my vagina was the brightest shining object in all of our galaxy the eruption began from deep within my soul and pleasure previously unknown to me cascaded from the center of my beam and rippled out to the tips of my body which should merge with the corners of the ever expanding universe I became all of time and space all of time and space eternal benevolent blackness enveloped me into connecting me to everything all at once pure present consciousness not a thought or worry existed it seemed to last forever me floating between worlds it's traveling through space on this giant marshmallow of cosmic angelic pleasure and then this raucous cackle penetrated my awareness from somewhere in the distance and I realized it traversed out of my own mouth and emanated from the most ancient part of my womb and I was back in the room and tears were streaming down my face tears of joy tears of gratitude tears of enchantment and Wonder and awe I had danced with grace through my vagina through my cervix the actual gateway which opens when every human life is ready to enter the physical from the mystical in the days and weeks preceding this monumental event a sparkle and ruddiness came through me that I had not felt in years I was three years old again stood outside in the garden not a care in the world wearing nothing but my wellies and eating mud wild free abandon she was back I was back from the slumber I had been in for decades and no it was not true love's kiss which sure won't mean it was my magical or Kosmic vagina from this place the inconsequential futilities of life fall away what mattered what might had truly to me this was the only place I could bear to live from it became absurd to engage in a world which said that my inherent value and worth beauty and intelligence was determined by some external factor did they not know what my vagina was capable of clearly not and it became my mission to educate the world and now it's 3:00 in the morning and I'm staring into the blackness of my bedroom and my breath is shallow and my body's cold but it's hot as well and there's this immense pang of panic crawling itself under my ribs and I put my hand on my chest and I breathe and I say it's okay mama bear it's gonna be okay and I wonder how I managed to arrange my entire life so the interest over one week's time I'm gonna be stood on this very public stage time the story about my magical orgasmic vagina hoping beyond all hope that somebody somewhere understands that this is about so much more than one woman's orgasm but even if it was about one woman's orgasm that would still be an idea with spreading and every time I ask myself Keeley are you really gonna do this I think about that display I saw in the shop window just two weeks ago when I was out shopping for this very outfit with the statue of this guy stood nude on the high street in all of his nonchalant glory and grace exceeding so much confidence in ease that he's about to take a selfie and when I see him I get excited not because of him but because of what I might see when I look to the other side of the window will I see a statue of a woman in a similar pose with a vulva ball for the whole of the high street to see and not just the usual fused skin and when my eyes meet her my heart sinks because they're reflected back to me is every woman that I've ever known taught to cover up hiding who she is some part of her not quite welcome and I'm stood there looking at this image which is what it looks like from the outside and I know deep within my bones that something about this isn't right and I know that I don't have all the answers but maybe I have one maybe I have a starting point from which we can begin to Reena vacate this ship and the next time I ask myself Keeley are you really gonna do this my resounding response is Keeley how could you not how could I not proclaim to the world what I know to be true which is that of woman's vast orgasmic variety both exists and matters and that her pursuit of it can be not only a portal to profound self love and self acceptance but it can also be a potential doorway to divinity within her very own body this to me is even more revolutionary that when the Sex Pistols put a safety pin in the lip of the Queen in 1977 and it's 40 years on and I know which revolution I was born for and it's the reclamation of love of healing and wholeness within the human body and the human psyche which is exactly what this sexual revolution is all about thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 1,774,004

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Body, Feminism, Meditation, Relationships, Revolution, Sex, Spirituality, Women

Id: BUOzUTXFlQA

Length: 15min 44sec (944 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 28 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

gazab ki bakchod aurat hai.

[u/PARCOE]

Chafing the bishop

[u/periomate]

Bc..yeh Western log in gazab ke awakening hote hai. Hume toh aisi koi soch aaye us see pehle chappal pad jaati hai.

[u/Aayush-Ap]

Wtf is this ??