Beauty | ContraPoints

my face is the front of shop my face is the real shop front my shop is the fixer front I'm real when I shut my face [Music] hey guys it's Natalie welcome back to my channel today I'm gonna do a makeup tutorial as always but first storytime storytime storytime I just want to be upfront with you guys and let you know that I've had some facial surgery I'm always gonna be honest with you guys about this kind of thing because you mean so much to me like you've been here with me since the beginning and you've seen my story my whole entire journey this journey I've been on as a transgender woman you've been with me on this whole journey this is my truth and you've accepted the truth of my journey as a really vulnerable moment for me and you guys are just as special because you've been here for me throughout my whole transgender your message of my journey as a vulnerable servant of it's just been so an explosion lighter and the terms are guarantees America [Music] I think the main thing we've learned together on this channel as that makeup is a lot of fun but it's inner beauty that really counts anyway let's talk about plastic surgery I had a facial feminization surgery on April 2nd so about a month and a half ago what we call a facial feminization surgery or ffs is actually a series of different procedures that some transgender women choose to have to look more feminine so what I had done is forehead contouring a brow lift a rhinoplasty mandible contouring a trachea shave you know what let's just how the skull ad talk you through it a coronal incision was made a swatch the cranial vote whence the skin of the forehead was stripped away from the bone a fragment of the supraorbital Ridge was then chiseled away removed reshaped and Rhea fixed thereby eliminating that undesirable prominence of a robust brow but oftimes distinguishes this skull of the Chad a second decision was made with warts the columellar of the nasal septum facilitating the reconstruction of the Interior cartilage and bone further incisions were made between the gum and cheek through which the mandible was rasped and shaved down to a grace I'll curvature a jaw and pointed chin thereby delineating a facial silhouette exhibiting that aspect which medical men called Conte it all sounds pretty gruesome when you describe it like that but there's actually a very fine level of technique and aesthetics involved my plastic surgeon is an artist the results are natural I don't look like I've had a bunch of work done which is good you know you at least want to leave people wondering maybe she's born with it maybe a surgeon killed her face off and fixed her shitty skull here's it before and after picture where you can clearly see the difference T is the exact medical terminology my brows on fleek my nose is no longer busted the house my jaw snatched and my Adam's apple is cancelled wasn't it always really Eve's Apple may be Satan's Apple I think I still look like myself it's not a new face we're talking about millimeters of bone here but to have all that done was well it costs a lot of money the anticipation was a terror like I've never known the pain was rabble and the recovery took more than a month in fact I still have some swelling in my jowls cowls there's a nice feminine sounding word love that the standard YouTube tea girl thing to do of course would have been to vlog the whole journey storytime my facial surgery experience my ffs journey and post constant social media updates about it and I am grateful to the trans woman who have done that because it was really helpful to me to be able to watch those vlogs in advance and know what I was getting myself into but I decided not to post about the surgery because I wanted privacy for the recovery and to just take some time to get to feel at home with the results before subjecting myself to the vicious things they say about me and the tabloids you know I think I've been kind of psychologically damaged by reading for years the things people say about my appearance online and I'm not even talking about the haters like at this point I can mostly brush them off but for instance about a year ago I was reading through a transgender subreddit and some trans woman was ionizing about her appearance and someone offered the encouragement you know you can still look hot even if you don't pass just look at contra points oh like a dagger to the horror the unintentional shade of it all so the past six weeks have been at times difficult and lonely but I did manage to keep my mug off social media for long enough that I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be for the commentary of the Internet so bring it on you jackals you vultures you Goblin swine well I was lying around bandaged and bored I did have a lot of time to think and what I've been thinking about is probably the same thing you're wondering right now which is why would someone do what I just did why would I spend so much time and money and go through so much anxiety and pain just to change a few millimeters of bone isn't this all just extravagant vanity some narcissistic symptom of phones but too much well I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to say that in fact this wasn't cosmetic surgery at all usually trans people say that surgery is like facial feminization top surgery general reassignment and so on served the sole purpose of alleviating gender dysphoria this discomfort we feel with the mismatch between our bodies and our gender identity so what I'm supposed to say is that my surgery was a medically necessary reconstructive procedure needed to make my testosterone whether facial bones match the five-foot-two happy baby bouncy bio girl I truly am inside thereby alleviating my dysphoria helping