Bloons TD 6 Review | Losing It™ Edition

i live in the middle of nowhere on unpronounceable street on the first floor there's only one floor my name is sefzintek i'm 27 years old i believe in taking care of myself in a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine in the morning if my hands aren't shaking i'll take 360 milligrams of extended release amphetamine while doing my daily jelq session i can do a thousand now after i start to feel heart palpitations i go to the vitamin closet for multivitamins i take two gummy dinosaurs then a gummy fruit pastel and a single magic bean then i chug down 2 gram paracetamol to slow the approaching migraine while i prepare the rest of my routine i always use a painkiller with little or no risk of stomach ulceration because stomach ulcers are incredibly painful and make you die then two tabs of zinc then omega-3 followed by a final mega dose of vitamin d3 there's an idea of a soft scene tech some kind of abstraction but there is no real me only an entity something illusory and though i could hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable i simply am not there hey hey people seth here hello my little dart monkeys it's been a while apologies i had to take a short break from the hustle because if you only made two videos in six months something's not right and while adhd medication is very useful to satisfy expectation and fit into the psychopathic mold of society after seven years of regular consumption it's good to take a break since withdrawal kicked in the only thing i have energy for is getting out of bed feeding the colony and playing balloons balloons tower defense 6 written and pronounced as if you are dyslexic is a homeland defense simulator where you and your men are the only thing that stands between life and the complete and utter annihilation of monkey civilization the stakes are high but the premise might sound absurd rubber balloons really how could that possibly be a threat to monkey civilization i'll tell you because it's a choking hazard the respiratory tract of a rhesus macaque is very slim and if a child inhales enough rubber they're going to die of asphyxiation i've never tested this but i'm just assuming for any civilization several generations of high infant mortality and we're on the brink of extinction and so the most primitive form of monkey weaponry emerged the original decisive answer to the rubber question darts dark monkeys could finally pop blues from a safe distance however they couldn't account for what happened next you see for every balloon you deflate you get two more that's because they reproduce faster than we can kill but now we've introduced natural selection to the balloon population tougher more resistant fibers translucent material higher reproductive capacities and even limited regeneration of lost tissue start being selected for in the balloon population thus beginning the eternal arms race between technology and an all-consuming rapidly evolving bio weapon you might think this game is a joke but this review is a joke it isn't it's very much a crisis just got released on pc in 2007 situation where all the critique and anger is coming from people who one don't own it or two can't run it because they don't have the rtx 3080 necessary to even boot up the game on low settings like any good game we begin by starting cheat engine loading the following cheat table hooking up the executable and from there enable editable values get player double-click the action value and change it to get player info it should update with your current values which you edit by double-clicking apply them by changing the action value to set player info if you don't see anything tab into a different menu and switch back this will very likely get you banned however using every other cheat will not you can exploit this by earning monkey money turning on infinite monkey money and buying anything equal to or below your total sum of monkey money without spending a single dime dear ninja kiwi i'm sorry for telling everyone how to bypass your shitty in-game cash shop i don't do it out of pleasure i do it out of moral obligation to inconvenience anyone and anything that comes out of new zealand to play the game pick a map pick a difficulty and try to finish it for reference anything under hard difficulty is meant for children are you a child i hope not how did you end up here did your mother leave you alone with a tablet assuming that the cold hard expanse of the internet is somehow an appropriate surrogate to parental attention in which case i'm incredibly sorry i'm sure your parents will take full personal accountability for your impending developmental issues but i digress as my good friend mandalore gaming often says can we stop discussing children hard is the starting baseline difficulty think of it as a rite of passage before the game considers you competent enough to stand a chance of winning the actual game the actual game is chimps mode an acronym which stands for no continues no hearts lost no income no monkey knowledge no powers and no selling effectively pay to win is no longer an option and a single mistake will undo your entire run it is the truest test of monkey fortitude basically you're training yourself up to handle the worst this game can throw at you without any help there's many monkeys and many balloons different balloons require different monkeys to sufficiently deflate and destroy them while the most basic and primordial balloon the red balloon can be popped by any monkey the situation quickly becomes more complicated as most balloons come in layers including but not limited to camo lead ceramic lgbt each with their own properties strengths and weaknesses they also come in sizes regular and blimp also known as moabs bfbs zombs and bads these initially serve as boss encounters which following the dark souls miyazaki school of thought eventually become regular enemies in general these are gigantic gestating balloon females which upon popping release their entire brood on the battlefield i would say these are generally slow generally until round 90 when you encounter your first ddt after 20 minutes of play which you're going to lose in two seconds there is a common anecdote on the balloons td6 reddit never ask a woman her age a man his salary and ninja kiwi how they recorded their moab popping sound let's talk about monkeys in total there's 22 different monkeys across four different trees primary military magic and support each has their own purpose and place on the battlefield dark monkey is your og shooter boomerang monkey has curved shots and can switch hands bomb shooter counters lead tax shooter counters everything else ice monkey glue gunner nobody knows what they do because nobody picks them sniper monkey has infinite range monkey sub bottoms for the monkey dom monkey buccaneer upgrades to the entire east india trade company monkey ace has nuclear capabilities heli pilot can solo the game mortar monkey is incredibly accurate dartling gunner comes with his own panic button ninja monkey counter stealth wizard monkey counters your ability to see super monkey will be discussed at a later time alchemist turns lead into gold druid turns crops into gold banana farm turns bananas into centralized banking monkey village supports the home front spike factory keeps out the homeless and engineer monkey is somehow less popular than the ice monkey in reality you don't have to know all that all you need to know is the current meta pick so you can turn your brain off for half an hour and still scavenge some dopamine for your zoomy receptors each monkey comes with three different upgrade trees which are mutually exclusive to each other you can pursue one tree up to five and benefit from two levels of another when we talk strategy we use the free number nomenclature which denotes the number of upgrades in each tree in descending order for example this is what it looks like when i smack down a 103 dart monkey a 