Hey, hey people. Sseth here. Today, I'll be covering an old childhood classic. A game that taught me that outside the safety of cities and towns, the entire natural world wants us dead and you can't walk 5 meters without being mauled, stung, or assaulted by wildlife. That money can buy happiness, reverses aging, and helps everyone forget that you butchered an entire village five minutes ago. And that divorcing your wife is objectively worse than murder. I'm speaking, of course, about Fable™. But not just Fable™. Fable: The Lost Chapters™ , and Fable: Anniversary™ , because they're all the same game. But Lionhead Studios needed three times the money. Released in 2004, Fable™ was THE game that justified buying an Xbox classic. I know this because I owned an Xbox classic. It had about three games on it, and one of those was Enter the Matrix, which still haunts me to this very day. But I digress. Anyway, Fable™ is a game about an experience all of us can relate to: having your parents killed and your village burnt to the ground, only to be saved by an influential pedophile and forced into a life of indentured servitude. And after years of emotional and physical abuse, you're released into the great wide world, with the expectation that you won't become a brooding menace to society. You're conditioned like an animal to follow the action-reward psychology of being a Hero. The dopamine release of completing quests is all that drives your addiction for fame and relevance. Peter Molyneux is a liar, but he's also a genius. Because throughout the game you're forced to make choices. Not reasonable choices, not thoughtful choices, but picking between the two extremes of morality: Good or Evil. Here is a typical moral dilemma, as presented by Peter Molyneux. As you walk along the road you encounter a homeless man being bullied by a delinquent teenager. The good option: scare off the bully. The evil option: beat that homeless man within an inch of his life and crack his ribcage open like a coconut crab. Both options give you the same amount of alignment points. It's insane, it's nonsensical, and I absolutely love it. There's not much to say about the story. You go do quests and uncover the fact that some of your family isn't dead. So, you reunite with them, only to have them all die, except your sister, who I always spare, because she's pretty damn hot. So, you kill the big bad guy that's been making your life miserable and Fable 1™ ends there because they ran out of time. Then, you have to kill the big bad guy's fursona avatar in The Lost Chapters™, which is an expansion featuring a completely new area with reskins of all the monsters you fought before, and some extra content that was cut from the original. You can redo all this in the Anniversary Edition™ , which is a high-definition remaster of Lost Chapters™ with extra bloom and gloom to drain out the color. While colors are faded, the characters aren't and all the new models look great. Including Lady Grey, the only good romance option in the entire game. If you're not familiar, Lady Grey is the sultry mayor of Bowerstone North. She's also a crazy racist bitch that gets turned on by seeing black people die in front of her. Unlike Lost Chapters™, Anniversary™ has built-in controller support for the PC. Anniversary Edition™ also has limited modding support which is completely broken and unusable. However, this didn't stop one man, whose autism was more powerful than we could have ever imagined. Mr. Dafini used his modding talents to replace every wasp in the game with Shrek. Including the queen. God bless Australia. Fable™ is very simple. It's also very easy. I would actually be very impressed if you somehow managed to lose the game. Because you can't actually die, as long as you're digesting food. Turns out, it's not a question of how strong you are. It's a question of how many apples you brought. You start as a child apprentice at the Heroes Guild. But after a few tutorials, everything fast forwards until you're a fully grown adult. Before that, you'll have to tolerate living with Whisper, [Whisper] "It's time to wake up. Get out of bed, lazybones." doing unpaid labor for the Guild, [Guild Master] "Well done, lad. The Beatles are all dead." and holding back tears while doing "favors" for the Guild Master. [Guild Master] "Just keep going till I tell you to stop." "Ah, now, that's more like it!" "Get used to the weight of this sword." "I think you've earned yourself some pocket money for that." Then you can finally go out into the great wide world of Albion. You can tell this place was inspired by Britain as all the peasants speak like they're inbred. They also have one of those characteristic British smiles. Lionhead Studios hates the working-class. So they've made every effort to make you hate them as much as possible. You can interact with them, use emotes and even marry them. I learned very early in life that the only two ways to get out of marriage is through domestic violence or becoming a widow. As a Hero, you take quests from the Guild. Some are optional, some are essential for progressing the story. They're quite straightforward. Occasionally, Whisper will show up, to annoy you even more, and steal your experience points, because her skill set is designed for kill stealing and contributing absolutely nothing to a team fight. The skill points you did manage to save from Whisper's fire bombs and flips can be spent at the Guild on upgrading your Hero. As you level up your abilities, your Hero will also physically change, growing taller and more muscular. This game is living proof that there's no excuse for being a manlet. So, hit the gym and squat your way into becoming 7 feet tall. There are downsides to upgrading your abilities, as each point spent makes you physically older, developing wrinkles, memory loss, and once you hit the age of 65, forces you to spend about 20,000 gold on a hip replacement. You