Bill Burr DNGAF Compilation

this isn't really a sport it's just a uh just a game what are you talking about it's it's like in the olympics and stuff it's called how comfortable these clothes are look at this you're not supposed to be able to do this with pants on like these pants are so comfortable i keep having to look down to make sure my dick isn't up it doesn't even feel like you're wearing clothes right now do you know why that is it's just because so many unathletic fat [ __ ] play this game dude the fact that everybody has to shut up when you hit the ball there's nobody guarding you and every oh simmer down simmer down everybody he's going to hit the ball talking to a seahawk fan here now is it true the rumor is that you guys aren't as loud as they say that they actually designed the stadium to contain it sounds like a pigeon you ever watched somebody take a free throw on basketball uh yeah there's like 5 000 people going [ __ ] you [ __ ] your mother and this thing here it's not even moving dude they've changed the clubs these used to be made out of wood it was too heavy for them too heavy for these cheating banker [ __ ] right of course there we go so all you do is you just you don't look there you just go like this and you go like that look at that jesus christ that's how you play golf it's cause you were talking sorry all right another thing that i'm loving about this stadium is they don't care about color coordination whatever bucket of paint is on sale they're going for it this beautiful uplifting brown that they have painted this uh isn't your idol richard pryor everybody all right let's pray oh no you don't either richard pryor come on good to see you like asking a guitar player if he likes hendrix i mean he's the man all right this is the man see how i do that you just ask me a question all of a sudden i make it uncomfortable i make sure you're speaking to the mic there you go um we discovered that there's a weirdest story anybody's ever said that like made me uncomfortable from the beginning no it's the serial killer like tone of his his complete lack of emotion thank you can i tell you something this happened yes yeah you know what and i know bill i think missing from that story is the sound of somebody gagged screaming in the other room right now i know that you [ __ ] go yeah and i know that you suspect that my husband is a psycho i've heard i've heard about he is yeah no i know and i've i actually agree yeah and i've been trying to prove this on this show it's just like you know there's like bud in this bud light there's like psycho and psycho light like he just he's not the uh the high calorie one that can't get married and have kids that's right yes but if you if his thoughts were a movie yep yeah definitely nc 17. yep he's a functioning psychopath bill burns ladies and gentlemen we're getting into the mind of bill bell late for his own podcast bill are you ready for this this is the best part that i think this is this is what's mind-blowing that people are going to love build bro your own name on your [ __ ] sweatshirt well outside of that i mean brandon kept we know who you are just in case you didn't bill i wore a shirt to remind you what's the big [ __ ] deal man all right it's just honey with kevin hart i hand out hoodies to homeless people because i care about downtown l.a go see jumanji part 19. the studio system has ruined you you want me to be a soft uh you know you know one of those twitter tough guys when guys come and sit on the couch i go right after him don't you respect me for that no i don't your big dumb desk hiding behind your microphone thank you for keeping it real college yeah i kept it 100 but when you kill somebody out and then have them in front of you that's punk no but then you can actually just admit that you're wrong when the guy's delivering because now he's delivering he's still trying oh yeah he's not admitting that he's wrong that's what i'm saying there you are look at billy how are you you look like a [ __ ] prize i stupid headphones to work here something that'll work let me see if these ones will work hold on a second no they work good my headphones aren't working for me though oh okay it's about me nick it's not about you here here we go are you from southie no that's a good will hunting question that i've answered for 15 years ever since that movie came out are you good at math do you like apples where are you from in boston i lived in a a safe suburbs sagas do you really like i would like to know how beautiful you are look how beautiful you know how many psychos are out there i'm not gonna tell where i live what's your social security number you don't have any kids no i don't i don't like the way you said that you don't have any kids no i don't have any kids i'm going to adopt i'm going to rescue a couple of the children that work till 4 in the morning to put this they make them catch it when it rains okay and you have to stand out there until it's full and if it doesn't rain that day you actually get beaten and they dock your pay because you didn't do the rain dance right and then we sit here and we drink this [ __ ] and we wonder why china hates us i don't have i don't have any sympathy for fat people by the way that's another one no i don't know does that where are they on kick a ginger date huh they send me a card they don't people only care about their group that's it i've noticed that they're doing stand-up the people when you when you make fun of animals the people who get offended is is the animal people right you make you make fun of asians the asians come up you make fun of this right but the asian people never never defend the fatties right the fat people never go hey lay off those chihuahua jokes they don't it's just it's very selfish where they'll sit there and just subject after subject is going by and they're all laughing and the second it comes to their neighborhood it's it's not jokes anymore the these these statements that you made like i must meet the press i'm a realist though