Before I Do: What is Marriage? - Stephanie Ike Okafor

hey y'all we are back for a new series it's so crazy the last series I was about seven or eight months pregnant and here we are my daughter's in the background you might hear her and she is seven months old at the time of this filming and it's just such a full circle moment I'm so blessed to be doing this you know sometime around last year I had an encounter and the Lord had shown me to do a series on marriage now um as you already know this is called before I do the biblical blueprint for love and marriage I believe this is going to help so many people who have a desire for marriage to understand what marriage is really all about from a Biblical perspective and even those that are married I believe there's going to be so much value in this for you and so let's get on this journey this is going to be a seven-part series and I'm really excited about what God is going to do with it and so here we are part one and part one is about what is marriage so and I really want to part one I really want to go into the text of this like the teaching of this and so not too much of you know I like to add my stories here and there but what is going to be more powerful for you is the word of God because you know everyone is going to have different perspectives different life experiences but the word of God is our standard and so what is marriage here's the first thing I would start off by saying what marriage is not so we better understand what marriage is now the first thing is marriage is not an event right I know when you are thinking about marriage the first thing most people think about is their wedding their wedding is the first thing marriage is not an event marriage is not a wedding you can have a glamorous wedding and a failed marriage so you cannot make the marriage about the wedding because here is the thing you have your expectation of what you are what you desire and if you make the marriage about an event what if you meet you know you meet the man you're going to marry and he's not in a place financially to cater to that now that becomes a place an open door for the enemy to step in to cause resentment and bitterness right you don't want to go in depth just because you want to have a successful wedding but now a failed marriage it doesn't work that way if you both are in a place that you can have an ex and a beautiful wedding an elaborate wedding go for it right but marriage is not an event so I want to start by you know encouraging you to go at your own pace the wedding is an event but marriage Mar is a journey and so whatever that could look like for you keep an open mind don't just make it about what you desire how you want to look where you want the venue to be there women you know and some men who plan out their their wedding ever before they meet their spouse and it becomes an open door for the enemy to say oh I can use you I can use this to keep you bound I can use this to cause bitterness I can use this to cause hate right marriage is not an event number two marriage is not a contract now marriage can be defined in modern day as a legal institution recognized by the state right your marriage certificate is acknowledged by the government as a legally binding contract now I I'm going to speak on this because as a disclaimer I am not against you having a marriage certificate right I have a marriage certificate I believe that the certificates um they have international recog nition um when you are when the state recognizes your marriage there benefits for that right but many people are also afraid of getting married because of that because you might hear some people feeling as though oh I'm getting married to this state this is a contract and the fear is the cost the literal cost of divorce because when the state is involved and if the marriage doesn't work out and the couple gets divorced especially wherever you might might be watching this in the US for example in California for example divorce can be expensive depending on where you both are in your financial lives right but I'm not I'm I'm I'm sharing this to just lay a foundation that yes the state can be involved and all of that but that should not be a hindrance because it's only a hindrance when you view marriage as a contract but it should not be a hindrance yes the state can be evolved you might not have a prenup or all these things or you might have a prup whatever you whatever floats your boat but it only becomes a problem if you're coming into the marriage seeing it as a contract it's not a contract right a contract is a conditional agreement that is between two individuals and here's the problem with it because the moment one party says hey you know when something is conditional that means I'm going into it with the idea that you have to meet my needs you have to you know this is my expectation this is what I desire the moment you don't meet that need I'm out that's conditional contracts are conditional I'm going into this with a perceived idea of what I want to get out from it the moment I don't get that I'm out but marriage is not a contract right a contract mentality my husband and I we always have this um we talk we talk about this Open Door analogy if there's fire in the house if the doors are open right my daughter's having a great time now if there's fire in the house if the doors are open what's the first thing you're going to do you're going to run if the doors are open you are going to run out the house that would be your first natural instinct is to run but if there's fire in the house and the doors are locked the windows are locked your first instinct is to get the fire out your first instinct is to look in the house to see how you can get the fire under control because there's no way out now a contract mentality is the open door mentality the doors are open the moment there's something that you know I'm not comfortable with I am out of this place a covenant mentality is there's a fire in the house the windows are shut the doors are locked we need to figure out how to get this fire under control we need to handle this that's a covenant mentality so now what is marriage marriage is a god ordained institution it is the oldest institution ordained by God now let's read a scripture together Genesis 2 21-25 it says and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept lept and he took one of his ribs and closed up in closed up flesh in its place then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man and Adam said this is now bone of my bones and Flesh of My Flesh now I want you to pay attention to when Adam says this is now this is now we're going to get back to that she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife that's another key place all along Eve is called woman but the moment the man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife