Empaths and Narcissists

would anybody ever describe you as being friendly and helpful and encouraging and tuned in to the personal dimension if that's the case it could very well be that you would be called an empath and actually that's a very good thing to be called at least in my opinion in fact we can pick up on the word empathy which is a very non narcissistic word and the empathizer is somebody that's willing and able to get inside another person's mind and heart and understand the world from their perspective that's what empaths do and that's like I say that's a very positive trait until the narcissist shows up and begins thinking now what can I do with that person that's gonna make me feel better and going to help my quality of life and usually that's not a very good thing for them to be thinking that way keep in mind that the narcissist tend to be exploitive they be tend to be highly controlling and so what I want to do in this video is I'd like to talk about what it means to be an empath and I'm gonna give you eight checkpoints and then to figure out how you can make sure that you are aware of the pluses and minuses of that kind of quality of life so that you can stay on the plus side not the minus side now before we get to that I do want to make you aware of the fact that we have some books available to you some resources if you'll look below the video you'll find that I have some links to a couple of books one of them is my book it's entitled when pleasing you is killing me and if you have any inclination toward the empath side I really encourage you to get that book because that frankly that book is written directly to you and then a second book is entitled ugly love and it's written by a partner of mine Laura Carranza and she talks from the position of somebody who's been through some narcissistic circumstances and has lived to tell about it and has some very interesting experiences to tell you about and I think you'll find both of those books to be quite helpful particularly regarding this subject and then of course we would encourage you to subscribe to our channel so as more videos come up then you'll be notified now what does it mean to be an empath let's go there first and I have eight eight points that I want to just go over but with you out rather quickly here and I want you to just kind of place a check next to each one of these to see if it relates to you eight indicators that you might be an empath now the first one that would certainly come as no surprise to anyone the empath intuitively picks up on the inner feelings and perceptions of other people impasse are the kind of folks that when you say something to them they hear behind the scenes for example if you say something like I went to my mother's house and and visited her for the weekend and then the empath is remembering oh yeah you told me about that before and she's been dealing with some real health issues so how was that and was it going okay and they kind of get inside your world where quickly and they want to know that personal dimension that's a very positive thing that they do and that's something they do on many different fronts and they do it quite skillfully number two empaths tend to be very sensitive now we can say that one I just mentioned about being able to read other people's moods that would be part of their sensitivity but there's a back side to that as well and that is impasse tend to feel their own emotions and they feel the emotions of others in a more powerful way they're impacted very strongly by the feelings in other individuals and so their emotions can be kind of at the very front if somebody's hurting they feel it if they hurt they feel it much more strongly if somebody is angry it really gets to them in a way where thick skinned person might just shrug it off the empathy doesn't shrug that off they have a very delicate sensitive nature and when they feel something they tend to feel it more down the spectrum than the average Joe or Jane would number three impasse have a true passion to be helpful that's one thing for someone to say hey can you help me out and you say yes you're the empath it's like they get their sense of meaning from that they really enjoy finding out what other people's needs and desires are and it's like well now that I know you better than know how to make your life go a little bit more positively because of my presence in in your life and so they like seeing themselves as being helpful and they're the kind of folks that help out in the kitchen or with little kids or if there's someone that just seems to be down on their luck then they're more than happy to go in that direction very very helpful that's just a central part of their identity a fourth ingredient and I actually like this one maybe the most I don't know but empaths are deeply moved by beauty now when I say beauty that covers a wide array of things now obviously we can appreciate nature and the beauty of nature and empaths uh can and can enjoy that thoroughly they can just sit on the back patio and enjoy watching Cardinals jump through trees or they've taking nature hikes things like that they enjoy music or drama they enjoy the arts and so anything that has to do with with the aesthetic side of life typically you're gonna find the empath over there either actively participating in that many of them tend to be very artistic or if they're not artistic in their skill set they still appreciate what that can produce and say and what they're able to enjoy number five empaths tend to be stand drawn towards spiritual themes now you've probably heard the phrase spiritual but not religious and I guess I'm kind of leaning in that direction with this when I talk about having spiritual themes what I mean is the impact likes to think through the question like why are we here or what's the meaning of life or what's the nature of love or how can I understand what the big picture is as to what we're supposed to accomplish in our time on earth and and dedicate my life towards that being something how can I make a difference in the world a better place and so there there's a very deep sani for meaning and purpose that they like to anchor down in it's not just something that you know they don't do things because that's just the thing you're supposed to do they we want to plug it into a a rationale that guides them number six the empath tends to be very available to the underdog there there can be plenty of times when you'll wonder well where did that person go you find out that they're over there taking care of somebody that's in a wheelchair or a little child and they're giving them some some direction or someone who may be a very well knew to a situation and there's a group and then one person seems confused the empath is going to be the one that goes and helps that person anyone that's that seems to indicate I'm struggling or I have needs the empath says good thing I'm here I'm glad to be