Autism and ADHD in Women | 8 Areas of Frustration

adhd and autism tend to be under-diagnosed in women because it presents differently also the american psychological association didn't believe that the two conditions could co-exist until 2013 when the dsm-5 was published since 2013 scientists have been working to better understand the link between autism and adhd today we're going to define both of those conditions and explore what it feels like to be someone who deals with both of them at the same time i can tell you as an autistic woman who also has adhd that having these two things at the same time can make it feel like you're being pulled in two directions all day long it can be a really exhausting experience that tends to lead to more autistic meltdowns or shutdowns so make sure you stick around until the end of the video i'm going to be sharing with you an 11 page meltdown survival guide that i have personally created and i'm really proud of it it's going to help identify what causes meltdowns what we can do to prepare for those moments how to recover from them and other resources that can help you manage those types of situations i can't wait to share the information that i've been learning about when it comes to these two topics intersecting so if you're ready let's get started if you're new to the channel welcome i am taylor with mom on the spectrum and i'm so glad you're here this community has been growing like wildfire and i could not be more excited i love connecting with all of you and it's been so fun to see the comments pouring in i started this channel about a year ago because honestly i love talking about mental health i believe it's so important to talk about and it really isn't as big of a deal as people make it out to be we all have unique challenges when it comes to mental health and i feel the more we can talk about it and make it more of a normal conversation the more help and relief and healing that becomes available also i was just super frustrated about the lack of resources for autistic adults i was diagnosed with autism at age 31 and ever since then i've been trying to create as many things as i can for the autistic community so that others like me can feel less alone if you haven't already please make sure that you've subscribed to this channel that's the best gift that you can give to help make sure that the channel keeps growing also if you find the video helpful please like it and also leave a comment below with some feedback for something that you may have learned or something that you'd like to add to the conversation even though the channel is growing really fast right now i'm still able to read every single comment that comes through and i just want you to know that i really take those seriously and i love learning from the community the things that i learn from the comments really inspire these videos and help fuel a lot of the discussion behind them i really do want to create resources that you need so please let me know if you have any suggestions for future videos in the comments below and if you haven't already seen the first video i did on adhd and autism make sure that you check that out i will put a link to that video up at the top i'm not sure which side it's going to be on in that first video i'm exploring the seven different types of add or adhd as defined by dr daniel amen and to quickly address some of the comments from the last video those seven types of add or adhd are not something that you're going to find in the dsm 5 which is what most providers use to make diagnoses i just find dr amon's research fascinating he's used brain scans to develop those seven different categorizations of adhd and i find it very helpful to better understand my own brain so just know if you're watching that video that you most likely won't receive an official diagnosis of one of those seven types of adhd unless you were to go receive treatment at one of dr amon's clinics i just found that information really fascinating and helpful to me personally but in all things make sure that you do your own research and follow the information and research that makes the most sense for your life and lastly before we jump in just a reminder i'm not a doctor i'm not a psychologist this video is not intended to be a diagnostic tool for you but rather to help better understand these conditions based on my own experiences that i'd like to share with you today with that being said i want to help you better understand your brain i always like to add a reminder that these terms adhd autism ocd bipolar whatever it might be these are human-made terms right we're dealing with a whole brain and these terms have been created to help us identify certain challenges associated with different presentations of the brain but these terms are imperfect they don't catch everything they overlap with other terms and at the end of the day my advice is for you to use whichever terms help you better understand yourself and empower you to live a truer more authentic version of your own life using terms like adhd or autism can be helpful because it can help you find more tools and resources to manage symptoms associated with those conditions it can also be useful and helpful to share those labels with other people in your life who might benefit from knowing that you work to manage these types of symptoms and conditions every day it can help people better care for us better understand us better accommodate us so that along with increased self-compassion to me is the reason why using labels is important first we're going to define adhd and autism and then i'm going to share with you from my own personal experiences what it's like to live with both of them autism is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that involves challenges in social communication repetitive behaviors and restricted interests depending on the individual the presentation of challenges in those areas can present way differently add or attention deficit disorder is a term used to describe symptoms of distractibility you all i'm gonna be honest i've tried to do this from memory five times and i'm just gonna hold the paper because i have adhd and i can't remember the definition add is the term used to describe add is the term add is the term used to describe symptoms of inattention distractibility and poor working memory adhd adhd is a term used to describe additional symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity and that h i think is what gives women a lot of trouble because many times add or adhd it presents without the hyperactive component so in a school setting or a public setting we many times tend to draw less attention to ourselves than someone of another gender and that can cause many of us women to go under the radar and not get a diagnosis because we don't seem hyperactive we don't seem inattentive we're following all of the rules from the surface it looks like we're doing everything correct but internally we're