Anonymous Agony: An Extra Edgy Adventure Game

BEN: “So, did you get her into any trouble, you stupid punk?” HAZE: “Ouch, Dad. Isn’t it society’s fault I’m the way that I am?” Absolutely not. [*chirp-bzz*] Halloween has come once again. Okay, so, last year I talked about a supernatural murder mystery. If you know “Mystery of the Druids”, that’s not saying enough, but that’s what it is, I guess… So, in that same light, “Anonymous Agony” is a true crime story about a serial killer. This game has haunted the internet for around a decade now, but somehow, a few years ago, got its own Steam page. I thought development on this was dead, but, while making the video, they announced that this game would soon be free, and more would be coming. So, if that hasn’t happened yet, there’s no reason to actually buy it. There’s no physical copy to collect either. Also, a word of warning: if you thought “Druids” had some tonal whiplash, that is nothing – and I mean NOTHING – compared to “Anonymous Agony”. Moments you’re supposed to take extremely seriously are put next to some very silly shit. There’s no nudity, or anything extremely graphic in that department, but the game does load with assault statistics. That’s how you know this game’s gonna go places. Like I said though, the game doesn’t show much of that, and what there is, I’m gonna be trimming down. Because, the game’s not worth talking about because of those details – it’s everything else that’s being hung around it. With that out of the way, the game has a prologue cutscene that’s 40 minutes long. I’ll be abridging that down, but there’s no denying that this video is gonna be more of a movie night. Let’s get started. Oh, it bugged out already! That’ll… That’ll happen sometimes. Anyhow, someone named Haze is monologuing about rage, or tragedy, or something you’d find in, like, a 7th-grader’s journal. And meanwhile, a middle-schooler’s chatting online with somebody named the Jokester54. I’m sure this will go well. HAZE: “Clara!” HAZE: “Come on, open up, it’s time to go! We’re gonna be late!” Yeah, Haze isn’t a screen name – it’s somebody’s real name. JJ&E is his little sister, Clara. HAZE: “What are you doing on your computer so much?” CLARA: “Just talking to people. I’m ready!” HAZE: “Oh, you’re already dressed? Well, that’s good. Come on then.” CLARA: “Alrighty!” Here Haze seems like he’s trying to be a good big brother. Even though he’s named Haze, this is the only time you might think he’ll be normal. [silence] [music cuts in suddenly] BEN: “About time you two were leaving.” Why does the music cut like that? Jesus… BEN: “You’re gonna make your sister late for her middle school orientation, Haze.” HAZE: “She’s not gonna be late.” His dad is either Agent 47, or Sundowner, I don’t know. CLARA: “We still have plenty of time!” BRIDGET: “The least you could do is show up a little bit early, Haze.” HAZE: “First you bitch at me about being late, and then, when that’s cleared up, you bitch at me about not being early. Get bent, mom…” BRIDGET: “Damn stupid punk.” How is Ben not a dude who hits his son for saying that? BEN: “You talk to your mother with respect!” HAZE: “My respect would be better used on a goat.” That sounds like a line that would be in “E.Y.E.” CLARA: “Stop being such an ass, Haze!” I really like the calm RPG Maker music that plays during the domestic disputes. That won’t be the last of those. HAZE: “Hey, that language sounds horrible on you, stop it. Besides, you suck at cursing, haha.” CLARA: “Jerk! I’m in middle school now. Cursing should be normal for me now, right?” HAZE: “No, cursing is just wrong on you. Don’t do it.” CLARA: “Then why do YOU curse?” HAZE: “Because I’m an ass, like you said. Heh-hah-hah!” CLARA: “Tee-hee! Fine, you ass!” I do like that her saying “ass” sounds like sneezing. HAZE: “I wouldn’t be your brother if I wasn’t a jerk.” CLARA: “I know it’s how you show affection. You wouldn’t even give people you DON’T love the time of day.” HAZE: “Hey, hey, you’re reading way too far into me, little sis.” CLARA: “Am I now?” HAZE: “Honest. But that was still a mature theory. You should really act your age – it’s a bit creepy, hearing a middle-schooler talk like that.” CLARA: “Haze? What were you like in middle school?” HAZE: “What was I like in middle school?” CLARA: “Yeah.” HAZE: “I beat a lot of people up and spray-painted trucks.” To cut this walk down, the theme here is maturity. Clara wants to act older, but Haze thinks she’s growing up too fast. This could be normal, but the dialogue is so strange… HAZE: “Remember when I walked you into a tree while doing this?” CLARA: “Hey, I’m too old for this! Come on, put me down!” CLARA: “Don’t walk me into a tree again, that really hurt!” HAZE: “You’re too old for this? I thought you loved riding on me like a taxi?” CLARA: “Yeah, but… Mom said…” HAZE: “Mom’s an old hag.” CLARA: “Yep, come on!” HAZE: “Nope. I hate school orientations. I’ll wait out here.” And he does. It turns out, he should have gone in, because she has another chat with the Jokester. So, they’re trying to set this up as “she’s doing this because she wants to be mature”. And, you know, they foreshadow that by “a middle-schooler wants to say “ass”.” CLARA: “Boo!” HAZE: “Ah! Don’t do that! You know I’m jumpy!” CLARA: “Ha-ha! Wimp!” HAZE: “Don’t call me a wimp, shrimp bread!” CLARA: “Don’t call me shrimp bread, wimp bread!” HAZE: “How did you like it?” Meanwhile… BRANDON: “Hey, Craig, you look like shit, man.” CRAIG: “Eh, had a long night…” SAM: “Night of drinking?” CRAIG: “I was going through evidence.” Enter Craig, our detective, obsessed with the one who got away. BRANDON: “Give it up, Craig. The perp got away. Let it go.” CRAIG: “I’ll do what I please. Anyway, I have work to do. Excuse me.” SAM: “That guy’s weird.” BRANDON: “He gets way too obsessed with cases. I hear he’s still going over evidence back from 43634.” SAM: “Which one was that?” BRANDON: “Remember? The one his wife got shot in.” SAM: “Oh, yeah, I heard that was pretty brutal.” BRANDON: “It was. The guy’s been really messed up ever since.” SAM: “Oh, man, that’s horrible… You’ve gotta feel sorry for the guy.” BRANDON: “I guess, but… it’s made him really obsessive and creepy.” Yeah, why do you care who’s shot your wife, you weirdo? But the line is coming from a big city cop, so that could add up. CLARA: “We’re ho-ome!” BEN: “So, did you get her into any trouble, you stupid punk?” HAZE: “Ouch, dad. Isn’t it society’s fault I’m the way that I am?” HAZE: “Fat fucks like you sure don’t help form society.” HAZE: “You’re too obese and lazy to even take your own daughter to her middle school orientation. You rely on your “punk son” to do it for you.” HAZE: “That says a lot, pops. It really does. ” Holy shit… HAZE: “Oh, and tell mom I can hear her on the phone from my room. She better watch her words – Clara may hear too.” BEN: *gasp* No, uh-uh. Ben’s belt should have broken the sound barrier it came out so fast. A dad like him, hearing all that, does not go “*gasp*”. This is what an edgy teen FANTASIZES about happening. HAZE: “Talking to your boyfriend?” CLARA: “AH! You ass! Knock first! I could have been getting dressed!” HAZE: “I heard you pounding on that keyboard from the hallway, so, unless you chat online naked, I don’t think that’d be a problem.” CLARA: “You rude ass! Get out, get out, get out!” CLARA: “You’re an ass, Haze!” HAZE: “The key to cursing and not sounding like a kid is to not do it too much.” CLARA: “Don’t lecture me! I’m mad at you right now.” HAZE: “Night, Clara!” CLARA: “Night, Haze!” Clara has another chat night, and yes, she says “ass” to try and impress the Jokester too. Then she invites him over. On the condition that the Japester deletes all of his chat logs, so that nothing gets out. There is a big day coming up. BRIDGET: “Get your ass up! You have community service.” I love that Haze’s dad is Agent 47 disguised as the Michelin man, and then his mom sounds like she could be a literal witch. It’s not clear yet. HAZE: “How about I just tape your loud-ass mouth shut? That would be for the good of the community…” BRIDGET: “We’re stuck with your ass for one more year. I’m not going to put up with this shit from you!” BRIDGET: “Put your fucking pants on and meet me downstairs in ten minutes!” HAZE: “Damn hag, put a sock in it! I’ll be down, alright? Hearing your loud-ass yell in the morning gives me a headache! Shut up!” BRIDGET: “Ten fucking minutes!” HAZE: “I heard you the first time, you stupid whale!” That scene was inevitable. I mean, this is “Shut Up, Mom: The Game”. We’re still not at the game yet, and remember – this is abridged. You’re actually about 20 minutes into the cutscene. BEN: “We wouldn’t have to be doing this, if you weren’t such a punk. Remember that.” HAZE: “What did I do again?” BEN: “You punched a man minding his own business!” HAZE: “That guy stole mom’s Visa out of her purse, you know…” BEN: “Ridiculous… I saw no such thing.” HAZE: “You were too busy hitting on a teacher to actually watch mom’s purse, remember?” BEN: “I’ve had just about a damn enough of ya, punk!” BRIDGET: “You know we lost that thing. Don’t go making stories up.” HAZE: “No, that guy really did swipe it from you. I just thought it'd be funny to watch you two fight.” BRIDGET: “Ugh, you know, Haze, you’re never gonna get married or find any friends, if you keep acting like such a little reject.” HAZE: “I’ll get friends when I find someone worthy enough to waste my time with.” I know it goes without saying, but… Haze is so fucking much. This whole scene reminds me of a Lost Prophets music video. Except, I can guarantee you Haze wouldn’t be a fan of their lead singer. HAZE: “Mom? Dad?” BEN: “What?” HAZE: “Why are you guys married? You both cheat on each other all the time anyway...” HAZE: “Dad, you really do like Ms. Robinson’s cooking better, and mom, you actually are bothered by how fat dad is.” HAZE: “So, with all this deception, this really can’t be a happy marriage, can it?” BEN: “Son... Shut up.” BRIDGET: “Just cut the bullshit right now, alright?” BRIDGET: “I don’t know what world you’re living in, but going around, punching people, is not acceptable.” BRIDGET: “Another year, and that shit will get you put in jail.” HAZE: “Hm…” I’ll talk more about Haze soon, but we gotta get through this. CLARA: “ASS!” Haze’s parents drop him off for community service, and this is where he meets Craig. So, at least, their points are intersecting early, and we don’t have to keep wondering why he was introduced. CRAIG: “Well, you seem like you have nice parents, son.” HAZE: “You know they’re both drug dealers, right?” CRAIG: “Uh… W- Well, uh… I’m afraid you’d need some sort of proof to make a claim like that.” Anyway, he gives Haze’s work assignment, but then he says something very odd. CRAIG: “You’re not a bad kid – just surrounded by bad influences.” I want you to remember that line and see how it holds up. CRAIG: “Heh-heh-heh… Maybe I still CAN see through some people.” HAZE: “Who says you’re right?” CRAIG: “No one.” HAZE: “Maybe I punched the crap out of that guy cause I thought he was ugly?” BEN: “Now we don’t have to worry about him for a few hours.” BRIDGET: *le sigh* BEN: “Ugh, what?” BRIDGET: “You told me you liked my cooking, you