Aperture Desk Job (Final) - Cave Johnson

okay really nice work good shooting i think we're good from here they probably gave up i haven't given up by now okay let's go show this thing to also i do have one quick confession i didn't actually get an appointment with cave johnson i lied about that but it turns out i didn't know this it turns out nobody's seen him in years i did know it when i lied to you about our appointment but it was still pretty new information anyway i'm not gonna lie to you anymore i think he might be a millionaire recluse now so be ready for that there might be a lot of jars hello mr johnson [Music] let's just go in mr johnson are you here [Music] hey there it's me cape johnson no no not behind the giant head i am the giant head i'm gonna level with you a few years back i got real sick hey hey i can't talk over the sound of you shooting me do you want me to tell you why i'm a giant head or not right where was i giant head riddled with disease ah now i remember i'm gonna level with you a few years back i got real sick body riddled with disease i was a goner threw every dollar i had at it told those eggheads hey eggheads make me live forever now i know what you're thinking you gave the smartest engineers on earth a blank check to make you immortal and this is what they came up with a giant head off by a mile no they figured out how to put my consciousness in a computer that's what's in the giant head their first plan was to put me in a regular brain size computer then they put that in a robot body and hey presto well turns out you can't fit an entire human mind in a computer that small all i could do was tell time and know what my name was so they kept making it bigger big enough to cram every last bit of me into this thing what happened to my robot body still under the head somewhere all crushed up couldn't support the weight so the lab boys put me in the big head switched me on and uh i don't know i panicked killed a few of them said i'd kill more if they ever came back honestly i regret that now anyway that was four years ago been trying to get somebody's attention ever since get their butts up here and end my suffering now don't worry about me it's been a full life but we're done here i mentioned for the next step heck i'm excited about it don't even think of it as killing me you're breaking me out of prison i'm just data now i need you to crack this big clay head open so i can spill out into the universe so what do you do egghead scott uh you uh you are in luck we actually came up here to show you our new invention good stuff let's see it show a partner i thought you were moving things from dragon toilet up here but you are geniuses oh no what you're made of metal sir so shoot the metal [Music] is it working it's working great sir it doesn't feel like it's working but hey you see that i think that's his power source up here we go powering down the great beyond boy i'll give you two credit that is one hell of an invention you did it you figured out how to end my suffering all right suffering ended in three two [Applause] backup power activated [Applause] uh you're both fired i'm gonna need your key cards just lay them down in front of the head not too close to the chin or i won't be able to see them you know what it just occurred to me that the only person who knows cave johnson asked us to kill him is now dead yeah do you know what the punishment for murder is they told us in parole officer school you're not going to like this uh it's life your whole life in prison we should yeah we we should leave don't touch anything and bring the desk [Music] good morning charlie it's me gary gary your boss keep inspecting those toilets good work good stuff good hey it's just me crazy yeah just like yesterday man this witness protection program is great i don't know why we didn't turn state's evidence against those loan sharks in the first place we don't have to pay any of the money back we got cool new names i like yours a lot by the way you know come to think of it you think they'd move us to another state or give us new jobs or something feels like everything is exactly the same except our first names ah you know what they know what they're doing anyway see you tomorrow charlie [Music] oh oh [Music] um [Music] um [Music] [Music] in [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] this [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: tantthetank

Views: 556,014

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Id: Z8bOodbdYIw

Length: 9min 34sec (574 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 01 2022