AuDHD | Tips for living with high masking Autism 🛟 #adhd #anxiety #HSP

hi guys my name is Michaela and last year I found out that I have ADHD and this year I found out that I've got autism I was in my 30s before any of this information reached me and So for anybody watching if you've experienced the pain of simply trying to exist trying to hold down a job trying to get the most simple task done trying not to feel like a total waste of space for simply waking up in the morning then this one's for you because as soon as I got hit with this truckload of information I was overwhelmed in fact me even making this video is a bit of a feat because the ADHD makes me procrastinate and the autism makes me quite avoidant in fact the adhc makes me quite avoidant as well so the fact that I'm even making this in itself is quite amazing I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for all those times where I've given myself nothing but hate so the place that I looked first for inspiration and also for a bit of comfort and support was YouTube but also Reddit and some other places and all of the information that I got from those amazingly supportive people was really what made me turn something from feeling quite heavy and difficult you know learning that I'm autistic in my 30s is like what what um it turned that into something crazy overwhelming and confusing to actually quite a beautiful thing and now I can look back through my whole life and kind of view it a bit differently but anyway I digress this is my video of 20 things that have helped me to feel better and more productive in my day-to-day life we got there all right right let's go we're already 2 minutes in all right okay so as you can tell I'm already rambling more than what I was going to that comes with the territory I'm going to have a sip of tea and on we go caffeine free tea might I add all right number one number one that's been so lifechanging in feeling just better dayto day has been I accept the ADHD and the autism I accept it it's okay in fact it's blooming brilliant in many many ways but I used to live a life of fighting against everything like fighting against that negative internal voice fighting to get the simple task done fighting to keep my job fighting fighting fighting and then and then when I got this information about the autism I was like I feel like like I don't really have to fight anymore because this is something that's part of me it's not going to change so I should probably give myself the first of all the credit for getting this far without knowing what was going on and really really struggling and suffering and on top of all the other life stuff that happened you know instead of fighting against myself like I did for all of those years I've learned to accept and to work with myself instead so instead of fighting against going with a flow and just putting some good stuff into my routine and lifestyle that's going to make everything feel so much more manageable number two is that I make sure that my surroundings are kind of fit for my sensitivities and and my stimulation needs as well I no longer work in an office um but when I am working from home from a computer for example um I make sure that I have headphones first of all sometimes that's to play music sometimes it's just to cancel the noise and at other times is to play White no no white noise or you know rain sounds Etc depending on how my brain is feeling uh I also make sure that I've got good lighting but dimmable lighting so for example these types of lights that can change color I've got LED lights um um I've got smart light bulbs uh in my ceiling in my ceiling yeah um I sometimes I even wear a cap inside indoors on sensitive days rather that than sunglasses because sunglasses indoors I just find that there's something depressing about that so I I tend to stick to a cap um I also make sure that I'm wearing uh comfortable clothing so for example today this is actually a long sleeve t-shirt that is a huge no no for me usually I don't don't like things that sit close up in my armpits but it is a bit cold this quite a funny combo actually I've got on some these are some silk trousers and a cotton a cotton top because I only really wear natural materials breathable but we'll get into that in a minute so yeah I make sure that if I'm working I've got comfortable clothes on the lighting is good I've got my headphones if I need them got hot water bottle because that's going to come up a lot on this list I discovered and I can't believe how how late of the game I was but hot water bottles really help soothe my skin sensitivities I experience um sensitivity to like texture to hot and cold to loads of different things and a just holding a hot water bottle against my skin is super super calming and I am obsessed but I'm also obsessed that being a certain temperature so I've got to keep on refilling it multiple times a day um at the moment I've got a sausage I call it my sausage I've had loads of different ones and to be honest they tend to leak really fast so I'm probably going to be doing new one come next week but that was actually that used to be me a lipstick I used to have such a lipstick addiction when I still worked in an office it was like a comfort blanket thing and I would get through a crazy amount of tubes or lipstick so I'm kind of glad that swapped my lipstick comfort in the office for my home office hot water bottle I make sure I have snacks snacks are important to keep me energized whilst I'm working and lastly I make sure that I have a list of the tasks that I need to get done workwise and I use platforms such as assana generally it depends what I'm working on but I do try to make sure that I've got at least a list of the tasks that are most most important and