not just joined within proximity of space but this is also a place of sexual intimacy now she goes from being called woman to wife right and we're going to talk about that now and they shall become one flesh right they shall become one flesh it's a process to become one with your spouse and they were both naked the man and his wife not just the man check this out not just the man and the woman now it's the man and his wife and they were not ashamed now in the beginning there were no certificates to you know bind the marriage right this was it it it was always presented as that which is spiritual right before God because the Lord it is his institution now due to the Fallen state of man certificates had to be introduced because here's the beauty of what took place even with Adam and as we look at what happens on the day you get married whether it's a glamorous wedding whether it's in a court what whatever it looks like is there is a moment of Declaration right a certificate acknowledges the day that you made this vow to your spouse there is a moment where you are declaring that just like Adam said but look at this he said this is now bone of my bones and Flesh of My Flesh it was a moment of declaring that as I'm looking at the woman this is is now my wife this is now bone of my bone and Flesh of My Flesh in the same way that I would not separate my bone from its bone or my flesh from its flesh I will not separate from her now what happens even with a certificate is you have a moment of Declaration that on this day I am making this vow and commitment to this person and guess what it was not just your family that heard it it was it was not just the priest that heard it God heard it and he honors it he honors that vow and that promise that you made to that individual now you might be wondering like where was Eve's consent right but when you look at this scripture in Genesis 2 it gives us this blueprint of God's model right you see where Adam first acknowledges the man is the one you know asking the woman for her hand in marriage there's a recognition that now this is bone of my bone Flesh of My Flesh there's a declaration of the moment he recognizes this is what it is and then when it says now he shall leave his father and mother this is Adam and Eve they didn't have a father or a mother they're in the garden with God but the Lord has given us the blueprint and he shall be join to his wife right so it's now him embracing that this would be my new family family I'm not no longer of course you're going to have your father your mother and all of that beautiful you know U um connection with family but he's embracing now my wife is going to be one with me I'm not bringing them into this my father and mother cannot be one with my wife they're going to be her in-laws and it's going to be beautiful but now I'm seeing that I have a new family that I am responsible to Steward right this is a responsibility in my life that has to have priority and it says and he shall be joined to his wife that joining has to happen with agreement so the man acknowledges and the woman accepts right this is now bone of my bone Flesh of My Flesh and that is also the beauty the the reason like I said earlier why you know certificates and all these things have to be introduced is the Fallen nature of man if we don't have these things in place then people will begin to cohabitate and we'll talk about that very soon but cohabitation is not marriage right but in these times there was such a purity in that declaration this is before sin entered the world so when Adam is making this declaration and they become one where sexual intimacy is also involved boom Eve goes from being called woman to wife right because it was such a purity of heart and the Lord Honors that you see wherever you get married wherever you have a moment of Declaration whether it's in front of your family and friends whether if it's in front of a priest it's in front of a judge whatever you know that looks like the moment you make a declaration a vow a commitment that I say yes to you I'm saying I do before God and man you have to recognize that God is watching and he honors that because marriage was not your idea marriage is not our idea marriage is God's idea so when we talk about marriage as a covenant right it is both conditional and unconditional now as a covenant it is a spiritual binding agreement right when you look at marriage from a contract perspective it's a natural legal binding agreement but marriage as a covenant is spiritually binding because guess what it's God's idea it's not your idea it's not my idea it's God's idea and whenever you make a vow a commitment to a person in such a with such a weighty um statement of your joining to them you're saying yes I do to marry you and the other person is in agreement and they're responding God gets involved right and so in that it is conditional and unconditional now unconditional in how God ordained it how he ordained us to love our spouses conditional because there is a standard he calls us to abide to there are terms that he has set in order for us to receive the blessings connected to marriage right now before we go into that you have to realize that marriage is not something that you just see what happens right there are times where maybe you know pregnancies involved and it's like hey a baby is coming let's just see what happens or you know maybe you've been dating for a couple years and it's like okay we've been dating all this time let's just see what happens you have to realize what marriage is it's a covenant and there is a standard that God requires how the man should treat the woman and how the woman should treat the man right and when that standard when you abide by that standard there are blessings that are that you receive now first of all this is not to condemn anyone who has been through a divorce right I have people very close to me people I love people I admire that have been divorced but you have to understand that in the mercy and in the goodness of God in how he dealt with that situation does not change his standard people should never be your standard right no matter what it is especially when you're dealing with something that is a word from the Lord that is something that is instituted by God people are not your standard God should always be your standard right that's why you also you always have to know how to separate when there is a case that is you know that is marked by God's Mercy versus how he calls you to live two separate things two you both are two different individuals right so you cannot make a person your standard so now let's look at um Malachi 2 verse 10-4 as it relates to marriage as a covenant now the scripture says have we not all one father has not one God created us why do we deal trous with one another by profaning the Covenant of