Are you autistic or just an introvert? At first glance, lots of traits of introversion and autism seem to overlap, like tending to prefer your own company, not being very social, perhaps a tendency to do your own thing and spend lots of time alone, away from the world. So in this video, I'll share five questions that you can ask yourself to help you figure out if you're autistic or an introvert or maybe both. Hi everyone, Paul Micallef here from Autism from the Inside. I make weekly videos sharing the human side of autism, so make sure you hit subscribe to get the latest content. So according to the theory, we're all somewhere on the scale from extreme introversion to extreme extroversion. Of course, real life is more complicated than that and we probably have some traits of both, but either way, we can expect a very large percentage of the population, probably of the order of 50%, to identify as an introvert. Conversely, we know that less than 5% of the population are autistic. So clearly there are a lot of introverts out there who are not autistic and that kind of makes sense. Most of us are somewhere in the middle in terms of introversion and extroversion, but what about the extreme end? Can you be an extreme introvert without necessarily being autistic? It's probably worth mentioning that since autism is a neurological difference, then if you're an extreme anything compared to the majority of the population, then that's already potentially an indication that you might be autistic, but we know that introverts are not necessarily autistic and in fact, there are lots of autistic extroverts as well. So how can we tell the difference between extreme introversion and autism? The first question to ask yourself is, why do you like spending time alone? By itself, preferring your own company is not a sign of autism at all. It's extremely common. Lots of people like spending time by themselves. So if you tend to like activities that you can do by yourself like reading or gardening or writing or drawing or any number of other things that you tend to do by yourself, none of these are any indication that you might be autistic. They're more like a preference for a certain type of activity. So the question is, why do you like spending time alone? Is it because there are lots of things you like to do and they happen to be by yourself and you happen to find them really relaxing and recharging or is it because you find people stressful? A lot of autistic people have some version of social anxiety, whether it's overthinking social interactions, trying to prepare in advance, maybe with scripted replies or by wanting to know every detail of what's likely to happen. When you feel like you're just a bit different from other people, it can be hard to find ways to connect. It can be hard to fit in, hard to do what everyone else is doing and above all, really stressful, taking a lot of energy to try to fit in, to try to participate in mainstream society. So a lot of the time, the reason many autistic people prefer to spend time alone is because being alone is safe. You don't need to worry about what other people think, whereas going out into the world with all of these crazy, unpredictable people, that's scary, that's stressful, that doesn't feel safe or relaxing at all. In other words, the reason I'm isolating myself is not just because I enjoy reading or gardening, but because I find the outside world openly hostile. So question number one, why do you like spending time alone? Is it a preference for a certain type of activities that you find pleasurable or is it because you have a general sense that the outside world is stressful and dangerous? And so the effort of putting on a mask so you can go out and try and fit in is too difficult and too stressful so you'd prefer to just stay at home where you can relax and feel safe. Question number two is, how much effort do you have to put in to maintain your relationships? The introverted stereotype is someone who doesn't have that many friends, but he's probably fairly close with the one or two friends they have. You probably have a handful of long-term relationships, maybe in your family, for example, and you're probably not that interested in just going out and meeting people for the sake of meeting people. So the question here is a little bit similar to the first one. What is the reason for not having a large number of friends? Is it because relationships are really difficult or is it that you're just not that interested in making new friends for the sake of new friends when you're actually already reasonably satisfied with the relationships you've already got? If you've never struggled to maintain relationships or be understood by the people around you, that's a pretty strong sign you're probably not autistic. I've met quite a few people who are extremely introverted, but they don't have a problem going out into the world, interacting with people on a superficial basis, like small talk or getting along with colleagues or having these kinds of acquaintance-level, nice, polite relationships. It's just that they're reasonably happy with the one or two close friends they've already got. In fact, for some people, having polite small talk with a stranger is a lot easier than trying to show up and be vulnerable and make a real connection with this person. Whereas it's a common autistic trait to want more friends, wish you had deeper, more nourishing long-term relationships and to want to skip all that small talk and superficial stuff and actually jump straight to connecting with a real person. So you can see that the result might be having not that many friends. There may even be an aversion to going out and trying to make new friends because it's really difficult, but the underlying reason behind it can be quite different. So the second question to ask yourself is are you happy and satisfied with your relationships even if you don't have that many friends? The third question to ask yourself to help figure out if you're autistic or just introverted is around your sensory profile. Do you have an atypical sensory profile or are you more or less happy with most environments most of the time? We all have sensory preferences. Everyone has some things in life that they prefer not to do. Lots of people don't like wearing a tie or high heels or makeup, for example, but it's much less common to dislike shopping centers because they're too loud or bright or noisy. Similarly, do you find that most foods are okay? Or do you really struggle to find anything palatable even at a nice restaurant? For a lot of autistic people, one of the reasons that we often