asshole!” BEN: “You told me my weight didn’t bother you!” BRIDGET: “Oh, don’t give me that shit! Don’t deflect this back on me! Stop listening to that punk!” BEN: “What are YOU doing right now?!” Boy, Haze just sees everything how it is… BEN: “How am I full of shit?! I’m just trying to keep the peace in this family, and you’re over here raving like a maniac!” I’ve also gotta say: while the voice actors clearly aren’t pros yet, they’re still really elevating the dialogue. The strangest part of the audio is just the music. [chippy tune playing] CRAIG: “There we go. Alright, you’re free to go.” [chippy tune playing] [chippy tune playing] CRAIG: “Hey. I knew your parents were talking out of their ass. Just thought you should know.” [chippy tune playing] [chippy tune playing] HAZE: “Heh, good. They’re pretty crappy actors.” HAZE: (“Why are they being so quiet? Nice change…”) Unfortunately for all of us, this is just the calm before the hurricane. While it did happen off-screen, the Juggler has struck. HAZE: “Hey, why’s the door open?!” HAZE: “Clara! Clara!! CLARA!!” HAZE: “Clara-” [chippy tune playing] Okay, no, the song doesn’t play there. As you’d expect, Haze freaks out, his parents are dismissive, and he punches his dad into a wall. The punch only happens through text, so there’s not even artwork to look at. However, there still is a weird audio stinger. Haze looks in her chat logs. The cutscene also has an editing error in the video file, so, when you see this, be aware that I have not edited this at all. [startup jingle] HAZE: “...ara, why did you… *sob*” I mean, good God, why was that here? What was the plan? JACK: “I want you to picture…” [Skype call jingle] HAZE: “Dammit, Clara… GODDAMIT!” From here, things go from awkward and uncomfortable to… confusing. We’re treated to Clara’s final chat she had with the Jester, when it then cuts to… Haze? Haze with a gun, no less. MAN: “Hello? Anyone here?” Oh, he’s gonna get blasted… [*thwack*] Hit with a bat?! Uh… What bat?! MAN: “GAAHHH!!! AHH!! Oh, what the hell?!!” MAN: “Aghh! My fucking knees! Ahh!” Oh, man, this music… MAN: “Who… Who the hell are you?” [*ka-click*] HAZE: “I’m your judge, jury and executioner.” HAZE: “JJ&E, remember?” Holy fuck… MAN: “JJ&E? Oh, shit…” [terrified sobbing] So all the chat logs we saw weren’t actually Clara, but instead Haze, recreating the scenario later. From here, it just rolls credits to screamo music, but then there’s a teaser at the end. HAZE: “This one was easy. Why stop now? Why should I stop?” HAZE: “I’ll keep going. I’ll build a tower of bodies.” HAZE: “Clara... Watch me....” The game… hasn’t even started. But, before I get into that, let’s talk about Haze. This dude is fascinating on multiple levels. On one hand, I could… kind of see what they’re going for. An asshole character, who’s putting on a front, who deep down is… he’s really a good person inside. And you know that because he’s nice to his sister, and because a cop says exactly that. It’s just the levels he’s at are way, WAY too lopsided. Like, even before this, he was probably drawing Shadow the Hedgehog shooting his classmates. It’s also how other characters react to Haze. Everyone, including his retired assassin father, just cannot believe the own-zones he dishes out. The one-liners he drops, and how grave characters respond to it, is just absurd. I wanna say that over half of what Haze says is comedy gold, and we haven’t gotten to his most insane moments. Haze is a broken glass ocean of edge, but he’s written so genuinely. You know how there are bad movies where the director, both, writes and stars in it? And it’s pretty obviously an idealized version of themselves? This is that, but for a video game. According to other developers, the guy who lead this game was (and I quote) “literally Haze”. There was a lot of talent behind this game when it comes to art and coding and music and voice acting, and many have moved on to bigger things. The term “for exposure” had a lot less venom back then. There still were reports of people being promised money that never played out. What I’m saying is that this game is a perfect storm. One person wrote a bizarrely compelling story, and got free talent for it that I don’t think he’d be able to pull off today. I mean that regardless of the content of the game, which is already a fucking minefield. I don’t have any ill will towards people who worked on this, and voice actors especially. Because, good God, when you’re starting out in that, you take what you can get… To no surprise, this game was a nightmare to work on for a lot of people, but I’ve been directly told it brings them some joy to see it laughed at. At least, then the work meant something, and people might remember it. As long as you don’t pay for it… Speaking of that: Haze’s visual design. His smile makes me think of, like, an Avenged Sevenfold Grinch, or that one fucked up frame of Joey Wheeler. Whatever it is, it’s incredibly fitting. Now, the actual chain necklace – that’s a mystery. I have no clue how it fits into his Chris Hansen/Light Yagami archetype. I have no clue if this is, like, a bug chaser thing, or a Sonichu thing, but now I’m thinking of “Yu-Gi-Oh!”, so I’ll assume it’s like a Millennium Puzzle that vibrates when pedophiles are near. Anyhow, let’s start the game, which actually feels like continuing the prologue. Yeah, that was enough of that… HAZE: “The day you finally strike back against your agony…” Ugh, he’s just scribbling in his “Death Note” binder… HAZE: “So much blood… (gags)” (toilet flushing) I think I heard a mouse click before that flush. That could be an artisan sound effect. HAZE: “Wait a minute, let’s see what you had on you, pig.” To be fair to Haze, shooting a pedophile in the face is pretty cool – it’s just everything else. HAZE: “Edward Henners…” HAZE: “A middle school teacher?! Fucking sick- ugh…” HAZE: “What else do you have, you piece of shit?” That is frighteningly common. Near everyone I know has the story about the teacher who got caught doing something they shouldn’t have been. HAZE: “You should be thanking me!” HAZE: “You felt whole by relying on your primitive instincts.” HAZE: “You being alive must have been pretty sad, huh? Your life must have been a big shitfest, huh?” HAZE: “A giant problem disguised as a life…” He says that like it was meant to be poetry. HAZE: “Well, it’s okay. I fixed it.” HAZE: “I’ll fix the other “problems” too. Unfortunately, the world has a lot of them…” Then we get… “Metal Gear Solid” credits? ♪ A sad last game ♪ ♪ Memories of you go on and on and on and on again ♪ ♪ I hear your voice in my he-e-e-ead ♪ ♪ I hear your voice in my he-e-e-ead ♪ Why is there a dude on a bike? ♪ I hear your voice in my he-e-e-ead ♪ Okay, there’s 3 minutes of it, I’m gonna skip it. Oh, Christ, we’re back here? Why?! BEN: “You see what’s happened to you?! Dammit, Clara! You knew the severity of what you were doing! We warned you about that internet!” [dial-up noises] HAZE: “Shut the fuck up! G’UHH!!” BRIDGET: “Haze! Haze! Oh, God, Haze, stop! STOP!!” HAZE: “Why is someone like you alive?! Go away! GO AWAY!!” You know, if this exact scene came out in David Cage game, people would probably make arguments about it being art. HAZE: “Will you please speak…? Clara…?” This is the third, or maybe the fourth title drop, but, for the video, this is what matters. This is where it starts being more of a video game. Except, there’s one more flashback of middle school Haze. He’s gone to his friend Devon’s house, wearing his finest royalty-free Jack Skellington hoodie. I’m at the controls, and it’s… an RPG Maker game. There’s almost nothing to interact with. Though, to be fair, this still isn’t the real game. Haze just wants to hang out with Devon, but Devon first wants to mess around with his 14-year-old sister. Well, PRANK his sister. I guess, I should really specify, playing this kind of game. It turns out, she’s dating someone in his mid-20s, and the whole family is just cool with this. Haze is not. You log into her computer, and are given deep moral choices in how to pretend to be a teenage girl online. He tells him she’s pregnant, which starts to generate a lot of chaos, and then it cuts back to modern Haze. No more game for a while still. [doorbell rings] HAZE: “Dammit, dammit, dammit! Hold on! Fuck, I need a rug or something!” [doorbell rings] [*SLAM*] HAZE: “Yes?” CRAIG: “Haze, are you all right? I heard a gunshot.” HAZE: “A gunshot?” CRAIG: “Yeah, it came from over here. Don’t tell me you didn’t hear it.” HAZE: “What, I can’t take advantage of my empty house and play videogames loud?” CRAIG: “Oh, videogames…” HAZE: “Yeah, COD, you know? You play?” [gunfire and amused giggling] CRAIG: “Uh… No. I’m afraid I’m a bit too old for that stuff.” Wow, he’s buying it… CRAIG: “Well, uh… I’m sorry for disturbing you.” HAZE: “It’s okay.” CRAIG: “Haze?” HAZE: “Yeah?” CRAIG: “You sure you’re alright?” HAZE: “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” CRAIG: “If you’d like, you can come over and join my wife and I for dinner.” HAZE: “I’ll pass. Thanks though.” CRAIG: “Sure. Look, you take care of yourself.” [*SLAM*] HAZE: “Ugh, fuck… Why do I have to live next to a cop? Now what do I do with this guy?” HAZE: “Oh! Later! Crap, I need to respond!” That’s right, the body is still convulsing, and he’s already setting up the second one. Haze is definitely committed, but it’s unclear where his parents are. And I’m no expert, but I’m not sure about using that avatar to be a little girl. HAZE: “Ugh, what, is there like a factory that makes these fuckers? Sick dirtbags…” He makes veiled threats and it’s not clear yet how he hides the body, but now it’s time for his psych appointment. HAZE: “Excuse me.” HAZE: “Hey, excuse me!” HAZE: “Looks like you have a dropped call. Might I suggest a new service provider? You kinda suck.” God, he’s so cool… 😌 HAZE: “Where the fuck do I go? I have a court order to come here for something.” RECEPTIONIST: “Through that door right behind you. Dr. Edwen.” HAZE: “Thanks.” HAZE: “Oh!” RECEPTIONIST: “Yes?” HAZE: “I hope you get fired, bitch.” EDWEN: “Mr. Haze, it’s nice to meet you. I’d simply like to talk with you.” HAZE: “A fucking psychiatrist? What the hell do YOU want?” EDWEN: “To help you.” I’ll be honest, I can’t think of anyone who’s equipped for Haze. HAZE: “I don’t need your help.” EDWEN: “I think you do, Mr. Haze. Your anger is not misplaced. It was a tragedy, what happened.” HAZE: “You opening your fat mouth is also a tragedy.” EDWEN: “I’m not your enemy, Haze.” HAZE: “I’m leaving.” EDWEN: “You beat those police officers half to death, not to mention your own father. You need help. That rage will be your downfall.” When the hell did that happen? HAZE: “Sign this fucking piece of paper saying I don’t need to be here anymore, or I’m going to be your downfall.” EDWEN: “I will not, Haze.” HAZE: “You know what? Fuck it, I’m leaving anyway.” EDWEN: “How did you feel the day Clara was raped, Haze?” [tinnitus] [shattering glass and a thud] [chippy music playing] Why this music now? HAZE: “The good doctor never learned to bite his tongue in know-it-all school.” EDWEN: (*huff*) “I am not your enemy, Haze!” HAZE: “The whole damn world's my enemy…” [*WA-BOOM*] HAZE: “I still hope you get fired.” HAZE: “I will take a mint though.” The hits just keep coming. At the very least, the game does answer the question about the dead body. HAZE: “Mut! Dog! Pooch! Arfer! Hopper!” HAZE: “Hey, guys! You all doing okay?” HAZE: “You guys smell the food, huh? Well…” Haze… Dogs are gonna take a while. Like… God, find pigs. HAZE: “Dig in!” HAZE: “Still has the bones in it. Hope you guys don’t mind, heh.” MUT: “Ruwr!” HAZE: “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” I’m not kidding, this would take a long time with five dogs. And this was pointed out to me, but, if you look at the sprites, there are only four dogs. Does this imply Haze is the fifth dog? I don’t fucking know. HAZE: “Do you guys like it?” Haze might be barking. HAZE: “Good! I thought you guys would! It’s fresh pedophile. I have plenty more for you guys to eat soon!” [*click*] JCS Narrator (Kizzume): “In many cases, a criminal mind will justify their actions as righteous, no matter how heinous or deranged they may be.” JCS: “Human beings generally view themselves as good people,” JCS: “and the brain can go to great lengths to create justification for actions that go against normal standards of morality.” JCS: “In this case, Haze believes himself to be a force of good, even as he distributes the parts of his victim to oblivious junkyard dogs.” JCS: “He believes himself to be protecting the community and righting a wrong that happened to his family.” JCS: “However, rather than taking a healthy approach of supporting the victim in his life, he’s chosen a path of vengeance. Let’s see how this plays out.” [*click*] MUT: “Ruwr!” HAZE: “Oh, dammit… Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to me…” HAZE: “Fuck, he’s walking over here...” CRAIG: “Hello, Haze!” HAZE: “Hey, Craig! What brings you to this part of town?” CRAIG: “I was just checking my mail. Wait, what?” HAZE: “It- It was a joke. Nev- never mind…” CRAIG: “Hey why don’t you come over and have breakfast with my wife and I?” HAZE: “Nah, nah-nah-nah. I don’t think that’s my ideal morning, sorry.” [*boom*] Oh, God, Haze kept the weed on him. CRAIG: “Hey, is that-?” HAZE: (“Fuck! That teacher’s marijuana! Shit, why was it in my pocket?!”) CRAIG: “Is this recent, Haze?” HAZE: “Well, you caught me! I’m a giant, blubbering pothead.” HAZE: “I smoke a giant joint every day. Shit, I smoke three a day!” I don’t know… Haze could be too straight edge for weed. HAZE: “What’s the fine? Or- or maybe prison time? Ya-ay!” Haze still gets off the hook, but only if he has breakfast with Craig and his wife. I don’t even wanna guess why Craig is so loose with Haze, especially since Haze tackles the question himself. HAZE: (“Stupid cop… Make sure your damn wife’s not creeped out by me, before you invite me over.”) CRAIG: “So, Haze, interesting hairstyle. What made you grow it out so long?” HAZE: (“Hey, Haze, come over for breakfast, we’ll talk about your fucking hair!”) HAZE: “Oh, you know… It keeps my head warm.” CRAIG: “I see. I… I like it. It suits you.” HAZE: (“This douchebag is trying wa-ay too hard…”) HAZE: “Thanks! I feel like I can just become an upstanding citizen now that someone accepts me!” What a prick! Oh my God! Haze, he’s just trying to be nice! CRAIG: “So, I have a son that works in business. He reminds me a lot of you.” HAZE: “You mean, I remind you a lot of HIM, right?“ HAZE: “Because, if your son reminds you of some random punk, then you’ve got a few screws loose…” CRAIG: “Ehm… Uh…” HAZE: “I think I see what’s going on here.” HAZE: “You miss your son, since he’s all moved out and gone. And because he never calls you.” HAZE: “You’re old, and you feel like you’re going to die soon. You want desperately to do something meaningful with your life, before you do.” HAZE: “So you play the nice guy with the “broken, misguided teenager who needs your help”.” HAZE: “The “broken teen” reminds you of the son you failed, so you think you can try again, and make up for it through him.” CRAIG: “Haze, look, that’s not what-” HAZE: “Look, Craig, life’s about self-satisfaction. People don’t do shit for others. It’s not the fucking way it works.” HAZE: “The food was very good. Sorry I fucking creeped you out.” I should have seen something like that coming, but he still surprises me. CRAIG: “Well, that went better than I expected.” [sound of shattering glass] CRAIG: “Yes...?” HAZE: “I… I broke your vase near the front door… Sorry…” CRAIG: “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” It was just my mother’s ashes, no problem! HAZE: “You’re still a self-righteous fuckoff… but I am sorry about the vase. It was very pretty.” HAZE: “Yeah… Bye…” I don’t know if it was intentional, or an accident, or if he just looked at it, and it fucking shattered. Yet another mystery to keep me up at night. BRIDGET: “Stupid girl. Talking to people on that fucking internet.” [dial-up noises] HAZE: “Clara, please…” OH, GAWD, we’re back here… Why is this being told so out of order? At this rate, “Forrest Gump” might have had less flashbacks. It’s like whenever Haze becomes too much, the game has to remind you that, look, he’s sad. Anyways, the cops are here to take Clara away to… mental health jail or something. It’s incredibly unclear. But he does beat up cops to screamo music. HAZE: “Take another step towards me…” HAZE: “Get the fuck off me, you pieces of shit! I’ll fuck all of you up! Come on! COME ON!!” HAZE: “Worthless fuckers! Pigs! YOU PIGS! Goddamn cocksuckers! Fuck all of you!!” HAZE: “I’ll beat the shit out of anyone that wants to fuck with me! IEAGH!!” If this game got a port, it would be for the 360. CRAIG: “Haze, take a nap.” HAZE: “Huh?! Fuck you!” [*thwack*] That puts him out cold for a little while. Does this mean Craig felt guilty? HAZE: “She hadn’t spoken to me in a week, you know… I’d almost forgotten what she sounded like…” HAZE: “And now, the last memory I have of her voice… is her screaming for me in agony for help…” HAZE: “Screaming for me when I couldn’t do anything…” HAZE: “Ughh…” Man, what a tragic way for Clara to leave his life… Maybe there’s more to modern Haze than I thought. HAZE: “Don’t lose your nerve now, Haze. Do not. Lose. Your nerve.” [doorbell] GIRL SCOUT: “Hey, mister! We’re selling yummy nummy cookies! Would you like to buy a box?” Oh no… HAZE: “What, cookies? Ah-hah-hah-hah! I’m already eating like crap!” GIRL SCOUT: “So… no?” HAZE: “Shit, why not… How much?” You can’t give this game the benefit of the doubt for a minute! HAZE: “Fuck, I do worse things than curse…” HAZE: “Kill pedophiles.” Ehhh… GIRL SCOUT: “What’s that?” HAZE: “They’re big, scary monsters that pretend to be boys.” You live next to a co-op! HAZE: “No, really, they’ll eat you whole.” GIRL SCOUT: “Really?” HAZE: “Yeah, so run away from every guy you see.” HAZE: “Well, yeah, but give me my cookies first.” GIRL SCOUT: “What kind do you want?” HAZE: “Give me a box of those Caramel Delites.” Caramel Delites? Come on… HAZE: “Here’s a fifty. Keep the change.” GIRL SCOUT: “Whoaa! Thanks, long-hair guy!” HAZE: “Sure thing. NOW RUN THE FUCK AWAY!!” GIRL SCOUTS: (crying) HAZE: “I scared girl scouts AND got cookies! Happy day!” [*SLAM*] Imagine being Craig? Every day you look out your window and see an interaction like that. Anyhow, with the Wisecracker fully taken care of, Haze is now working on the next pedophile. Haze opens up to him to a strange degree – telling him his views on religion, like “I believe in God, but don’t worship one” – and then reveals what actually happened to Clara. At this stage, I have no clue how to feel about Haze. Every time I think I’m starting to get him, they just pull something new out. It feels less like character development, and more like unearthing a cursed mummy. That and the constant flashbacks just throw me all over the place. Thankfully, the flashbacks are about to significantly reduce, and the actual game will start. It seemed like that should have happened a while ago. Anyway, it’s revealed the newest diddler has a daughter, and also wants to maybe break this whole thing off. But now Haze is egging him on to meet up. The meeting is two days away, so Haze will have a free day off tomorrow. This will introduce us to, ph-he-he… the core gameplay loop. HAZE: “I think I’m… excited? Heh-hah-hah!” HAZE: “Hah! Well, no use in getting excited just yet – it’s dinner time! And what’s for dinner, you say?” HAZE: “Well, dry cereal is on the menu, of course, what else?!” HAZE: “Hah-ha-ha! Haze, why are you talking to yourself?! Fuck!” Finally, about an hour and a half in, the true game begins. Again, if you’ve played some basic RPG Maker games, a lot of this will look familiar. You do get a computer to interact with. You learn that the game takes place in 2014, and if you don’t delete enough messages off your phone, you might just miss some. Otherwise, you’re gonna soft-lock yourself. There are a few customization options, but almost none of them are actually in the game. You do have a character encyclopedia, but places, terms and events are all broken. There is a web browser, which opens your actual browser, which is cute, but this kind of thing is actually gonna happen a lot. The computer is mainly used for ignoring meaningless emails and receiving chats from perverts (which, I do give them points there). As the game goes on, the citizen log also reveals more about how Haze thinks. I assume this is to add more depth to his character, but… ugh, we’ll see… Oh, since this is a roleplaying game now, I can look at Haze’s stats! Which are… wow… Haze might be too underpowered for this. I’m assuming I’ll just have to farm some degenerates lurking around Old Navy. So, remember these stats – they’ll come in handy. You can check messages on your phone and also try to save the game on there, but it will probably crash, so you only save at your home computer or an internet café. I’m free to explore the Stratos’ manor, and maybe Haze’s parents ARE drug dealers. Their house is lavish for a neighborhood of this resolution. With amenities like a dedicated library and a grand piano. However, like the flashback, there’s nothing to interact with. Only thing to do now is go outside. [chippy tune playing] [message notification] That’s an interesting loading screen. I’m gonna come back to that. Can I visit Craig? I guess not. Haze hates his door too much. You take a strange, back woods road to town, passing by a bombed out car and an elder tree. I’m also not sure which music is licensed, but this is an important moment. When you finally go to town, a song begins. If this part is muted, then I lost, and I’m sorry. Regardless, this one song will be looping for 80% of your playtime. To the point that it almost seems wrong to see gameplay without it. It is one hell of a hip-hop track. [Nieve - Playback (feat. Ine)] ♪ Ye-Ye – Ye ♪ ♪ Uh, stop rewinding the flow back ♪ ♪ This ain’t your modern day new wave or throwback ♪ You could argue about how good it is, but it’s a well-produced song. The rapper Nieve is still working, and has made some great tracks. The song, and a lot of the other music, is no doubt too good for the game. They might have known that, and maybe it’s why it keeps looping. ♪ Just step back and relax your mind (yeah, my style is so