that I do the most important and most difficult task first because otherwise my brain will go this is easy I'll do this first and then not to do the difficult thing at all so I start with the most difficult thing and I find that really helps number three super help helpful handy thing is to use the auto ordering function so always support local business as much as possible I think that's the only way to go how however uh and actually loads of small businesses have a reordering option like vegetable boxes um or whatever if you're order from like a farm maybe your eggs or your milk or whatever then they tend to have an automatic ordering system anyway but so does Amazon so doeses these days we need to really declutter our brains as much as possible because of the amount of stuff that's going in there think about it when we scroll on social media for 5 minutes we've got like 50,000 million gazillion voices coming out telling us stuff it's actually amazing that anyone gets anything done that is my recommendation it's Auto order delivery on things that you buy regularly like toilet paper V vitamin D pills vitamin D pills why is that on the list I can't remember uh like cat stuff whatever and number four speaking of cat stuff is said cat is a cat get a cat everybody should get a cat or a dog whatever the fluffy soft soft it really helps it helps with um it helps with everything it helps with a fun distraction but not don't worry about getting distracted anyway it's just nice sensory wise I'm constantly face planting Tony let's get Tony Tony hey Tony hi hi I just want to show you to the people oh you you know what's up you know what I'm trying to do so basically cat and then you [Music] just and yeah I feel at least like 20 times better next on the list we got food yeah okay so I've never respected this ever and now I do and it's made a huge difference I don't know why she say eat regular meals this is a big one sometimes I fast but I only fast if I feel like it's okay for me to do so as it if it feels beneficial but more often than not it's beneficial for me to have a routine so routine set meals a lot of people especially with ADHD struggle with remembering to eat for example and some people with Autism struggle with Tex texures to be honest the two overlap so much but we all struggle in different ways in that area and a routine often really helps just to prompt more than anything and our bodies also tend to do quite well if we stick to like routine and structure all of our digestive systems Etc you know all the sciency stuff that I'm not really that good at so eat regular meals um I also watch when I consume sugar and caffeine like now for example I'm already a little bit dithery for some reason and so if I had a cup of coffee now I wouldn't feel good and also it would have a huge impact on my sleep because it's about 2 p.m. yeah it's about 2 p.m. so I wouldn't have a coffee now I would have one in the morning I love I do I love I love black coffee I'm classic Swede um also intolerances can really mess us up anyone on the planet but especially those of us who are neurod diverse because apparently um sensitive stomachs feature a lot with us so if we say oh yeah I'm intolerant to Dairy but I love my pizza so you know yeah okay cool but the Fallout of that could be more than just a dodgy tummy it could actually have an impact on our mental health as well a lot of things can be caused by a dodgy diet so it is worth trying that first I know that when I'm feeling super anxious and stuff the last thing I need is sugar caffeine and like take out food sometimes we do need that too but other times is not what we need we need our greens and veggies and to make sure that our hormones feel balanced because Lord knows they can cause some Havoc the next thing is clothing and I recently leared the term slime clothes on Reddit where people were trying to describe like how clothes felt on their skin and I am someone who's very sensitive to texture and so like I mentioned before I only wear natural fibers now almost only natural fibers so like cotton linen um silk blah blah blah and I don't like things to sit really high in my armpits I literally lived in skinny jeans for so long I still own a couple of pair but they're not they're not comfortable let's be honest but it's like I didn't dare I had my uniform and I didn't really dare to stay for it as much as it made me feel uncomfortable I could never understand how people could wear like um netting tops you know those like plast plasticky no not for me it it just makes me feel anyway so you you get it I make sure that my wardrobe feels good um and also I try to avoid red red red isn't a favorite of mine anyway but also because with the ADHD and kind of AO avoidance of tasks I am more likely to get all of my washing done if it's in two piles black and white or like monochrome the red creates a third pile and ain't nobody got time for that next for sleeping and waking in the morning hot water [Music] bottles hot showers it's got to be hot there's a theme Here I like my drinks my showers my hot water bottle whatever if it's hot it's got to be scolding weirdly I'm so sensitive to temperature and to touch but scolding is what I find acceptable um also compression blankets rain sounds and candles baby and fairy lights someone has just knocked on my door this is the ultimate uncomfortability oh my God oh my God the timing could not have been any better is Amazon now you know I said to shop local I still stand by that however at the moment finances are a little a little tricky Dicky and don't know how many of you watch my usual content but um I'm about to most likely it's almost 100% move on to a barge for boat life so yeah basically fun fun funds are being pennies are being counted but so