isolate is because when I can control my own environment, I can make sure that I'm okay. As soon as I leave the house, as soon as I go into a public space, then suddenly I have to deal with a sensory world, an environment that was created for your average person. And it's likely to be too loud or smelly or overstimulating in some way. So if your sensory and environment preferences don't fall too far out of the norm of what people would expect, that's a fairly strong sign that you might not be autistic. Having some degree of sensory sensitivity or maybe insensitivity that gets in the way of everyday life, especially when you're trying to be out in a public space that was designed for your average person is an extremely common autistic trait. I'm not sure I know an autistic person who doesn't have some degree of significant challenge with a sensory issue. So question number three, do you have atypical sensory preferences? So question number four, do you find it difficult to regulate your emotions or do you feel mostly okay most of the time, especially when you're by yourself? Most autistic people will have some degree of challenge around regulating our own emotions. Now, if I have strategies that are working for me, then I may not necessarily perceive it as a challenge. For example, instead of saying, oh, I have an issue regulating my focus and attention and energy, instead, I'll just say, oh, I just need to have a pen in my hand at all times. It's just really helpful for me to pay attention and things like that. So stimming, for example, is an incredibly common, even if there are lots and lots of different ways to stim, trying to regulate our own emotions and focus and attention through some kind of physical activity is extremely common. Emotional dysregulation is also a common side effect of having extreme sensory hyper-reactivity. If I have to push myself through staying in a sensory unfriendly environment, like a shopping center, then I will build up all of this energy and tension in my body that I then need to regulate at a later time. This is one of the reasons why a lot of people describe autism as playing life on hard mode, because it costs a lot in terms of strategies and emotional regulation, just to go to the supermarket and come home. And again, this is one of the reasons that a lot of us tend to spend a lot of time at home and isolate ourselves from the world, because the environment at home, the strategies that I can employ at home by myself are much more comfortable, much more pleasant than trying to get by in the outside world. So if you enjoy your time at home by yourself, you don't often get emotionally unregulated. You can go out into the world and participate in society relatively easily, as much as you want or as much as you need. And coming home to spend time by yourself is a nice little treat, like watching your favorite TV series or having a really good night's sleep, then maybe you're not autistic, because a more common autistic experience is feeling as though the outside world is quite hostile and that to stay out in it requires a lot of energy to push through and coming home isn't just nice, it's the safe place. You've finally made it to safety, finally relax, finally let your guard down and desperately try and recharge and build up your energy again so that you can go out and face that big dangerous world tomorrow. This is why autistic burnout is so common, because if life is on hard mode, then even the everyday things can take a lot of energy. Whereas if you're introverted and not autistic, then chances are, so long as you get enough downtime, enough time alone to recharge, then going out and interacting with the world is probably gonna be fine for you. So question number four, does it feel like a constant battle to stay emotionally regulated or are you mostly okay most of the time in most situations? So question number five is around your own personal identification with the group. Do you feel like you belong with your peers or have you always felt like an outsider, always felt different, like there's something that means you're not gonna fit in? It's entirely possible to be a shy, quiet version of normal, more or less the same as everyone else, just talking less and not being very outgoing. Now, sometimes being shy can lead you to be by yourself and left out of a group, but the autistic experience is another level entirely. It's not uncommon for autistic people to ask questions like, am I an alien? Am I the same species? Am I on the wrong planet? Why do I feel so different to the other kids around me? Being included at all often requires a lot of effort to try and fit in. It's not just a matter of being more outgoing or reaching out for connection. We've probably tried both of those things and ended up with rejection every time. I'm not left out and end up playing by myself because I'm quiet and prefer my own company. I end up alone playing by myself because I'm left out and excluded from the group. Very early in my own autism discovery journey, I remember reading a story by John Elder Robison, where he was recounting his own childhood and noted that the psychologist would say things, looking at the outside, things like, Johnny doesn't like to play with the other kids. And he was looking back on that, revising the story, saying, Johnny would love to play with the other kids. All the other kids are really mean to Johnny. Johnny is gonna play by himself instead. It's got nothing to do with being quiet or preferring your own company. A lot of autistic people end up alone either through outright rejection and exclusion or because it's just easier than trying to navigate a complex social space. So if you haven't experienced a high degree of rejection and exclusion, especially in school where social dynamics are a lot less kind and considered, then that's probably more evidence that you might not be autistic. Of course, introverts can also experience rejection and bullying, but this repeated experience again and again in different situations tends to be a pretty common hallmark of the autistic experience. So there we have it, five questions that you can ask yourself to help figure out if you're autistic or introverted or maybe both. If you liked this video and you'd like to support the channel financially, you can become a member of our Patreon community for as little as a dollar a week. So please consider that if you're able. Otherwise, thanks for watching. Please leave a comment. I'd love to hear your experience of what resonated the most for you in this video. So I hope this has been helpful for you and I'll see you again next week. Bye. Bye.
