Best “Bullet Fricking Dodged” Moments Ever

what is your bullet freaking dodge moment almost slept with a girl in college i was pretty into her and ready to go but had responsibilities in a final the next day so i didn't bite kissed her good night went back to my dorm studied for the next four hours before myra calls me and tells me there's a girl down in the lobby looking for me i go down to find her with a 37-page love letter front and back she had written about my kiss she proceeded to hang outside my dorm room for the next four months i had to start crawling out my window to get to class and eventually ended up dropping out and moving to another state to avoid her but flash forward to when my space came around she sent me a message telling me she reads everything i post on there even though she wasn't on my friend's list that was seven years after i had moved to another state so interesting that people like this exist i once had a psychotic one week rebound with a very damaged recently former stripper she told me and i believed that she couldn't get pregnant the whole thing blows up and i only get a ut some time later i'm sitting before a movie with my future wife and see a very pregnant version of said former stripper my wife says the face i made as i frantically counted months was beyond hilarious it had been over nine bit less than 18 so no way the current or a previous kid could be mine near death experience your wife sounds hilarious lol i ran out of fuel once normally that wouldn't be so bad but i was flying a cessna 152 over the mojave desert at the time it's really not a bad glider i had to land on the highway the landing went perfectly the chp pilot with whom i was in communication during my unpowered ascent landed at the nearby airport and brought me 10 gallons of have gas i climbed on the wing and dumped it in the chp blocked off both ends of the road fuse as a runway and i took off into the sunset i was using a stake knife to try and unlock a bathroom door by trying to move the metal thing i'm sure it's got a name but i don't know what tumblr maybe holding it into the door jamb stupidly i was doing this from the bottom with as much pressure as i could manage so when the knife invariably slipped the blade slammed into my skull a tiny bit above my left eyeball it took me two minutes to pull my hand away to check if i could see i thought i had skewered my eye for sure and definitely deserved to bullet dodged i mean glad that you didn't stab yourself but this might be one of the dumber things i've read here i did the 180 on the highway at speed i managed to not hit anyone else the guardrail or go off the road into the 10 ft plus ditch the road was wet and i hit large rock i assume fell off the track so the front left tyre comes off road and when it comes back down i the over corrected when i started to skid towards the ditch i was stoned sober and my best friend was asleep in the car at the time he actually woke up mid-spin when we finally stopped facing the wrong way a guy staring at his points in the other direction as if i didn't know which way i should be driving the city was doing road construction in front of our place about three years ago it was annoying noisy and covered everything with fine dust during this time frame my son ended up catching some sort of bug or so we thought that seemed a lot worse at night three nights in a row he ended up jumping out of bed after throwing up all over the place and having diarrhoea it was awful we would spend hours just rubbing his back and cleaning him up i would then put him to bed in the spare bedroom and he would pass out completely exhausted after the third night i went on a cleaning spree and was basically scouring the crap out of everything to get the sick air out of the house when i discovered that the dang dust from the road construction was coating everything with this grimy blackish residue that was incredibly hard to remove or what i thought was road dust i was irate enough that i took a pick and posted it on fb and was bitching about the construction and asking if anyone else was having the same issues a couple hours later i get a message from a friend that asked if we had an oil furnace i thought it was odd but just said that yes we do and asked why she asked she then proceeded to tell me that all her ceiling fans and then ctc looked exactly like my pick did when her furnace filter got clogged and wasn't burning off the oil properly which in turn filled her house with carbon monoxide i totally went into preservation mode and packed everyone into the truck and drove around the corner to the fire station the firemen came in their trucks with their carbon monoxide detectors and sure as crap the basement was highly toxic and was filling the house my son's room is directly above the furnace room and when the heat was kicking in at night he was getting poisoned we are all lucky to be alive especially my boy our landlord installed carbon monoxide detectors two days later after the house aired out and the furnace guy did his repairs scary crap kids driving through an intersection near my college and the light turns green so i started going i went forward maybe one car length and a car comes barreling through the intersection on my left had i gone forward like i normally do i would have been t-boned at a speed that likely could have killed me keep in mind this is a regular occurrence in my town red light as i mean i was walking back from work at 11 p.m i work close to home and i go to cross the road because neither of the two cars behind me had their turning signal on halfway through the guy in the second car yells hey kid let me i back up a bit and the first car takes the sharpest left turn i had ever seen and when i saw the driver's face he looked completely dead or emotionless i couldn't even see his eyes but that is probably just a trick of the light the second guy pulls up i thank him for not letting me become a pancake he explains that he thinks that guy