Ballad of Shane & sleepy baby Billy

dude no I told you when I had to get a vape for Spade back you call it did you call me first I called everyone I knew yeah but who'd you call first I can't remember my cousin I can't even remember you called me first you were like your life flashed before your eyes you saw you and me getting married on a beach and you're like oh my God this teen he didn't tell me for like an hour and a half he called me out of out of breath from the gas station dude I'm jealous do you call Shane like right after that yeah like it's a 20-minute drive to my house so he said he went machine I was like roses what is this little baby Billy are you in trouble yes I was in so much trouble with the corner store it's like baby Billy who almost hurt you he said it was a black guy of course I said Phil come on man don't be racist again if you died yeah I love you dude I would be devastated [ __ ] you no I love you so much he's a sleepy Bill don't trust that sleepy baby Billy I love you so much I would be devastated it's like the best sleep he's angry it's like being drunk don't worry about it why are you looking like that dude you can't be tempted by him do you guys ever get scared when Bill gets sleepy he's just he is gay laughs little baby Billy Joe he's gonna get you yes come close are you accusing him of being like tired again I guess you know when you get tired you get horny as yo be honest this is a safe space has he ever made an advance on you never and I actually dude yo you know how gay this is very gay think about this you know how weird it would be if you were a guy and you had to hang out with your Bros it feels obviously straight but got now bye last night brother what was his name how tired were you huh that's gonna lay up uh so you want to know something funny this is just a little little urban legend yeah so the reason in World War one I've ever telling Israel ghost stories right this is I've never been more scared apparently this is the scariest topic of all time at the end of World War One [Laughter] [Music] this is to tell stories about the Jews yo the Symposium Jill stock dude [Laughter] so at the end of world war one they were in a bit of a standstill and then England released that when they broke up the Ottoman Empire they were going to give the Jews Israel because they knew s in World War one now that's just a uh that's a religion that's a I heard that from Dan Carlin's hardcore history and that's a very popular podcast I didn't come up with that Dan Carlin said that not me now it's time to get down to business and uh [Laughter] Good Start that's I'll tell you what that's actually a pretty good start if me and Matt have learned anything you're on the right track I keep farting into microphones in basements in Philadelphia You're Gonna Be a Millionaire you're seriously like you have Down syndrome right there that's coming from the balls [Laughter] the sound of the beach brings great joy dude million dollars that's a million dollars right there the sexual tension is insane dude it's whoa what I can't wait to when I get you and don't get me wrong I'm gonna get it I'm gonna rip those pants off I'm gonna piss on your ass I'm gonna bend you over that pool table and piss all over your ass clothes he likes to dress up for me I'm cutting it's like life's crazy like yeah man I'm like and then I start thinking I'm like oh yeah I'm [ __ ] yeah somebody write that down somebody put that in quotes say Spud thanks I'm constantly figuring out things other guys are thinking I'm like wow you know what I mean that's good meat dude yo that was good meat and I went to my ass dude that was good no it was it was not like you know thank you good appreciate it the game of [ __ ] yes yeah you were hanging out with a dude everybody no he was bombed yeah he was severely bombed because we're gonna do the weekend before that but we couldn't it was about to throw up yo you tell me you're not [ __ ] dude his favorite song is the one where it's like yeah it's like yo I'm gonna kill myself what's your favorite song that [ __ ] what in the third grade I thought I was gay what are they hitting with that wow that's Japanese who says uh the best song of all right now borderline that's borderline that literally was making its way do not push it this is an Airbnb dude you can't [ __ ] I may be a fecal freak dude you cannot [ __ ] your pants I had a pink eye scare all week what I thought I had pink eye yeah in the third grade I thought no you thought your pink guy this week yeah be honest bro uh I don't I can't believe we all don't have I how do we not all have peacocks I scratched my ass dude I dig into my ass on a weekly basis once a week one night a week I'll scratch my grundle and butthole yeah and then I rub my eyes then I'll go to sleep like this dude I forgot all about this would I pee now I take both my thumbs and I go sample of my nut sweat and go what I didn't I go I'm peeing you I just checked the humidity I take the barometer I go I take the hygrometer and go now you say a quick sample oh you're talking about the side swipe of this of the of my nuts underneath under your nutsack let's go see how sweaty it is I just checked the sweat I go yep my nuts are sweat and they go oh God I have not sweat all over my hands and I do it like without even thinking I've been doing some [ __ ] I just realized going to sleep without like washing my hands I wish I didn't say that out loud that's [ __ ] nuts that's really crazy that's crazy I didn't have anything funny to say because it actually bothered me I'm just saying where I'm peeling the layers of the onions what's the nastiest thing you've ever done I'm really not a freak been there done that I'm really not you wish I was you wish you a freak like me you'd love to see me squeeze you want to put an apple in my mouth you know Kane killed Abel I know I know Kane Abel Abel you a king dude you're a [ __ ] freak Moses no you came Moses Abraham [ __ ] but yeah it's just it really is Christian this is a Christian Jew World dude the Muslims gotta get out of the Holy Land let's say let's be honest dude it's a real talk but no you have your I do get pumped on how much dick is inside of my body pause pause pause pause pause pause pause this is a good podcast it's gonna be driving their cars and saying wow what a good kiss I dude honest to God I was in traffic right now and I was listening to this I'll go I'm doing well to be fair this is better than being stuck in traffic we give ourselves that yeah

Channel: ShaneGillisfan

Views: 278,107

Keywords: Comedy, Podcasts, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, MSSP, Matt McCuscker, Shane Gillis, Shane, Comedy Podcast, Matt, Podcast Clips, Podcast edits, Funny edits, Stand-up, Billy, Gay Bill, Spud

Id: awKyoN32uL0

Length: 9min 11sec (551 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 04 2022