Answering My Daughters Toughest Questions.. | Carl & Laura Lentz Get Real

I literally remember asking you I was like Dad did you have sex with her I've talked about this a number of times and it still hits me dead in my chest sex is important in this family it's valued so like how long did it take like for you to feel comfortable to have sex again I thought we would never have sex again honestly and I was cool with that I was like I I've lost the right so I was surprised that she ever wanted to be intimate ever again she asked me to hug her and be close to her and she shakes violently she doesn't even know she's shaking like the fact that y'all are still together is like Beyond me like I don't know how that happened has your view of marriage changed for the better or for the worst watching me and your mom go through such a deep trial what do you think of marriage now okay so context on this episode you're about to hear um I don't know if it can get better for me because I've got my kids on here and Laura and I ask um them some really real questions and they ask us some questions which I didn't tell them to do but they do so you can expect to hear on this uh on this episode what infidelity does to your kids uh what you can do to recover how to connect with them better and basically just stuff you might not know about young people so it's really really really good and I hope it's a blessing to you you um check it out Ava Lin Charlie ly Laura Lin and me Lights [Music] On We're Here We Made It yep and with this special guest couch here it's going to be tough to ever have a pod that's going to be as cool as this Charlie Lin Ava ly biggie Laura Lin Ralphie I mean we got a full house it's a full house today and Roman may or may not be here we are negotiating with his represent his reps as far as cost and price and so hopefully he'll be able to join us so I love you both um this is it's big of you to do this it's uh really helpful for people how would you describe our journey so far as a family like as you sit here and both of you have been in the public light to some degree your entire life not by your own choice I might add but we're in Tulsa in our living room with our dogs your dad's a podcaster um your mom is a wild Aussie mom's mom and we've been through some stuff so what what's it like from your from your shoes from your angle me um honestly I feel like the first um for me at least the first like from the day that everything kind of happened and like I would say until we moved to Florida wasn't as chaotic for me as I thought they would be um it was definitely like a huge it was a shock in every kind of area in our life cuz everything changed but in the ways of like us as a unit I don't really feel like our family fell apart and had to come back together all of us I think it was more like a individual building with each other instead of like everyone is just like on the ground I feel like we all went through different stages of it at different times like we didn't like all struggle with one thing at the same time like we didn't all struggle with trusting again at the same time like at different times it was like oh wait I actually need to you know help this part and like when I needed to work on forgiveness it was different than when Mom needed to like it was at a different time yeah so it was like well how did how do you two how do you how did how did you get to a place of forgiveness with me I think that that's as a dad as a husband when you make mistakes like I did it's your worst nightmare because the only people you live for is your family and when you let people down especially with with being dishonest I might not have lied to your face but what I was doing was was uh as just as damaging and what it does to your spirit what it could do to your heart you two have blossomed in ridiculous ways not just your beauty which you know I'm your biggest fans but just who you are as human beings and how do you because if you don't forgive um you know people who have never forgiven others you know you have friends that have bitterness and but both of you sit here today you know how did you get there CU both of you forgave me at different times I've talked about that you know on this podcast before but you know a start with you like how did you how did you get there what was your what's your role what's your process like well I think something I talked through with Irena that stuck with me like like very early on was that because I'm the oldest I don't think I ever initially like felt mad at or like felt like I had to forgive you like I was just kind of like it's okay like let me just like grab everyone and kind of like real everything in and me like it was I never felt cuz I and I also kind of found out about everything in a weird way and that I had to like quickly process all of it but I never felt not never is a strong word I did not feel like at the time that I had to forgive you but I would say getting older and kind of like M after moving out and going to school and being on my own I've like Life coming at me individually I've there's definitely been moments where I've been like mad at you and I've told you that and we've T I've been like I actually don't really want to talk about this right now or I if I had a question I would ask it no matter what it is cuz you've always like left the floor open for that but if it involved me needing to get there to forgive you youve that that has always been open and sorry open and free to do um but yeah I don't know I've to this day I still feel like there's things that I need to not for forgive you about but just communicate about that's good communicate communicating is just the like that's been the biggest thing I think it's really beautifully said I I think that sometimes people look at forgiveness as a thing that happens what you just described is an ongoing process where it's like you've made it sounds to me like what I'm hearing is you've made the decision and then as you get older you're like wait there's still some more stuff there's still some more stuff there's still this and that's completely healthy and normal it's maybe freeing for other people to hear I know it's freeing for me to hear because sometimes I think I'm over something and then I'm like wait a freaking second and I I I don't think that that will ever stop happening it's good babe