was completely drunk i thought it made sense at the time but whenever i look back i don't think he was drunk i saw his face and he seemed more dead than intoxicated god yeah had a guy driving the wrong way down the motorway at us once i was in the passenger side and we only pulled over in time to let him pass i will never ever forget the empty look on his face it was like there just wasn't anything left behind his eyes i had the hugest crush you can imagine on this guy in high school i'm talking head over heels crazy about this guy he was perfect such a gentleman super smart did volunteer community work everything about him was dreamy so it broke my heart that this girl that i hated since elementary school found out i was crushing on him and got with him they dated all through high school and she would purposely flaunt her relationship in front of me one day i broke down in sophomore year and a couple of my classmates saw me i told a few what was going on and one girl told me that she had been his neighbor all her life and he was unbuttholed to her and he used to bully her dogs when they were little she insinuated that he hit her dogs and told me this crazy story involving him attaching firecrackers to one of her dog's tail i thought my classmate was just saying an extravagant story to try and cheer me up but in senior a year they broke up because he beat the crap out of his girlfriend the girl i hated so bad that she spent three days in the hospital he was transferred out and it was a whole mess at school i still hate her but every time i look back at high school i think about him and think to myself wow i dodged that bullet tl dr had a crush on a guy that supposedly was an animal abuser as a kid girl i hate takes him away from me to make me jealous he ends up beating the crap out of her got dumped by my ex like a typical movie sad at the time very anti-social dude i was sad and depressed because i had been dumped after all i had been dumped for another man so i did have a feeling of just not being good enough instead of being in a relationship that didn't work out after a while she starts sending some messages we talk a bit and suddenly we start fighting she was the first one i had opened up to and told my thoughts deep down that i hid for everyone else and she threw them back in my face in the most hurtful manner i was shocked when i reflected about it i realized she had been doing it during our relationship too we'd have an argument i'd present my points of view in a calm manner etc and she'd just suddenly fling crap to wind me up later found out she also had lied to me about her age and was just barely legal when we hooked up treated myself to a nice pizza and a good bottle of scotch to celebrate the dodge bullet crisis averted man good job this sounds awful but when i was around 14 there was this cute girl who went to the same church as me we're talking backwards alabama here mostly old folks so there were only maybe five kids my age to interact with anyway we hit it off and started talking every day went out several times about four months into this her parents who turned out to be fairly weird and old-fashioned talked to my parents saying we were a good match and they had already decided to sign for us to be married all this crazy crap so i backed far away from all that the bullet dodge is that maybe a year later she married some guy who was also weird like her family instantly pregnant after the wedding ah and then had a massive stroke so the poor guy was stuck with a fully vegetative wife and a newborn child who had down syndrome as well all at age 17. just had one with a potential roommate before we even moved in together he decided he wasn't going to reimburse me for his half of the deposit after the management of the apartment complex drew the entire thing from my account because i was listed as the primary i went ahead and decided we wouldn't be a good fit for each other if he couldn't get literally the first financial interaction we had together right had my application converted to a single bedroom apartment instead of a larger double room thanks to him for showing his hand before we moved in it's probably too late but i am a recovering h addict two things happened while using one a month or two before i got clean i had just copped two bundles and stopped at a gas station on the way back to throw a couple bucks in but when i was walking in a cop pulled in and parked but didn't get out when i walked back out and started pumping one two more cops rolled up and just sat there i wasted as much time as i could but they wouldn't budge finally i said frickin got in and started driving they instantly flipped on their blues and got behind me in the parking lot i was like welp i'm freaked he came up and asked for license registration and proof on insurance the only thing i had was my license as all the others were expired because age i was like i have my license but i don't have and he cuts me off and said insurance or registration yeah we know we've been looking for you for a while which was super confusing i was just waiting for them to pull some shady crap like call the canine or something if i refused to comply with a search they never did though my car was towed and i was stranded in mid-january in the pa winter i called my buddy and told him i would throw him a bag if he picked me up he obliged the second one happened the day after i got clean so i broke down to my mom and she helped me get help by going to a suboxone doctor this is all another story but what i found out is the day i went to my sub doctor the day after i last copped all my friends i used to cop with on the regular got stung we all used to meet up at my friend's house and drive to the local walmart or mcdonald's and the dealer used to meet us there sounds normal right well it was always like eight ten of us junkies just taking up parking spaces waiting for the dope man turns out the day i didn't go is the day the police swarmed all the cars