200 village and a free 01 alchemist this is handy to know when somebody starts screaming at you that a 401 alchemist is not the same as a 402 that you're wasting precious animation frames on something that doesn't benefit you that you have effectively gimped yourself out of an expensive investment and instead of playing balloons you should instead consider the rope the balloons community is nothing if not passionate on top of that you have heroes there's many to choose from so choose wisely because you only get to bring one of them these include quincy who never whiffs not a single arrow sada my beloved adora who is adorable and also powered by blood sacrifice in the same way as a 33rd degree mason benjamin who stacks the benjamins and contributes nothing else picking him in a multiplayer game is considered a form of griefing at best and at worst a hate crime and of course funny tank monkey and many more so let's talk about strategy you're going to open with quincy into a 301 ninja followed by a 200 alchemist upgrade alchemist to 301 ninja to 402. smackdown a 200 monkey village then place your free 2-0 heli pilot alchemist to 401 heli to 4-2-0 village freo and finally finish your 520 heli pilot there as your current meta pick clears everything from hard to chimps with minimal thinking but who cares secondly it's not enough to win advanced and expert level maps and it's certainly not enough to beat boss events there's two bosses and they rotate every week bloonarius the inflator and the lich i say this on ironically i've seen a lot of erotic illustrations of blunarius porn if you will and it makes me act up boss events are interesting on the one hand yes you can pay to win on the other hand it's not going to save you because for reference the last round of chimps round 100 features a single bad this has 28 000 hp tier v bloonarius spawns around 120 with three million and if it's elite blunarious 40 million so how do we overcome numbers that big simple we finance the war with money we don't have we need free bits of monkey knowledge from a support tree bigger deals back room deals bank deposits naturally we take benjamin for increased stacking of benjamins then you convert your first monkey farm into a 2-4-0 giving us access to imf loans imf standing for the international monkey fund take the loan deposit twice wait a single round collect interest cash out and repeat use borrowed money to make more money to make more banks to take more loans to borrow more money then upgrade your bank to 250 or monkeynomics with the descriptor for when you're too big to fail thus creating the federal reserve and now we print money directly out of thin air inflation don't worry about it take more loans print more money get a 500 nuclear sub so we can borrow print and spend even faster but what exactly are we spending towards we're spending towards a very expensive sacrifice because ultimately there's only one way to win war blood a lot of blood money is merely the vehicle to convince you we just need you to die and so fittingly the strongest tower in the game requires a mountain of sacrifice consuming everything and everyone around it twice because there's two upgrades the true sun god is a is the second strongest tower in the game if you're currently seeing this it means i [ __ ] up and i have to reset the vengeful true sun god is the strongest tower in the game also the leading cause of aneurysms each time i miss a single step in this 35 page wiki article but he is worth the effort he can solo the entire boss on normal on elite difficulty however you have to fill every square pixel of your screen with monkeys sacrifice them all only to receive a low degree paragon and quit the game very calmly confused then i invite you to read the 39-page wiki article consult this simple mathematical formula for power calculation and come back just as confused paragons are tier 6 monkeys however their strength is determined by their degree which is a measure of equality and quantity of sacrifices given there's four in total under optimal conditions to create all four we have to put about 200 monkeys into body bags but the sacrifice is well justified it's pretty much the only way you can possibly clear a boss run on elite difficulty there's many more modes in this game odysseys which are monkey campaigns races which are going to get me banned someday custom challenges which have to be played yourself after making them to ensure that it's actually possible to beat instead i use cheat engine to make maps that are physically impossible to finish and post them online for unsuspecting victims and of course multiplayer wait my monkey wall street which looks a little like this where where's the blade coming from what's doing that multiplayer is the [ __ ] arguably it's harder than single player because you all share the same income this leads to the inevitable situation where everybody picks benjamin buys a turn 12 banana farm and we lose the game it's a lot of fun it's incredibly fun interactive and dynamic when one of your friends pops down a sun temple right next to your farms consuming all of your income watch this why'd everything go by what did i clear the whole map what the [ __ ] in the industry this is known as a skill issue to answer a question i've been hearing what is balloons tower defense six it is when you can physically no longer see what you're doing when the screen is filled with so much [ __ ] but all you're left with is an assault of flashing lights and popping that's what blues td6 is all about it's amazing also how much you can handle on screen great benchmark for your hardware because you'll get somebody talking [ __ ] about how great their processor is just because rakesh at the dell store told them so and suddenly they drop from a game been real quiet ever since i do however have some critique i've heard so many pops that i've developed tinnitus i've listened to the soundtrack for so long but if i hear it alone in isolation my brain fills in the gaps and creates audible popping but i think that's a fair price to pay also new zealand company jacks up the in-game price of the australian flag very based unfortunately this game does run like ass sometimes it doesn't like being left in the background and it doesn't close properly for me so i made a little batch file to kill the process i recommend you do the same it does save progress on maps so usually you don't lose anything i think anybody can enjoy balloons td6 i saw one of the top reviews with some guy saying it helped him get over his divorce if it could help him maybe it can help you before you cast it off as a joke and an unserious suggestion consider the possibility that you live in a tyrannical society where at any time you can be muzzled beaten and put into captivity until you die considering these things maybe it's not a joke maybe you're the clown and the punchline is your entire existence in summary balloons td6 10 out of 10 very recommended very fun the price is very affordable if you can't i recommend gaslighting family members into giving you money blackmailing relatives or petty crime remember always under a thousand that's the threshold for felonies gotta keep that record squeaky clean or as i've heard it said get that fong out yo busy playa as always more content to come so stay tuned this is the end of good videos here on out there are no good videos i'm tired of living in fear of some commenter coming at me saying uh seth you actually made a factual error correct i did and i'll do it again without the muzzle of quality control i can flow more freely like a sewage drain as always a warm thanks to the many members of a merchant's guild generously funding and bankrolling these videos you're all truly wonderful have a good one [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] sorry you got twisted up in this scene from where you're kneeling must seem like an 18-carat run of bad luck [Music] truth is the game was rigged from the start