cuz like all of that happened when I was 16 and now I'm about to turn 20 and I've had all of that time to kind of figure out what I need to ask you so that only means that there's like more things are going to happen and more yeah more questions I'm going to have more questions for you in the yeah you definitely will as you get older I think some stuff will make more sense and less sense and what I love about the relationship that we're trying to develop is I have had to do a total rework of how I uh listen and I know Charlie can speak to that but because you've got to be able to get that out you know and I think that's where all the power is is just having some sort of a a a freedom of speech even in your own house but um I'm so grateful that you have forgiven me you were you were early on somebody who was who was really gracious and we realized she's saying that that's kind of her Laura lent personality but she's going to need to process that and I think some of your process came out in a little bit of anger a little bit of rebellion and for you Rebellion isn't isn't very rebell rebell maybe my prom or graduation after party in Florida was we did have uh we have to get photo evidence of this Hector we did have the biggest party in in Florida like I almost fought a grown man yeah in in Bron Florida called the cops was so bad long story short I said y'all can have a party me and Mom are going to go out have a date night and come back and as we're coming back into our neighborhood five streets away I'm like huh lot of cars are stacked up cars and the further we got closer to our house I was like there's no way that is the party that my girls are having and we will show photos of this it's and I pulled up it was like something out of End of the World movie there were people in our driveway there were people in our bedroom I had to like on outside and I had to I couldn't like get outside and I was like so I went through the I opened the kitchen window and I climbed through people and somebody just watched me climb like Slither out and I had to jump on a grill we're going to have to show that like the best video is you standing in the middle of my back your backpack just like what do I do and there's just people is no help cuz she's like party imately got with my group of friends and just started dancing with everyone and videotaping with her in it like this like well I pulled up I pulled up into our driveway that was in the street at the time because there were so many cars stacked up and some guy was like yo can I help you I was like no bro can I help you this is my house and I don't know if I'm I'm proud of this or not proud I think I'm proud of it it's the first time I've ever called the police on a party we were having it was so out of control out of control we know I broke up two fights in the backyard I walked into our remember that that those kids were smoking weed like right in the um go in their car driving by and I I said you know what I'm going to do I'm going to call the cops was weed there was weed in the crack of our table for like months for mons months dogs are high it's a mess and I remember saying to the cop I'm like sir I'm I'm there's an unruly party can't break it up don't know what to he's like where is he like it's the house that I live at I cannot wait for you to get here and they got here and dispersed it I don't know how we got got there that's that's your rebellion and end not even being rebellious cuz you were honest you were like Dad if we have this party is that cool I said yes we didn't know it was going to turn into the party of the year but yeah back to the Forgiveness thing and how you talked to your dad how how do you how did you find communicating with your dad after all of that happened were you afraid to like say what was on your mind or like to ask questions about what had happened or how did how did you guys get to a a place of like being able to communicate with your dad cuz a lot of I think a lot of kids your age don't know how to do that and a dad maybe not know how to communicate with their daughters or Sons yeah sure um well I mean I think first thing I had to switch in my head was that like the definition of forgiveness like it didn't like like I feel like for a while I was like oh yeah I forgive you and then like when those like feelings would come back and like I be like oh but like I thought I forgave him so like I'm like I shouldn't feel like this right so it was like I had to like and I I think I worked on that I based on what I remember from that time I think I worked on it definitely a little blurry we have a trauma one of my therapist I like just um like like I can like I can feel mad and I can feel angry and it's still forgiveness like forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't have to feel what you need to feel you know and so or it stops right there and I mean to be able to communicate with you I think I didn't for a while cuz I think it was like cuz everything happened so differently for me I think compared to all of you guys so I was like I didn't get to communicate with you for the first like week and a half cuz I was still in the hospital do you want to talk about how you got in do you want to talk about that how I found out about no any of it I mean I I was going to say how you had to find out about it and what you said but you want to talk about how you where you were when you heard it and why you got there well I pressure yeah well I I'm like so down to tell this story um but I was so when we were in what do I call it like the men I don't want to call it the men uh you could say uh mental health facility you could say um it was a mental health hospitalit I like mental health hospital I'll just say Hospital yeah but so when I was in the hospital we did family meetings every week and I was so ready on zoom and I was so ready for this meeting and I I was I went in cuz it was was it the last one it was like the last week that I was there and I went and I was like I had I literally had a list and I was like okay I'm ready to talk about this this and this like I'm so ready like they're going to listen and I was like just so excited and then I got there and my therapist like sat me down and I was like what are we what's what are we going to do and then you guys get on the call and I was like okay like I was trying to