after the dealer got there all my friends went to jail prison and my dealer got 25 years as he was caught with a gun and 400 bags second offense i feel like i dodge a bullet in both of those situations let alone not using any more the six years cleaned the 26th of september tried out the online dating thing once a few years ago after spending some time being single went on a date with a girl who seemed normal and pretty cool the date went mostly okay but i wasn't feeling a second date after it ended she invited me to her place and wasn't too subtle about announcing that she was hoping to get laid i politely declined and made my way home still not feeling the desire to see this person again much later that night my phone exploded with text after text from her cutting me out telling me i wasn't really attractive she just wanted a quick play etc just truck loads of abuse of this type i texted back to let her know that i didn't ever want to speak to her again and would be blocking her number she responded with a plea for me to give her a second chance and invited me over again number blocked social accounts found and blocked bullet dodged i was at a wedding for a high school friend the only one i kept in touch with after graduation i was there alone i already knew my table number but i decided to take a look at the seating plan posted near the door just to be sure my friend had seated me with my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend needless to say i wish the bride and groom my best and then nope the frick out of there a while ago less than a year i slept with a girl off tinder we wanted different things and ended up leaving things on amicable terms cut to a couple months later i get a text out of the blue saying she needed to tell me something and then a few hours later i see her posting pregnancy scanned photos on facebook my butthole has never pinched so tightly so fast i thought i was seeing my unborn child for the first time through a picture on facebook i was weirdly annoyed that this was how i first seen my spawn turns out she needed to tell me nine months later that she believed she left some stuff in my house and could she swing by to collect them and oh yeah the baby is nothing to do with you don't worry running on two hours of sleep in 2.5 days during invasion of iraq sitting in static defensive position outside of the bath party hq 20 minutes before stand to i hear what i swear is a motor scooter thankfully the lt in the hmv next to my position is more aware and declares incoming i'll push my saw gunner's head down and get myself down as well wait about 10 seconds here a thump behind our position wait wait peek out see the fins of a mortar round sitting three featuring behind our fighting position and the dirt that was excavated from said position once given all clear low crawled out the position attached engineers demoed the round caught maybe 20 minutes sleep before the control detonation woke me up i should maybe add this was one four days seriously don't know after our lmtv drove into a quarry and started sinking in the middle of the s iraq desert life truly is stranger than fiction sometimes one year i was looking over my finances and happened onto a check deduction for health care from my employer that i mulled for a month or two over whether i should cancel since i was a healthy mother who don't need no stinking health insurance but by the kindness of the great one above i ended up not cancelling within the year i found out i had cancer which needed operation for which i spent four days post surgery in the hospital and up to now still receiving surveillance treatment not a dime out of pocket except for numerous parking fees gas and food on my two hour trips to the hospital thank you god for your blessings when i was 15 lived in the projects i babysat for the neighborhood drug dealers when they got back in the middle of the night i went home and went to school the next day when i arrived home from school i found out the app was raided every single person hanging out in the stairs hallway was arrested the police found the drugs when the toddler asked for her shoes and the drugs were inside the whole building was a drug den i would have been there and arrested if i had not inexplicably gone to school after being up till the wee hours of the morning about 25 people were arrested that day my friend really he was going to visit the orlando gay bar the night of the shooting but his mom had a stroke and he had to come back to texas we never hugged him so tight before that day phil spidman knocked my gf up was supportive and told her i'd take care of her and the baby she decided we weren't ready so got an abortion a week later after that found out she had been cheating on me def the type to use said child as a weapon too i don't understand people who use children as weapons like aren't they too floppy soft and small to do damage i told this to my dental hygienist recently and she thought it was funny so here you go my friend owned this camp in the mountains when it wasn't in session he brought a bunch of friends up to hang out so it's very late at night and he goes to get some people at the front entrance and leaves me and another friend alone we decide to do the zipline over this pond as my friend is explaining to me you're going to feel a yank after you jump off i just tell him go and i'll see what you're talking about he goes looks awesome now keep in mind it's pitch black outside so i ready myself and jump i feel the little hitch he was talking about but something isn't right as i conclude that something indeed isn't right it feels like i get hit with a pickup truck in the back i was falling about 25 feet without even knowing and landed perfectly on my back and about one and a half feet of water the rope snapped any other rotation would have left me severely injured or dead my friend thought i died but i got up and met him around the corner my back looked like i had been shot point blank with