An Ex-Muslim Woman's Perspective on Islamic Marriage

well hello everyone welcome to another special edition of let us reason with you here is al-fatih and joining us in studio virtually is our dear sister Khadijah whom you have by the way probably have watched her testimony about two weeks ago and I tell you what that testimony is going like wildfire so praise the Lord for that if you can go and find that testimony on our channel which is your international please share it with many people especially with many of our Muslim woman who need to really know that Christ should be their eternal husband he is the one that will set them free so we're not saying anything about their husbands were not accusing their husbands of being mean or anything like that it depends I've seen some husband Muslim men who are wonderful but the bottom line is they need salvation in Christ and that's what we're talking about with that says dear sister thank you so much again for making the time to join us we are all people thank you thank you very much for inviting me on to your show again and I'm excited really to to share some more of my personal experiences and to explore and this time marriage on the contract of marriage under Islam and unpick what that entails so I'm really looking forward to that this evening amen thank you so much so we made an announcement that the topic is going to be about an ex-muslim woman's view on marriage and marriage relationship and I think you use the phrase that I liked and I also captured which is contacts without love why don't you explain that particular phrase so the reason why I came up with a title contracts without love is because once we start on picking and going through this journey in this live stream we will find that marriage under Islam is a contract it is actually a contract that's what it is and unfortunately many people have this means misconception that marriage under Islam is similar to the marriage which we know as being in the Western world or within Christianity where it's a covenant before God unfortunately marriage and the Islam is nothing of that sort so today I really hope to get that message across to sure that marriage and Islam the nikah is actually a contract and you know hopefully we're going to be able to dispel the notion that regressive interpretations of the Quran are due to cultural influences and practices where customs and values that are placed on women as a subordinates to men in marriage and hopefully today we're going to be able to lay to rest those misconceptions and sure how the Muslim woman is not elevated or a monster principality through the context of marriage in Islam but she really is just a cornice falls within an equation so this moment let's begin let's start from the beginning measure who can I marry as a Muslim woman who can I marry well the Quran is quite explicit really in telling men who they can marry so you'll see that you'll know this al Qaeda yourself in surah 5 5 it says lawful to you in marriage are just from the believers and chaste women for those who were given the scriptures as in the Jews and the Christians before your time when you have given their due Maher so we'll talk about that later on the Bridal money given to the husband to the wife at the time of marriage so it's clear who Muslim men can marry on the other hand it's not so clear in the Quran who women can marry now why is it that Allah didn't make that distinction why did he not just put men and women can't marry X Y or Z there's no stipulation unfortunately but you'll find within Muslim communities and also in the Sharia it's it's very very much impeded upon a Muslim women woman to find a Muslim man to marry it's always that it always seems seems to be the case okay so Muslim women if you are seeking a husband you will be told by your community to find a good Muslim role model to marry not just for yourself but also for the future of your children because your children will need to be brought up as Muslim Muslim children under the Islamic faith right let's say you found someone to marry well done you've actually found somebody who you want to marry now since you believe in Islam and you believe that both men and women are equal in in rights then all you need to do is both consent and turn off right brother is is is that surely must be the case if you're both equal that's true this is wrong this is a first barrier to equality to inequality in marriage of the Islam women in Islam are not equal I was not an equal when I was married into Islam you will need to get the permission from your guardian and that is not your mother but a male guardian who is also known in Arabic I believe it's as your I believe is one D in in Arabic so when I was when I was seeking to get married my story let's bring this back to me my story my father never gave me permission to marry the the man that I wanted although he was a Muslim my father didn't give me permission so I had to then go and find another male guardian to permit me to get married to somebody of my choice now this mark male Guardian was an imam of a local mosque who I never met I've never spoken to until the day of my actual nikka and brother of Hadi maybe you can elaborate on what the actual meaning of nikka is under in Arabic my understanding is that it's a marriage it is a marriage contract it is basically Sharia Allah allows for a number of things obviously one of it is regulating rituals for instance another thing is dealing with crimes but there is another part of Sharia law which is transactions business transactions and believe it or not marriage falls under that it is a business deal and I don't know how it is where you grew up for instance but I can speak in Saudi for instance you go and you ask the hand of someone for marriage as a male and her father can negotiate with you how much mahuri you know or dowry they need and you can also stipulate that of course in the case of divorce I'm entitled to this much back and so on and so forth so it a business transaction absolutely and we're going to comment into that model a little bit later on so this Imam who are who I had never met before he became my guardian where he asked me if I was happy to marry this man and he was the one that granted me permission then to take part in this new girl now without a wali the Islamic marriage contract is null and void so having a male guardian is actually a prerequisite to two to a marriage so women cannot get married without a male guardian okay however what what is not what is not a prerequisite is your presence at the time of the exchange of the contracts now thus that sounds bizarre but as a bride you do not actually have to be there present once you get married okay and also don't forget a man doesn't need a guardian so immediately this men and women are equal under the law of Islam is already it's already being being dispelled so okay if you're not as a bride if you're not there if you're not present what happens a bride can send two male witnesses at the time with no car as long as the agreement has been drawn over and agreed upon beforehand and in this agreement as you said brother you will write things in there which which you wish to stipulate within your mind so so the maha the dowry so and some of those things that can go into those agreement we're going those agreements we will discuss a little bit later on so here's a scenario here is a recipe for Islamic marriage for our sisters out there but during your marriage you will need number one a bridegroom who preferably is a Muslim although the crown doesn't actually say that but you can only have one one bridegroom okay you will need a male guardian who is a wali who will give you consent to your marriage you'll need this you need to know an imam to oversee the exchange of contracts you will also need two witnesses to preside over witness in your marriage and these witnesses have to be made two male witnesses okay and then also either you the bride in person can be present or you will need to further male witnesses on your behalf to make sure that your your exchange of contracts is done now it begs the question why would a bride not turn up to her own wedding if I was a bride I would want to be at my wedding most women