can choose not to do this, but you'll have to keep taking morphine shots to numb the pain for the rest of the game. There are proven ways to reverse aging, of course, like sacrificing your wife to the dark gods. [Skorm Acolyte] "A pathetic contribution." Interestingly, this is still slightly less evil than divorcing her. There's a lot of skills to choose from, but like men, skills aren't made equally. Magic restores very slowly, so you'll be forced to chug down mana potions if you plan on using spells. The one upside of being a mage is that you can still use emotes while spellcasting. So you can keep thrusting away as you electrocute your enemies to death. Others are completely broken. Assassin's Rush lets you blink behind enemies and abuse the AI. Fun fact: Assassin's Rush can sometimes glitch into the terrain when combined with Summon. Please! Don't use this in The Chamber of Fate or you might accidentally glitch your way under the floorboards and obtain The Sword of Aeons 30 minutes after starting the game. Multi Strike allows you to completely ignore the combat system since it can't be blocked and has no cooldown and Time Stop lets you run through about 80% of the game without even lifting a finger. There's a lot more skills out there, but they're far too balanced to be worth talking about. Except Heal. Heal is absolutely vital when your character gets too muscular, as your fists might unintentionally kill your wife. Use Heal between beatings to keep her healthy and to get rid of any bruising that might be used as evidence against you in a court of law. Quests typically award you a lot of gold. Most players will spend this on "improving their gear" or "buying new weapons". REAL gamers spend it all on playing blackjack and buying yourself an appropriate title, so you don't go insane from listening to the villagers. Based on old save files I found from when I was 12 years old, I can tell you, with high certainty, that the most popular titles everyone picked were: Assassin, Necromancer, and Reaper. We were really edgy kids back then. In between quests, you can go and wander around town, trade, and get constantly mocked by older heroes who are past their prime. [Punk Bitch Thunder] "He can't entrust important quest to novices like you." *low budget teleport sound effect #3* [Mentally Deficient Ho, Briar Rose] "I see they're letting the children out of the Guild early these days." "Now, move aside, will you? I don't need you crowding me, too." "Can you move away now? You're getting in the way of my fans." "I hear you can make a decent living out of fishing. Or maybe begging's more your style?" As if that wasn't bad enough, the Guild Master will constantly Skype call you through your Guild Seal, giving you "great advice" when you "need" it the most. [Guild Master] "yOuR HeAlTh iS LoW! Do yOu hAvE AnY PoTiOnS? Or fOoD?" "tRy tO GeT YoUr cOmBaT MuLtIpLiEr eVeN HiGhEr." Don't worry, you get a chance to kill them all later. [Punk Bitch Thunder] "It's time I showed the world who the real Hero is!" [Mentally Deficient Ho, Briar Rose] "Well, I'm rather fond of my soul. I'm not giving it up without a fight!" There's a lot of activities outside town, including side-quests, puzzles, and fishing. However, fishing is a good way to catch carpal tunnel, as it involves rapidly mashing left-click on the PC. So, to avoid this, I turn on my auto-clicker and I set it to a 1 millisecond delay time so I can catch the fish instantly. Modern problems require modern solutions. You can customize your hero however you like. Different haircuts, facial hair, tattoos, and clothing will provoke different responses from the townspeople. Some of these might not make sense. So, you should always ask yourself, "What would a British woman find attractive?" and go from there. The Lost Chapters™ lets you own a brothel as well, which you couldn't in the base game. Lost Chapters™ is better in every way compared to the original. It's beautiful, it's got a lot to do and it's absolutely busted with the ways you can abuse the system. Peasants lack any kind of business sense and will happily sell you all of their stock. then they begin panicking from the lack of supplies, and offer to buy it all back at greatly inflated prices to end the shortage. You can do this infinitely and ruin the economy. Another scheme I used to run was being pure good and extremely famous, so peasants would never question why I need to lead them to a secluded spot in the woods. Once there, they'd all die of mysterious circumstances. When this happens, the family would have to sell the house in order to pay for funeral expenses. I would immediately snatch up the property and rent it out. I then repeat this for every property in town. Days later, the town is repopulated by the descendants of all those unfortunate peasants, who are forced to pay rent to me, their benevolent landlord, for all eternity, unaware of the fact that I may have had a role in their parent's demise. Fable™. It's ridiculous, it's entertaining, and it's probably one of the most interesting games ever made by Peter Molyneux. If you haven't already, then I sincerely recommend you give it a try, and if you have, well, I'm just feeding off your nostalgia. This time, the Lord of Lies gets my vote and I give it a 6 out of 6, which is the number of simultaneous wives you can have in every village, provided none of them ever find out. Personally, I look down on polygamy. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go hold hands with my husband. As always, more content to come, so stay tuned. Probably much more autistic content. So be warned. A warm thanks to the many members of The Merchants Guild generously funding and bankrolling these videos. You're all truly wonderful. Have a good one.
well done lad, the beatles are all DEAD
Well this was an unexpected upload
I see that Sseth has discovered Gigachad
Do we know if he's doing the other 2 in the series?