about 50 paintballs other than that i was fine my ex-girlfriend tried to set me up on a date with her best friend we've been friends since we broke up and tried to set each other up before so wasn't a huge deal so i go to meet the best friend and the plan was dinner and axe throwing the whole time we're both having a great time but i just have this nagging feeling that something isn't quite right with her as we're parting ways and the whole i had a great time we should do this again i'd try to politely just play off my uncertainty she offered me to come back to her place but i declined we didn't really talk much right after just from our lives being batshit and then i find out maybe a month or so after the date that she met someone on tinder and that they got engaged at the end of their date and that she's pregnant from the guy she met him almost immediately after our date i was trying to hook up with a girl i met on some dating app neither of us could host so i figured it was a lost cause then she started acting crazy like she was so special i was supposed to fight for her and because i wasn't i was abandoning her like all the other men in her life i'm like lady i barely know you calm down someone asked me out i said no said person proceeded to date my friend and threatened to kill himself when she tried to break up with him i had been talking to a guy for a couple weeks and we'd gone on two dates which were fine i liked him enough to bring him to my friend's house for a small gathering that night he started acting really strange like he was on something i could sense that he was making everyone uncomfortable so we ended up leaving early i brought him home and went back to my own place later that night my friend texted me that something had seemed off about him and she had decided to google the guy she found some pretty weird stuff about him weird videos he'd posted online that made him look like a total creep and that he had a dui that he had lied to me about knowing that my previous bf had a drinking problem needless to say i ended things right then and there although he texted me incessantly for about a week after i was so glad i found out he was a creep before things had progressed anymore and my skin crawled thinking about what might have happened your friend is a legend holy crap i come from a family of five long story short my siblings all went to live with my father while i ended up staying with my mother my siblings have been in and out of jail have gotten incredibly obese to the point of significant health issues and have multiple children they can't afford i was raised by a single mother on government assistance i now hold a professional doctorate and i'm married with a kid on the way making well over six figures bullet freaking dodged i was dropping a co-worker off at home and he lived on the golf course filled with narrow roads and deep ravines it was dark and had been snowing all day so the roads were slick i didn't see a sharp right hand turn because my car wiper blades were complete garbage and ice lid left as i was trying to abruptly slow down and ended up dumping my 2002 mazda protege down the three-story ravine missing a giant pine tree by less than a foot you just convinced me to always buy the best wipers available my family had lived in dallas for my formative years but around 20 they packed up and moved back to san antonio where i was born to be closer to family initially i followed them and transferred colleges but after almost two years of unhappiness it became apparent that this wasn't a good fit for me and i wanted to move back to dallas being incredibly close to my family it was a difficult choice but one i knew i needed to make flash forward a few months i'm back in dallas in a small studio apartment and re-enrolled in my original university having lived with a loud boisterous family for 22 years means the silence of living alone is unsettling i watch sex in the city on repeat for background noise until i literally kill the dvd player and have to replace it i start reconnecting with friends i had not seen in a few years including my first love and boyfriend he's elated i'm back and puts the moves on hard to get me to agree to date him again i have a really fond place for him in my heart and i'm not opposed but i needed time to get adjusted to being independent and living alone he's understanding and patient for about two weeks before he tells me if i won't date him he has another girl interested should he go date her a little annoyed at the tactic but supportive nonetheless i tell him he should do what makes him happy i then hear nothing from him for about six months our birthdays are a few days apart and when i call him for our yearly birthday call he says he's been meaning to talk with me that he's going to be a daddy the girl he dated got pregnant and now he's getting married and starting a family i asked if he loved her and he said no but he was stupid so he had to make it right i got off the call and thanked the stars that my little barely adult brain was smart enough to prioritize myself and well-being above being pressured to do something i wasn't ready for to take the easy road and find comfort in an old love while doing some uncomfortable growing up story worked out though he's still married to her with a second kid and they are going strong as a current 22 year old i would love to be living alone don't get me wrong as i do care for my family but kinda hard to be working full time with little sleeper certain family members stay up till five in the morning screaming and banging crap around their tvs rant aside congrats i don't frick with guns i really don't during undergrad three friends of mine and i went to my buddy's farm and he whipped out a rifle we were all kinda drunk and he decided we should shoot random crap he picked up some plates bottles stumps and put them all over when it was my turn i told him i didn't want to shoot her because i don't feel comfortable he points it at