would want to be at their wedding as a bride well when I was looking into this I stumbled upon something and you know well let's look no further than the example of a young bride let's say this young bride was either the age of six or maybe nine where she really doesn't care nor understand about contracts of marriage okay even the meaning of marriage she just want to maybe play on a swing go with her dolls maybe this is one of the reasons why the bride is allowed to have leave and to allow two witnesses to take her place what do you think of brother of Adi about this well I mean of course that's one possibility in fact you can as a father or as a well II you could dictate that someone who is maybe a one-year-old that she could be married to someone provided that you know he cannot consummate the marriage until she is at a certain age so there is a something to be said about that you're absolutely correct and obviously the reason why you don't have to be there because there is a contract negotiation that is taking place now you can have a party later I mean we're not saying you cannot have the party and be involved but you touch on a number of things here one of it also you said that sometimes you can be married just by virtue or proxy I don't know I mean when you grow up did you hear of stories of women by the way that realized that they were married already or given out a marriage by their parents without their knowledge absolutely especially within the Pakistani Muslim community you you know young girls have been both patrolled if you don't know where yeah absolutely given away to two cousins or you know members in the community you know and then we're almost like business transactions where you know your father had already negotiated with maybe your uncle or you know because they had maybe some lung dispute in the past or there was something going on but the daughter was given it in exchange and her hand was given already imagine by the time the girl came to where she was you know the nature of where her father believed she was of an age of being able to be married that's not necessarily when she felt she was of an age but when her father felt he was choose of an age and this may have been the age of nine or ten or maybe even seven depending on these girls own maturity he would then give her away in marriage so yes this is something that's quite common in the inner Muslim community is that sometimes people and we work a lot with you know missionaries who are you know witnessing let's say two Muslim female students sometimes or or somebody that they've known and they tell me you know so-and-so was single she went back home to visit her family she came back and she was married I'm disappointed she never said anything to me about that well I tell them you know what she probably didn't even know that she was gonna get married you see no Western mind they're thinking oh she was dating that person she was engaged to that person she kept it a secret I wonder why she's not sharing such an important thing with me and they take it personal my pushback is the poor soul didn't even know probably that she's married and she was given away in marriage without her knowledge and she can't do anything about it absolutely and you know one of the first victims of this are Muslim women unfortunately and this is why it's so important for us to highlight these things because before a woman is married she is the property of her father her father is a guardian she's not person in her own right her father is a guardian and she belongs to her father and what her father decides for that is what she needs to follow once her father decides that this is a person who she's going to marry then that button is almost handed over to her husband who then takes control and he becomes superior to her and he then becomes her guardian in effect so one of the other things that is needed when when a woman is to get married is like she said before it's the damaja or the dowry which is written into the agree into the agreement now this is I think this is in surah 4 4 where it talks about the woman is is do her duty but if you if you willingly decides not to not take it then you know her husband can consume it with with good pleasure and that that is usually a monetary amount and it can range from anything from $1 to thousands of pounds so this is clearly you know a business transaction because there is money that is involved whenever there is money involved it's clearly going to be something to do with with with business is not it's not where there's an exchange of love or where they're saying right you know as a measure of love you have to do x y&z this is about money it's about right for you to take my daughter to you to marry you know you need to give the woman this amount of money for this contract to take place this is bizarre I mean which culture which community which religion do you see that a marriage is actually all together because of money that's right it's just not you know if anyone gets much money what they called gold diggers you know this is this is this is what they called but on the Islam's this is something that's prescribed by the Koran and and although it's money which the woman can keep and we were going to this in an in another in another life stream refused to divorce then you know she has to then negate that and give that back it's almost like her husband will get a refund you know so she's not you know she's not she's not she's not treated with them with their with love or respect she's just a commodity that can be returned if she's found to be faulty or you know he doesn't want her anymore yep so if there's a couple of things I wanted to mention to people you know maybe some you know some of them are witnessing or noticing that I am looking at something and really what I have in my hand here is something called the reliance of the traveler which is kind of like a an abridged Sharia law guide according to one of the schools of Sharia this one happened to be the chef a a school of Sharia and I have in front of me the basically the section on marriage called Nika here of course it has conditions by the way or pillars if you wish and here are those five basically conditions one you know is that you have to have some form of a negotiation language that is clear right it has to be clear and everybody can understand it you have to have witnesses you mentioned that already and they have to be male witnesses as you mentioned and interestingly enough by the way you mentioned two male witnesses you know sister Khadijah what would happen if you cannot find two men what we do is a testimony of a woman allowed in Islam what would happen in this case because I want to be able to benefit from that yeah well we know how that you know what one male is like two females because the woman is a horse of deficient mind so if there are two if they're not if there isn't two male witnesses you know are you allowed to the four female witnesses may be you know that's interesting question I really never came across situation like this but we know for a fact that the other missing male could be replaced by two women for the same reason that you mentioned that they are deficient in the reasoning or their brain so another reason another you know condition for marriage is that you have to have a guardian and we'll talk about that quickly and then the condition about the groom one of it is that yeah the groom has to be Muslim of course and then the condition about the bride and here's what's so interesting I want to talk at least about who can give you a way in marriage according to the chef a school of Sharia your father can give you the marriage your father's father who is like your grandfather basically your brother can give you a marriage your brother's son your own nephew can do that your father's brother your uncle but his son the son of your uncle your cousin can also give you away in marriage and then you have the religious magistrate which you mentioned that basically so I think people need to understand that where is the right for women here if even my my own nephew can give me away in marriage under Sharia and he have that authority according to the Islamic Authority basically so have