of assistance to you now number seven and this wouldn't be very shocking to you empath tend to be idealist they perhaps one of their favorite phrases is why can't we all just get along they have many good ideas as to how life can be and they like to focus on goodness and love and joy and they just want you to be able to focus on that too and that's great as long as you're able to cooperate with them but sometimes that doesn't happen and then number eight and this is kind of an interesting angle because it kind of pulls back from all of the other the first seven empaths do have a need to be alone sometimes they can invest so much of themselves and so much of their psychic and emotional energy into people and events and causes that they have to pull back and charge their batteries just with a slow day or an evening at home by themselves or where they're not bothered and all of that so many times they'll treasure their down time now you look at that list of eight and it's like it's pretty good in fact I get around folks like that but then here comes the rub and that is when you are an empath the one kind of personality type that you have to watch out for very carefully is the narcissist because keeping in mind what I said a little earlier the narcissist is on the prowl they tend to be folks that are looking for someone who is vulnerable to they're bossy and controlling kind of ways and they just absolutely love finding people that they can pull in so that they can have dominance over them and the empath who is not terribly dominant or overwhelming it seems to be rather easy praying to the the narcissist and so let's look at some of the downside to the to the empath and then we'll draw a couple of conclusions from that and the one of the downsides is just like I say they're they're vulnerable to very controlling individuals and they tend to get caught up in that impasse have a hard time saying the word no they're so into the agreeable side of life they like being helpful and all they like being known as a yes person that when it comes time to say no I'm not going to do that it's almost as though they can have a guilt because it's like well I don't want to hurt your feelings I don't want to get you bad at me or maybe nobody else is going to be around and so standing up for themselves by saying that's not going to work for me right now or I can only do it for this period of time but no further can be a bit difficult and then that wouldn't be surprising for you to know my next point and that is impasse can at times be susceptible to guilt and in fact they can be motivated by guilt because they have such a strong sense that says I know what's right keep in mind that idealism and I know how things ought to be that when they bump into them some things that are not going to play out in an ideal way they can feel guilty as if it's their responsibility to make the world go well for example let's suppose that there's just been a bad discussion at home or among friends and you didn't have real good and understanding or coordination that happens because though at the impact can walk away thinking well it's all my fault well maybe not but the narcissist knowing that the impact can be motivated by guilt is more than willing to say well let me explain to you why you ought to feel guilty and they can play up on that in a real kind of way and so the empath is gonna have to understand the distinction between true guilt and false guilt sometimes you need to feel guilty if there's something terribly wrong but sometimes just being different doesn't mean that there's a blameworthiness that's there and the impasse have to come to terms with that well all of that said another thing that's on the downside of being an empath is they can be susceptible to emotional fatigue and that doesn't come as a real shock sometimes they just feel worn out and and it can actually lead to a bit of discouragement or why doesn't anybody care about me I'm always giving to other people why don't they give back and so at times there can be some depression or sometimes they can be prone to some anxiety did I do enough and things like that and then finally there can be the impasse can be prone towards over emphasizing the ideals to the extent that maybe they can get into a little bit into a bit of a bossy mindset and that is they they have such a notion as to how things are supposed to be that they can get you know they can kind of scold others or judge others because they're not doing what they ought to do and some sometimes they can get caught up in that kind of thing now see let's keep in mind that when you have this kind of tendency you're gonna have people in your world who are going to be thinking what does this mean to me and so if you have this natural inclination toward the emotional and the helpful and the dutiful side of life narcissists can just jump and say well let me explain to you what your duty is your duty is to take care of me or your duty is to listen to what I had to say you're your duty is to make me feel good or your duty is to do my bidding and you have to be super careful because what the very best ingredients that you have in your personality can turn around and bite you in the backside so let's keep in mind that impasse need to focus on one huge word and we've used it in many of our other videos too and that's that word boundaries making certain that you know what you can and what you cannot do what is your responsibility to maintain and what is not your responsibility to maintain knowing when you're you have limits and when you've reached the edge of your limits and being able to say I'm finished I'm done and then when someone comes along and tries to reel you into their agenda you can actually say I understand that's where you're coming from but I'm at my finishing point you can go on but you can do it without me so let's just underscore this kindness helpfulness servitude friendliness who's gonna argue with that it's a very good way to live life until those characteristics turn around and are used and misused by the narcissist to their advantage and so ultimately you're gonna need to stay on your guard and I say that regrettably because you'd like to think that others would be able to reciprocate stay on your guard and and understand live in the in the way that's most healthy but understanding that there are some prowlers out there who might want to take advantage of that don't let that happen

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 450,082

Rating: 4.9461184 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, narcissist, empath, empathy, relationships, marriage, divorce, people pleasers, Dr. Les Carter, Laura Charanza, Sociopaths, toxic people, counseling, mental health, suppressed anger, psychology, trauma, Dr. Ramani, Vital Mind Psychology, MedCircle, Kim Saeed

Id: ngCMDSdSN3c

Length: 14min 15sec (855 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 06 2018