figure it out and then all everything I was about to you know be so excited to stand on and you know like use I just forgot all about it and like everything that I learned being there all your tools kind of left all the tools yeah like in that moment left like they came back but in that moment I remember you guys told me and you were like I've been unfaithful and and I just remember not breathing like I remember my therapist was off to the side of the call and she just like whispered she was like breathe and I was I remember that so well like I I won't remember anything else but I remember being told to breathe and like I just didn't even realize that I wasn't until like I couldn't breathe and so I don't know but it was just um and then afterwards after that call um I went downstairs and everybody else had been in a group therapy session and I was just laying on the couch and I was like I just had my book in my my journal in my and I was just laying on the couch and everybody like separately like all the patients my friends they came up to me at different times and go ahead continue and um they were just like what's wrong like like you're not normal and and and that was when I realized like I like had an impact on people I think which is like totally like separate from the conversation but like at that moment I was like like the whole vibe in the entire hospital was different because I was like absolutely like just went back to where I was a month ago in that moment and um I don't know it was just like I lost privileges to the internet for a little bit um and I was like was just to protect you and I was like oh my like how dare you like I need the Internet like I need music I need the news I need which and and then she was like she's like nope she didn't budge my therapist she did not budge and then I I fooled the so okay I finessed it a little bit um so we were doing school yeah online still Co we were doing school and we had to use computers and I was like I really need the music like I just had to check this one thing and the teacher was like okay fine and then I look it up and then I was like oh that's why they didn't want me to see anything because it was just like um it was just I had no like I didn't have the chance to I hadn't asked you guys any questions yet like so I didn't know the actual story so it was just like what was on the media and I was told not to believe it and like read it and stuff but I was like I was just like mad I think and I just believed everything that I saw um I don't know it was just it was hard not being able to ask the questions I wanted to ask in the moment and then like I'd forget about them the questions until later and then they would come back when I was fine and then I I don't know it was just like it was a long process for you so great news bside is ad free I think anytime you can get a bunch of great things in one place you got to do it like the bside app um exclusive content that alone is probably worth getting this I mean it's special stuff that we're going to do just for the bside community so that's on the app um there is Community moments in an app like like bide that you really can't replicate anywhere else it's pretty cool so if you're somebody who's searching for Community friendships or people of like-minded whatever bide is that and we have um a lot of great events at bide and you're the first to know if you have the app so don't miss out on something because you didn't know about it get this app and it's way worth it so we love you we want you to have the best get the app as the kids have all had a moment where like we've seen something online and we obviously knew not to believe it and not look at it but the amount of times that from to this day that this happens regardless if it's you or just anything in that world like on I'll go on Google and the first thing under where at the search bar is when I click on it is just a headline like that happened so many times and I think it caused like I had the same kind of moment that she did where I was like I don't even believe anything they say like what is actually going on like maybe the people who are in the public are seeing something that I'm not as the kid in the house like right just stuff like like but but in the back of my head still it was still like that's not like what is that thought that's not true but then in the moment it was just like crisis mode the whole time my biggest thing was that I was so cut off from everybody like all I was thinking about like oh all my friends know and I can't talk to them about it like I can't tell them what's true and what's not and to this day I haven't like some people just are just walking around just thinking what they think and they were close to me but now they aren't um but it was like I had to stay an extra week after finding out because it was then oh yeah and we're moving to across the country and you had a lot it was Lot was probably I'm still very mad about that I think and I like obviously I'm not like mad but I think that it's still like yeah it's hard like it's still something that uh changed the trajectory of my life for because it was it was something that it wasn't your choice right and so we were all pulled out of no control our our life our living situation our world our friends everything yeah so we were all pulled out of that and it wasn't something that we wanted to do and so that's what we were all feeling I still feel that every now and then too so it's a very real feeling and it's you know just I never like so we got home and then we went straight to a hotel and then the next morning we just left you got to say goodbye to a couple of friends and I got to say goodbye to the criers and then that was it like I didn't get to like I I and none of my friends knew that I was leaving like aftering I like got home and all my friends were like oh my God like you're home and I was like yeah and I'm leaving again and so it was like that I think that was the most suckiest part and I think that it turned out for the better like now like now I'm glad that we moved and I'm glad everything worked out the way that it did it just like I can say that and it still sucked you know like it's still yeah yeah can I ask something that I didn't feel like was a question until just now how was that process for you guys trying to tell us and then also at