you dealt with any of issues like this in your upbringing and maybe any person that is close to you some friends some relatives some family did you know any of these things I know you said you grew up in at least more of an open-minded at least family but in the culture itself were you exposed to such things not me personally the only time that I experienced this was when I actually wanted to get married to somebody and my father explicitly was not happy with my choice and I just thought well I can still marry off my own merit then I can go and I can just get married and it was only because obviously he was a lot more religious but he came back and he said to he will only Sharia you are not allowed to marry without having a guardian and if your father is not going to give you away you need to go and find somebody else within your household who is willing to do that even if it's your younger brother you know my younger brother is he's younger than me you know a lot younger than me and I certainly wouldn't have been happy being given away you know by a 14 year old you know they see it's just something that I wasn't wasn't going to do and and there was nobody in my family that would do that which is then why we then took the next stage was was to approach somebody a miscomi cleric who I didn't even know at all but yeah because he was a male he had that superiority over me simply because he was a male he wasn't related to me he had no authority over me in any other way but just the fact that he was male and that goes to show how how women you know under Islam are real subordinates to men no matter how much you know Muslim women want to do mental gymnasts and gymnastics and say that we are emancipated you know we're free we have equality and we have rights under Islam unfortunately the truth is you don't because you can't even marry without having a male give you away you know in the image in the English tradition you know a father walks his bride down down the aisle because it's it's a nice gesture it's something nice to do it's not incumbent on a father to walk his daughter down the aisle under Islam it is incumbent it is a prerequisite for a woman to be married but for her guardian to actually give her away and this is again going back to the father on the Islam marriage is a contract it's not bound by you know bye-bye love you know is simply a contract you know it's not reciprocated by love and commitment you know it's not making a covenant before God you know to love one another you know in the way Christ tells husbands to love their wives to love one another I think he's in Ephesians it talks about you know four husbands this means to love your wives just as Christ of the church you know he gave gave his life for her listen he's not told to do that he's never told to love his wife like he loves the mosque or like he looks Allah he's not told to do these things so you know and this this just goes to show the submission of the comparison of the submission so under Islam is the wife is having to submit to her husband whereas in Christianity price tells us to submit to one another but the reverence of him for his glory you know for him to be part of that marriage a marriage is a covenant between three people a man a woman and Christ and it's in it's about you know glorifying Christ ultimately that's what marriage is you know you get married to glorify Christ there is no other reason for man and woman really to get my days to glorify Christ and to make his name go high on the Islam a man is to marry a woman and it's contractual it's for his own needs and it's for him to be superior above her right here and again I apologize if anyone is here in some echo periodically I do hear that here is a question an excellent question what happens if the woman says no I mean please feel free to elaborate on this and I'll also elaborate on that there are some some cultural issue involved here as well yeah I mean this is where this is where there is a fine line between religion and culture and if I bring the cultural aspect or maybe brother you can explain the religious aspect to it so if a woman says no culturally that is seen as being extremely disobedient extremely disability it disobedient to one's father is considered shameful as well when a woman under under the Islamic culture if you like yes married a woman isn't just marrying a man she is marrying in is one family marrying into another family and I think you find historically as well Muhammad did this as well because the it was part of it was aware of him propagating his faith as frozen and making Islam spread so for a woman to say no it's considered to be extremely disobedient and it's not something that is is really it's not something that is really done to be honest with you and also if a woman says no there is I don't know if it exists over over in the US but in the UK there is such a thing as honor killings where if a woman is saying no because maybe she's got somebody of their own choice or you know somebody who a family don't agree with you know there is a high possibility that she could be killed and honor killings are something that that in this country especially it's right and I know it's rife in places in the Middle East and in Pakistan as well so saying know it although you know most women will say well I can say no if I want the truth is they did they're not allowed to say no they taken abroad they're there without recourse of of any finances they have the passports taken of them you know they they don't know how to come back home and their whole family is against them the usual is a huge conspiracy when a girl is married under duress you know the whole family are in on it and unfortunately she's taken and she's married and against her will and then she's you know she she comes to living this life because she feels there is no way out because anybody who she turns to will tell her that she needs to toe the line and unfortunately that is what I went through whilst I was married when I felt that there was no way out when I turned to my community when I turned to my in-laws and even the Imams I was constantly told the same thing I needed to go back to my husband and I if I was a disobedient wife I would be going to hell and when you're told that you know nobody wants to go to hell especially a woman you know which woman wants to go to hell and drag her children with it with her it's it doesn't it is something that wasn't no one one woman want so maybe you brother can bring the religious aspect that would be teaching on that certainly there isn't a specific thing let's say that talks about that in the Quran about if a woman said no but ultimate there isn't anything that also that prevents the welly you know the Guardian in this case to also listen to the opinion of woman obviously the fact that he is considered to be the Guardian that mean he is the one who have the wisdom to decide what is better for that girl and it and they'll use usually a number of reasoning behind an end let's say you went to a Sharia law court and you told the judge that my parents wants me to marry somebody and I wanna marry him don't expect the judge to be on your side I mean they're not gonna really even care for your opinion unless if you have really compelling evidence that this guy is a is a nasty murderer drug deal or whatever that's assuming you can prove even any of these things the judge is not gonna take care of that issue simply because they're gonna look at the Guardian as the wise person especially if he happens to be the father and the father will say listen you know she's at a marriage age I want to care for my honor I don't want her will live in let the ink in fact let's use England as the case or or Canada or the US or Europe you can say listen we're living in a different culture and here dating is allowed and I want to protect my honor and I don't want my daughter to be dragged into these kind of cultural norms that are against my Islamic values and that's why I have chosen a Muslim person for her somebody that I trust and of course sometimes the parents will look at oh this guy comes from a wealthy family I mean we want you to have this marriage because you're going to be set for life I mean all that kind