me safely blend into society and preventing a five-alarm psychiatric meltdown and there is definitely truth to that it's certainly the argument I intend to make when I write this off as a medical expense on my taxes if you're an IRS auditor please stop this video now and insert the next floppy disk into your CD Drive but hypothetically speaking I think the reality might not be quite as simple how sharp is the line separating gender dysphoria from the other kinds of body image dysphoria that drives cisgender people to get cosmetic surgery all the time last year when I used to foolishly tweet things of substance I tweeted that I wanted to get ffs and some trans people responded telling me that I was suffering from internalized transphobia and self-loathing they compared it to East Asian people getting double eyelid surgery or so-called ethnic rhinoplasty which they say are motivated by internalized racism and Western beauty standards I think that's a pretty weak analogy and telling a trans person to just learn to accept the way they look can actually be kind of transphobic because a big part of what it even means to be trans at least for me the desire to look more female but I also think trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards but in fact gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms early in my transition some of my worst dysphoria was about body hair so I had full body laser hair removal and now I'm smoother than a cisgender boiled egg but where does the idea that women don't have body hair come from isn't that just an arbitrary grooming custom a lot of this is women I know don't so much as a shave their legs so maybe I'm not even trying to look like a sis woman maybe I'm simply doing everything I can to avoid looking like the caricature of a knuckly hairy bird mannish trans woman with which society has terrorized me to my core is this gender dysphoria or is it internalized transphobia or is it simply a cosmetic preference when I try to psychoanalyze myself I find that my desire is to look female to look feminine and to look beautiful are not exactly the same but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them and the opposite is also true that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking well I'm giving femme queen realness but apart from that I look like absolute [ __ ] of course there are qualities that make you look female that aren't necessarily attractive like cellulite or flabby arms which are super fish but aren't deemed beautiful by society the truth is I don't just want to look female I want to be beautiful desperately God will do anything and evening in this video I want to explore why I'm so obsessed with being beautiful and why it seems like a lot of people who live in a society we're so obsessed is it phones I know you're supposed to pretend that you don't care about being beautiful or that you're not trying but guys it's the only thing I care about and I've never tried so hard anything of course I do feel guilty about being so obsessed with it because there is this idea that caring about beauty makes you shallow or vain you know smart people aren't supposed to care about beauty and I've always been categorized as a smart person by people around me some of that is when you're raised like I was as a middle-class white boy with no athletic talent parents and teachers treat you like a [ __ ] genius like Einstein nutted a load in Mozart's Buzzi and Mozart shot you out while he was getting a rusty trombone from Vincent van Gogh it inspired his famous painting starfish Knight but even among women caring about beauty is often frowned upon I feel like an alien species when I hang out with women in academia and I know a few because I once got half a PhD before dropping out to become a what do you call someone who makes videos a cam girl most female grad students and professors I know don't wear makeup to them the idea of earnestly putting on press-on nails or false eyelashes is inconceivable like maybe on Halloween now part of that is that women in male-dominated fields sometimes feel like they have to present more masculine to be taken seriously because of this prejudice that beautified femininity equals frivolous but another part is clearly some kind of not like other girls weird flux which okay fine whatever I'm not going to judge another woman for the way she cooks with a society that pressures women to be beautiful while simultaneously belittling them for caring about it I guess my way of coping is this tacky heteronormative and tragically sincere aspiration to some kind of post ironic feminine beauty why am I like this well part of it is vindictive transsexualism pure and simple to all the people who have ever called me a man I want to say [ __ ] you by looking like the undeniable visual archetype of a woman which is a beautiful feminine woman who's wearing six hundred thousand sequins their biological sequence oh that is some an Samaras right there inside [Music] another factor is this shitty website I'm a professional YouTube influencer forgive me father and I'm on camera all the time I edit my own videos so I spend upwards of 60 hours a month staring at my own face on a screen now you try doing that and see what kind of [ __ ] up complex you develop plus I compare myself to other women who make videos a lot of the trans women on YouTube are so young and so beautiful it makes me want to throw up and in comparison for a long time I felt like this shabby aging transvestite just this feral cat wandering the aisles of the liquor store so I'm insecure I'm compensating for that whole mess but I honestly don't present the beautiful people I really just stand the hell out of them I follow this woman on YouTube and I want to be