the fathers Judah has dealt trous and an Abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem for Judah has profaned the Lord's holy institution which he loves he has married the daughter of a foreign God look at that they're talking about marriage first of all as the Lord's holy Institution which he loves God is for marriage God loves marriage and in part two we're going to go deeper into why what is the purpose of marriage right and then it says may the Lord God cut off from the tents of Jacob the man who does this being awake and aware yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts and this is the second thing you do you cover the altar of the the Lord with tears with weeping and crying so he does not regard the offering anymore nor nor receive it with Good Will from your hands and check this out yet you say for what reason because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth whom with whom you have dealt trousle yet she is your companion and then here this part and your wife by Covenant she is your wife yes she is your companion but she is also Your Wife by Covenant now I earlier I talked about how there is marriage is in in know as a covenant is conditional and unconditional right the conditions there is there is a way and we're going to unpack this first of all understand this is a seven-part series right so you you're going to flow with me in the Rhythm there's a lot that we have to unpack in this series as it relates to marriage but when we talk about it is a covenant and it there are terms connected to it do you realize that biblically for example when a man deals strous when a man is um you know it treats his wife in a way that see that the Lord looks upon as wicked do you know that he literally tells the the he says concerning such a person that your prayers will be hindered you see the conditions that as a husband if you treat your wife in a way that causes her to be in bitterness that causes her to cry out to God against you that causes her to have sorrow Because Of You the Lord literally says that your prayers would be hindered he does not he would not even hear it look at that it's in 1 Peter 3:7 right and you can study that but it literally says husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding giving honor to your wife as the weaker vessel and we're going to talk about what being the weaker vessel really means it's not what you know um some some church culture has made it to be right as being HS together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered that if you dishonor her it will be hindered literally so you see their terms so marriage is not something you just go into to see what happens because if you go into just to see what happens and you start to mistreat one another now with the man for example if you're just like oh let's see what happens she got pregnant let's just see what happens and you don't prepare yourself in the word of God to know what this is about you would begin to think your wife is the reason doors are not opening for you this is when people start looking as their partner as the enemy to their breakthrough the enemy to their blessing oh I got married and everything just it's almost you start feeling like things just started closing on you closing on you closing on you but the reality is you got married and you never let go of your selfish ways you got married and you Dishonored your wife you got married you took this person you know you said I do to this person you were like okay let's become one and you Dishonored your wife so where you had Grace it lifted because the Lord is now looking at you and says wait you Dishonored her you're dishonoring her my ears are shut to you she is not the problem how you treat her is the enemy the selfishness is the enemy The Pride the ego is the enemy and if you don't realize that you begin to think your wife is the problem right so there are standards that God has said concerning marriage now the the Bible also said that that it is a holy institution marriage I will say this again cuz you have to understand this marriage is God's idea marriage is God's institution right it's not just because you got hype on emotions when you when you make a commitment when you make a vow when you make a declaration do you know that the Bible talks about that you will be judged for every empty word you don't make vows just randomly that's the difference between now you know um um then and now I mean I mean now and then rather in the beginning when Adam said this is now bone of my bones and Flesh of My Flesh he meant that thing even after Eve you know ate the the fruit gave him some and he had a moment of fi when he's like the woman you gave me he never acts to be separated from her he made that commitment he made that vow God honored it today that looks like that moment of Declaration it's not that when you're engaged because you're you're just kind of setting the tone you're saying this is what I want to do I would love for us to would you marry me but that day when you make that declaration you sign that document and there is a date that's why we have wedding anniversary or marriage anniversary because there is is a day just like Adam said now this is bone of my bone there is a now that you have in marriage there is a now that I have concerning my husband and I there is a day that we made vows to each other and God honors it but not only does he honor it there are standards that he set in place concerning that right you have to understand that marriage is a covering the context of a covenant is that a covenant is a covering and I love it Dr Tony Evans has this um example analogy when he talks about how marriage is like an umbrella that brings protection right it brings a covering now what does this look like um 1 Corinthians 11:13 11:3 says but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God right what is it speaking to a covering it's speaking in the context of marriage is speaking to a covering the head of every woman is the man is her husband and the head of the husband is Christ and the head of Christ is God and what is it also speak into order we're going to talk more about this when we talk about who is a Biblical husband who is a Biblical wife to recognize the posture and who God has called us to be in the marriage as a woman as a man it speaks to the order of God and it speaks to the flow of covering and you see wherever there is order there is a blessing wherever you align with the order of God there is a blessing there is a reward now when you think about covering here here is here is something that is so key where there is a covering there is expanded capacity because before you were married right as a single person you are covered you have you are God the Lord is your covering right when you get married there's a new covering your husband also be is now