Alright, he's on his way up. Okay, we ready? What do you want us to do? Why do I have to explain everything? Because we're usually not on the same page. [clapping] Oh! Okay. And to you. Stay away from Erin. I'm your boss. Why don't you, uh, stay away from me? No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay, you don't want to get on my bad side, I've seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies. Okay, that's so weird! Just go away. No, you go away. So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager? For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here. That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby. I wasn't accusing... Well, Toby's in charge of Human Resources, that would include communication. I think that Toby's done a fine job. Right. I really wasn't trying to insult anyone... I didn't think you were. I have two relationships with Andy. I have a personal relationship, and I have a professional relationship. Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin. Professionally, he broke up the happiest couple in this office. How many windows are there in New York City? What? Critical thinking. Common on the spot question asked in an interview. Okay, uh, let me think. Are you counting car windows? No. How far away is the Sun? Uh, 93 million miles. Is it? Yeah. And the diameter of the Sun is 870,000 miles which makes it a hundred and nine times wider than the earth, and three hundred and thirty three thousand times heavier than the earth. Shut up about the Sun! Shut up about the Sun! Walk away, bitch. Well, I manage my department and I've been doing that for several years now And... God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way Your department's just you, right? Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. Great. Um, can we just... What was that? We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so. Am I not a serious candidate? What do you want me to say? I mean there's a line of qualified people out there, we have a Video CV from England. Are we all just gonna pretend to...? Okay. Um... What are your weaknesses? I don't have any, asshole. Gabe! I need to talk to you. You can't be in here, this is a ladies bathroom. Erin... Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here every time you go if that's what it takes. Hey, Creed. Not cool, man. I really think you should leave. Someday you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room. Gabe, can we talk about this later? I have to go. Okay. Just read the letter under your windshield wiper. Okay, it explains everything. Okay? Do you want– Gabe! Well... Gotta catch a plane. Oh, hey Gabe, I'm sorry we didn't get you a cake or anything. We're gonna miss you. Oh! Well, I'm still the corporate liaison to the branch. You are not leaving without giving me a hug. Ugh... Okay. You know what? You don't need to make that sound. I'm sorry, you were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be! There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger. I've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they want to do. In case you can't read my-my-my... Poker Face. [chuckles] We will be reviewing our sales policies. I have ten seconds to explain them or this whole place blows up. MacGruber! Has anyone started calling you Gabe-wad yet? Not here, no. Hey, I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship. For you? Yes! For Gabe. Who are you seeing? That's great. Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. I'm not technically seeing her, but uh... I've seen her... with the eyes and, uh, there was a traction in at least one direction. So... You know, I don't have to do paperwork unless you're actually dating. Okay, well, once this starts it's gonna to be moving fast It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know. But I mean, have you talked to her? Yeah, we had a whole conversation about Mondays Do you know her last name yet? Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name? Hey! Watch it. Good luck, Gabe. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable, she'd plug her ears and scream her heart out– Gabe, can you stop talking? Because every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. I got a tattoo for you. I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did. You did that for you! Just do it. You were the 'it' that I was just doing. Oh, you play? Oh, I like to create sound scapes. Imagine one instant of a song expanded to be the size of the universe. I can't even do that. This one's called: 'Earth Rise on the Moon'. That's so beautiful... What kind of music are you into, Peter? Uh... I like all kinds of music, Gabe. Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan? No! Erin, are you even hearing this? Gabe, he didn't even say that! He's not a very sophisticated man. I mean, he can't use chopsticks. So, heh. Do I need to say anything else? Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night. Give me one night with you. Gabe, what is that supposed to be– I've shaved everything– I don't want you to shave everything! I wasted two years of my life on you. You realize that, right? I just want to be real clear, that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. I am as smooth as a porpoise for you. Oh man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180-pound man with no fat. Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen? There you go boys, see how Papa takes care of you? I remember when people thought biceps are all that. They'd flex them all night at the discotheque. Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh? Yeah. Core's critical. There are four tenets of pilates that I live my life by. One, lengthen. Two, elongate. Listen guys. I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who's the strongest? Well, there's only one way to solve that. Thigh curl contest. Alright, here we go everybody. May the manliest man win! Go. Feast on this, Lewis. I love the burn! The burn is where I live. Come on Gabe, you can't handle his hamstrings! You're getting hypno-thighs-ed! Speed set! One! Two! Here, this is for your elbows. For your elbows! Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Quick phone call for you guys! Keep going! Eight, nine ten! We got it? Very funny Jim. Yeah, Jim. Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies. Everyone, conference room, now. Alright, easy. Did someone say girl talk? Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum because I am great at girl talk. Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jung Cinderella girl, although, I definitely fast forward through the Young-Tae storylines. Do you think I'd like that or is it important to have an asian fetish? Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an asian fetish. Yeah. It'll be upsetting if you don't. Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest. Happy birthday to Gabe! Oh get out, Skeleton Man. Very funny everyone. Who wrote captions under my doodle? I'm not even kidding. They're pretty good. Which one in particular? Yeah, which one? Well, the first one has a surprise factor. I'm a suck suck suckity Sabre. Booyah! No. No, no. No, no, no. But uh, I suppose the second one is the better written line. You suppose? What's it say? "I'm supposed to be wearing red gloves, but my color cartridge portal got jammed again." Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Heh, heh. Gloves. One for you, Cool, thanks! and one for you. Cool, thanks. Oh! You missed your head. There you go. Phyllis, think fast.