just like her mom her name is named Jefferson Starr her name is Lady Jayne MacLean senior on Nicole Bethany Jade tutorials tatyana petrov NatWest Ricola and of course my queen and perfect goddess human sty Stan and whose portrait I've painted hundreds of times so there's maybe some extra intensity for me but I think it's actually pretty normal to want to be beautiful I think you even grad students want to be beautiful they just want to do it in that Becky kind of way will you scoff at anything glam or artificial and it's not just women who care about beauty either I mean gay men in LA I've always been getting cosmetic surgery but now even the straights are doing it in cells are completely obsessed with the defects of their personal appearance and the ones who are completely black pilled are obsessed with plastic surgery the in cell news speak word for beauty is looks maxing because of course they have to go about this in the most heterosexual possible way it is imperative in from the skin max regimen in order to maximize looks money status and secure access to females oh my god calm Dion not every sentence out of your mouth has to be worded like a dispatch to the police commissioner yes they actually call skin care skin max James Charles I know you're having a hard month but I've got a business idea that's gonna turn this thing around for you here's a plan you're gonna create a new line of skincare products called Chad glow bribe Beauty pie to send its fans to the promo video hi sister cells and send me a check in the mail you're welcome if you read looks max forums they're filled with discussions of brow Ridge implants chin implants mandible implants it a must need remark that the skull of the Chad exhibited a jawbone most robust it's literally facial masculinization surgery so everyone's obsessed with the bones everyone's obsessed with beauty whether man or woman cysts or trans gay or gamer maybe lesbians are just straight chillin well everyone else has completely lost their minds but why why do we care so much but within cells by their own account the only reason they care is they think that looks maxing will make females have sex with them and I think of that will make their lives feel meaningful which it will not so in cells are cancelled now what about women what's our deal what's our sitch what's our vibe what's our veg well man seem to think that women are like inverted in cells that we care about beauty and wear makeup fake up because we're trying to attract men my daddy Don Juan on Vice news last year and said that women wear makeup because they're trying to stimulate male sexual arousal and because evolution now there is a go being bratty I gotta say this is maybe 10% true and 90% false for one thing straight men don't like makeup at least they don't think they do here's a chart I made illustrating what every straight man in the world thinks about makeup yes I asked all of them if you wear no makeup they think you look diseased and I actually do look diseased when I don't wear makeup so fair enough if you were a natural makeup you know a little concealer or mascara maybe a nude lip they think you're not wearing any makeup and they like it if you wear a county makeup colorful eye shadow heavy contouring overdrawn lips they think it's dumb and they hate it of course I'm generalizing hashtag not all daddy Thomas but if women really wore may go to attract man then you'd expect that they'd stop wearing it when there are no men around but that doesn't happen about a month ago there was that video going around of a woman showing how to make a jailhouse makeup mixing deodorant and magazine inked make eyeshadow using kool-aid and Vaseline to make a lipstick there's not a lot of man in women's prison but women are still performing incredible feats of ingenuity and resourcefulness just to wear makeup so maybe women are using makeup to express their individuality and femininity you know things that Prison tries to take away from you kind of makes sense there's a refinery29 documentary about prison cosmetology and also sexual exploitation yikes in which of inmate describes how women would engage in sexual bartering with male guards just to get makeup if a girl's performing sexual favors from an officer he would bring her in colored pencils lipgloss things like that that's right women are a sucking dick so they can put on makeup not the other way around honestly if all the men died tomorrow off I definitely keep wearing makeup in fact I might wear more and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm trying to win feminist points or anything like do I want to attract man yes of course I do do I want to a chart to women I guess I don't really think about it isn't it safer to just secretly fall in love with them while quietly dying inside whatever it's fine I want to attract a non-binary people to of course but right now you guys are kind of getting in the way of my crudely stereotyping people based on gender so how dare you the point is when I think about my appearance wanting to attract people to have sex with is not the main thing going through my head what is going through my head I guess I just want to feel beautiful I want to see myself in the mirror and think I look snotch is that a crime I don't feel pretty very often I'd say it happens about once a month I'm having a good skin day I do my makeup just right like a listen with setting spray and that happens a tingle goes up my spine I am Botticelli I am van Gogh I have created Beauty I'm a girl and then it's over that's it for a month you really want to look in the mirror I can't actually tell whether I'm pretty or not like with other people I can just look at them and instantly make a judgement about it but with myself I have