Channel: SsethTzeentach

Views: 1,153,993

Keywords: ssethtzeentach, bloons td 6

Id: XZT3nlxuXl0

Length: 18min 32sec (1112 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 24 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/Azurnoob]

Not as much adhd editing this time but goddamn SSeth has the smoothest voice in the industry

[u/vicchopin]

Sseth reviewing something so "visually intense" (aka catatonia inducing) makes me really think he takes some pills - like hard stuff - on a daily basis and not just Bach flower remedies bs

[u/resixzem]

What are the games that he showed around 15:45? When he said more contents to come.

The green one is Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator. How about the others?

[u/Daners45]

On this dark day he posted a video so we can smile just a little. Thank you Sseth.

[u/Canadiancookie]

This is absolutely the last game I expected him to make a video on. Great choice though, i've put a few hundred hours into it over the years.

Some random tips: Farms/Income is OP, hence why it's not in CHIMPS. Top path (3+/0/2) Alchemist is OP because it doubles the power of 2 - 3 towers next to it, especially with a Ninja or Super. Naval towers are very strong too. Glue Gunner is decent, mostly for 0/2/3.

[u/lilFishy9]

what video essay is he reffering to at 15:48? I realy want to know

[u/RonaldRaygun2024]

The clip shown when mentioning low settings is from Empire Earth.

Fantastic RTS from the golden age of RTS games.

[u/MayCraid]

Sadge it isnt Barotrauma but I take what I can.

[u/MariusCatalin]

PRAISE