of stuff that you hear but the short answer of it there isn't anything that prevents a guardian Welli - from making a decision in your behalf even if you said no absolutely and this brings it back to the whole contract thing again because it goes to show that women do not necessarily have that choice because what happens if you say no what are your choices your uncle sir or maybe your other uncle sir you know your your choice is still going to be a very very it's not going to be a broad spectrum your choice is always going to be just a few and that's your choice so if you have a choice between three which is your uncle your other uncle son or maybe your father's friends and who are all Muslims who all you know you're marrying them all to the same reasons because they can set you up for life or they can give you financial stability this goes back again to the contract of marriage marriage is not based on love is not showing it's not based on having a companionship is based on a very factual process which is come this person will cost you financially come this person provide for you are you going to have a good home to live in and these are the things that a guardian will look out when he's making that decision on behalf of his female new daughter or you know niece or whoever it may be excellent and I want to thank everybody of course who is with us here and specifically our moderators they're doing a great job and thank you of course for joining us on this special edition of let us reason with us here our dear sister our honored guest sister Khadija who had been with us at least two weeks ago shared her testimony and I encourage you all to go to our YouTube channels here international to watch her powerful testimony and also I want to give a shout out to all of you subscribers we have seen an increase in some our subscribership I think it jumped up by at least another three to four thousand in the last two months with that comes our appeal you know I'm a were missionaries we we live by faith so if the Lord puts you in your heart to become a patreon patron we encourage you to do so or give in a variety of ways believe it or not we just got approved to utilize also this feature called super chat so thank you again for your dedication and your partnership with us dear sister what else would you like to talk about in terms of the marriage contract itself while I also glanced through and see if there are any specific questions for us okay so what one of the things that struck me was when when I was getting married and it was actually done in English in English so I understood what was being said so when when I was being told what to recite one of the things that I was being told to recite was to say I have given myself in Nika to you the husband on the agreed Maher which was a hundred pounds let's say that's what made me agree to my marriage but I was saying I'm giving myself in marriage to you on the agreed monetary amount and then the husband XD that accepts the marriage contract or he rejects it and in most cases it's accepted because every see everything is pre agreed so that again is proof that the marriage in the Islam is a contract because even in the utterance of of actually bringing that covenant if you like together you're actually saying you're actually saying two things I'm giving myself in marriage so this nikka which is a contract on the agreed monetary amount so it doesn't mention any loss doesn't mention compassion humility care mercy it doesn't mention that you're going to stand by each other through the good the bad and the ugly it doesn't mention any of these things why because Islamic marriage is simply as is simply a contract that's it and it's so important for women to understand this fact it's so important so now let's say you have your contract okay so I've actually got a copy of an Islamic contract here this is it guys this is it this is an Islamic this is your marriage certificate this Airpor sheet of paper this is it okay do you put your contract contracts usually have terms and conditions don't they so I know you probably asked it or what are the terms and conditions there's no terms of conditions in here it's a blank piece of tape on the other side you'll find your terms and conditions in here in the Quran and in the hadith and in the book that brother outside that you have that's where you will find your terms and conditions okay so let's go through some of those contractual terms and okay so number one otherwise you can only have one husband that's the only thing you can only have one husband your husband of course yes the warrant the the month sorry the husband your husband can have up to four wives exactly as a wife you can only have one husband but your husband he all wives if you fear that you might not treat and there's a crown verse actually nice surah 4 4 verse 3 it says if you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly then marry the women that seem good to you two three or four if you fear by the way I want to comment on this there are some people in a Muslim world that look at that as just an example not as a condition meaning you can marry twice thrice four times and they can keep adding and some in Africa used the marriage of Mohammed up to 13 wives I think they used sometimes there is a debate whether 11 13 or even if you have the concubine so they use that in other words they can marry even beyond 4 but I just wanted to point that out absolutely but these are these are rights and these are things that are available for men only not for women as a woman you can only have one husband and that is it ok your husband who can also by the way have a temporary wife which is known as them is a comma is it known as muta what our marriage but that's usually Shia practice this yes that's right and so you're right so this is a practice for she is where where Muslim men are able to have like a temporary a temporary marriage with a woman where he can go and have another wife just for a very very short short period of time but this is something that's not available to women even in the Shia faith even in this year sector this is not something that is available to women it's only there for men so if this fair is this equality I don't think so I don't think this is equality now another thing number two women you are now like fertile fields for your husband okay you cannot deny him access to your body so the to 2002 223 tells us this so your wives are places of sowing your seeds so comb I'm playing it's come to your place of cultivation however you wish and forth yourselves okay you don't have a choice when your husband needs to satisfy himself he will come to you as and when he wishes there is no such thing as rape on disc as a wife you is your duty to be available for your husband at any time this is your duty however it doesn't work the other way it does not work feel the way there is a tradition that says that the Angels will be cursin that wife if she did not satisfy her husband's desires or needs sadly I mean think about this for a second folks that you are being threatened all the time that you're not you know the even the Angels got nothing else to do other than to curse a woman for not meeting her husband sir I mean I don't know about the muslim angels our angels are busy doing other things that are more beneficial for us actually absolutely and you're absolutely right I mean as a Muslim woman as a wife you cannot sexually deprived your husband of his needs but the other way around you know it can't happen but you're absolutely right if it was if a woman deprives her husband I mean I I heard this several times with you know in I heard it several times within my own marriage you know amongst the women when they were all had their heads together and they're all speaking and there was you know there was angle you know you can't you can't say no because the angels are going to kiss you until the morning you know and they really believe this and they actually went away believing this and goodness knows how many women are raped under under Islam within their marriage but yet they don't see it as rape I mean it happened to me several times several times but you can't Holy Writ because it's come there is no such thing