to just guess it's the same as being a trans person trying to figure out whether you pass would you clock me I'd clock me I'd [ __ ] me - I don't give a [ __ ] get out of my room mom it doesn't work like that for me I have to rely on other people's feedback of course the problem with other people's feedback is that people are liars you look great on especially when those people are your fans what's the house Queen some of my throat mother I'll die for you oh my god or when they're your haters you're disgusting a giant collarbone Nazi was a man out of thousand paces I guess I'll never know whether I'm pretty or not but I can estimate like I have figured out that I'm too pretty for Twitter but I'm not sure yet if I'm pretty enough for Instagram it's hard being a six I have been dipping my toes in the Instagram water before my surgery I got into a pretty good rhythm of posting my shitty little makeup looks and what I find an addictive about it is this constant flow of positive comments from other people even though I know it's mostly flattery you invented beauty perfect angel choke me Mommy every time I could a comment like that I'm perfectly aware that it's wild exaggeration fueled by parasocial delusions but I still get a head of dopamine in my biologically female brain and the intoxicating thing about Instagram is that the embellishment of the truth is a two-way street thanks to the miracle of facetune yes we finally get to talk about the phones see it's a black mirror because it's a window into the darkness of the human soul got it should I explain it again bones live in a society facetune is an app that lets you fix all the problems with your face so here's an unedited pre ffs picture of me what I would do in face tune is smooth out the complexion shrink the nose a little bring the jaw in and use the vibrance tool to make the eyeshadow pop it's really no more drastic than the kinds of photo doctoring people have been doing since the invention of photography what's changed is that now everyone is doing it to their own photos every day and I've noticed that when I'm in the habit of editing my flaws out of pictures what I look at an unedited picture of myself or I look in the mirror my eyes go straight to the flaws why are my pores so big why aren't medical scientists doing something to stop Venice is this really a good use of my mental energy here comes that guilt again instead of worrying about my pores shouldn't I be helping stop the impending climate catastrophe that it's gonna destroy the planet if we don't change the economy in like 12 years she I guess it's 11 years now it's just hard to focus on climate change when there's so much else on my mind he's just so cute I guess I just rather think about the aesthetic and the apocalypse and that's the darkness why is my neck like two decades older than the rest of my skin 20 Botox yeah should I get a facelift these are the questions that will no doubt defined the next couple decades of my life as if it wasn't bad enough to have to go through a second adolescence on camera I also have to deal with aging and thus the ritual of skincare products here's my daytime routine so first I'm gonna mix the Dermalogica exfoliator with the cleansing gel and just massage my face none of this is sponsored by the way this is just me supporting corporations out of the kindness of my heart now if I'm not running late for something I will do a face mask but if I'm out of bed it's because I'm running late for something so I've never done a face mask now I'm gonna use a toner which is very important now a lot of people don't know what a toner does but look at tones okay do you want your face to be unknown next I'm gonna spray expensive Korean yeast directly into my eyes I use this because it's actually a lot cheaper than the Japanese yeast so you're really losing money if you don't buy it think of the savings now I'm gonna mix a pump of hyaluronic acid with a couple spritzes of organic Bulgarian rose water you can almost smell the Bulgarian rose fields it's enchanting it's like I'm there there's not enough serum in the world for this neck leather I use this moisturizer because Gigi gorgeous told me to and I do everything Gigi says I know it seems like a lot of products but once you get locked into a serious skincare collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can and I feel like I'm forgetting something a sunscreen I'm not really sure what this does we can probably skip it and I'm just gonna finish it all off with some more expensive mist yes god I love a good facial I am so [ __ ] wet right now so after all these products does my skin look clearer younger more toned well it's hard to say for sure but it certainly is moist this is the part where I usually just stare at my own face for ten minutes and contemplate the futility of my struggle against the ravages of time I'm fine that's fits fine this is fine it's fine [Music] vanitas Vanette heart'll @ omnia vanitas for dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return leastwise i shall bequeath a female skull so isn't beauty supposed to be fun I'm not having fun right now why am I not having fun I guess I just don't feel beautiful and I know a lot of people think I'm pretty and I know a lot of other people have it worse than me and I know I should be grateful and I know I'm privileged to be able to get plastic surgery and I know I shouldn't care so much about this in the first place but the truth is that this just eats away at me and I'm losing a lot of time and life to this pain I've been kind of depressed to this past month and I think part of it is that on a subconscious level I think I was hoping that surgery would completely change my self-image and make me like myself but it really