your covering and then Christ is his covering but whenever there is a new covering introduced Your Capacity increases is this is a this is the mystery of marriage that we're going to talk more into when we go into the purpose of marriage because when your capacity increases it reveals the reason why it says that when a man finds a woman he when a man finds a wife he obtains favor from the Lord favor is the evidence of assignment favor is not just for the sake of favor favor opens doors right when when there is favor on a person then what would have been difficult becomes easy when there is favor on a person your names is not your your your name is being talked about in rooms that you have not even walked into so when you step into marage it increases your capacity there are new assignments that the Lord begins to give you because there is a new covering and that covering means that there is something that it is tailored to do within your heart within your mind that allows God to increase your capacity right and you're going to we're going to talk more in this when we when we really hit the purpose of marriage I can't wait for part two it is going to be oh my gosh but a covering right now look at this um I don't know if you guys have heard about um this Pastor James kaala um when he shared and if you haven't I'm going to put the link in the description but he talks about his story you know coming out of Witchcraft and you know now becoming a pastor and one of the things he said is whenever you know the witches want to attack a a person in Ministry when they want to attack someone who is doing some mighty things for the kingdom of God if they are married the first thing they strike is their marriage and he literally says the reason is to attack the covering of the marriage to attack that covering so where there is a covering there is expanded capacity right now before we get into all that because you know a lot of this is really when we get into the purpose of marriage but what a covenant is not earlier I talked about cohabitation and this is so important because even when I was doing research I realized that cohabitation I mean it has just it is increasing while we're seeing at the same time why we're seeing marriages failing right and many people and people have their different reasons some people will say like hey you know it's we save on rent or whatever but at the end of the day when your mind is determined to do things the right way you would find a way okay if you're saving on rent you could also have a different kind of roommate you could get a roommate with you know somewhere else but whatever the case might be you have to understand that cohabitation is not marriage it is convenient but it is not marriage and one of the key reasons is that Co there is no moment of Declaration with cohabitation you're just living together you're just enjoying each other's company you're shacking up you know um You O it's an Open Door literally for the enemy because often times you know even when sex is involved it clouds your it it clouds your judgment so now you could be cohabitating with someone who is literally just wasting your time right and there are cases that it does get into marriage but even when it does get into marriage there there are things that you have to really work out that may feel harder than if you were not cohabitating right and so cohabitation it is not marriage I want to encourage anyone listening to this if you are living with your boyfriend your girlfriend your fiance you know what have you you can have the intention to marry that person but do it right why you're you're you're you're you're putting yourself you know in a daily position for being tempted and you need to see clearly before you get married you you need the fog cleared you need to understand what you're really stepping into so it will save you time it will save you time of argument it will save you so much do it right do it right maybe no one has told you that's why you're just cohabitating and let me be the voice to you to say if you truly love this person if you truly see a future with this person do it right because when we get into part two the purpose of marriage there is a quote by Miles Monroe he says when the purpose of Ain is not known abuse is inevitable you need to get to a place where you both as individuals understand the purpose of marriage because it would be healthier it would save you time right and when I talk about save you time it will save you time of bickering of unnecessary arguments because you both were coming into it healthy now in the scripture I shared when the Lord talks about how you know they they married you know woman of foreign God and all these things um now if you are married to an unbeliever that doesn't mean it's grounds for divorce right if you're already married you might be watching this you're already married we're going to talk more about that right if you got married and and the situation was not the best now like I said the primary reason that I'm having this series is to also help and educate young people you know old people wherever you fall in the age group that are looking to get married and to help you to understand what marriage is so that you can redeem time so that you don't fall into something and you're like wait what is this how how did I get here I don't think it's for me X Y and Z no and if you're married I believe this is also going to bless you because as we go into this even further as we unpack this further you're going to see areas where you will see oh maybe I need to tweak how I'm doing this here maybe I need to tweak this or tweak that it's not about shame or guilt or man I wish I knew this before I got married you're here now right and so wherever you are Jump Right In and let's lay the foundation let's lay a Biblical Foundation that you can build your marriage on or you know in some cases whatever you built it on if it's not God that you can now invite him into that mix right and do it his way so I'm excited for this I'll see you next week for part two um as this was this the part one was really just to lay the foundation of what marriage is marriage is a covenant it is not a it's not cohabitation it's not an event it's not a contract it's a covenant it's God's holy institution that he loves it's God's idea not our idea and because it's his idea we have to do it his way I'll see you next week when we talk about the purpose of marriage

Channel: Stephanie Ike Okafor

Views: 138,627

Keywords: Stephanie Ike, Stephanie Ike Okafor, Marriage, What is Marriage, Love and marriage, Sarah Jakes Roberts, Woman Evolve, Power Moves, Relationship Talks, Sermon Series, What does the Bible teach on marriage, What does the Bible say about marriage?, Love and happiness

Id: 0fhPTBoxGSo

Length: 34min 12sec (2052 seconds)

Published: Sat May 04 2024