as raping your wife it just doesn't exist right and I want to just comment Alecia saying Moton marriage is not a Shia practice it was Muhammad's practice I understand that Alesha what I'm saying is you're gonna go and talk to Sunni scholars now and they're gonna deny it and they're gonna say it's been abrogated the only branch of Islam that I'm aware of that practice it openly are the shiaa branch so let's just be clear here now there there was a question by be good for all I believe the name of the person and the question is excellent that they asked me but I think they intend to ask you have you came across any woman were you at and who are Muslim moment and they are sharing with you their concerns they are willing to leave Islam over this mistreatment miss this unjust basically treatment I mean you don't have to share details of course but are you noticing any such such thing you know whether in the past or now yes they I mean there are women that are seeing that that the treatment is wrong I mean whether whether they whether they believe that there's a way out or not that's different but you know even when even when I was a Muslim women and when I was telling sharing what I was going through you know women were saying to me yeah I know I know it's not fair but you know you have to be the patient one you know unless testing you you know and unfortunately you know this this is a this is a clear sign of of abuse where Muslim where women actually feel that the abuse that they are receiving is justified and unfortunately only Islam is drilled into them so deeply that they will justify that misbehavior they will just define the abuse because ultimately they want to please their God they want to please Allah and if that means that they are being abused they're being heard they're being raped within their marriage they're being negated of any rights within their marriage they will do that because they look a lot more than they'll then they and they hate the abuse that they are suffering and you know speaking about women generally I have spoken to women where they are seeing they are realizing that what they are going through is unfair and unjust but unfortunately many women do not feel that they have any recourse to a way out because a the community is silencing them whenever any butanes takes place the community is immediately silencing them if they're if they go beyond the community and they get into it with Sharia councils for example they will find that the Sharia councils are male-dominated and usually what will happen is the female is usually being usually be made felt feel as all she's inferior she's a bad woman and if she doesn't return to her abuser she is actually going to so mostly women unfortunately are feeling very very regressed I'm very Unferth abused by their own community so they're being abused by their husband within a marriage and when they're actually preaching up their community to their families their loved ones and they're actually being abused again because that being told you have no rights you're a woman you're a wife you have to go and bear this you know this is and I love school he's testing you you know if this is your husband he he suppose in patience you know he's you know he's gone hungry nature you need to be patient you need to show the sacrifice and unfortunately this is right within the community I want to visit another comment by Alicia Alicia is saying something there is another temporary form of marriage by the way called miss ER but the only difference is that the Monsieur temporary marriage is not condoned by all Muslim scholars you know so that's the main distinguished distinction between the motor marriage and mushiya school of basically Sharia school of thought or jurisprudence if you wish versus the Messiah our only select scholars approve it and that's why I want to insist again the mucha today is practiced almost unanimously under the Sharia shia school and it used to be of course something that muhammad instituted no doubt about that but it was supposedly abrogated keep calm please okay so another right Muslim women have under this contract of marriage is the fact that we mean once you're married you don't have to work yes this is your right you you earn it you keep it if you're working and you earn your money you can keep it because it's now the obligation of your husband to provide for you to clothe you to feed you and to keep you sheltered you know I'm so glad that the Quran takes time to highlight this I mean if you look at any other religion and neither community in Western civilization whether it's religious or secular men have been natural bred women winners for generations for generations it's just it's just almost like a natural thing where men have always been the ones I've come home and provided the key for the family home but the Quran makes it clear that it's a husband's duty so we're glad that the Koran does that I'm very glad that the current is that but I can also tell you that unfortunately the Koran what was the women forget is the Muslim husband he's only that obligation is only mandatory upon him if you are devoutly obedient righteous and if you keep yourself just now if he fears and this is the key thing if he fears doesn't he type evidence but if he fears that you are not obedient or righteously guarding in his absence then he has no obligation to provide for you none whatsoever and this is something that Muslim women keep harping on about they keep saying well you know I'm emancipated I you know I don't need to work anymore my husband has to provide for me this has been stipulated in the Koran this has come down from Allah my husband is is is having to provide for me yes he does but why your obligations to your husband you have to do certain things too and if he fears that you don't fulfill those obligations then he no longer has to provide for you now in my experience my husband feared this is very important feared the I was a disobedient wife he feared through his own insecurities and his own shortcomings that I wasn't doing the things up Allah had already told told me to do and this led him to finding clear justification not to provide for me now because I was working and I had my own successful business and you know I had my own rico's Germany of course I was going to use my own money to support my home and my children regardless of his fear so when women are championing women's rights in marriage you know please stop be honest with the evidence before you in the Quran you know unrealistic for you and don't just cherry-pick the good bits look in its whole entirety and you will find that if you have a husband who for some reason is insecure or is in fear fearful that you know you may be I don't know looking at other men or inviting other men into your home or not being ABI or not you know not fulfilling your duties correctly then he has every right to stop stop stop his duty and and provide for you that's right and again thank you of course for really making time for us to share such an important topic by the way I see the name Islam critique is that the Islam critique that I know if if that's the person welcome my friend I've been believe it or not trying to find a way to connect with you if you are the one who makes these amazing videos and you just did one recently about this you know the five basically points about the marriage in Islam which it was hilarious actually I appreciate the type of stuff you do if that's you please let me know how I can connect with you I definitely would love to connect with you in fact I want to connect with you and bring you here as one of my guests to talk about issues like this I have to say I am not really that astute in terms of how I can find ways to connect with people on YouTube but if you can kindly go to my website which is Syrah international.com you can email me through that or let's find a way to try to communicate through Facebook which is my page alpha D da Syrah thank you again for joining us by the way there is there is a question here related to or actually a comment maybe related to polygamy that sometimes Muslim Winwood would like to at least explain away the fact that when the Bible says that God created them male and female