Hey, hey people. Sseth here. Have you ever wanted to be a homeless crackhead? Have you ever wondered what amazing things you can make with a broken bottle, dirty rags and a strong case of amphetamine withdrawal? Have you ever wanted to equip a dead squirrel and beat a man to death with it, just to steal his shoelaces? Then I've got exactly the game for you: NEO Scavenger. At first glance, NEO Scavenger might look like one of those post-apocalyptic survival games, but appearances are deceiving. Take it from a subject matter expert, such as myself, that this game is actually a simulation of modern-day life in England. Story. The story goes that you are cryogenically frozen by accident in a sperm bank robbery gone wrong. You awake in a distant future. The year is 2008, and England has changed. The recession has come and gone and in the wake of financial crisis, the streets have been filled with all manner of depravity. I can attest to this, because there's literally two people ballooning nitrous outside our house right now. I'm not even joking. This is my carpark every evening. Look at those boys. What do you think they're doing in there? Balloon animals? Really? At eleven at night? As a newly defrosted crackhead, you must struggle, survive and endure long enough to uncover your mysterious past. Find out why you tripped into a tank of liquid nitrogen. Find out why you were trying to steal cum from the sperm bank all those years ago, but you're not alone. There's other things out there and they're dangerous. You'll encounter all kinds of mutants, monsters and abominations, Yer think yerself low man Yer will kno by it when ah fockin' bastista bomb yer nan in the middle of ASDA And it sure ain't porfapb ny bo fockin' duff bag which you must either confront, kill or avoid as best you can. Honestly, I find all of those terms to be very offensive and would rather prefer to say, "Yes, you're going to meet other homeless crackheads", and, "yes, they are definitely going to fuck you up and kill you for your piss-stained bathrobe and your decomposing Dora the Explorer backpack." Listen, those NHS budget cuts came down hard. That's why you're fighting for your life for a pair of Crocs. It's what God intended. Gameplay. But, before you can do all that, you got to customize your crackhead. You need to pick the most relevant crackhead skills and crackhead talents to help you survive and thrive in the English Jungle which include but are not limited to: Botany, which helps you identify which of the berries and mushrooms you've picked from the park are edible and which are absolutely poisonous. Small spoiler. They're all poisonous. Medic helps you steal people's prescription medication, and figure out if it's safe for personal consumption. Useless. Never take this. I mean, so what if Ambien and Warfarin look identical? Ingesting a powerful anticoagulant as your body bleeds from every orifice is a fantastic idea. Who cares if I try to pop an opioid painkiller and swallow down Grandma's thyroid medication instead? Grandma's groid was super slow. Mine is super potent. And now it's supercharged. Trapping helps you start fire for improvised heating, and catch squirrels for improvised beating. Very useful. And of course, Hacking, which lets you crack passwords on the iPads, Lenovo Thinkpads and Blackberry phones you've stolen from the general public. These can fetch quite a price on the flea market, depending on the quality and quantity of memes on their hard drive. In particular, reposted memes with the iFunny.co watermark, especially if highly compressed and almost unreadable, hold particular value and demonstrate high-status. There's a lot of other skills, most of which offer unique interactions with the game world. Except Electrician, which lets you fix a single air conditioning unit. And that's it 10 out of 10 best skill point I ever spent NEO Scavenger plays out a lot like Civilization. No one plays with me, so they're both single player. Each turn, you make a number of moves after which everything else on the map does the same. Entering a tile takes time. Scavenging takes time. Crafting takes time. And you've got to make your time count. The moment you get out of stasis, you've got a number of problems. And you need to fix them real fast if you hope to survive. Problem 1: You're practically naked. And if you, like me, have accidentally used your hospital gown to craft a glass shiv, then you're completely naked. Get some pants before hypothermia sets in and you die of pneumonia. Problem 2: You're defenseless. Get a stick. A pointy one, and if you get lucky, you might find some raid boss-level gear. Like a saucepan. Problem 3: Thirst. Drink some toilet water. Remember just because it's poisonous doesn't mean it's poisonous to you. Dogs can't eat chocolate. Cats can't eat grapes. Why? Because... because they're weak. Problem 3.5: Hunger. Go cook up some squirrel. Squirrel is delicious and nutritious and practically ubiquitous. And finally, problem 4: You look broke, scuffed and wack as all hell. Go fix your garments and get some sickass shoes. Check this. In today's episode of Cop This Look, we got my man looking fly here wearing the following: generic college t-shirt, triple-layered for maximum comfort and status. Adidas hoodie size L male with pocket functionality Calvin Klein khaki cargo shorts Size... something. I forgot. This shit got pockets for days. No more fumbling around for your Xanax pills. Crocs (green) left foot. Because I only found one. Gucci slippers (pink) right foot. Again, I only found one of these things because they keep slipping off each time I run away from a fight. Children's backpack. small. What else? You need reliable storage for your treasures, which, currently, is a bunch of string, cumrags and loose branches. Everything you need to make... whatever it is I'm making. Spear. It's sharp, effective