the same time get us ready for what you were going to say and where we were going like I just I've never really thought about it I thought about in your perspective and I probably had this question in my head for a long time but now thinking about it in detail it's kind of like oh how do parents prepare for it's very difficult because you're thinking about all of your kids and how they're going to respond CU everyone was in different places and different ages and you know we had to protect protect try to protect you from some things and so it was really hard and then also dealing with our own stuff so it was like trying to figure out the best way was it took a lot of like just think I don't even know I don't really remember yeah much of it do you yeah I mean I think that when this stuff happens you I I give it to God's grace on our family and on our lives because if I didn't have you to be concerned with or worried about I don't know what I would have done to myself I honestly don't I don't know if I would even be sitting here that's how deep it ran but the fact I had to figure out how to tell my girls what are we going to do after how can I protect them it kept me completely motivated to heal I didn't know it then but I didn't care about the other stuff cuz I'm like I how can I how can I protect my girls yeah first thing I got to do is tell them I remember you cuz Mom was in a a state of just that trauma shock of just not being able to kind of get it all to make sense in at the same time it just was hard and it wasn't even your responsibility was mine and so for for both of you the main thing was how do I how do we keep you away from all the noise because there's going to be a lot of stuff that you're going to hear and see and that's why I had to tell you the whole truth this is what I did here's what I didn't do so if you hear stuff that's not true I don't want you to think some lies there's going to be a lot of lies and even that is my fault cuz I put our family in a position to be light about that's on me but here's what I did and I don't know what's going to happen to me and your mom I'm going to go get help I'm going to try to work this out um but we wanted to tell you guys so nobody else would you know have that opportunity and it's it's horrible but at the same time it motivated me to keep going yeah and I think now for when I think about I think the for the longest time I've wanted you guys to say like do this and yeah talk about this stuff because I feel like for regardless if you're a family that's in the public eye quote unquote like with outside factors in the situation regardless of that just men not men I don't want people who are in the same position as you yeah to see someone like you in that rock bottom and then but also figuring out how to be accountable and communicate correctly regardless if you thought it was the right thing to do at the time you were still honest do you feel like that was the biggest thing for you guys that we would try to be honest with you guys like Dad was honest with where he was and where he was feeling did you feel that yeah and I think I I think I did but I think I was also wary of it yeah of like like the way my mind works I overthink everything you know as we know um but it was like okay so so my mind was saying so he knows he has to be honest what if he's taking advantage of that to say yeah the not truth yeah you know being able to trust me would have been hard yeah yeah you guys had to learn to trust as well right yeah but I back to the what I said before I also never really felt that I couldn't trust what you guys were saying because I was always just like I don't believe that or what like I don't know I literally this is kind of like runchy but something that I remember when we got to California we were all kind of we were talking about Alabama and I think that was still at a time when we had a lot of unresolved things and I literally remember asking I was like Dad did you have sex with her I remember asking do you remember I was really did you have sex with herh and you literally you like right away answered and it was but I remember that feeling and just being like is there more that I'm am I supposed to feel more weird but I after that it was like okay I'm going to I can ask this now or I can ask yeah so what I was told and and this is good cuz I know a lot of people go through stuff like this and sometimes parents don't say anything yeah and I was told cuz you guys were young women at the time if you ask it I got to answer it no hesitation and it sucked but I feel like it was the slow building of new trust right I remember all those combos with you guys yeah but I remember that I think that for me the most frust rating part was that you took so much accountability like I think like in full honesty like I think I wanted to be mad and like I couldn't but like I could but I didn't think I could because you were so accountable of it like I think that for me I was like I can't even be mad because he's already mad at himself and I can't make him more mad at himself but it's like that's not how it works but it's like that's what I thought I don't know I think that was just like yeah like it sucked that you did take so much accountability she couldn't do anything with it I couldn't say anything that you didn't that might have been the tox that's the toxic toxic mentality of thinking that that is what would make it easier to move on from the situation that's good Bo yeah like if that mentality for me at least like trying to see the bad in it is my way of trying to like divert from handling it so I think like I I think that it's because we found out in such different ways yeah like I think I found out I don't even remember I don't I literally don't remember I found out the basis of everything from the internet and then the details from you you found out the basis and the details from them oh wait no I remember how I found out yeah I yeah I heard every yeah yeah oh yeah you overheard talking yeah e you did that was hard that was traumatic in itself so yeah that was mom was mom was trying to get you I mean you trying to get help and counsel from somebody and everybody's in the same house so yeah I didn't have anywhere to go when you were in the apartment right it was hard the whole and I just sobed we talked about it or the the friends that were