really struggling with these challenges of let me look again inattention distractibility and a poor working memory i shared this in my last video but i thought this statistic was very eye opening according to some recent studies 30 to 50 percent of autistic people also show signs of add or adhd and about two-thirds of people with add or adhd also show signs of being autistic so there's a huge overlap in these two areas now as i jump into some of my own experiences with having the combination of these two conditions remember that it can be kind of hard to pinpoint this is 80d and this is autism there's overlap we're still learning how to spot the differences and similarities between the two but overall there's kind of a general consensus with these issues that i'm about to share of what is more adhd and what is more autism related so first of all our nervous system this is a category that i wanted to make sure to hit being an autistic individual our nervous system tends to become dysregulated pretty easily i would say for many people on the spectrum it tends to be more of an over stimulation of the nervous system rather than an under stimulation and with adhd we tend to feel more under stimulated we need more challenges we need more activities we need more adrenaline we need to push into a higher gear and go but with autism we tend to become over stimulated more easily so noises can become too much lights can become too bright and as i'm sitting here filming all these lights around me i'm just like whoa it's really bright smells can be too overpowering if you just can't work next to the woman in your office who wears that perfume that is completely overpowering those types of things can just regulate our nervous system very easily so there's this push and pull as someone with adhd of like let's go let's conquer let's learn new things let's go kayaking and then the autistic side of the brain is like all right well that sounds kind of like a big deal like i think i might need to stay here at my home base under my weighted blanket because that sounds pretty great too so it's a really big push and pull where sometimes you just don't know what your body is wanting from you number two special interest this is something that i found really fascinating i think it might have been purple ella who is sharing about this but having adhd and autism it's been confusing because i have a lot of special interests so someone on the spectrum you've probably heard that we tend to have special interests where we kind of just like go into a black hole and all we want to do is learn about our special interests and work on it my special interests change a lot i have a lot of musical instruments that i've purchased but never learned how to fully play and so for me it was kind of confusing to nail down like oh those are still special interests they're just not lasting very long because the adhd side of my brain is like let's do something else so i know someone else like this where it will look like okay i'm gonna go learn chinese and then they'll take these chinese classes and they'll be like 200 into it and then one day they just completely fizzle out and they're like i'm done the third thing is routine this can be really complex with adhd and autism because with autism i really crave routine and that feels really safe to me but the second that i make a routine i'm mad about it i'm like no i don't want to have to i don't want to have to follow this i want to be just spontaneous and do whatever i want to do so it's this again this back and forth of like this works and then it doesn't because my brain has very different ideas about what i need to be successful when it comes to managing my routine it's an everyday challenge i've made so many lists that look absolutely beautiful and end up crumpled in the trash out of anchor or i'll make a list and then the next thing i do will have absolutely nothing to do with the list that i just made number four new activities with adhd i tend to crave new things i love to go outside and i love to kayak and i love walking and i love exploring i feel like a lot of times if i lived in a different area where there are more trails and ways to explore nature i would do that all the time i live in a really hot part of texas with a lot of cement and so that's not available to me a lot of times but i really love the idea of getting out learning new things live music is a huge thing like i love just being a part of like a live music scene but then the autistic side of me again is like hey we could just sit on the couch where it's safe and where i understand everything that's going to happen and i can just work on regulating my nervous system and not talk to anyone not hear any loud music not do anything new which kind of leads me to the next point of decision making very difficult topic with adhd and autism a lot of times it can feel like spinning out just perseverating on one topic if you haven't heard that term before it's more closely related with autism so persephoration is intensely focusing on one thing and not being able to shift gears off of it so with decision making it can feel like i don't know if i want to go outside or stay inside i don't know if i want to do something new or just read a book and then you just sit there and you don't do anything and it's so frustrating it also makes me feel like i want to have a plan and i want to know exactly what's going to happen and i like planning for ways that the plan might go wrong and having all these backup options but then i also just want to go with the flow and not worry about anything and be completely spontaneous and not have a plan and not worry about things going wrong so again it's just like it's this exhausting feeling of being in the middle like looking at my brain and being like what do you want from me number six learning can be really difficult with both of these two conditions so with autism i feel like there's more of this drive to research that's something that i've really connected to a lot of y'all about is this desire just to research and to know and to pursue knowledge and with adhd there can be this difficulty to retain information again working with the poor working memory it can make it really difficult like once i'm learning new information to be able to formulate it in a way that i can share because it's like i can't hold that new information in my brain long enough to do anything with it so that becomes really frustrating for me especially even working on this channel like i'll have all of this great new knowledge and information that i want to share but then actually formulating it and coming up with a plan it's like i fizzle out and then the adhd side of my brain is like i don't really remember anything that you just read and it would be really fun to crochet right now number seven paying attention this can be very difficult with both adhd and autism both conditions can share the commonality of hyper focus but in order