laid back) ♪ As much as it kills me, it is October, so I’ll play something spookier. As you haunt the town, there are optional side quests to pick up. A few of them even have options. Even if they’re as simple as “do you return the police officer’s wallet or not”. The side quest decisions won’t change the ending or anything, but it’s a fun addition to have. I did start to notice that “Anonymous Agony” has a fixation with the Police Department. A lot of quests revolve around the officers, and the police station is by far the biggest explorable building in the game. Despite the fact that the rooms are mainly empty. There is also a weird running theme of talking to cops about videogames. I’ve got no clue what that’s about, so Haze Up… The police will ask the 17-year-old to go into a meth lab to get evidence for them. This has a “Metal Gear”-like sneaking session, which is tense, but only because the game crashes if you get caught. There are other missions that are supposed to be like this, but either the creators wanted their work removed, or they’re just bugged out. Funnily enough, the game started reminding me of “UnReal World”. Because, while “Anonymous Agony” theoretically has currency, it’s effectively useless. Besides the side quests, you also have collectibles in the form of broken electronic equipment. You can find a bunch of it, and when you’re ready, you can head over to the Zebra Tec electronic store. I don’t have an answer. But from here, you can sell this stuff for cash. The issue is, every shop in the game sells nothing except customization options, like ringtones and desktop backgrounds and collectible art, which are all broken. Even if they worked, it’s nothing you’d wanna seek out. The single interesting item is free anyways, and it’s a cursed rock. I’m assuming it doesn’t do anything. The real rewards for the missions are the chance to hear more Haze dialogue. That, and you can’t actually go home until you do enough interactions. Those can go places. PUNK: “Ha-aze? Hey, man, why are you outside? We didn’t think you left your house anymore. You finally grow some balls?” HAZE: “Oh, hey, guys. And you are…?” PUNK: “Tsk... You know who the fuck we are, shithead!” HAZE: “Sorry, douchebags tend to blend together in my head.” PUNK: “You’re fucked, Haze!” HAZE: “Can I have a knife?” 🥺 (🙄) PUNK: “Fucking kill him!” Like the main story, the situation could go apeshit at the drop of a hat. That does have a big appeal, but has some issues that I’ll soon get into. MAN: “Be quiet.” MAN: “You made a smart move, running.” HAZE: “Well, I’m definitely not knife-proof.” MAN: “I was half-expecting you to try to fight them off.” HAZE: “What, you think I’m stupid or something? Those assholes had me outnumbered AND outarmed!” MAN: “You’re more level-headed than you look.” HAZE: “Tha-anks… You… are…?” [Brian's theme starts blasting] BRIAN: “Brian Watzig.” HAZE: “Brian, right. Well, thanks, Brian, I’m Haze.” BRIAN: “Haze? Odd name.” HAZE: “Yeah, my parents were stupid.” BRIAN: “Uh, anyway, nice to meet you, Haze.” HAZE: “Likewise.” Beyond just being a nickname, this confirms that “Haze” is his birth name. You get more insights like that and meet more strange characters of the town. It’s vaguely similar to something like a “Persona” social link, but it doesn’t appear to be tracked, and you spend time with everybody. So, mechanically, there’s still not much here. I still can’t believe the music production quality they managed to grab. BRIAN: “Uh, no bat-signal… But you can text me. I’ll help you out if I can.” HAZE: “There. Well, thanks again, Brian.” BRIAN: “Yeah, no problem.” HAZE: “Hey, are you alright?!” SLEEPING GIRL: *waking up noises* GIRL: “I’m fine.” HAZE: “What… were you doing?” GIRL: “Nap.” HAZE: “Oh… Do you sleep in weird places like this a lot?” GIRL: “Yes.” HAZE: “Well… Sorry for bothering you, kid.” GIRL: “It’s k…” HAZE: “Yeah, but it’s pretty dangerous around here. You probably shouldn’t sleep outside.” GIRL: “I know kung-fu.” HAZE: (sigh) “Right…” Directly next to the sleeping child is two older children, one of which Haze can threaten to skin like a deer. Brian has known Haze for three minutes, and even he manages to hear about it. Right after this, you can meet a woman who doesn’t want to be tan. She casually reveals that she doesn’t wanna look like “a dirty Mexican”. So Haze calls her a racist bitch. I’ve gotta say, Haze not being racist almost feels like a plot hole. GHOSTLY MAN: “Ducks bite.” ♪ Ye-Ye – Ye ♪ Actually, that “Mulholland Drive” tweaker is a design flaw. The biggest pain the game has is even FINDING all the quests. This city is astonishingly large, and even the fast travel points don’t help you out a whole lot, because you have no clue what areas are supposed to be what, until you go and travel to them. The areas are supposed to be marked, but it’s bugged out the entire game, except for the last day. This means most of the game is wandering a city, listening to “Ye-Ye – Ye” on repeat. Though, on top of that, you might have to backtrack between screens, because events, like the Ghostly Man, only happen if you go into an area from a certain angle. Obviously, the result is that the gameplay is terrible. Oh, right, the loading screens add an extra layer of hell for two reasons. For one, they’re long, and they’re between every area. Then, while visiting the art gallery, the game screwed up. Watch this. Did you see that? The areas are loaded in before the loading screen. The loading screen is a FAKE loading screen. Why would the game have that, and so frequently? Once again, this was a decision from the lead. And I am not making this up. He wanted loading screens added, because… “all the big games have loading screens”. “Anonymous Agony” is an experience that no AAA game can give you. NOT-TOMMY: “Because it’s real Hollywood movie.” CREWMAN 1: “No, yeah, sounds good.” CREWMAN 2: “Okay!” HAZE: “What’s going on here?” ERIS: “Surrender quietly, and I will gladly preserve your face structure.” MILLY: (sigh) “People can never tell when she’s actually being genuine.” ERIS: “Please remember that I DID offer you a chance.” [*THWACK*] MILLY: “You got him, Eris!” ERIS: “Indeed.” HAZE: “Damn, you whipped that guy!” MILLY: “AH!” [*swoosh*] ♪ RULES OF NATURE ♪ HAZE: “Whoa!” ERIS: “A friend of his?” I… Ogh… HAZE: “Why do you… have… a sword?” ERIS: “My choice of weapon isn’t your concern. Were you with that hooligan?” HAZE: “No.” ERIS: “Think he’s lying, Milly?” MILLY: “Are you lying, mister?” HAZE: “No…?” [sheathing] They’re just local bounty hunters. I won’t dwell on it. The more you go through town, the more you feel a madness setting in. You go through a mundane concrete jungle, and sometimes, just come across insanity. For example, every single building in the shopping center has something fucked up about it. Like, there’s the art gallery, where you find out the loading screens are fake. The internet café is full of weirdos. Like the one guy who wants to show you the funny Ray William Johnson video. ♪ Doin’ yo mo-om, doi- doin’ yo mo-om ♪ There’s a music store where you can check out tracks that otherwise don’t appear in the game. Though, at best, you’re going to get your browser opened to a bunch of dead pages, and at worst, an album cover can be permanently stuck on your screen. There’s no telling what could happen. On the west side of town you learn about the game’s only enemy – speeding cars. For whatever reason, they’re only on this one road. Maybe that’s why Haze let Clara walk on the street. There’s also a church over here, and I was already bracing for some dialogue. And, shockingly, the church is empty. I am genuinely amazed by this. I thought for sure there would be a scene where the creator vents his frustrations about, like, his parents making him get up on Sunday… Instead, you get nothing. You do get to meet a nice artist nearby. GIRL: “Would you mind standing right there for a moment?” HAZE: “What for?” GIRL: “I’d like to draw you.” HAZE: “What, are you some kind of artist?” GIRL: “Something like that.” HAZE: “Heh. Well, go for it, lady.” GIRL: “All done. Thank you for stopping. I know it must have sounded like an odd request.” HAZE: “Do you always draw strangers?” GIRL: “It depends on the stranger.” HAZE: “Why did you draw me?” GIRL: “Because you’re beautiful.” HAZE: “I’m… beautiful?” HAZE: “I-I don’t really see it… I thought I kind of let myself go recently, heh.” GIRL: “Everything in the world is beautiful.” Give her a day with Haze, and that song will change tune. Is that a bush growing in the road? Anyway, the main side quest for the day is talking to the Weird Guy. He’s known as the Weird Guy, because he gives complete strangers unprompted news about underage hookers. I don’t think “weird guy” is a strong enough term for that. “Weird guy” is, like, “you’re at a restaurant, and someone is playing “Genshin Impact” at max volume on their phone”. This scene does have some tension, because Weird Guy has told, maybe, the worst possible person he could about this. But Haze leaves without hurting him. Instead, he meets her to arrange a meeting, leading to possibly one of the most embarrassing scenes I’ve seen in a video game. HAZE: “Well, tell me, Scarlet, what were your dreams as a kid?” SCARLET: “Can we just get this shit over with? Do what you paid for.” HAZE: “I am. So, kindly answer the question.” SCARLET: “As a kid? Hah! I wanted to be a fucking fairy princess.” HAZE: “Okay, recent dreams – twelve up.” SCARLET: “Hah… Interior decorator.” HAZE: “Oh, how nice. Why'd you decide to whore yourself out?” SCARLET: “A job’s a job.” HAZE: “Ah, money issues.” Yeah, Haze, we weren’t all born with a library. HAZE: “How’s family life?” SCARLET: “Nonexistent, asshole!” HAZE: “Oof, touchy subject, got it.” HAZE: “Well, I did pay for this…” SCARLET: “Mom’s dead, dad’s gone. No other family.” HAZE: “An interior decorator…” HAZE: “How much would pursuing that dream cost you think?” SCARLET: “Huh? A lot.” HAZE: “Yeah, college costs an all. Food expenses, housing…” SCARLET: “Yeah.” HAZE: “Level with me here… And remember, I paid for this, just saying.” [melodramatic music] [melodramatic music] HAZE: “You hate this, don’t you? Being used by men? Satisfying them?” Oh, holy shit… 😩 HAZE: “You probably can’t even look at yourself in the mirror anymore, can you?” SCARLET: “What the fuck do you think?! Bh- What?! Do you get off on this kind of shit, asshole?!” SCARLET: “I’d rather be fucked by men than deal with this!” HAZE: “Work must really have you strung up. Chill out.” HAZE: “So, where’s your dream house located?” SCARLET: “Heh… Florida beach.” HAZE: “Nice. Send me a postcard.” HAZE: “That should get you on your feet. I wish money could buy your self-respect back, but… you’ll have to find that by yourself.” SCARLET: “There's no way this shit isn’t gonna bounce.” HAZE: “Go find out.” SCARLET: “Hey!” HAZE: “What?” SCARLET: “My boss, he, ugh… He won’t just let me leave. Asshole watches me.” HAZE: “What’s his name?” SCARLET: “Eddy Glacious.” Prostitute – saved. Eddy Glacious – marked for death. Just another day in the life of Haze, which is, thankfully, over. My head is spinning after the first day out. It does have the most content, compared to the other days, but it