over came into the my room and cuz they knew and then later that night I asked you before I had talked to Dad cuz Dad wasn't home before I had talked to him you didn't you didn't tell me anything I asked I was like did Dad did Dad cheat on you and you said no and I was like I was still trying to figure it out but looking back that in at the mo at that time I was obviously like what whatever but I was also like okay like what but that was also probably me in like panic mode trying to like keep it all together keep it all together and then obviously but later but yeah what makes you emotional when you go back to that spot in this journey um I know I was going to cry I know I was going to cry I saw yeah you guys always see too um I don't know it it's always that though when we've talked about it it was that I said you overheard stuff and I said no and I cuz I didn't know what to say yet I was still in panic survival mode well I think I also had a weird I don't even remember how this happened but I had a really weird feeling the day before your friends came over and I overheard it and I have I literally have a Snapchat memory of it really of me being like I typed out I think my dad whatever I cheated on my mom and I saved it and then the next day you had people over and I was in the room and I literally like I I wish I could do the visual but I was at the door and you know when you're listening at a door and your ears I was like my ear was pressed up against the door and I heard everything that I could have it was mostly you were mostly upset but I heard what I could put it I could put it together together but I like that the thing that probably I think that whole first two days makes me emotional because I knew it before I was told and I think I'm conf confused about it to this day and kind of just like why like why couldn't I have just found out maybe it would have been easier to process if I had found out a different way or maybe I don't know it maybe it could have just gone differently but you know I just had a weird you've always had big you've always had big church years yeah that's what you've always heard everything and I I think you found out about that that way because we didn't know he had our ourselves how it was going to be handled and mom didn't know she's trying to find out and your big ears took you to a door and um yeah I just I I love you guys I'm so sorry know that um I'm sorry that you had to go through something so ugly and so horrific um I will forever be sorry and I just get I get so proud to hear you guys talk about even how you process things you know it's a it's a it's something that hopefully you know other people have to go through something that's hard young women like you are I mean how do you do it how do you keep your relationship with Jesus how do you keep a bright Spirit how do you keep you know being a person who's growing in the middle of a season like that I think it's um it's a credit to who you are what what did you find out about your mother during this Saga of pain and growth and lessons what did you find out about I didn't find out anything I didn't already know what did you already know about your mom like anytime I think about you I just can I cuss yep I just I just think of like that [ __ ] like badass like you're just like that girl yeah and that's always like and so that I think that was also why I was so pissed off when everything happened cuz I was like this is Laura lens like who would could be better yeah and then I then I was like and then it was just like I never saw you like fold really M ever like I don't think like I always like it was obviously like tears like would just like even just like in church it was always just a steady flow it was never like I don't think I ever heard you SOB I did that in my room by myself I've never I think it was like I don't think it's unhealthy though no it wasn't in an unhealthy way it was just like cuz like I saw you cry I saw you emotional like I like had relationship but it was like you didn't let us see you like crumble because it was just like I don't know it was just you're just that [ __ ] like that's like literally all yeah I could say is just like you just had the most resilience like I've ever seen and like it was just like Beyond me like everything that like the fact that y'all are still together is like Beyond me like I don't know how that happened but I'm glad it did which actually I have a question about that like what was the first first time that y'all sat down like after processing it was like okay now we have to start over like instead of like like being like Oh my gosh he did this and this and this was like okay I'll let him go outside again like when was it like yeah you can go get groceries like I trust you yeah like that was a long time too yeah I mean for for reference I think you don't talk we didn't talk about that for a while because it wasn't even in the picture it wasn't like we're going to stay married and you guys wouldn't know this but it was more like we're going to get our kids situated we're going to try to survive and then we're g to Mom's going to leave and I'm going to try to figure it out and and we'll go from there that's when we were in Cali and I went to onsite yeah and then it was from there it was me saying I I want to do whatever it takes to save our our marriage and whatever that means for you you tell me until the end of time um I am a waiter at your table Yeah and we had that conversation that was after a lot of a lot of things had happened as far as work for you I had begun that kind of work and that's what I remember it was never like a full- long conversation like all right we're going to stay married let's go ready break it was it was just it was you slowly but surely allowing me to take take up more space with you again yeah I think definitely a day it was a day by day and that was what I still live by that I take everything one day at a time and that's how we did the you know staying together was that it was one day and then the next day and that's how I had to do it because it took that long to like build trust and to for Dad to and you saw it like he still does it now but like just being intentional with his Y and being intentional with the people he talks to and all those things for me that was the one day at a time how long did it take for you guys