what's just arrived and which number was it on my list it was [Music] number three Auto reorder this is three packs of toothpaste now I've got toothpaste that I don't need to remember to buy because the postman has reminded me of their existence by bringing them to my door where were we we were with fairy lights weren't we fairy lights candles hot water bottles all that good stuff for sleeping and mornings number eight Beauty so before I knew this about myself I tried really hard to fit into what Society wants me to look like what I thought Society wanted me to look like and that that included uh face full of makeup it included tight clothes bright blonde hair big long loads of hair just loads of everything fake tan eyelashes Nails a very different version of the person that you see today and I used to wash my hair every day I have to shower every single day because I think I've also got kind of a light OCD um so for pretty much 33 years what ever give or take when I was younger I have washed my hair every single day and I had hair down to here for 24 of those years of my life um so you can imagine that was a hell of a lot of effort and it was all because my skin would crawl at the thought of having grease in my hair what made me overcome that was realizing why I feel this way accepting that's okay and then thinking to myself all right I'm going to gently push myself out my comfort zone here I realized if I had the right sort of dry hair shampoo then I could live with just having a body shower and washing my hair every other day and so I made my own homemade dry hair shampoo in the end because the shop bought ones are they smell too strong they are not good for the environment and they leave your hair feeling kind of cakey so and again this this this is me going slightly off on a tangent but the way that I make my own dry hair shampoo is with dried lavender that I literally just pick from anywhere I find it Outdoors an organic corn starch that's it and then you just and it doesn't feel my cat's looking at me like all right bro it doesn't feel cakey it doesn't feel heavy right now though um yeah so also I've shaved the sides of my head for a while I actually trimed my Fringe super short as well if you seen my videos and that was for the sensory stuff I was trying to find after finding out about my autism I was trying to find a sensory friendly haircut because I've always felt so like about my hair so anyway now I actually I I have the sides you can't can you see I've got the sides of my head shaved both sides now some people might be like um I don't really care it it makes me feel better there's less hair to worry about it's easier to wear a hat uh yeah so I do what feels good and I don't care so much what people think anymore like it's okay for someone to be like man you look like a Butch lesbian like okay sick and the world still goes on life goes on oh yeah good hair bands really important just as important as good socks actually they've got to be like tight and firm but not too tight and hair bands as well tight but firm but not too tight but hairand is always so limp and I find that difficult to deal with like that that's actually something that would great on me so I make sure I've got good hair bands I no longer use Foundation as I would sit at work and I would get more and more sticky I I would sit there and be like and the light in the office as well on I used to work in advertising in the city so like in London proper office setting like a lot and I also used to drink drink quite a lot to cope to cope with it socially um so of course hangovers and stuff I would just constantly feel sticky like just sticky and a bit warm and like Foundation just felt so I don't wear Foundation anymore in fact I've ditched mascara I've ditched concealer Foundation the only thing I really ever put on now is a bit of um eyebrow pencil and some bronzer good to go and guess what I didn't die and what else it actually feels better but it's like I I was so stuck in my rigid routine of this is how it has to be in order for me to kind of survive is how it felt like if if I tried to I didn't even know how to do anything differently honestly it's so wild looking back because it always it almost feels like a different person tell me in the comments if you relate cuz something tells me we will have a lot in common also first time I let myself put stickers on my laptop I never used to cuz I was like but what if I don't know what if like it's just all the time it it was just all about like perception people's perception of me or like this I love stickers screw it number nine my fear of being seen and I think this sits quite a lot on the autism side I think many um especially women that I've spoken to have also struggled with the same Challenge and that was really good for me to hear because it was actually on my video where I said that I'm a HSP I started to describe some of these sensitivities and it was from that that another autistic woman reached out and said hey have you thought about autism and I was like but yeah fear of being seen as a thing so on my super sensor not all my days across a month are the same I've got some days that are super sensitive in which the world feels like it's attacking and then I've got other days where I feel like I can be part of it just about and on my super sensitive days going outside can be hard even leaving my flap because I know as soon as I leave my flat I live in London I'm going to see people and I'm going to be perceived I'm going to be seen and it's really hard to explain that to somebody who doesn't experience it but the way that I've now started dealing with it in more of a helpful way and not to fight against it is by all my sensitive days having a cap a few different caps to wear