doesn’t make the game feel any less menacing. Every day you’ve gotta wake up. And, worse than that – you’re waking up as Haze. On top of that, you don’t just go on your computer for a while and go to sleep – you have to then wake up again in the dead of night. You need to wander the town again. Maybe he’s trying to find the mysterious midnight girl scout troop. Compared to the day, his night isn’t very eventful. You beat up a mugger, some kind of time lord crashes the game, the bounty hunters think you’re suspicious. More than that – take a wrong turn, and time and space starts falling apart. The time of day will change, and sprites and tiles will start changing at random. It’s raining indoors, somehow! Naturally, your only refuge is a bar. ♪ It’s crazy how time flies by ♪ ♪ These moments hit you quick and then they’re gone, just like a drive-by ♪ ♪ Disconnect from the world of hate and discrimination to a place with smooth jazz- ♪ There’s not much to the bar in night one. An old man tells Haze a story about a family member overdosing on heroin, and this irritates Haze. Time to go home. I don’t know what the point was. Especially when he has a date the next day with his second target. But as always, things can never be simple. HAZE: “How long does this damn bus take to get here?” CRAIG: “Haze? Where is he going? Hm…” CRAIG: “I hope he knows that bus doesn’t come for another three hours.” Craig, no, don’t interfere… 😟 [audible gusts of wind] [audible gusts of wind] CRAIG: “So, where you’re headed?” [audible gusts of wind] HAZE: “Oh, hey, Mr. Good Cop! I’m just going to do some… soul-searching…” [audible gusts of wind] CRAIG: “I somehow feel like that’s an understatement.” [audible gusts of wind] HAZE: “Maybe just a little bit…” Whshh-whshh! WHSHH! CRAIG: “Haze, you know, this bus doesn’t get here for another three hours.” HAZE: “Goddamit…” CRAIG: “Uh, hey… Sorry about that awkward dinner.” HAZE: “Just don’t invite me to another one.” CRAIG: “Alright, no more awkward dinners. How about some lunch right here?” HAZE: “I’d like to say “no”, but… sitting here alone for three hours does sound kinda shitty.” CRAIG: “I’ll run down the street and get us a couple subs then.” HAZE: “Sounds good, Craigster.” CRAIG: “Uh… Craigster?” HAZE: “Craigalicious?” CRAIG: “I’ll… be right back…” Craig really is just the nicest dude. If only Haze could see that. HAZE: “Ever doubt being a cop?” CRAIG: “Sometimes…” HAZE: “Why ARE you even a cop? If you doubt it, I mean.” CRAIG: “Hard to say.” HAZE: “You seem more confused than this “misguided teenager”.” CRAIG: “Maybe I am. Guess, it’s just part of being human.” HAZE: “Part of being human, huh? Sometimes, I think it’d be easier to be a dog…” CRAIG: “Come on, Haze. Being human isn’t so bad, is it? It’s nice.” HAZE: “How’s it nice?” CRAIG: “Well, we can sit at a bus stop for three hours, eating subs, while people drive by and laugh at us. I consider that one of the joys of being human.” HAZE: “Wow, Craig… That was really lame, man.” You just said you wanted to be a dog! CRAIG: “Look who’s talking.” [both laughing] HAZE: “When you start to doubt yourself, what do you do?” CRAIG: “The thing is with doubt is that it will go away eventually. But, if you quit and get regret – now that will stay around for a lot longer.” CRAIG: “So, when I doubt what I do, I just keep on doing it.” HAZE: “I think that’s good advice. Thanks.” HAZE: “Heh… Well, congrats – you managed to help the misguided teenager find his way.” CRAIG: “You should be a cop one day.” Yeah, Craig is a terrible judge of character. Or, actually, maybe a really good one. HAZE: “Fu-uck no, ha-ha!” CRAIG: “Well, it was worth a try.” HAZE: “You know, blue belt, I think you’re right.” HAZE: “Sitting at a bus stop, eating subs IS one of the joys of being human. It’s so pointless and retarded, it’s something only we can do.” Look, I get he throws out some poetic slammers sometimes, but… what the hell did that mean? HAZE: “We should do it again sometime.” CRAIG: “Give me a call anytime.” HAZE: “Maybe try doing your job in the meantime, huh? I can’t believe you have time to do this crap.” Oh, okay, Haze falls asleep on the bus. Eh… This is psychotic and in-character, but I think the maze level was just cut. I doubt it was worth keeping, but OH MY G- [*BWWW*] I doubt it was worth keeping, but OH MY G- Jesus… Oh, that was a bus stopping, and not Sadako coming out of my TV. I’ll take what positives I can get today… [*clank*] [*SLAM*] Unlike the Clowner, this guy isn’t voiced, though, at the same time, that’s understandable. It’s hard to sell “work for exposure” when the role is “the other child predator”. HAZE: “Your way out.” [*SMACK*] HAZE: “What’s your name?! What the fuck is your name?!!” [riffs be ferocious] HAZE: “What? I thought you loved me! No sex? Come on, I was all wet and everything!” Still, only having one voice here makes the situation more awkward than it already is, and I didn’t wanna ask anyone I know “Hey, do you wanna voice the pedophile in my YouTube video?” So I will trim this down a bit, because it goes on a while. Haze correctly deduces that Elliot has uncouth home movies upstairs. HAZE: “I fo-ound the-em! Oh!” HAZE: “Oh no! You shouldn’t use your hands for bad, OR YOU MAY JUST LOSE ‘EM!” [*SMACK*] HAZE: “You sick bastard… I am your release. I am your punishment. I am your justice.” RP&J, remember? Haze gives him two options: one – he’ll get stomped out by Haze, and everyone will learn what he did, including his family, or door #2… HAZE: “Kill yourself.” You do get options here. Whether Haze does it himself or makes him do it, and the tool for the deed, which includes using a fucking pen. It’s presented as a choice, but, come on… You know what Haze would do. HAZE: “Do it with this pen. It’s the only way out.” Then you can take the tapes or leave them, but regardless, Haze escapes. HAZE: “Ugh, this whole place looks the fucking same…” Wait, what? Where are we? Oh, wow, it’s a flashback! It’s… been a while. HAZE: “Excuse me.” HAZE: “Yeah, I’m here to see Clara Stratos.” HAZE: “This doesn’t look like any children’s mental hospital. It looks like a regular one. The hell is this?” Wherever Haze was, he needed to stay there. HAZE: “Oh…” He’s then told that nobody can see her for 8 months. You know the routine by now. HAZE: “Fuck you! Let me see my goddamn sister, you bitch!” He beats people up, he’s so cool, literally me, moving on… CLARA: “ASS!” CRAIG: “What happened?” BRANDON: “Eliot K. He was found dead in his house this morning, but we can’t figure out whether it’s a suicide or a murder.” CRAIG: “A pen? Odd choice for a weapon.” BRANDON: “There was also a box of tapes left near the body.” The guy’s arm is broken, and he’s beat up – it’s so clearly and obviously a murder. But for now, the police think it’s just another weird suicide. That night, Haze has a dream flashback about picking flowers with his sister, and meets another girl. He wakes up and says how dumb she was out loud. Day 3. There’s a new target, and he’s the most obviously psychotic one yet. He is so obviously dangerous that even Haze can see the red flags. HAZE: “Wow, really? Shit, he made the lame pun for me!” It’s so dire that he’s contacted by a new character named Juno. For all intents and purposes, Juno is basically Otacon. He’s a super hacker, and has over 40 proxies. Juno knows that Haze is baiting creeps online, but is too socially stunted to understand what happens to them. His first order of concern is that Haze needs a firewall, because he was using his elderly neighbor’s Wi-Fi the whole time. The larger concern is Haze’s new target, who Juno has an entire dossier on. The way this guy is hyped up is very… anime brain. You know how some shounen stuff will ramp the stakes by going: “Hey, this dude’s really, really good at fighting.” “He’s won the Earl Grey Tournament ten times”, etc? Well, this new guy, Gabriel, is a PRO at molesting people. It sounds like the kind of thing that would be a dark joke, but they want you to take this seriously. Then again, that’s the whole game. Juno thinks he’s trying to be heroic, but Haze reveals that he just hates horny people. Haze’s diary backs this up too. I’m sure this will give people even more to unpack. So now Haze has a super hacker on his side. But, right upon exiting chat, his thoughts are elsewhere. HAZE: (sigh) “Oh, yeah, I need to feed those dogs.” HAZE: “I don’t have anything to give them this time though.” HAZE: “Dog food’s boring. Hmm…” HAZE: “Dogs like meat, right? Alright, I’ll just go buy them something.” HAZE: “Excuse me, where’s the steak at?” EMPLOYEE: “Down that aisle and to the right.” HAZE: “Thanks, dude!” I do like the detail that, because Haze knew the dogs before, he would go back to feed them sometimes. I didn’t expect that to come back. HAZE: “I’ll take these.” CLERK: “Oh, some nice, juicy steaks, huh? Having a party with the guys?” HAZE: “Nah, all my friends are dogs.” [*click*] JCS: “Haze’s lack of respect for everyone in his life can be seen as the kindling, which has now raged into an uncontrollable wildfire of narcissism and nonsense.” JCS: “Haze’s use of odd sayings, such as him earlier saying “his respect would be better used on a goat”, is just another manifestation of his schizoid delusions.” JCS: “Haze believes people know and understand his idioms, when, in reality, no one understands what he means.” JCS: “Haze is incredibly self-centered, only showing empathy for minor aspects in his life, which he likely uses to help fuel his self-image of a good person.” JCS: “His sister was the only minor tether he had to a sliver of normalcy, but he is now fully degenerating into a parody of a human being.” [*click*] CLERK: “Oh, I see… $67.80 is your total.” HAZE: “Here’s a hundred, keep the change.” CLERK: “Oh! My God! Are you sure?!” HAZE: “Yeah. Money’s gross.” HAZE: “Alright, guys, dinner time!” Yep, here come the… five dogs. He did buy them nice steaks, but still manages to convince himself that they’d rather be eating human flesh. He’s projecting pretty hard, but there is a brand new day on the town. ♪ Ye-Ye – Ye ♪ This day is just as simultaneously torturous and eventful as the other. Some girls are saying how they hate book spoilers, and Haze says that he doesn’t read and walks away. Someone Brian knows is taken hostage, because a local gang thinks that he’s a gun runner, just because he’s a war veteran. Haze rescues the hostage, which turns out to be a dog. It’s not even his dog. Is THIS the fifth dog? Lili has a tummy ache, Eddy Glacious is still at large, and a Mehrunes Dagon cult has hacked AT&T. Oh, right, some blonde guy helps the artists Fiona with some directions. The biggest event is being confronted by the bounty hunters once again. ERIS: “Care to explain why you were speaking with that young girl, Lili?” MILLY: “Are you a rapist?” HAZE: “Ah-ha-ha…” Yeah, you guys are really off the mark here. ERIS: “I fail to see the comedy in this.” HAZE: “Sorry, sorry, just… a few variables you’re not aware of.” ERIS: “The only variable I need to be aware of is the one that you’re pissing me off!” HAZE: “I do that to people, sorry.” ERIS: “I’ll be having a word with Ms. Lili. You better hope she only has good ones concerning you.” MILLY: “You’re