to like become comfortable like like what like okay this is like a weird question ask but it's like sex is important in this family like we all understand that like sex is an important thing and like it's valued MH especially for you so like how long did it take for you guys to like for you you to feel comfortable to have sex again for us it was pretty like straight away MH but it was very weird for me because I had a lot of trauma and things to deal with but I also I don't even know how I cuz I did a lot of talking about that with my therapist it's so funny what you don't remember yeah because I was in I don't know trying to make it happen but I remember you being out of it just in in in robot mode um with the sex thing it's a fair question I thought we would never have sex again honestly that was my and I was cool with that I was like I I've lost the right to even you know whatever you expect that even to ask for that and there was a night early on where Laura said I want to I want to be close to you you hug your mom now I've talked about this a number of times and it still hits me dead in my chest and she would just she would shake so bad and that's tough to deal with and so I called my therapist and I said hey I can't I can't do this like I I shouldn't be in the house because she asked me to hug her and be close to her and she shakes violently she doesn't even know she's shaking yeah I don't remember any of that yeah but for me I I think a lot of it was I wanted to feel connected to him yeah because we'd gone through there was so much there and so much betrayal there so for me I just needed to have that Assurance a little bit of like I just need to feel close and it wasn't just like having sex or anything it was just being clo like I just needed to have you next to me and but it took a while it's like yeah and I know some people can't even do that I asked uh Alex and your therapist I was like I can't do this like I just it's better for me to go she shakes and Alex said the same thing your therapist did she said you got to do it man up hug her that's her body is releasing the trauma that you've created it might happen for years your job is to do whatever she says if she wants to have sex you need to have sex if she wants you to hug her you need to hug her and it was just a like a it's it's a horrible I do understand why some men just go well because you know that you've caused so much oh my gosh it's so overwhelming you damaged everything you love to that point where your bride that photo behind you you know yeah it's oh man we should have put a different photo back there but that's that's the uh that's that's my responsibility is to protect that bride yeah so to your question you know sex is a is a result of trust when it's when it's beautiful when it's God's plan and when there's no trust obviously it's going to affect everything and I think as we built trust I can't speak for you but I I just that was a part of the plan that was in her timing not mine so I'm I was surprised that she ever wanted to be intimate ever again especially early on and I was like is she tricking me to the therap is like know often women who have been um tormented and cheated on their body reacts in different ways and uh you you gotta you got to just be there for the be there for the storm I think back to like the other question sorry the other question that like what have we learned about mom like the when all of the trust was broken in every area somehow there was you're still held the most trust in him and you guys and God and yeah the process and I just thought that was like one of the most abnormal Parts about all of it is just like regardless of him like you because of your makeup you were able to stay and through this process that has grown and I think that's like another contributor to like why you processed everything how you did and if someone's like well why did she stay it's because she had a lot of trust in him and the situation and Jesus like like you just really like put it all out there for that to be figured out and I just thought like that's just a cool I remember look at the whole time the first time I like realized that like you actually like were like a victim of this like obviously like duh we knew but I was like so like locked in on my own like trying to survive yeah so and but then were at the beach and I was like I was like looking for something in your bag it was probably paaw or something and I saw a little Journal that you had and I read that I read that mug but it was like I didn't read all of it but I read a page and it was just like it was just like your thoughts like just like your raw feelings and I was like it just like kind of changed my perspective of like damn like you have like you're feeling everything that I'm feeling tenfold and you're still here like I think that your trust or like the way that you made us feel like you still trusted him was the only reason why we stayed also like every time I was unsure of something like if he said if I asked him a question and he said an answer I looked at you and like depending on your reaction yeah wow like and I don't think I realized that but like depending on your reaction be like okay your trust in me was solely based on how mom felt I don't I don't know about solely it was a huge part of definitely a like I was just going to clar I don't think that our trust in you was come like from what you had to say when you would answer our questions of course like there was trust there but I think and it's it wasn't a side thing I don't want that to get mixed up like it wasn't like yeah yeah no Mom and Dad and who who are we going to stand with the whole time I think it was we were just basing it off of what you guys were doing and if you guys didn't want to be together I'm pretty sure we probably would have hopefully like we would have figured that out but also because you guys wanted to stay together we were like okay that's what we're doing yeah we got to sit here and we've got to also figure this out too and I think that's also why we're so honest and we communicate everything and we ask questions and like I mean it's funny to me even here in this combo like what was possibly the death shot to our family my dishonesty I would say the strength of our family now is our powerful honesty yeah and that to me that's a great example of God's