in other words God made them male and female and then in Genesis 2:24 he says for this reason for this reason the the man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife and the two become what 1:1 so it's not like two or three or four or whatever now they try to explain away this embarrassin of course teaching and they always use the Bible by the way say well Abraham has more than one wife and David as well I can tell you this much show me where did Allah tell em raha God I should say Yahweh where did he tell Abraham or David or Solomon in the Bible to go and have multiple marriages if you can find it for me show it to me now the fact that God tolerated it doesn't mean he approved it that's that the culture of those days and they paid a price for it by the way nevertheless they tried the Muslim men tried to explain away and say well there is a lot of woman population wise have you ever heard of a you know explanation like this basically all the time I mean this is something that I hear all the time and it makes me laugh really because you know Muslim women are always the first to try and defend when a man wants to have more than one wife now my ex-husband his his uncle actually had more than one wife he had two wives within the family so it was something that was you know before my eyes on a daily basis and the way that this was explained away was well it some allows it first of all but what they say is well in the time of war you know it was a lot more women than they were men men were going out to war they were being killed it was a surplus of women these poor women they had nobody to look after them so these men were doing it was almost like they were doing a community service really they were doing a service to their community by marrying more than one woman now let's look at the emotional implications that it would have on a woman if she was to be a second or a third wife now I was never a second wife I was I was one wife okay I was never a second wife but I knew women who were second wives and let me assure you of the emotional term all these women were going through it was horrible it was absolutely horrible now they had they hid this from their husbands but these women these two women who I knew they had to live the husband provided everything equally just as it says in the Koran you have to provide even they would they actually wore the same clothes they look like twins when they went out it was hilarious you know they dress the same they had they were given the same gifts they he even spent the same amount of time with them in the bedroom they had set days in the bedroom however the husband still had his prop his favorite he still had a preference of one over the other there is no way in a marriage a man and can treat both women equally emotionally physically financially it cannot have and financially he can do it that's fine you can do that it's easy to solve that out but how can he do that emotionally how can he do that physically it's impossible it's absolutely impossible so when Allah is given this commandment that you know you men you can marry more than once as long as you treat them with with I don't know what the verse is I think it's way he says as long as you treat them with kindness and fairness and equality then you can do this and if you feel that you're able to do this thing or having it married this is the law almost like an impossible task it's an impossible task but yet men are marrying more than one woman and it's not it's not just happening in Pakistan is happening here in the Western world as well because what they are doing is they're using the nikah contract to get married to more than one wife because if they are to marry more than one woman under English law they would be seen as bigamist and that is obviously illegal but they're not doing that what they are doing is they are just using the Sharia law the marriage contract of nikka to marry more than one woman now the emotional implications are these women are facing it's something that cannot be fixed there is no way it can be fixed when when this aunty they were two auntie's when when one of those auntie's was being treated with more time or more affection and more love by her husband how did that make him feel let me tell you how I made her feel it made her feel unloved unappreciated it made her feel less than it made her feel inferior to even to even another woman surely and loving God would not want that for women I know Christ doesn't want that for me I know Christ wants me to enter into a marriage where I'm going to be loved by him I'm by my by my husband but Allah on the other hand he clearly shows our women are our commodity for the use of their husbands and this clearly is something that is man-made it's not from God it's man-made that's right and I have a couple of Muslims here one is asking a sincere question and I'll respond to waheeda rehman I'll respond to it right now the other one his name is ultimate truth who is actually I think he meant to say the ultimate liar but he just forgot to type it that way so ultimately ER is saying that in the errata me 22 if a man rapes a woman a girl right and you read about that in Deuteronomy 22 28 that you marry her and he's saying that means you can really end up marrying more than one wife all only if you're a sick man and you end up raping a lot of woman guess what there is a limit basically to how far you can go because after a while I think everybody gets it that you need to be dealt with differently right now in there God is not giving commands for people to do this God is dealing with situations real life situations and actually I would argue ultimate liar that God in the Bible is honoring the woman and her honor and the honor of her family okay nowhere that it's forcing her to marry this wicked man okay that's number one number two he's using the same example in saying look at the wisdom of Allah in the Quran chapter 4 verse 3 he's allowing you to marry two and three up to four only Wow what a wise God actually after four supposedly you cannot marry anymore guess what you think meant by the way they don't know how to get around this you can release one that you don't like anymore and marry another one I've known people who married up to 13 you know what but they keep divorcing one and marry another one divorcing him in fact your own fabulous prophet he himself was gonna give away BAE I mean divorce soda because she was old and she was fat and he didn't like her but she finally negotiated a deal with him she knew he was all about you know sleeping with women so she told him he guess what I'll give you my night and you can spend two nights with Aisha the one who was nine when he consummated his marriage and he was 54 years of age so that's the kind of stuff we deal with by the way dear did you know sister that the Quran actually allows men who capture married woman to sleep with them even if their husbands were still with them and some of the Sharia law schools will say the fact that they're captured and they became slaves their marriage has been negated absolutely and this this in itself is proof that the whole religion of Islam is male orientated and it's all about the sexualization of women and the sexual appeasement of men and unfortunately Muslim women need to wake up to this reality and they need to admit the truth of this reality as well instead of tiptoeing around the issues tiptoeing around not only not only the textual problems in the Koran but in their real lives that are taking place the actual practicalities of this as well they need to start telling the truth about this even if they don't tell it even if they don't say outwardly admit it to yourselves this is a first step to finding the truth you're going to be struggling a bondage until you come to a place where you can actually say to yourself what I am going through is abuse it cannot be from an all-loving God this has to be a man-made religion and there's your starting point sister that is your starting point for your journey to find the truth and the truth is is Christ he will reveal to you through the Holy Spirit that Allah is not the truth Muhammad was not a prophet nor a Messenger of God but the truth will be revealed to you