April Ludgate Vs Rosa Diaz | Comedy Bites

was your name Jennifer no its tenifer with two y's it used to be Jennifer but then I decided to rebrand myself oh wait hang on it's an X o'clock um well nice to meet you my name is April and I just wanted to say that your dress is so cute it's bungs it's on my spinning instructor wearing it and I was like shut up where do I get that oh my god who's your spinning instructor Gregory or Winona I go to Yanis who are Gregory and Winona I've never heard of them before are they better Winona rocks my world seriously you need to get me in there like that's a must must must she's the worst person I've ever met I want to travel the world with her you want her to see me sir I understand you stopped by the patrol offices morning briefing yeah officer deetmore helped me out with my crime scene so I gave him a little thank-you present hey deetmore you're gonna bag evidence like a five-year-old you should have the proper tools - my first police kit the walkie talkie blows bubbles hope you can handle it he mislabeled the weapon like an idiot and it almost got filed with the wrong case he could've won months of work you humiliated officer deetmore in front of his peers he submitted an official complaint against you did you feel it on crayon no but he did use a green pen which seems crazy to me the good news is if you go down there and apologize you let the whole thing go fine I'm great at apologizing I'm a very sweet person out of my way chunk oh babe you look more beautiful right now than I have ever seen you Wow just your luck that you're going into labor on Halloween can I get a warm towel to get that makeup off no I went it on that's the whole point I put the makeup on after I went into labor whatever blows your skirt up okay are you ready to push wait no babe my birth makes here comes a contraction are you ready okay I'm ready let's do this graveyards five what about this guy no he was scared of everything do you remember roses reaction last time the printer jammed pay for that what's your endgame here my dear this is only temporary until I find a way to keep the shelter open without cutting the parks budget hey what if I threw together a pet adoption and in one of our parks would that be cool April that would be the coolest thing since insync Aerosmith and Nelly performed together at the Super Bowl halftime show no I think I may have found a project I'd actually enjoy doing helping these cats and dogs they should be rewarded for not being people I hate people all right Gina we have to act soon that cold medicine Diaz chugged it was the non-drowsy kind she's all over the place I got a new lead that's my firm about this is drug dealer on State Street hello no there's no Michael here you're the wrong number goodbye I'm Michael that's a dumb name but it's yours and you should be proud of it because you are the greatest detective I've ever known no doy yes no doy she's so hopped up on that stuff her brain's gonna blow I'm gonna interrogate the perp you keep Diaz occupied I don't want to get near her germ face permission to lock her in a distant room no just distract her yes that is what I will do Reza I gotta tell you something as a secret okay well I have a lot of stuff to do everything okay with Diaz yeah she fell asleep five minutes after I locked her in and she hasn't moved in the past ten hours she talks in her sleep rip your damn head off grandma you know what I'm gonna get that commission going because this inequality has gone on long enough you know what I think men are better than women she's kidding no I'm not they provide for us and we must obey them because they are our masters April stop it Leslie you'll never land a bow with that domineering tone we must always walk behind the man that's a pee-eww portable ultrasonic weapon it emits a focused beam of sound which can disorient and even incapacitate a purple so shoot sound mmm is this a trigger yes but you want to be careful again thought it would be louder it's highly directional we're pointed at you you'd be in incredible pain right now [Music] my thoughts so I long for a day when women in government will simply be seen as people in government but until then I will work to make Pawnee my wonderful hometown as good as it can be what do you think I think you should lose the first line and the last line and all of the other lines and instead just walk up to the mic and meow really loudly for eight minutes okay Peralta what the hell where were you I got eliminated excuse me officer yes sweetheart sweetheart seriously Hank is how you talk to women who come in here Jimmy jabs I didn't make it past one person okay so I took extensive notes on ways to maximize our efficiency because we can't be just as good as the men we have to be better yeah you're totally right let's rock this April I love you but I don't need your sarcasm right now and I'm serious let's get rolling I want to get into some garbage what I love garbage you ever found a dead body in the trash we're body parts like a torso or a head please say a head [Music] this is Stacy nah blocks house I went to high school with her and she was super mean to me and now I know that she dyes her hair I knew that wedge wasn't naturally blonde oh my god she has to use prescription strength deodorant this is the best day of my life anymore I'm sorry for making fun of you in front of everybody and also for making fun of you behind your back didn't know you did that but thank you for the apology I'm not done also I'm sorry for making fun of you during my book club those people don't even know you that was uncool also I'm sorry it's okay I get it no also I'm sorry that I didn't take the time to show you how to fix your mistake come on we can go over to upstairs Thanks it'll be great oh one more sorry you're about to see a drawing I did of you in the elevator just remember I was really pissed at the time so you do a lot of investing we like to dabble mm-hmm I recently invested in some shirts I got at a garage sale left those at Wendy's on the way home the economy only had our low for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself very violent eulogy I like it I don't know my Leslie knope's on trial like a baby's dead I see the color blue and yellow and I see the letter L R s TW e and B so basically everyone's first date guess is in hangman Thank You Carlene your entire life is garbage new part-time job in the public health department at City Hall and Meredith Perkins yay well Leslie this is so nice I put the poisonous gas in one of these balloons so if any of them pops he may die okay no problem okay all right my babysitter's busy the night of Boyle's wedding she's gonna be in her high school talent show which he's gonna lose unless her talent is leaving potato chip crumbs all over Terry's couch wait Boyle set a date already hey he gave up saved two days yesterday you ain't give you he's been avoiding me you didn't invite me to his wedding and he's scared like a little [ __ ] well maybe Vivian was uncomfortable with you coming but boy was in love with you until a few weeks ago oh don't be angry I'm not angry I think it's funny [Laughter] so you're from Mongolia Dean will you take me with you and you go back there Oh bleep I love you did you understand that did you bring any Wolverines look what I found in Hitchcock and Scully's trash can ice cream spoon [ __ ] you Hungry Hungry Hippos ate my ice cream why was this in your trash and who throws away a spoon it's the easiest utensil to clean I don't even think it's ice cream it's probably medicine you know I'm on lots of medicines Rosa I'm sick all over this is ice cream and I'm gonna prove it Sarge no it's been in their mouths well I guess your little investigations hit a dead end I'll be back till much not a problem I hate moving there to go you

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 1,586,294

Rating: 4.932282 out of 5

Keywords: NBC, The Office US, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Michael Scott, Ron Swanson, Liz Lemon, Jake Peralta, Steve Carell, Nick Offerman, Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, april, ludgate, rosa, diaz, nbc, snl, aubrey plaza, Stephanie Beatriz, funny women, chris pratt, marvel, guardians, galaxy, brooklyn 99, nine nine, parks and rec, parks & rec

Id: _Ug1jIxDKEo

Length: 10min 2sec (602 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 30 2018