grace because it's like the the very thing that's sent to destroy you can be the thing that you turn around and make it you know something special and what I love about our family it's just ironic that it's like that's what we that's what we do and I think that's what frustrates me about the outside looking in at us why they're so upset is probably because of the people that are so upset and have the most criticism and all of the things to say are the people that have maybe or that this whole situation is just so abnormal and can't see it from the perspective of like maybe this family's different than how I would do it like they're they're handling it that's awesome but instead a lot of what we were seeing every day during that time was just people like [ __ ] on the entire the entire thing of why we were here and us like the the first night we went to California we had Paparazzi that night which was such a weird experience and like that was so me and Charlie to make I was totally not in a good outfit that day and that made me so mad in the middle of trauma Charlie still conscious of was literally wearing I think I was wearing an orange uh lonely ghost hoodie and then my New York sweatpants and I was like I had a messy bun and I was like and then I remember you were getting mad at Roman like all the way in the distance sure I remember that chill but yeah like having that we had Paparazzi that day and then the photos after were like Wonder I think that I saw the headline just you know us I saw it and it was like wonder what they how they're doing they're all together they must be it was like something negative in like a very sarcastic undertone that I kind of took as like to this day it still kind of builds up that we are not normal in the way we've worked through it and during that that moment was kind of like clicking for me I was like oh this is not how this usually goes and that's why it kind of helped explain why we were getting the response that we were getting that whole time it almost felt like people were upset they were en I think they I remember seeing I remember seeing a photo of you two you guys were in a Target parking lot and cuz this one I would check that the media every day which like y'all hated you didn't know about but I did um and it just said that you guys were putting on a United front I was like why do y'all want us to do bad right like and that was that like time was when I realized that like people are actually dense like people are actually stupid like of course people are struggling like of course we don't think that like of course you're not a brand of course you're not trying to be like God yes and like that was like the most frustrating thing I'm like are you that dumb like these people have a family there's like there you guys have built something of course there's going to be like effort there yeah it's like you're just I don't know yeah but has your view of marriage changed for the better or for the worst watching me and your mom go through such a deep trial what do you think of marriage now for for me yeah I would say how I see you guys now it has changed it for the better but I also didn't really know anything else other than what we had witnessed before all of this which was pretty similar I know that there was like but pretty when we were younger all we saw was just two young people in love and making something so awesome and working their asses off to get to give give us cool things and let us live in New York and do crazy things and go on cool trips and like it was all always work for something and that's continued to this day um but I also think that because of how that's my view I think other people have seen that as naive and that well not every not everyone's going to be like that or not every marriage is like that obviously not but right for me with all of this stuff on my back I use it in a light where I look at my future and a marriage one day as something that is not perfect and that is going to have dips and ups and dips and ups and thousands more of that it's not just like oh something bad oh go again perfect like and I think that's how I feel other people looking at me and Char and how we would see this is just that we're kind of not seeing the full picture that our situation defines yeah the way if that makes sense like the way we have seen this happen is how everything else is going to be I don't know like I I feel like it's so funny for people to think that like we don't know the full story and like we're like supporting you like blindly and stuff like we know like too much we know too much like yeah compared to like our other friends who have been through stuff like that and like who have like family issues like anytime like I get talked to about that I'm like like I I know too much yeah and it's like but it's like why wouldn't that be the opt the only option that like other families have I'll tell you why because it doesn't feel right it it feels like it's counter productive and so maybe other parents they would pull back details because they just try to get you to the next location of TR never works out it doesn't work and so I'm so thankful because I remember you guys asking hard questions and me telling you everything everything and going this can't be right but it feeling our souls staying you know connected and United and and had I not done any of that uh I just I don't know I don't know I don't know what what we would have become but it was interesting to me that the more honest I was with y'all the stronger we got yeah and some sh shameful disgraceful humiliating stuff but once it was out and the light was on it shout out to lights on um is a we're able to heal there's power in that and so I think that's one thing I took from that for sure is that I'm going to be honest with those girls because they can handle it and and it's better to have it all on the table I feel like it's it was um like something I learned was that like the hardest questions give the the most like lasting results of like us asking if you had sex with her now I can ask like now I can ask when was the first time you guys had sex again like now like yeah like the the like the utter details like the raw details that y'all gave us now give us the chance to be like oh well Mom's feeling off today because and I know that because of the conversations that we've had