me and says come on buddy it isn't scary and my other friend kicks the gun off his hands dude the safety i'm not sure if i would have gotten shot that day but i honestly didn't want to find out i owe my friend a lot lol i just don't understand why anyone would ever recreationally point a gun towards another person i knew a police officer who was fired for jokingly pointing his pistol at his partner girl and i started dating at 16. we turned 21 together and she decides she missed out on her childhood and wants to break up to go have fun three years later she's still successfully single with the exception of three children between three others guys my friends and i were in a car rolling up some joints illegal where we live in a parking lot that was closed but we didn't know it and a parade of cops pull up and start shining flashlights in our faces we all get out of the car more cops show up and they search the car they find everything and it's all laid out on the hood of the car when suddenly they get a call about a shooting they throw our ids back at us and say get the frick out of here we all scramble to grab the drugs and freaking jetted it was nuts so close to having to deal with a lot of legal bullshittery we all scramble to grab the drugs lol it's a much longer story than this but the important details are as follows i was dating a woman pretty seriously she wanted to get married within the next year or so i had always intended to wait with anyone not just her until my late twenties at least that in itself was not an issue her dad worked for a military contractor and wanted me to work for his buddy in a dod lab in pennsylvania we're from michigan also not an issue in itself although i hadn't have zero qualifications or desire to work in the military the issue was that she was really abusive and had repeatedly told me the details of how she would murder me and hide the body she had an aunt who was a judge elsewhere in the state and was confident that she even though they'll never find my body she would get off scot-free sometimes it wasn't murder sometimes it was suicide she would tell me the full details of her suicide plan and how it would be my fault if she died or sometimes it was full on murder suicide but it was always always my fault comply or one of us or both of us dies there were quite a few occasions in which she actively and seriously endangered my life and or her own and i was so far in over my head and believing her spin on things that i believed i would be killed unless i just let her do her thing in secret we broke up years ago but i am absolutely certain that i would be dead if i had moved to pennsylvania if i'd taken the dod job i would be dede she had already isolated me from my family and friends and that added distance and lack of support network would only have made things worse she died earlier this year it was suicide unfortunately i bear no malice against her i had hoped that she was doing better and though i never wanted to see her again she was still a human being but i am very thankful that i dodged that bullet or much more likely knife my friends and i were riding bikes together through our neighborhood sometime at the end of high school we had only just reached the lighted intersection dividing two suburbs and were waiting at the crosswalk but suddenly we were all jolted by what we could only imagine was cannon fire somewhere just beyond a slope in the road long story short a very troubled man had decided to take it upon himself to use a handmade explosive on the exposed gas main pipes between the two neighborhoods as fortune would have it he wasn't experienced enough and didn't breach the metal if he had those pipes ran under the sidewalk directly underneath where we had been standing when the glass went off we would have been toast to conclude the story the man managed to injure himself and stumbled around on foot bleeding everywhere until he was apprehended the next day one of my friend was interviewed by a news team thinking back it's still weird to think that we could have died completely unaware the pipes wouldn't have blown beneath you it would have just been up where the guy was if he was the only one within say 20 feet he would have been the only one hurt eight ied daisy chain the last 155 round didn't detonate appropriately and was lazily rolling on the pavement as we drove by we weren't armed yet either when i was about 10 i was in cub scouts and also suffering from sports related head trauma which i received via a baseball to the head about two years prior my injuries led to seizures which which put a damper on what i was allowed to do in scouts one summer after day camp my scout den and i went to my den leaders house we youth decided to play in the backyard where there was a perfect climbing tree i knew i wasn't allowed to climb trees but everybody looked like they were having such a good time up there so i eventually joined i woke up several minutes later in my den leader's arms i of course had a seizure in the tree and fell 18 to the ground the real bullet that was dodged though was in my landing right where i hit the ground was a log which had been cut into three pieces one was moved and as luck would have it it was the middle one i fit into its spot like a puzzle piece and if i had fallen just a foot or inch to the right or left i would have punctured a lung been paralyzed or died but miraculously i walked away with only a broken arm coincidentally that was the last seizure i ever had and i'm proud to say that i've made a complete recovery i had my eagle court of honor yesterday and i'm going to college in just a few weeks if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 51,185

Rating: 4.9232736 out of 5

Keywords: bullet dodge, bullet dodged reddit, bullet dodger, bullet dodging scene, best bullet dodge, get out, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: 6i3LuHiSWWQ

Length: 31min 3sec (1863 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 11 2021