in a few different colors so that it's suited to whatever I'm wearing whatever Vibe I'm feeling and a few different hoodies so I can do a cap and then I have a hoodie over if I want to um and baggy clothing headphones on as well and kind of having my boundaries for that day set and ready to go if anything comes across my path that I'm not comfortable with so for example sometimes I get all like rigged up ready to go outside got my headphones on but still somebody approaches because that's it's a double-edged sword you know I like the fact that I'm usually think it's cross touch word perceived as being that's right Tony that was just me knocking my cat's like you the door Tony look it's just me okay see I get anxiety that's why I'm like really aware of my cat's anxiety as well um but sometimes yeah that's right that's what I was saying see you see SI um I am friendly and outgoing and sometimes that can mean that I draw that towards me more than maybe I'm comfortable with and that's not to say I don't like people I just don't really like the way my brain reacts to it you know and I do if I could control it and I could change that then maybe I would because that part is really hard because there's a lot of people and the populations are only growing it's not like it's going to get any less but then also we are probably moving to a barge off grid so that's going to solve that number 10 oh this is a huge one making sure the people in our lives are supportive what so in a previous life again and I keep saying that sorry it's it's just because I've literally feel I feel like I've lived two lives before I had this information then I quit drinking and after I had this information and quit drinking very different but before I Didn't Know Myself very well and I had really low self-esteem and I was a people pleaser and so I wouldn't communicate things very well probably to the people my nearest and Dearest and I probably did act in ways sometimes that was confusing for both myself and them and I did also draw a lot of narcissists to me because I was such an empathetic people pleaser so I've had to kind of relearn a lot of things including boundaries self-respect and kind of learning what my values are so I can attract other people with the same values or accept other people into my circle with the same Val values um because otherwise life gets really hard and so now I've got a partner for example who is incredibly respectful and supportive about my sensitivities and has gone a long way to help me heal some of my negative views about myself and expectations on myself and helped me see the beauty where I've really only seen ugly and pain and not nice things about myself yeah it's been really helpful this whole learn learning self-acceptance self love and then learning that other people actually do deserve to reflect the same thing back and I'm sure many of you watching have experienced both romantic and friendship type relationships that have been really hard and often we blame ourselves but I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that we can't control other people we can only decide what we accept into our lives how we act and what we put out into the world and the rest is just noise so it's just learning how to filter what matters what doesn't to set boundaries and not let people walk all over it because that makes you feel like [ __ ] I I I did that for so long my God 11 I allow full rest days when needed so for for example if I socialize now if I go out for lunch with a friend I know that I'm going to have to rest that evening and probably the day after that's literally what it costs from me um and it's it's a worthwhile cost so I I like to spend that energy with people who make me feel good and who reflect like I said who reflect back to me what I give to them and so even with that in place it still takes that much energy you know talking and listening and you know I like to take an active role in my friendships now I never really used to because I well I didn't really even pick my friendships it more just kind of like situational these are the friends you meet along the way now I curate my life I think about what feels good for me what type of people do I want around me and so that kind of feeds into making sure you've got the supportive Network around you because it really it's it's been life changing and I'd really rather have no one in my life than then have people who just take or have people that judge or have people that project their own shortcomings or who think they can fix you or who think no I would rather just be on my own and figure myself out and myelf love and then pick and choose the people that will be good for me and vice versa and so that's kind of where I'm at now number I know actually I want to say I allow full rest days whenever I need them because if I don't it can cause a full burnout and as we know burnout can last a day a week a month or even a year but I'll be there for you so it's better to just take the rest day it's the same as if you pick up the flu taking a day or two of work isn't enough there's no point you're just going to go back in and infect everyone else take the week take two if you need to and come back feeling 12 I don't socialize unless I want to and have the energy and again I accidentally kind of led into that in number 11 but I have literally had full panic attacks from not resting I met up with a friend a couple months ago and this was when I was first learning about the autism thing and taking it seriously I got up from our lovely lunch and I started to walk home and I felt it rise I felt the anxiety and like the and I was like oh no I've depleted my energy and now I'm going to have a panic attack and I thought [ __ ] I can't walk home like this so I