to pay attention a lot of times being autistic it requires stemming this can also happen with adhd too where we have like a repetitive movement that we need to do in order to absorb information and learn this could be like drawing while you're listening to the teacher maybe tapping your fingers on the desk but then getting really upset about anybody else who does that right so like the rule follower and you being like they're not paying attention they're doing something else why are they doing that or your nervous system getting overwhelmed again because the person next to you is drumming on the desk and that's upsetting you because you can't pay attention again the back and forth of like i need to do this but i'm also upset by the fact that other people might need to do this and then lastly number eight staying organized so with autism i feel like that lends more into organization again the routine the scheduling it can make things feel safer and more manageable there can be a very strong need for organization but with adhd it's very hard to stay organized and i find that a lot i really thrive on organization but it's so exhausting to stay organized i tend to find that i kind of spin out trying to stay organized like i will spend a whole lot of time on organizing that to-do list or organizing my workspace and i'll spend so much time on that that i look up and i'm like what have i been doing and then i've used so much energy that i'm burnt out and can't do the things that i was going to do on my to-do list it's a lot it's like an everyday struggle and i keep thinking like oh i'm making progress and maybe i am in some ways but honestly i just think a lot of it is learning how to wake up every day and remind yourself that your brain's different and you can't compare yourself to how other people are running their day and getting things done because it just doesn't work that way for somebody who has adhd and autism you have to kind of find your own way every day and it looks different every day and that's okay frustrating but definitely okay so to highlight some of the similarities between both adhd and autism both can entail trouble focusing in social situations heightened sensory responses difficulty regulating emotions fixations or perseverations which we talked about and transitions can be really difficult it's also very painful to be interrupted i hate being interrupted especially when i'm like in a special interest and both conditions can also lend to long periods of deep focus on things that we're really interested in so overall as i've stated several times already in this video in general there's this constant push and pull back and forth between adhd and autism that can really push our nervous system out of whack because we're constantly trying to manage being under stimulated and overstimulated if you're on the spectrum you've probably experienced your fair share of meltdowns and shutdowns those happen when our nervous system is disregard dysregulated so it's really important that we start understanding the warning signs of when dysregulation is happening and that is why i decided to create my very own meltdown survival guide managing meltdowns is just something that as a person on the spectrum you have to learn how to do it's part of life it happens when you least expect it it happens when you don't want it to and it can really put yourself in a place where you require a lot of recovery time to get back into the swing of things to function like you want to function again so my meltdown recovery guide it's something that you can download today and keep with you forever it goes into more detail about how the nervous system works in an autistic person how the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system works together to regulate our nervous system i detail the difference between a meltdown and a shutdown talk about how to identify different meltdown triggers so that you can be more aware of when those things are on the horizon one of my favorite sections of the meltdown survival guide is sensory regulation techniques so important for getting your nervous system back to a place where you feel calm and comfortable and more like yourself i also added a special page on managing panic attacks because i've had my fair share of them and i've learned a few tips from my psychologist my friends and from personal experience that i feel like could be really helpful for you if that's something you also struggle with and then i also include other helpful products and resources that can help you manage meltdowns and talk about how to prepare for future meltdowns because let's be real they're going to continue happening i'll put the link to the meltdown survival guide in the description you can also find it here at taylorheaton.gumroad.com i'm really proud of an emergency card that i created that you can print out and keep with you for stressful situations in the event that you need to interact with a police officer or a medical professional i sized it so that you could keep it in a small place like a purse or a glove compartment so that it's available for you to hand to someone like that in case of an emergency to help you communicate your needs so make sure you check out that website for access to all of my downloadable content as a reminder please make sure that you've subscribed to the channel that's the best way to help it grow give this video a thumbs up if it was helpful to you in addition to those things you can also support me at paypal dot me slash mom on the spectrum i'm extremely grateful to those of you who are able to donate to that that helps me out more than you know this channel is growing rapidly and i'm doing my best to stay on top of it but every donation every ounce of support it really helps and i can't thank you enough i'd love to hear from you in the comments what you thought about this video and anything that you'd like to add to the discussion and i always like to add a final reminder that i truly believe that the brain that you have is beautiful probably has plenty of challenges that it throws at you every day but together we can learn how to better understand and manage those challenges and learn how to love and appreciate the brain that we've been given i'm so glad you're here thanks for stopping by and i will see you in the next video bye you

Channel: Mom on the Spectrum

Views: 179,702

Keywords: autistic, aspergers, autism, adhd, autistic female, autism spectrum disorder, asd, mental health, asperger, autism in females, sensory processing, high functioning, yt:cc=on, mom on the spectrum, autistic mom, autism in women, adhd in women, adhd in females, adhd and autism, autism and adhd, actually autistic, autism test, autism quiz, autism diagnosis, sensory processing disorder, am i autistic, do i have adhd, what is autism, autism in adults, autistic parent, autism mom

Id: 0E_V7cGteuo

Length: 19min 2sec (1142 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 25 2022