prior you know what I mean like it's like the worst questions give the best um healing I feel like I it's not it wasn't my job to tell you what's important because I think sometimes when the offender is trying to gloss over a story it's like those details aren't important if they're important to you they matter yeah right and that's a tough thing to come to grips with because I remember you guys asking some questions I'm like why why why do you even want to know this like do I even but boom because it mattered to your soul at that time you needed it so I think that's an important important thing to to bring out and and Char about marriage what did you what do you think the impact was on you how do you see marriage right now watching your parents go through these stages I think I had like a fairy tale idea of marriage before everything happened like but I also think like it's because I your favorite Channel like I think that like I never saw you guys be married beforehand like you guys were just married and like you guys were like friends yeah you know which is like good and everything I just like didn't like I just didn't know cuz I was young like I just didn't pay attention to that I paid attention to like what toy I was getting and stuff like I wasn't what Barbie show we were watch I was like oh they're having a talk like they're having a good talk like no I was like they're having a talk about me like I wonder what I'm going to get for my birthday like that was what I was going through you need your own shelf she's too comfortable Hector but I think I think that afterwards it was like I just saw um I don't know it was just very weird like I feel like your guys's relationship is polar opposite of what it was like I think y'all fight differently and I think you guys like take shots at each other differently you like not take shots but it's like when we all like we take shot at you Mom about like your accent like it's like it there's a different heart behind it right like I think there it used to be like you guys had some sort of um resentment not like resentment is a very strong word shots to wound each other perhaps yeah because like you were being gaslit for half the time and you were being you were going through a drug addiction half the time that you weren't that you didn't even know about so it was like there was just different um part that like Looking Back Now like I was just like y'all weren't even in a relationship I feel like so I feel like the infidelity was probably the best thing that could have happened to you guys for now which is like a bold thing to say you know what Char it's actually it's so crazy how true that can be and maybe you take infidelity out and you just say whatever challenge you're face with because I look back on that now the way I relate to it I'm like I I'm I hate it but at the same time you're exactly right like we're not sitting here like we are right without that like at dinner the other day you were about the post thing about your Instagram settings like you were mad and you were able to say I'm actually really irritable right now instead of being instead of taking a shot at mom trying to help out and being like I just want you to do it like how like we all naturally react to something when we're irritable I didn't know you saw that like it was just like um but that is a new marriage thing for us for me to say hey just so you know before you say another word I am so irritable right now I'm hungry I'm annoyed I feel pressured I feel stressed proceed as you want I was about to say proceed how you want you know this I'm telling you that I am highly flammable right now and I use that with all my friends now we use that with each other yeah so it's like you guys being vulnerable with each other like and I think that's the most important thing for parents to go through that that have been through what y'all go through is like the more vulnerable like the more uncomfortable you make each other in the beginning will make the most difference later on yes like hearing y'all talk about like obviously I did not want to hear about you doing stuff with another woman but now I can ask you that without flinching like now I can ask you like oh did you do this did you think about this while you were doing that and it's like yeah it's just how it is because it's like we've already gone through the hard stuff and like y'all have let us see the hard things to like to know like where we are now like I would have been like I don't know how we got here but I know how we got here because y'all have let us seen the whole journey yeah so it's like I don't have to like walk around like wondering if y'all got here because you lied to her again or like because she's still being gas lit like I don't have to cuz I see the conversations you have and we have them together cuz the one thing that we always do is like if it happens in our house we get the right to know about it like if it's regarding you guys if it's regarding my friends like I tell you guys about it because it's we live in the same house like we're going to know what's going on so I don't know yeah I feel like off of that something that makes me makes it difficult for me to level with the people who have all the opinion and the people who are looking at us and probably in a worse spot but still have the most to say it's like how like why wouldn't you want to hash it out why wouldn't you want to be honest why wouldn't you want to ask all the questions why wouldn't even if it's hard and you have to like take a fall or you have to be the one that has to be accountable suck it up like what like I think that's where it's cool for us to look at you guys in your marriage now and see that accountability is really easy bad thing and it's not a bad thing to do especially when it's the right thing to do M and I feel like the people that have the people that are most critical of it are the ones that are just sitting in their stuff and then trying to do life at the same time and it just doesn't make sense but I want to try to like level with it because I'm like how you know it's just interesting to see the difference between what we've done

Channel: The B-Side

Views: 59,686

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Id: kr-lYrUhW4s

Length: 55min 24sec (3324 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 09 2024