hasn't I mean I'm happy with the results I'd do it all again but I still feel the way I felt before you have to keep in mind that surgery fixes very specific problems like the Adam's apple problem or the way my forehead looks in profile problem but it's really not a solution to deep psychological issues I still don't feel beautiful and I need to face the fact that I'm never going to feel beautiful unless I change the way I think because I'm trapped in a doom spiral over here and if I'm ever gonna get out I think I need to start by forgiving myself for wanting to be beautiful there's lots of reasons to want to be beautiful besides being a shallow and vain for one beauty is associated with youth it's a symbol of life of defiance of death that's a profound thing to be concerned about see I'm not a bimbo I'm a poet beauty is also associated with moral worth the beautiful princess versus the evil hag there's studies showing that conventionally attractive people are more likely to be assumed to be happy healthy and trustworthy they're more likely to be hired so it's not just about Instagram likes this is serious stuff and we the woke we're all aware of this we know that beauty is power that beauty is political we know that beauty standards come from the people with privilege in an unequal Society we know it's unjust that being light-skinned assists able-bodied or thin is considered more attractive than being dark-skinned trans disabled or 5 we know that female beauty matters so much because patriarchy we know that our obsession with beauty is being provoked by advertising the cosmetic industry and beauty influencers who are trying to sell as products we know we know we know all this because we've all been sitting around critiquing it for decades because that's what leftists do we critique things we are finely tuned detectors of racism sexism ableism fatphobia transphobia and capitalism Ronnie Mack we notice an injustice we problematize it we critique it and then we cancel it but what's next when we're done critiquing things what are we supposed to do because I'm aware that conventional beauty standards are a racist sexist ablest fad phobic transphobic social construct designed to preserve power relations and sell products but does that awareness mean I desire any less to be conventionally beautiful well no I want am more than ever the problem is that the intellectual exercise of critiquing things doesn't usually affect my desires very much so what am I supposed to do sit here in silent contemplation until my desires finally align themselves with the interests of the International proletarian revolution oh [ __ ] the revolution I want to be a pretty rich girl I don't want to be content to be GG gorgeous fighting fascists on YouTube was an idea I came up with when I was a male alcoholic unfortunately America needs the Contra points right now more than it needs a thirty-year-old GG gorges impersonator so I guess I'm stuck with it maybe it's for the best critiquing a society may not change our desires but it can motivate us to change society and changing society can change our desires so how do we change society revolution well sure revolution depending on what happens in 2020 I'll think of grabbing a brick myself but failing that I thinks there are ways we can work to loosen the grip of restrictive beauty standards without the futility of trying to stop caring how we look I do think representation matters and I think having a visible Beauty icons who are dark-skinned or trans or gender non-conforming or disabled or fat or over 35 or influencers makes a big difference Beauty standards are social constructs and social constructs can change that's why it's so important to recognize that influencers are just as valid as other celebrities for the promise changing society is that it takes a long time in this video is almost over where I can see an escape from my particular doom spiral is in style as an alternative ideal to beauty you can be stylish at any age you can be stylish whether you pass or not style is a way of cultivating a personal aesthetic that you have complete control over it's like art and that originality is a virtue style is an individual aesthetic unlike the collective aesthetic of beauty standards as the poet Wordsworth said about artistic appreciation every author as far as he is great and at the same time original has had the task of creating the taste by which he is to be enjoyed so even if you don't conform to conventional beauty standards through the power of original style you can create the taste by which your unique beauty is to be appreciated society may frown upon us six-foot [ __ ] but if I know I'm dressed well or my makeup is smudged I can easily abide any comment and he stare I can be misgendered a Dairy Queen for all I care it does not matter I can strut with confidence because I am basking in the regal knowledge of my own aesthetic superiority bow before me peasants I proclaim to the drive-through window for I am serving a lurk so I guess that's the solution I can't believe I single-handedly added capitalism now does that mean I'm not gonna get a lot of expensive plastic surgery [ __ ] no what do you people think I am some kind of transgender mother Teresa god damned the audacity of you people the hubris look I need plastic surgery because I have no style in fact after the month had you should be grateful I'm wearing clothes at all so that's it for me I guess I have nothing but the decay of time and age to look forward to I guess I'll just have to find my self-worth and cultivating kindness intelligence and inner beauty you gross [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] I'm drooling all over myself because my jaw is still numb from the surgery left I