got on the bus terrible mistake I got on the bus in Hackney which for those of you who don't live in London is a super busy mental place and everyone and their mom is on this bus and the screaming kids and the arguing teenagers and they're like and then the bus is like the bus driver is just going to stop for a while whilst we regulate the services and I'm like oh my God I'm literally going to have a panic attack what the hell do I do and that was the last time I kind of allowed that to happen sometimes it will happen and there's nothing we can do and okay it is what it is but I know why it happened and since then I have put steps into ensuring that I don't burn myself out to the point where I feel that bad and I do that by all the other points I've mentioned so far and the ones coming but especially sleeping enough eating enough hydrating enough limiting CA caffeine is so important um and having good people around because also when that starts to happen I think the last two times it did I was with friends but I felt too embarrassed to say and I've done work on myself since then because I know both those two people in reality would not judge um or think critically of me at all but it just felt too vulnerable and so I've had to work on actually saying I don't feel well right now I need to go or like can we find a quieter place where I can have a glass of water or like just closing my eyes for a minute putting my headphones on and just like whatever the hell I need to do I just do it now what the [ __ ] life is too short to not respect ourselves enough and to why waste time feeling embarrassed about something that we can't control no no more number 13 I make lists when [ __ ] really needs to get done I literally WR that down and I make sure to do the hardest task first like I mentioned before and I use things like the Pomodoro Technique um to help with Focus which means you do like x amount of time of work and then you take a couple minutes and you do something else and then you do x amount of work and then it take a couple minutes and you do something else that's also very good for eyesight it's good if we're looking at the computer to every at least half an hour look somewhere further out so I tend to look into the City and like the far distance um and the other day I went to get my eyes tested and I got 2020 baby I couldn't believe it I almost cried in the options because I felt like you're doing something right and again that reminded me that I've been historically really harsh on myself um 14 I use YouTube videos for cleaning and productivity when I need an extra push that's the thing if you guys are still watching I mean congratulations please give yourself a pass on the back I know this video is long thank you I love you so much I've lost where I am yeah so I use YouTube videos for cleaning and productive want to need an ex push so say our house is a mess we've been in a period of overwhelm or you know we've just been in a period of like and there's no words to describe that we all know the feeling the best thing to do is to log on and see someone else who feels the same get productive and get productive together it works and that's probably part of the reason why you're watching this video is for a little bit of comfort a few tips but really it's just a bit of familiarity with someone else is going through the same pain it's just it's just good 15 I use rewards to motivate myself but I do try to ensure that they're healthy too unless it's a weekend where I don't ensure that at all in fact it is the law that I have at least one cinnamon related pastry but in the week I use healthier rewards to um motivate myself so for example if I got to go to the Post Office and I'm like procrastinating on it which is what I always do I will think to myself okay if you go to the post office then there's a cafe a few doors down from there after you can go get coffee and then I know that I'm going to go and do it because I love going to get coffee it's just something that I enjoy um actually I want to ask you guys I don't have a reusable coffee portable coffee mug thing I really would love one because it's crap for the environment to get reusable cups so if you've got one that you could recommend to me please recommend it in the comments thank you um 16 I track my month in a journal to see Trends and patterns and so I can learn from it so the same as we would do like period tracking or just mental health tracking it's the same it's seeing are there any Trends in my month where I know that maybe I hit like a bit of a dip where I need a bit of extra support then I can just Implement that ahead of time so that I'm not like having to be reactive to it in the moment because once we're in it it's really hard to get out of it whereas if we're if we see it coming then it's easier to Swerve it or to at least soften the blow 17 I take time outdoors I I know that everyone is speaking about this but again we literally come from nature so we cannot survive without it we are from the earth and we shall return to the earth once we pop our clogs so the fact that anybody thinks that we can live in selfes and go shopping every day for the rest of our lives and be healthy isn't sensical in my mind so I try and get outside and get fresh air every day if I can if I can't that's why I've got an indoor job jungle because some days I can't face the idea of seeing humans and because of where I live it's guaranteed I see humans as soon as I get into the hallway of my block of flats um but again hopefully we're going to move soon and that move is primarily for my mental health because that's why I'm prioritizing now so fresh air nature going out and just noticing the small things it's so important look at the veins of the leaves look at the