yeah conspiracy theory has gotten a bad name where now it's it's it's become synonymous with like moronic thought like if you're into conspiracy theory if you think like the bankers need to be stopped then you also think the moon is made out of cheese and you think that there's shape-shift shifters and like lizard people you know they just try to knock it down it's like this country started with a conspiracy that's how it came we won so they're considered heroes and rebels you know whatever revolutionaries but if they lost they would be hanged for conspire for conspiring yeah it's not like it spontaneously happened yeah like all of a sudden everybody just picked up a gun and started shooting at the british you know they sat around they said they planned it out i'm kind of getting tired of these people it's funny when you said we when i'm like did we really win but i don't know what you're saying i understand what you're saying now is that that african-american thing yeah you know i was reading a little bit about you and it says that you have a tendency to kind of go with your first thought yeah because reading makes you sleepy that's right my first thought is this is the best week to be here the week before the super bowl that is so true before all the [ __ ] fly in uh-huh you know yeah they just want to get out wow i want to get out of here before that but it's true this is like the oscars for prostitutes okay all right entire week let's remember we're too rated here folks um yeah he he like he's like a 300 pound dude and he's bullying another 300-pound dude oh i did hear about that now you know what it is about that whole thing i don't think it's any of my business you know what i mean that was a private phone call you know and then you put it on tv dude if you took 90 of my my text messages and phone messages and you put them on the news you would run out of podiums to put in front of me that i would have to apologize to crap me and derosa say to each other forget it my stuff is so bad you actually have code you know what's crazy is i knew that yeah i'm closing up with joe where he's like look at the fake name yeah look at everybody here getting silent like you don't do the same thing you know i do know everybody has yeah you got your little paula deen moments you got something you know everybody coming down on that chef like they're a perfect person [Music] i'm a huge fan of hockey i love it and i love that people don't get it down in the states i love it i love them why do they make why do they let them fight i can't see the puck it's like music to my ears it's like good yeah get out of here just get out of here let me let me let me watch it do you remember when they lit up the puck for a few years on tv oh yeah that was you guys you know no but yeah but the nhl well no no wait are you wait a minute wait a minute time out time out time out the nhl is you guys too so all the owners had to agree with that and you all had to be like we gotta we gotta like expand this thing we thought we'd funnel money into canada and keep it here but you guys took it over like you tend to do but well i'm not gonna apologize no i don't know you're big on the yeah that's just business dude you're acting like we came and knocked you on the head you know what we're about yeah we wait wait a minute oh yeah wait a second fellow white person not native to this country how did you guys get this up here did the native americans go oh will we like these white guys you can have all that land jesus christ no ah i get it your [ __ ] smells like maple syrup up here do you know what you're telling me all right i'll go with it so your christian background is is part of the the show yes and i wanted to talk to you about jesus after that well i'm not the only reason why i bring it up but some people thought maybe you went a little too far you know as far as what well they thought that maybe you were being disrespectful to the christian religion i'm telling you you need to google oh good lord so did you feel you were disrespectful or just you you were just having fun with some of the crucifixes and stuff like that i don't even know what yeah i mean we did maybe two jokes about that yeah exactly don't you think the catholic church went a little too far more so than my cartoon i listened to a couple of jokes i know this is a morning show you can't bring up all those crimes you know what they just they just sort of kept moving them around you know like those killer whales at sea world after it kills a trainer they'll then move it up to seattle they don't give them their background all right i'm not totally following but i don't know what i'm talking about it's a morning show i understand anytime that kid would miss the graduation and then it was a feel-good story and we want to leave if you want to feel good about america you watch the morning shows you don't watch us you know and one joking if that kid's story about the graduation was late night that would have been a whole different story what do you think he's still missing we can't find him all we found was his hat but you watch in the morning it's great it all worked out he got his own personal graduation like i was in such a great mood look how yellow this couch is it's like the sun listen where's the line you know i don't think there is a line i mean it's an art form i would just there you go one person agreed i just pharmaceutical companies can hand out [ __ ] opiates to everybody like they're handing out flyers to some shitty jam band and get everybody hooked on heroin and nobody has a problem with it but you tell a caitlyn jenner joke in a [ __ ] strip mall and all of a sudden people get offended that's a good point makes a good point

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 599,601

Keywords: bill burr, savage moments, bill burr funny moments, thug moments, interview, podcast, bill burr comebacks, funny, laugh planet

Id: 1OID2T6FFjY

Length: 12min 7sec (727 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 02 2021