Bill Burr - Drunk Dialing Joe DeRosa

[Music] all right Joe you you message before you play it can I at least tell the story yeah all right this is what happened my last my last night of drinking this this is this is basically why I quit Joe was I was uh or took a Hiatus take an inventory I uh I was down in uh I was at this club is going to remain nameless all right and uh I can't believe I tell this story I hope they they don't have XM here um any the story but not have XM or I'm going to get a [ __ ] letter basically what happened was I was I've already said when the gig was so they're going to be able to do the math [ __ ] it I'm saying it I basically did this gig right it was the um the end of the night and and this this couple who I guess I had partied with the last time I was down there which I didn't remember so I already but when I came to town I'm like dude I'm not drinking this week you know you just say when you come to town right I'm eating lettuce I'm doing situps I'm going to come home I'm going to be shredded right I'm going to write jokes every night you know next you treat it like prison yeah and then you hammered jerking off the tube eight yeah it's so bad dude it's pathetic right so basically I get off stage all right and they're already sitting there and they already got I was drinking Jameson last time I was there so they already have one ready for me and I'm you know signing my CDs whing myself out and they're like hey Bill we already got a drink for you so I'm s you know I don't want to be a jerk right you know what I mean like I hate when like somebody buys me a drink and I got I can't have that then they think you you know right oh are you too big for me yeah can't drink C's light anymore prob some awful beer so I'm like all right so I go over there and I drink one of course I got to have a beer chase her right then they get me another one they're shooting the [ __ ] H you know the guy's girl is you know she's a little horish right the alcohol's kicking in she's got tattoos and the night's on next thing you know he's like oh yeah I work at a bar down the street bam we're down the street next thing you know more Jameson boom boom boom hammered and all this I dude I'm really getting paranoid do they have back stomach I don't know if I can the story basically ends I just she tells me she's not wearing any panties okay Jesus CH dude is like 5T away she's showing me she's not wearing panties of course so then in my hammered State I look over to the other comic I'm with I'm like she just showed me her clam all this stuff and then her her whatever he is sticks his head in between the two of us and he's like what happened what's going on and I immediately went oh I just put up this chin up bar in my house I tried to play it off then she gets I swear to God then she gets all and I'm wasted dude she gets then she gets all in my face with like this red wine breath she's like you got to kiss me you got to kiss me I'm like I like I don't want to kiss you she goes I just told you my clam what she say clam whatever she goes you got to kiss me and I go I'm not going to kiss you your boyfriend is like 2 feet away dude it was brutal then she then she walks off and now she's over there having a little Pawa with him so as the comedian is talking to me I'm acting like I'm listening but I'm really watching this other dude waiting for the glass up to the side of my head which I totally deserve at this point and uh last thing I remember her was walking on asking me if I had any Coke right so they they end up leaving now mind you I have to get up in like four hours to do radio they end up leaving I was just going to have one and now I'm still there I'm like yeah let's have another one and I Stay there for like another three dude I had I think I had like nine how did you get up for radio that's the worst part of the story to me because of a company man Joe I guess like like the next day like the guy I was working was like dude do you even remember any of that like do you remember we went do you remember when we went to go get pizza I was like no I don't even remember anything after leaving the bar evidently I went into the pizza parlor and the the the the uh host or the feature act he met some chick there so I guess he already knew her and he was trying to close the deal with her and I was hammered I thought he just met her so I was just like he killed tonight he was hilarious that guy who was the feature act that saw no there's there's no names in this story in this state this poor kid that I'll tell you allir there there's there's no oh dude come on man we we laughed the whole weekend I don't give a [ __ ] right so then basically what ended up happening was unb now at this point I'm completely blacked out I don't remember any of this and evidently I went back to my hotel room you got you got the message ready yep and I drunk dial Joe D Roa cuz at this point I think I was already taking stock in my life that I can't I can't do this anymore and uh this message is more embarrassing than anything he did in that story this is just so it's just so Danny you know when you just see something and you go that's so [ __ ] gay yeah you get the douche chills and you feel like you can't listen well you better put homosexual like you better put a coat on for this one you're going to get I'm going to cure global warming with these douche chills here it is Miami is the devil's armpit I'm drunk and I just spoke some truth in my own [Laughter] reality oh what is that even me [ __ ] [ __ ] you got to admit dude for AJ n j I'm not I'm not slurring too much I don't even know what you know what that in my drunk mind was I had made up my mind that was the last time I'm going to be involved in that situation I already felt I already felt dude I felt horrible dude you know what it was it was one of those deals with that couple like their relationship was falling apart and you just ended up being that the Catalyst to probably they they probably broke up after that night I'm so happy that I missed that phone call why dude you could have kept me on and I you have to do a show I couldn't have recorded it there was no way for me to record it and I just would have been cornered with your drunk [ __ ] you know he show me a clam he show me a clam and then that would have spiraled into some theory about the country that's just this country they they're got to bankrupted they're showing us clams to distract us from what's really going on I got admit I don't think I don't think it's that bad it's definitely douchy but like when you dude the way you the way you hype it up to me man I I thought I'd talked for five minutes that was a nice quick little no it was a quick but you straight right of douche chills right to your grill as I said the the just the air of of Pride and confidence in your voice that you really just said something that's the worst part of it you you can hear that you're like yeah man I just I said it and you're like oh [ __ ] oh 40 years old I'm years old and I left that I mean that's the kind of message you leave sophomore maybe end a freshman year in college I mean that is just pathetic oh that's great yeah so anyways uh so anyways people listening at this point who haven't just like projectile vomited with that that message uh yeah that was it and the next day I woke up Joe and I F I felt so bad I mean the people who are listening man I I apologize for my behavior I'll take 50% of that okay you know what I mean my half of that I apologize man I my behavior was ridiculous and uh and I am not sober they're not listening don't worry you're in the clear you're in the clear they're not listening nobody's listening bill we can say whatever we want in here he can confess to a murder right now wouldn't make a bit of [ __ ] difference oh my God uh uh uh o

Channel: Bill Burr University

Views: 61,071

Keywords: Bill Burr, Bill Burr University, MMPC, Bill Burr Podcast, stand up comedy, Joe DeRosa, Uninformed, bill burr, funny, bill burr university, comedy, drunk dialing, embarassing, drunk call, bill burr drinking, alcohol

Id: v6IPwxcxUPU

Length: 8min 8sec (488 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 18 2023