Channel: ContraPoints

Views: 2,446,875

Rating: 4.9248405 out of 5

Keywords: contrapoints, natalie wynn, beauty, ffs, facial feminization, facial feminization surgery, before, transition, after, james charles, tati, nikkietutorials, jeffree star, gigi gorgeous, makeup, skincare, plastic surgery, cosmetic, journey, story, experience, mtf, transformation, theryn meyer

Id: n9mspMJTNEY

Length: 30min 52sec (1852 seconds)

Published: Wed May 22 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Pavlovs_Stepson]

Opening the video with Faceshopping? I didn't think I could love her more.

[u/thespiritstumbles]

This video was such a turn from her usual content, but still really awesome!

I truly felt for her when she talked about how she doesn't see fan compliments as genuine. On one hand, as someone mostly recovered from anorexia that was VERY open about it, I totally understand the feeling that it's just flattery, but on the other hand I wish there was a way for her to see her own beauty. But then again, she talked about beauty not being everything.

[u/need-more-space]

As a useless lesbian: "Isn't it safer to just secretly fall in love with them while quietly dying inside?" I STAN

[u/[deleted]]

B I O L O G I C A L

S E Q U I N S

[u/Multi21]

im glad she finally ended capitalism. i was waiting for that.

[u/Ryonovich]

I can't believe Nat invented beauty

[u/[deleted]]

“I’d fuck me too ,I don’t give a shit *looks back into mirror *GET OUT OF ROOM MOM”

This had me dying peak trans,humour.

[u/[deleted]]

OH SHIT THAT SOPHIE INTRO I FUCKING CALLED IT I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO FEATURE HER SONG IN THE VIDEO AND IT WORKS SO FUCKING GREAT

[u/unsourcedx]

Sistercels

I'M DYING LOL