because it is only when I mean I for me I had to go through my marriage my Islamic marriage for me to come to a rock-bottom place for me to find the real truth because it was when I camp that rock-bottom place I thought morally you know morally this is wrong how can any fumé and treat another human like this and then when I turned to the Quran and I found everything that I was all the treatment I was going through was coming from this book then I was on the road to recovery that's when I was cited that my road to recovery and Muslim women you really have to stop believing that we are bashing Islam that we are bashing your rights as Muslim women we're not doing that we're trying to now highlight some facts you as a Muslim as an ex Muslim woman who was married who was once a Muslim who's gone through all of this I'm imploring to you I am you know if I could reach out to you and hold your hand and set you please you really need to wake up you really need to work the clock is ticking you being a Muslim woman being stuck in this marriage is giving you nothing but darkness depression I mean I've got doctor I've got friends who are doctors and when I lived in the Muslim community most of the women that will Park that that went to see my doctor my friend doctors most of the Muslim women unfortunately it was suffering from depression and it was all due to marital discourse even so other women I was speaking to a lot of them you know they were putting up with him but there was they were clinically depressed and it was because of their marital problems that they were they were having and where did these marital problems come from it came from their religion it came from the Koran it came from the Sunna it came from the Prophet Muhammad the only way the best medicine the best antidote isn't for you to go have prozac is for you to get out of that darkness is for you to admit what the Quran is telling your husband's to do is a treatment I mean look you know we everyone seems to fall back on that verse where a husband can beat his wife let's go let's look at that verse okay so as a Muslim woman you have to you have to toe the line okay you have to be an obedient wife okay you have to toe the line if your husband fears that you are not an obedient wife and he's allowed to he's that he's allowed to beat you I mean that this is it for surah 434 it is it is that the west through the forces 434 and now I'm pretty sure next time we meet we need to address that as part of some of the rights of women who are married but you're absolutely correct if you fear it didn't say if they do anything if you fear disloyalty or you fear something then you have the right to beat them and of course some translators are struggling with this there so like for instance ability value will say beat them lightly he will add that phrase which is not even in original Arabic anyway why out of embarrassment I don't blame him because he is definitely embarrassed to try to explain away something in English to European and Western culture that value the rights of women now I want to address the question by Mohamed Waheed Rahman was saying show me one verse in the Bible that says you cannot marry more than one wife well you know I don't know if you've been listening to what I said or not in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 I'm gonna read it again for you and I'm gonna comment on it here's what it says for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave into his wife and the two shall become one guess what waheeda rehman the word one is a hod don't you go around all the time telling us that the word Ahad basically means one sadly for you that's not what it means but anyway I'm using your word now and that's the word in there if you go the New Testament the conditions for elders they have to be a husband of one wife right there beside the absent of a command doesn't mean that it is allowed show me where did God ever approved of these multiple marriages if he can show me his approval and blessing of it I'll go ahead and grant you that your sister you know actually there is an excellent question by Mellie I'm gonna put the question right here it's an excellent question we deal with all the time what would you like to say to those non Muslim woman who are dating a Muslim man you know I would like to comment on it myself after I hear from you okay so what happened to Norma's thing can you put the question up again sure it's it's basically if you have a non Muslim woman who are dating a Muslim man what advice would you like to give to them get out don't and why escape because you are just inviting yourself into a whole load of trouble and heartache if you want to have bliss if you want to have a life which is full of love and joy get out don't even go there because I'll tell you something if you're going into that relationship with the expectation that you are going to change him it's not going to happen Islam has a superiority it has a natural superiority you cannot go into that into the relationship with a belief that you are going to come him to your way of thinking whether you're a Christian or a Hindu or whatever you may be it's never gonna happen and he's going to make you convert to his religion and that means under Islam what are your rights as a women as a woman who we've been talking about them you don't have any rights so my advice to you is leave honestly go find yourself go find yourself a good Christian man and become a Christian yourself sister going to the light and I wanna warn any any non-muslim woman who is dating a Muslim man and I'm not saying Muslim men are not wonderful men I'm not saying that at all I mean whatever reason you have I'm gonna have to tell you the following and you have to hear me out completely especially if you are claiming to be a Christian first the Bible is against unequally yoked I mean you're discouraged from having that number two you have to understand that Islam is always superior to any other faith regardless number three even if this man is the most wonderful Muslim man you'll ever meet sometimes his culture his family his friends will impose ideas on him and it's not up to him and if he becomes religious and goes basically you know religious on you best of luck with that he's gonna it's really gonna help he's gonna have to question himself now why did he marry someone that is not a Muslim so your choices are very limited except Islam or sadly things may not end well for you if you have children he may take the children away from you at some point or the least he can do is to go and marry another person how would you like that to happen in your life so don't tell me that he's a wonderful person today well yeah marriage requires a lot of work how would you work it out if he believes in Allah and you believe in Yahweh to different gods basically and I don't think it's gonna work that way as well absolutely and just to further further onto that as well one of the things as Christians that we have within marriages we have Christ within our marriage okay so a marriage is between a man a woman and Christ marriage is a hard it's a very difficult road you know it's full of ups and downs there's no such thing as you know the perfect marriage um but as Christians when you're married begins to see the hard times you have a your cries to you turn to and be rest assured Christ will always give you the best outcome he will always give you the best advice and he will make it so he's in the center and he will witness to both of you and the Holy Spirit is there and he's with you and he will guide you to come into a pleat peace of tranquility and to a peace where a place where you can both find compromise on the Islam unfortunately what you will find is the compromise will always come on this part of the woman always even if you have a husband who is naturally a nice loving husband he will be evil before to family pressures to cultural pressures to pressures within the community so even though he you know he may love you and he you know he may want to do what's right by you unfortunately his religion is going to take precedence over his feelings and that's always going to win and you know if the community is blessed you say if you are a Christian