gonna be on her hi-it li-ist…” They are doing better than the cops, because at least they know that “Hey, something is up with that kid”. HAZE: “What a tightass…” ♪ Ye-Ye – Ye ♪ Another day completed, but the night awaits. I haven’t mentioned it until now, but night is the only time the hip-hop doesn’t play. I genuinely miss it, and, at this point, I’m not sure if it’s Stockholm Syndrome. The Weird Guy is still in his alley, but no sign of Eddy Glacious yet. Once again, the bar is the answer. The blond guy works there as a bartender, and his name is… wow, em… Bartender. He does ask things that I want answers to. HAZE: “Yeah, you definitely piss me off.” BARTENDER: “Hmm… cool necklace.” HAZE: “What? Cut that out!” BARTENDER: “What, it’s a neat necklace. Where did you get it?” HAZE: “Not in any store.” BARTENDER: “Why the biohazard symbol?” HAZE: “Personal, sorry.” Yeah, that settles it – it’s “Yu-Gi-Oh!” shit. You get some hate speech texted to you, and you could talk with Fiona about art some more. This is a bare bones night, but they do make up for it by giving you a dream sequence, which is more of a creepy pasta. It’s strongly implied that Haze killed his parents, and that’s why he lives alone, but… how’s no one found out about it? The guilty feels for those he’s killed was also a strange inclusion. They say things like “I was still a teacher though”. Who gives a shit what his job was?! I… I think the game might be designed to turn you into Haze. Gabriel wakes him up from it by telling him to turn on the news. What is this going to scale into? VOICE: “When justice fails you, where do you turn?” [police sirens] DORKY VOICE: “I was just holding it for a friend!” [police sirens] INDIGNANT VOICE: “The doctor never told me of the risks!” DISTRAUGHT VOICE: “I never signed a pre-nup, and now she wants everything!” VOICE: “We’re going to need backup.” [police radio chatter] [static] [leisurely theme] MAN: “Are you tired of the law failing you?” MAN: “Are you tired of public defenders who don’t have a clue?” Yeah, the Saul Goodman bit goes on for a while, and the actual news story doesn’t have a cutscene. Yet another unexplainable detour for the pile. It’s revealed that Gabriel has murdered a child with a rock. Juno is watching this, rightfully thinks it’s insane, and tells Haze to call the police. “Don’t fight him, Haze! He’s in his prime – he’ll kill you!” 😧 “It’s the only way I’ll know…” 😤 The sun is rising, and Haze invites Gabriel over to hide the next day. Haze then powers up by watching a bunch of snuff films back to back. Or something… It’s not made clear. Thankfully, before it gets worse, the doorbell interrupts him. HAZE: “Better not be fucking Craig.” [*clank*] CRAIG: “Oh, uh… Hey, Haze!” HAZE: “Craig, I tolerate you, okay? But you’re getting a bit creepy.” HAZE: “You really need to find some friends your own age. I really don’t have time to hang out with you right now. Go be a cop!” CRAIG: “Uh, ehm… It’s my day off.” HAZE: “Go buy a damn Xbox and play COD then!” [*SLAM*] CRAIG: “I, eh… Just wanted to borrow your blender…” HAZE: “You… seriously just wanted to borrow my blender?” CRAIG: “Yeah.” HAZE: “Really?” CRAIG: “Eh… yup.” HAZE: “Well, guess, I’m an asshole then…” CRAIG: “A li-ittle bit…” HAZE: “Let me make it up to you. When was your birthday?” CRAIG: “October 3rd.” HAZE: “That wasn’t too long ago. Alright, hold on.” [*SLAM*] [*SLAM*] HAZE: “Happy birthday!” CRAIG: “You’re giving me your blender…?” HAZE: “Doesn’t my kindness make your heart flutter?” CRAIG: “I… don’t know what to say…” [*SLAM*] CRAIG: “Smoothie time…” 😎 This is the stuff of legends. [*dunk*] What the…? [*rattle-rattle*] [girly squeak] SKELLOTEEN: "Hey. Hey-yey..." It’s the final day. Let’s see if they make it count. For starters, someone has violated the Masquerade, and there’s a vampire loose in the alleys. That, or Kagutaba is on the loose again, and I’ll never know, because you never follow up on this. A guy outside the music store opens Twitter to a real world account. This is one of the few times this feature hasn’t been broken so far. A street gang harasses Lili, and “Anonymous Agony” joins the few prestigious games on Steam to drop a “hard R” in them. Which I was convinced would come from Haze instead. Rather than that, him and Brian team up to obliterate the punks. HAZE: “Pansies shouldn’t talk so much shit.” BRIAN: “You all right, Lili?” HAZE: “Yeah, you okay?” LILI: “Batman.” LILI: “Robin.” HAZE: “Why am I Robin?” The long odyssey for Eddy Glacious ends, and sadly, he’s not voiced. In a twist, Eddy and his boys are actually able to beat up Haze. After fighting all the cops, at this point, I assumed that Haze was nearly indestructible. The surprises keep coming. Especially when he decides to put together a team. Having just seen him in a brawl, it makes sense to bring Brian. His stats aren’t quite as high as I’d like, but he does have a "Hawaiin shirt" and a shark tooth necklace. That has to count for something. He even manages to convince Eris the bounty hunter. She’s still suspicious of him, but she does it for the sake of the girl. Also, judging by her stats, she is broken. ERIS: “Disgusting! I won’t tolerate a thing like that!” ERIS: “You have my support. Lead the way.” HAZE: “Nice! Super Friends, GO-O!” HAZE: “It was just a joke. Man, you two are stiffs…” It’s incredible how much better it feels navigating with a party. Also, because I know in the back of my head they can stop Haze from going too far. But again, it doesn’t last long, and again, the fight is off-screen. The most hype thing about it is that it briefly plays a new Nieve song for about 15 seconds. HAZE: “I knew you weirdos had some kind of use!” ERIS: “You ever been stabbed?” ♪ Uh, Californ-I-A, woo-woo, Californ-I-A ♪ The girl is finally free to go, and the day is over. It’s a brief day, and I suspect you’re meant to be on your computer more, chatting with people. It’s just not that interesting, and especially without the voice acting. How some actors have delivered their lines have carried this game like Atlas. It’s just not the same this way. Even when people bring up bizarre topics, like melting CD DRM. You do learn that Fiona is the wolf girl, and it’s like “Oh, THAT’s why she talks to Haze…” The final night has the task of announcing the defeat of Eddy Glacious, but it has a really interesting bug. The mugger event from the previous night replays, and it uses an old art asset for Haze. As I mentioned before, some people had their art replaced and others wanted their work pulled, and it’s not clear what happened here. Okay, let’s see the good news. HAZE: “Hey, you free to go.” SCARLET: “Really? Hah… What did you do?” HAZE: “Hah-hah, me and my posse kicked his ass!” SCARLET: “Hah! How blunt!” HAZE: “It’s who I am.” SCARLET: “Why did you do all this for me?” HAZE: “A personal, selfish reason.” SCARLET: “You always this honest?” HAZE: “Nah…” SCARLET: “Heh-heh-heh!” HAZE: “My friend Brian wishes you luck. I do too.” SCARLET: “Well, tell him thanks. Thank you, too.” You know, he’s been a HU-UGE dick, but… I admit – I think, in the end, he did help her ou- Oh, God… [*stab*] [*stab*] HAZE: “I didn’t even know your name. But I guess your name doesn’t really matter now, does it? Your story’s over.” HAZE: “Just like in the movies.” [*click*] JCS: “It’s unclear at what point Haze will be satisfied with his killings.” JCS: “In reality, it’s unlikely that he would ever be satisfied, as these murders are coming from a place of immaturity.” JCS: “His refusal to seek help, empathy, or other proper channels for dealing with his family’s trauma,” JCS: “means he will continue to lash out, without helping anyone’s emotional state.” JCS: “While he views the killing of child predators as just another community service, he is a highly disturbed and dangerous individual,” JCS: “and his bloodlust can easily turn on others he views as lesser.” JCS: “Haze’s chance of peace and smoothie time may never come.” [*click*] HAZE: “Eddy will join you soon too.” But for now, Haze has to prepare for the final showdown. Juno did reveal a possible lead in that Haze and Gabriel had the same psychiatrist. This is the last chance to learn something useful about his enemy. RECEPTIONIST: “We just replaced the window.” HAZE: “I won’t break it again.” RECEPTIONIST: “Are you sure?” HAZE: “Yeah, I’ll just punch him this time. Can I go see the doctor?” RECEPTIONIST: “No. He’s got a patient in there.” HAZE: “He-ey, Doctor, how you been?” EDWEN: “Mr. Stratos… I’m in the middle of something…” HAZE: “I’m here to talk about Gabriel Romero.” EDWEN: “I’m sorry, could you come back tomorrow, please? I apologize, it’s important.” PATIENT: “Oh… Sure…” EDWEN: “What’s your relation to that man, Haze?” HAZE: “No relation.” EDWEN: “Then why do you want information?” HAZE: “What if I needed it to stop him from doing something terrible?” EDWEN: “Like what? I have nothing to say to you concerning that man.” HAZE: “You refused to continue seeing him, right?” EDWEN: “Yes, I did.” HAZE: “Why? You’re such a nosy prick. You seemed so ready to shove your nose into MY life.” HAZE: “Why did you cut THIS guy loose? What made HIM so special?” He almost sounds envious. EDWEN: “That man is a damn insane animal!” [*clank*] HAZE: “Well, Doctor, it seems YOU’RE the one who needs to talk.” EDWEN: “Look, I’m not telling you anything. But I will warn you: stay the hell away from that guy. He isn’t right.” HAZE: “Come on, Doc, aren’t we all a little fucked in the head? Even me! Even you! It’s all a matter of who’s more insane!” Ugh… HAZE: “The point is, you tell me about him or an innocent girl dies.” EDWEN: “Are you threatening me?” HAZE: “No, but that’s what’s going to happen, unless you tell me everything you know.” EDWEN: “What, and you think you can stop him from doing something? YOU? An emotionally unstable teenager?” EDWEN: “You’re nothing special, Haze. I’m not. No one is.” EDWEN: “If you have a lead, then call the police. We’re done here.” HAZE: “What if it was YOUR daughter in danger? If you wanna help people so damn much, then do it!” HAZE: “I bet, for the first time in your fucking life, you actually have a chance to save someone, and you’re not going to take it?” EDWEN: “I don’t know what you’re doing, but… fine. I don’t fucking care.” EDWEN: “Gabriel… He thinks he is… Jesus.” We’re past “off the rails”. This is “off the planet”. HAZE: “Hold on… What? You don’t fucking mean that literally, right?” EDWEN: “No, I do.” The more Edwen reveals, the more cartoonishly evil Gabriel is. Edwen might be the worst mental professional in all of crime fiction, and I’m including “Halloween”. Gabriel had told him just about every crime you could possibly do, and he never thought to call the police. I’m pretty sure you’re obligated to do that if a patient even mentions thinking about hurting someone. Like, an INTENT seeming serious enough warrants it. HAZE: “So the dude’s fucked, clearly.” EDWEN: “I… even resorted to his family burning alive…” EDWEN: “I… I brought it up to try – to just TRY to break through his delusional view that he was a god.” EDWEN: “He looked at me in the eyes and told me… that his family burning alive – even his six-year-old brother – was funny.” HAZE: “But, alas, I wanna know his weakness. What is it?” EDWEN: “He has one living sister.” I don’t think there’s much you can do with that. We just got a speech on how he doesn’t care about his family AT ALL. HAZE: “You let him go, knowing how fucked up he was!” EDWEN: “I know, okay?! He… scared me…” EDWEN: He scared me to death. I… know it was a mistake.” HAZE: “No, fuck you! You know what’s a mistake?! Thinking that anyone could be fixed!” HAZE: “You’re sure as hell broken! Gabriel damn sure is! Fuck, even I am…” EDWEN: “What more do you want from me, Haze?” HAZE: “Nothing. But…” EDWEN: “What is it?” HAZE: “There’s one more thing I need…” [shattering glass and a thud] HAZE: “I fu-ucking lied, get over it.” Juno has a final chat with Haze, wanting to get one last tidbit in, before the big fight. If you type in the word “Stratum” anywhere online, it disappears. This is the work of the La Li Lu Le Lo, who’ve been abducting tens of thousands of people for years. There is a vast global conspiracy that the Illuminati is probably behind, and extraterrestrials are, sort of, implied as well. This could mean that Clara is being kept to be turned into some kind of super soldier, or cyborg, but… I have no idea. It’s the finale of the game, and I’m getting Kojima’s unedited “Metal Gear Solid 2” script… With the… with, like, the cutscenes in the stock footage. 