and it hurts. Also previously, I used to strap a hunting rifle. Unfortunately, I clicked a little too fast on the crafting recipe and unfortunately used my hunting rifle as wood for a campfire. Borgo saucepan. Stainless steel, great for cooking water. Cooked water sells for about 8 pounds a bottle at the local crackden. That's not a joke. That's my life. My grind, my hustle and how I can afford all this primo luxury. Speaking of primo luxury, I got a ride. I got transport, fully functional four-wheel-drive. I stole an ASDA shopping cart. Water storage? You betcha. It delivers the racks that helps me bring in the stacks. This is not a kid's car, but a goddamn crackhead chariot, so don't fuck with me, because if you do, I'm going to run away. Play hard, live hard and you could look this good, because outwardly appearance reflects inner state of mind. You want to keep the park bench, you act like you own the park bench. Speaking of which, combat is also turn-based and determined by a set of actions you can take each turn. Protip: Don't get hit. Rival hobo squatting on your favorite park bench? Just stab him to death with a piece of broken glass. He would've probably done the same to you. Look, it takes an entire combat round to ask questions, but it only takes about three rounds to score me a new pair of slippers. Of course, things rarely work out as planned. There's all manner of random events and RNG to spice up your experience. Scavenging. You might get lucky. You might also collapse the roof, fall down a hole and, one time, I got a face full of black mold. Truly art imitates life. In hindsight, I wish I got black mold poisoning, because in my current run, I've somehow managed to get sprayed down with Agent Orange. The effects of which will stay with me for the rest of the year. I've been alive for 11 days. In resignation, I've tried to go out peacefully by camping in the most dangerous part of town, the local JobCentrePlus, hoping and praying that another crackhead jumps me while I'm sleeping and stabs me in the ribs. Inexplicably, my prayers have not been answered. Twice a crackhead has stumbled upon me. And twice, he has groped my soft body, stolen a single plastic bottle from my inventory and left. Another time, I ripped up my plot necklace for a small piece of string. I later found out you're not supposed to do that and got chased around half the map by my very own sleep paralysis demon. On the bright side, it did kill every other crackhead chasing me. In a later run, I found out that every other crackhead suffers just as much as we do. Spying on a nearby tile, I spotted another specimen of humanity. I spied again to discern his intentions, which currently were passing out, being unconscious and vomiting at the same time. I thought to myself, "This is my chance." So I approached him. Stealthily, quietly, slowly. In that time, he managed to wake up, recover and walk away. It turned out I approached him so slowly, in fact, that two full days had passed. I'm not very competent. I did however manage to beat a man to death, with an iPad. Provided you can survive that long, you'll see day turn into night. At night, you'll finally be able to see it. The soft, siren glow of civilization. Head far enough east and you'll finally be able to reach it, a place that offers the promise of comfort, refuge and safety. The end of your long drug-induced journey. The Mecca of crackheads. Once you get there, you'll find out it's actually just Manchester. Outside, you can illegally juice electricity from the public library and warm yourself around the community trash barrel fire. Get loaded and get high off the hot toxic fumes of melting plastic. It's carcinogenic, which means you're speeding up the process of evolution. Inside, you can shoplift from Tesco Express, get turned away at the hospital and go to your local Barclays branch where one of the possible options is pretend to be a mentally retarded patient, which really just describes every YouTuber. Except we're not pretending. Final score. NEO Scavenger is a fantastic little game with a lot of options. It's short, fluid and self-explanatory. It is the streamlined inbred cousin of Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead, except it takes place in modern times, outside my goddamn window. I give NEO Scavenger 8 dirty rags out of the contents of my drinking water, which according to this is perfectly drinkable. And if you would like to experience what life is like in the UK, an experience that I would best describe as "The Struggle", then I recommend buying it. But if you're a reasonable human being that doesn't get swayed by the sweet, curried words of a disembodied voice, then I recommend "trying" it. A warm thanks to the many members of The Merchants' Guild, generously funding and bankrolling these videos. This one, however, is completely free. In lieu of current circumstances, Sseth needs to move out of this lovely neighborhood. I'll do my very best to minimize disruption, get back on track and above all, avoid getting shanked. You're all truly wonderful. Have a good one.
hey hey people
New mods maybe , just please don't let our community die
The world is a weird place. After Sseth's last video with the robot fighting game that didn't impress me i started looking for a new game to play, and this came up though the grapevine. Me and Sseth have a connection. Even if it's just this game and that people are huffin shit outside in our parking lot.
I just bought it because of the review lol
Both him and tomato have increased the flow
Sseth DID lead me to Neo Scavenger, but not through this particular review. He got me hooked on Underrail and I fell in love with the soundtrack by Josh Culler. I looked into other games he did the music for and Neo Scavenger was his other major credit, so I picked the game up and I'm having a fun time getting it figured out.