flowers might not be loads of flowers right now or leaves actually considering we're heading into Christmas quick Shar but just noticing those smell and the little animals scurrying about it's it's awesome and it's a good way to get out of our head which often is just cluttered with stuff that doesn't even matter especially the digital world the digital world considering we're here right now having this conversation is obviously amazing but it has its drawbacks too so it's all about balance this is all about balance 18 Reddit communities set up a Reddit account and head into those threads about ADHD and autism they're the most supportive amazing safe spaces that I've ever had the pleasure to be a part of I'll say no more I'll let you do your own finding out it's amazing 19 learning to advocate for myself and others I have always had a very strong sense of justice and apparently that's something that also comes with neur neurod diverent people but um I do have a strong sense of justice and I am really happy that I have taken time to learn how to advocate for myself but that what's even more amazing is being able to advocate for other people I guess and the more I learn about this and myself the more I can do that to help other people and so instead of just working a job in the city making money for large corporations hating myself drinking myself into Oblivion just to exist and survive instead of that I'm actually learning about stuff I care about I'm able to slowly turn that into paid work and then even go as far as speaking up for people who maybe don't have a voice themselves where applicable and I think that's really important because because of the digital world especially Society has become really we all sort of live in our own silos and and there's such separation in communities and so we don't have that support from each other like what we used to and I think anything that brings us closer back to that kind of way of being uh is a good thing 20 we made it to the end W it was long so well done if you got this far a dopamine detox we all need a dopamine detox and by that I mean things that give us quick gratification quick dopamine hits I deleted all of my social medias I guess that felt like clunky so like Twitter I had a a separate Instagram for my YouTube I got rid of that I was like I I I only need one um I took Instagram and Facebook apps off of my home screen on my phone so I've actually got to search for them in order for them to come up so I don't go on them I think maybe once or twice a day now I don't really have an interest and that's Come From Me Slowly detoxing to begin with I was addicted man I was addicted addicted to anything that would give me a dopamine hit and that is why I was obviously drinking like I did as well because that's dopamine too um and it took me a while to detox but here I am and I'm feeling way better for it and it means I get more down in the real world as well um yeah and YouTube is such a wicked place because for people like us who maybe have our sensitivities and and it can be too draining to go out and meet up and have these conversations in the real world um then YouTube's freaking fantastic for that because I I've got enough energy to kind of sit at home and deliver this Ram rambling video um but if it was in person it it would be a thousand times more draining like a thousand because here I'm in control of my environment that's what I mean so I used to work in the city I realized that it was ADHD and autism that was causing the burnouts and I decided that I needed to step away away from that career it was not bringing me joy it was not making me feel good um and it wasn't really fulfilling either and it's meant taking a huge financial hit and it's meant you know sometimes battling imposter syndrome and and all of these things but overall I feel tons better I feel better for starting to really trying to bet on myself and my life experience and to create something that's going to hopefully help other people people and help me feel better in the long term and help me reconnect with my family in a way that I haven't done before lightly you know all of these things is just from getting to know myself and starting to work with myself rather than fighting against it so how I started out this video was with acceptance and I kind of want to end there as well I think self- love and acceptance is the ultimate goal and it will make make us all much better people to be around as well it's not just to make our own lives better it's to make the world a better place as cliche and cringe as that sounds is what I believe in me and my strong sense of justice um but there's so much pain out there right now and I think from even videos like this us trying to find our similarities instead of like what makes us different is such a beautiful thing and it's the start I think it's the start of hopefully Society getting a little bit softer and Kinder and more accepting and not being pitted against each other so much yeah World Peace Sandra bck what a legend anyway I'll leave it there for now um I hope you enjoyed me and my dodgy Fringe in this video and um I just want to say thank you so much and I'd love to hear what your experiences are down below in the comments I have nothing but love and respect for you all it is not easy out there but we've made it this far and I think the more we seek support from each other the better we'll feel all right Pals until next time see you [Music] soon me wind rain some kind of butterfly baby [Music] [Music] [Music] you want to over think it baby [Music] just

Channel: Mikaela Ebbesson

Views: 4,501

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Id: vYhQEQJtZ1U

Length: 42min 8sec (2528 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 06 2023