😂 [*thud*] I can’t do it…! 🤣 Please… Please, just come inside and kill me. Jesus, please, hurry. HAZE: “Just like old times, huh?” HAZE: “Come on, you son of a bitch!” HAZE: “Surpri-ise!” GABRIEL: “Who the fuck are you?” HAZE: “Oh, I’m your girlfriend! What, my tits aren’t big enough for you?” GABRIEL: “What, are you the brother or something? Where’s the girl at?!” HAZE: “What girl? There never was one, Gabe!” GABRIEL: “Ah-hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wait, I was chatting with YOU?” HAZE: “Hands up, fucker!” GABRIEL: “What is this? If you wanna shoot me, go ahead – it won’t work.” HAZE: “Oh really? I disagree. Wanna test it?” HAZE: “Oh, wait, that’s right – you’re Jesus!” GABRIEL: “That’s right. And I forgive you. You can still save yourself.” HAZE: “Oh, shut the fuck up! I can handle preaching from normal folks, but I don’t wanna hear that shit from you!” HAZE: “That little girl you killed had a family, dreams, a whole life ahead of her!” GABRIEL: “THAT WAS- (exhales) …an accident.” HAZE: “Oh, then go revive her! You’re God, right?! Go give her fucking life back!” GABRIEL: “That’s not the way it works.” HAZE: “That’s right! That’s not the fucking way it works, shithead!” I know JRPGs have that trope where you can fight God at the end. I’m not sure if this counts, but at least it’s different. HAZE: “The only future you have left is this bullet between your eyes!” GABRIEL: “Okay. Shoot me then, little man.” HAZE: “What...? You wanna die?!” GABRIEL: “I’ll join my Father in heaven.” HAZE: “Hah-ha-ha-ha! No, no, fuck no!” HAZE: “N’agh!” GABRIEL: “Are you ready to die? I can smell the fear on you… You’re just an angry little kid.” Enjoy sleeping tonight. HAZE: “Fuck you! Get the fuck off me!” GABRIEL: “How did you know about me?” [Haze struggles] GABRIEL: “Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.” HAZE: “Ah-hah-hah-hah! You have a pretty shitty psychiatrist. You’re were even too fucked up for him to want to deal with, congratulations!” GABRIEL: “Edwen? That little bitch said he believed me.” HAZE: “More like scared of you!” GABRIEL: “Hah-ha-ha-ha! Smart of him!” HAZE: “What would your sister think of this?!” GABRIEL: “Ah-hah-ha-ha-ha! My sister? That woman in Canada I’ve never met?” GABRIEL: “Nice try, little man.” That settles it – Edwen might be the worst psych in ALL of fiction. “Just tell Diddle Jesus about his sister in Canada!” HAZE: “I’m Haze Stratos. Nice to fucking meet you.” GABRIEL: “Haze? Stratos? I heard about you. Your sister was locked up, and soon afterwards, your parents went missing. That’s interesting.” HAZE: “Oh, you want some cookies and milk?” GABRIEL: “Shut up, kid. Your jokes won’t mean anything soon.” HAZE: “What are you…?” [*stab*] [grave music theme] HAZE: *cough* Haze loses?! Holy shit! GABRIEL: “It’s okay, you beautiful fool. You’re going to heaven.” HAZE: (wheezing, coughing) GABRIEL: “I’ve seen deaths like yours far too many times. I’m not even interested.” [Haze wheezing and coughing] HAZE: “Goddamit, Haze… What the fuck did you do…?” HAZE: “Ughh… What do I do…? What do I… do…?” HAZE: “I need a towel and… (wheezing) my house keys from upstairs… (groaning) oh, stairs… (panting) fuck stairs…” The items have to be gathered before Haze bleeds out. His smug Grinch smile is gone, and it’s pretty clear that, even if he gets the stuff, he’s likely not gonna make it. The music does make me reflect. For only a 5 hour game, the story does… feel effective. In reality, he’s just been killing criminals, but it did feel like it ramped up to something. There were tangents that went nowhere and plenty of questions that are still unanswered, but the derangement of the game gives it a significant advantage. I never knew what would happen next. Yet, it wasn’t always completely random – it felt like, at the very deep core of it, there is some kind of logic to it. Some themes are obvious, but some things I don’t understand seem like they could be a setup for something later. It’s a game that stuck with me for a lot of reasons. ♪ Ye-Ye – Ye ♪ The game is horribly broken, and it is saying something that Steam is even selling it. But what it does have, makes it stand out. It’s not a surprise it’s remained obscure for so long. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to showcase the Chris Hansen anime game. It’s not too graphic, but the subject matter is insanely dark. The mechanics themselves are barely there, and you have what’s really a visual novel, with some light RPG mechanics, because the engine has those anyways. Even with all signs pointing to production being a nightmare, people did work hard on this, and the game is something special. I don’t know who the lead will be working with, since, apparently, so many bridges were burned, but I don’t know if this would ever be continued in a, like… true fashion. This is the result of a perfect storm of time and talent. Never in my life have I muttered “Oh no” so much, playing a game, and then laughed til I cried in the next scene. “Anonymous Agony” is a nuclear train wreck. CRAIG: “Haze!” CRAIG: “What happened?! Haze?! Haze!” CRAIG: “Don’t fall asleep, stay awake!” CRAIG: “Dammit, I’ll call an ambulance, just- just hold on!” HAZE: (groans) Roll credits. But wait, there is a post-credit scene, teasing the next episode. Why is Griffith here? Haze does survive, but you can only read his emails, as he recovers in the hospital. I assume we’ll learn more in the “Phantom Pain”, but there’s no telling. Don’t buy this game. Just as Scooby Doo taught us, sometimes, it’s good to remember that, in the real world, usually, people are the monsters. If there is a lesson to take from “Anonymous Agony”, it’s that. Also, “it’s not a phase” and “shut up, mom”. The game is, essentially, an artistic rendition of a Blops player punching their dry wall. Looking into Haze’s eyes filled me with shadows… The videogame ocean has never been wider and deeper, and there’s no telling what else is out there in the trenches… So, if you got this far, I’m sorry. This is why I try not to do this often. Next time, I’ll try to get things back to normal – no children at all in the next game. Well, no living ones, anyway… I’m so sick of hearing everyone’s age in this game. No more of that. PHANTOM: “Ten years o-o-o-o-o-o-old!” Thanks to everyone who was willing to work with me on this, because, you know, I didn’t wanna ask too many people… But everyone who I did, came through. Extellus did a wonderful animation, as per usual, and is still working on more. SirMeowMusic did the sound design for it, as well as the remix of the “Ye-Ye – Ye”. He also runs PleaseStopTalking, which is a variety podcast/D&D adventure that I guest on sometimes. “Please make sure to plug those if you want me to do the sound for your weird-ass game…” Kizzume, who took some time away from JCS Criminal Psychology, to participate in… Haze. And all the artists who did stuff I used for the video. If you worked on this game – thanks for all you did, because… I noticed. This game is awful, but… it also kind of rules. Have a happy Halloween! Crooler1: “How did [you] get the idea to do a big adventure game episode every year?” I don’t know if I’d do one every year, but it just seemed right this time. “Droods” came out in a miserable year, and this one wasn’t much better. I figured people might wanna see something sillier. Also, you can see Haze in my “Pathologic 1” video. I like having hints around. GasMask: “What’s [your] favorite thing about Halloween? And if [you] can make a fictional thing real during it, what would it be?” I like putting the decorations up, and I like that I can invite people over to watch scary movies, without it being, like, too weird or off-season. A lot fewer people are game to watch “The Mouth of Madness” in July, compared to October. Or, at least, the ones I know in real life. As for what I’d make real on Halloween… I don’t know, maybe… werewolves can be around? That'd make trick-or-treating deadlier. Deputy Caveman: “Have [you] played the “Paratopic” writer’s new game, “Adios”?” This video actually almost had a clip from “Adios”. The pigs, when talking about the five dogs. Then I went “You know what? Maybe I shouldn’t show “Adios” through… ehm… through THIS game…” For what “Adios” sets out to do, it is excellent. The Spiffing Brit: “What is the most work [you] put into a video that got scrapped?” Without a doubt, “Amnesia: Machine for Pigs”. I recorded both games, I have, like, a skeleton of an edit, kind of… But then I went “Oh, no, I should really talk about all the “Penumbra” games first, and I could make videos for all of those.” And, going back to play bits of “Black Plague”, it was souring me on “Machine for Pigs” more and more, until I just went “You know what? Fuck it, I don’t wanna work on this right now.” This was maybe a year or two ago. I wanted to try and get something done on “Penumbra” this month, but… Haze was just too much… Miles Phillips: “What are some of [your] favorite meals to cook for [yourself] when [you’re] alone?” For a disclaimer: my apartment freezer is very tiny, so I can’t store the amounts of meat I normally would. The price of meat is pretty high right now, but, generally, chicken breast is a pretty good place to start with. You can season and flavor that in all kinds of ways, and you could also make chicken soup, with, like, a few more ingredients. And that could keep for a bit. If you’re new to cooking, you could start with, like, stews or soups. For example, you can make beef stew in, like, a slow cooker on a stove top, and then put it in the fridge, and it’ll keep for a while. Same with spaghetti sauce, and you could freeze stuff, too – just be careful with beef. Ideally, find something you like that you could make a good amount of for cheap, and will last a while. If you can cook for a few meals at once, it makes your life easier. Okay, until next time!