for example you're not going to really be able to practice your faith openly and if you have children your children are going to have to take the faith of your husband and if you're not happy with that there's nothing you can do and your husband can marry again if he feels that you're not going to bring his children on correctly and take your children from you so before you enter into this whole heartache just do yourself a favor just leave you know you know that that is my sincere advice I want to this you know suppose suppose you as a Christian married a Muslim man and you couldn't give him children do you know that that's one of the conditions under Sharia for him to go and marry a second wife on you how would you like it not only you're feeling miserable already sadly and you're feeling inferior now and you're feeling like you cannot give something that you desire to have in your life now you're being felt marginalized as well on account of something that is out of your control so you have to be careful because only if you are truly a Christian marrying a Christian man that he will understand the role of the Lord in your lives versus someone who by the way like I said his parents could influence him and what are you doing you know I know some men Muslim men that their parents even won't even even talk to them for daring to marry a somebody who is not a Muslim the condition either either she converts or we don't know you at all so he's gonna risk losing his family and he gets what do you think you want to lose his family on account of you maybe he's lusting right now maybe he is excited about the marriage right now but in few months or a few years you'll be just just another person in his life and when we talk next time about the rights and including divorce you'll see how simple and easy it is for him to bail out of this commitment which is nothing whatsoever final words quickly going back to the fact that you know your husband can control you out of your bed he can beat you and if you disobedient a Muslim woman Kyle you can't do that as a wife you can't do that I mean even Aisha said that she never said she had never seen as much suffering as a believing women women women and her assessment was based on the amount of Muslim women who were being abused through the explicit permission of Muhammad and the Quran you know so it's for me is it's it's a no-go you know don't don't even don't even go there so what else what else are your rights and under Islam as a married woman you know allowed to leave the home without a chaperone or without the permission of your husband okay you can't do that you need to have permission from your husband when you leave the home you need to have a chaperone and if you don't you're going to be in trouble so you're not an equal your husband can leave the house whenever he wants he doesn't need permission he can leave um within your marriage you're of that you're of deficient mind therefore you are inferior to your husband whether you like to admit it or not this is what the Quran tells also this is what Muhammad says women are of deficient mind so how can you be equal to your husband within your marriage you know he's superior to you you know so you know women have to be very very careful I think when they are engaging when they're coming to a point where you know they are thinking about marriage especially when they are not Muslim women and they are looking to marry into the Muslim faith be very very careful absolutely and Zemzem I have been forgotten about your question but next time we are going to talk about divorce weather next time we we do this or maybe along the series that we're doing we're gonna talk about divorce and along the line her question was about the children what would happen if somebody want to leave a marriage because of an abusive husband and things like that and I think I want to keep this until next time because it's a very important question because I can actually bring my absolutely thank you so much dear sister and I hope everybody's excited about the fact that we will be doing this jointly for a while talking about women rights under Islam talking about we taught you they were talked about marriage you're gonna talk next time about some of the rights during a marriage we may even talk about divorce whether next time or the time after so we are going to really critique this you know slowly and gradually step by step and again I want to really reach out to our Muslim people who are watching this know where that we are picking on you we're actually sharing about this because we love you and we care for you we are discussing what islam teaches that's something you have no control over you know you can disagree with us right now you can get mad at us if you want that's entirely up to you but you have no control over the fact that this is what islam teaches this is what the Quran teaches this is what the prophet of islam teaches this is what the Sharia law teaches on account of what these sources are doing so you have no control over it you know you can you can tell me that's not what happened in my culture good for you you are unique you are the exception not the rule the rule goes basically out of the Koran out of the teaching of Mohammed and that's what the majority of the Muslim community will abide by and they will go by you know dear sister here came from an open-minded family but when she met real Islam she was shocked technically speaking and hopefully she will share about that one more time you can listen to our testimony so thank you again your sister for coming with us we're excited about that looking forward for next time thank you for all of those who use the Super Shot we appreciate you we appreciate your support thank you for those of you who joined us today and took time out of your busy schedule to be with us I know there is a lot of wonderful livestreams out there so hopefully this was worth your time and of course we want to thank our moderator for a hard work and I am so blessed to have all of you final words dear sister if you have any so just to reiterate what you said actually so we're not here to to bash Islam or to you know to to negatively we're here to show the truth I wish that I had recourse to something like this before I got married to my Muslim husband I really do because I didn't know about my rights as a Muslim woman under Islam what they were as a wife I didn't know what they were I had the assumption that I was going to be treated with love humility respect equality that was my assumption that I had had I have had recourse to this kind of resource maybe I would not have married the same way that I did then maybe I would not have suffered the abuse that I suffered maybe I wouldn't have had to have go would have go through the Sharia course to try and get my marriage annulled maybe just maybe my children my eldest son especially wouldn't wouldn't have been taken off me so these these life these live streams that we're doing they're not here to bash people they really are here to try and engage people to encourage people and to educate people to the truth and ultimately the glory has to go to Christ we are here for one reason and one reason only and that is to be witnesses for Christ to give share the truth of the gospel to share the love of Christ the great grace of Christ and Christ is waiting for you all you know Muslim women especially you are the first we do you are the first victims of Islam you really are and if we can reach just one of you if we can enlighten just one of you then you know we've we've done we've done a good job you know and ultimately that's what our prayers are our friends are like you see you seek the truth and ultimate that you come to Christ or the truth because Jesus loves all of you and he's waiting he's waiting for each and every one of you wise words and hopefully you know the people will be watching after this show is just on our channel will benefit from all of this thank you again and God bless you take care everyone

Channel: CIRA International

Views: 14,697

Rating: 4.9385204 out of 5

Keywords: #nikah #Islamic Marriage #Women #Marriage Contracts

Id: KndVOLacNH8

Length: 69min 10sec (4150 seconds)

Published: Sun May 17 2020