Before you call someone toxic, watch this.

i'm sure you've heard the advice that in order to grow and be a happier person you have got to cut the toxic people out of your life you know it seems like everyone online is saying it right now the people that you spend time with are going to make or break your dreams everybody don't deserve to be around you you gotta defend your life with your life and generally i agree with that advice i i think i even told you that you need to do a friend cleanse when people get negative i got no time for negativity especially from people online but there's a major difference between a toxic person online and a toxic friend or family member in real life look if the toxic person is online or it's an acquaintance from a long time ago that's easy just hit delete because there's absolutely no reason why you should tolerate anything but positive hilarious and inspiring content in your social media feeds in fact i personally unfollow people all week long and i've even noticed that as my goals and my priorities change the accounts that i follow change too but let's talk about the harder issue how do you unfriend someone in real life first of all if it's a friend or family member that's starting to rub you the wrong way don't be an ass don't ghost people don't ignore them that behavior is not only cowardly it is also toxic on your part too when you have somebody in your life that is toxic it's an opportunity for you to grow because this person didn't start off toxic they probably turned toxic when somebody turns toxic it almost always is a sign that there's something either wrong with them or there's something going on with you so before you unfriend someone in real life i want you to stop and make sure you've done your part of being a friend now there's a simple two-part test that you should give yourself before you unfriend somebody here's what you do step one ask yourself what emotion comes up for me worry and concern or is it resentment and annoyance if it's worry and concern that comes up for you when you think about this person very simple answer on your hands here pick up the phone and just reach out but if what's coming up for you when you think about this person is resentment and annoyance it's time for you to go a little deeper to step two the second thing i want you to do is i want you to ask yourself why are you annoyed why do you resent this person and look if you're annoyed because they're a shallow backstabbing and their behavior is violating your values and boundaries easy unfriend however even the in your life can teach you something if you look a little deeper when you ask yourself the question why am i so annoyed by this person there's almost always something going on with you because there's a lot of jerks in the world that you're going to bump into that don't trigger you at all but there's something about this person that's striking something deeper that you need to deal with you're triggered and a trigger is always an opportunity for you to heal something unfriending somebody is the easy way out but when you do it you miss out on a powerful moment of self reflection and growth the fact is the negativity that you're feeling the resentment the annoyance the judgment it's toxic inside of you and so giving yourself a moment before you unfriend that is powerful because the negativity you feel the resentment the toxicity it disappears when you stop yourself from throwing in the towel and you choose to throw yourself and your friend a lifeline instead and here's the reason why it's so important for you to stop and reflect for real friendships are a give and take and you are a part of the give and take and if you give this friend the cold shoulder you're going to take this pattern of ghosting people and unfriending people and deciding that people are toxic into every future friendship that you create and i promise you whatever it is that's triggering you right now in this friend that you're pissed off about it's gonna show up in friends in the future [Music] this is a pattern in your life and with all patterns they repeat unless you break them apart and replace them so once you've checked in with yourself check in with your friend it's as easy as picking up the phone and saying hello and what do you say how do you do this you just lead with kindness you can apologize for how you've contributed to the distance between the two of you can say i've missed you their response will tell you everything you need to know about the friendship and honestly what happens to the friendship is beside the point by choosing to check in before you unfriend it tells me everything that i need to know about you by hitting pause by self reflecting that's the work that you do to become a better friend to yourself hey it's mel thank you so much for watching this video if you haven't already subscribed please please please subscribe to my youtube channel and if you like this video i have a suspicion you're gonna like these two next

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 63,426

Rating: 4.9523811 out of 5

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Id: GZk5YGHzo64

Length: 5min 52sec (352 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020