Channel: MandaloreGaming

Views: 1,878,587

Keywords: anonymous agony, anonymous agony game, anonymous agony yeye, anonymous agony review, anonymous agony stream, ye ye, ye ye ye song, edgy game, adventure game, edgy adventure game, donte, dmc, haze, haze game, chris hansen anime, anime adventure, anime adventure game, anonymous agony meme, mystery of the druids, smoothie time, anonymous agony smoothie time, anonymous agony haze, aa game, mandalore, mandaloregaming, mandalore gaming, haze adventure game, edgy, yiik, aa, anime game

Id: qn1rsvwkQLc

Length: 80min 56sec (4856 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 29 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Dem_Nachos]

I literally had to watch this in parts. The cringe was so bad I couldn't sit through it in one sitting.

[u/THATS_NOT_LASAGNA]

I just noticed. Craig is obsessed with the crime where his wife got shot. But then, he invites Haze over to have a meal with him and his wife.

I suppose it could be a non-fatal shooting, but the language seemed to imply she died.

[u/snorlaxeseverywhere]

This video was a wild ride, made extra bad by the fact that one part of it sucker-punched my brain. The moment the psychiatrist spoke I had a "Holy shit, is that Dan McNeely?"

For anyone who doesn't know, he's a fairly prolific voice actor but mostly in utter garbage for some reason, and is immediately recognizable due to the fact he uses basically the same voice in everything. Edit: It seems to not be completely true anymore, at least. There's a very particular voice he's used in multiple works that's immediately identifiable as him, but it seems he does have more of a range when he wants to.

I've mostly seen him in flash stuff before (particularly in the Trapped trilogy by godlimations, which are also not good), but I am not at all surprised that he lent his voice to this mess.

[u/nvrmor]

JCS criminology gags always get me

[u/Fuckthesouth666]

The stream for this was incredible. In the rescue a hooker part I think the whole chat was just holding onto each other

[u/AntiLuke]

Does this game really have an edgy rewrite of the prostitute scene from The Catcher in the Rye?

[u/NotScrollsApparently]

YE YE (YE)

[u/NotScrollsApparently]

So what's the story behind that "documentary psychoanalysis clips" that play when the game is "paused"? Is it edited footage or copypasta from somewhere else, someone VA'd that for Mandy or what, or just an original joke? I love it but I feel like I'm missing some context lol.

[u/lodum]

At least it looks like the creator is in good spirits about the video. https://twitter.com/EmotionCoded/status/1454663016553795584

Coded Emotion @EmotionCoded

@Lord_Mandalore

Hey man. The criminal psychology guy narrating Haze absolutely killed me.

This is the creator. Could me email me at [e-mail] if you want early access to the next episodes.

Unfortunately File #2 barely has Haze.

But he comes back in File #3.