To me, this is just a job People could look at me
and think I'm daft But at the end of the day Overall... I'm just making a living My name's Alfie I'm 18 I'm from Clitheroe Born and bred here I've got a tandem
push iron And I go around
doing odd jobs Whatever you need doing I'm the man for you Gutter cleaning Rubbish removals Drain unblocking Repairs Maintenance work I can fit more on
that push bike Than you can in
a bloody van And you think I'm lying I've worked for quite a
few people now In my time Fucking hell I just kept getting fired So I thought right, if I set
up by myself... I can't sack myself So who's gonna sack me? I think it's a brilliant idea... And I think eventually you're
gonna be a big boss And you're gonna have more
people working for you You're gonna But I want you to
put me down For the first job You're booked on That's the one fella Are you alright there yeah? Have you had a few cans? I got diagnosed with ADHD But I don't think diagnosing
someone is a nice thing to do It's kinda putting a
label on someone Saying "You're this..." But actually, you're not They've stopped me
from going down the tip They've banned me Apparently I'm taking down
commercial waste... But it's not commercial waste It's waste from the
local people of... Of the town "He's just trying to
help people..." "That can't afford tip
runs and stuff" "Leave him alone" "And let him crack on" Another person said... "Get a grip Lancashire
County Council" Alfie! Alfie! Hiya All I'm trying to do is
just make a few... I know A few quid and help
local folk out I know But they think I'm
making a business And it's... It's not them... It's the people above
them in the offices Saying "You can't do
this, you can't do that" Absolutely, well I
signed your petition Hopefully, with the
good people of... With people behind me Hopefully, it'll be lifted but... 'Cause you provide a really,
really valuable service And you have been for
18 months, why now? I know... Why have they decided
that now's the time That you can't do
that anymore? It's confusing And for me as someone
who's not the brightest... They're trying to get
you to pay to take Commercial waste so they
can get wages out of it It's all about money But apparently, they don't
recycle that commercial waste They only recycle your
domestic waste Your commercial waste
has to be bloody dumped It's a bloody stupid system They're dodgy They are very dodgy I've tried helping
people out and... I'm just a bit confused,
where does trade waste go? That's the thing I've been talking to
some people You've gotta take it
to a different tip And it's a transfer station But the nearest transfer
station is near Burnley side You're just gonna have to
diversify again Alfie Find summat else I will do Don't worry about that I'll find summat to do There's loads and loads
of ways to make money I'm not gonna stop For no fucker At all I'll keep my straight mind,
and I'll just keep going Right, thank you very much Roses are red... Violets are blue... I've been sent here,
because someone loves you There we are £1 a flower... Or three for £4 I've gotta make a living
somehow haven't I lads? You'll know when
you get older Ice pop? Would you like a flower? No, you're alright? Would you like an ice cream? No thanks I'm just wondering if you
wanted your car cleaning? No Would you like an ice cream? I'm bad with faces Ice pops, ice lollies? Sprinkles? Raspberry sauce? Have a nice day Three for £2 or one for £1 I think we've come at
the wrong time here £1 a flower... Or three flowers for £2 Do you want a flower mate? Do you want your
gutters cleaning? Do you want a
flower love? I'll be your valentine It's a yellow flower Cheers my friend Have a nice day There you are sweetheart You're a top man Have a nice day There you are love Cheers boss Cheers mate There you are sweetheart Enjoy your day, thank you Roses are red! Violets are blue! I've been sent here,
because someone loves you Hiya love, happy
Valentine's Day I've been sent to
give you a rose I'm sorry I'm late You frightened
me to death That's lovely Sorry love Thanks very much Have a nice day I'll shut the gate
behind me So today, I'm cleaning
wheelie bins 'Cause like they say, where
there's muck there's money And I ain't scared of
getting my hands dirty Do you want your
bins doing? Do you want your wheelie
bins cleaning? I don't know whether
I do or not... I think there's one
empty now What do you want
to do, take one? Am I alright to
take them all? Do you need them
this moment? No I'll have them back
by afternoon That just wants to
sit like that... So I'm gonna get
about thirty bins I'm gonna tow them home,
get the power wash out A bit of soap and... A bit of hot soapy water,
wash them out Rinse them out... And bring them back to
the local customers Well I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna bring them back I've never took life
too seriously I've always just took life
with a pinch of salt I've never worried
about things I've always took
things as they come Sorry You could look at
life two ways... You can either be
frightened of it Or you can just live it Hiya sweetheart, you
alright love? You having a nice
day for yourself? Yeah are you? Aye, not so bad You could spend more time
worrying about what could happen When nothing will happen Oh, sorry mate Am I in your way? Yeah Sorry We've gotta keep
it straight Hold on, I'll just move... Cheers mate Perfect Just gotta keep the measure
straight, you see Sorry about that It's alright kid Cheers for that mate Sorry love Bollocks It's my first time doing
this so I'm still learning Yeah, I'm getting there What are you doing now Abs? Are you well? Are you well? How are you doing, alright? Are you busy? Yeah Good man Fucking hell Look at him here now Abs... Local friendly taxi man Rough as fucking rats But he's happy You know what I mean,
but he's happy Other week he went to
bloody India... Because he went and got
some new teeth you see Then he came back... I thought "Fucking hell Abs,
you're looking really well" New teeth, new taxi,
the fucking lot He looks right good now New teeth, new taxi And like he's done
the same... Where there's a way,
there's a will He's gone away and
saved himself thirty grand Hiya pal How are you? Not so bad I dunno, I've been drinking
too much Guinness I think Have a nice day Well done These wheelie bins will be
like spick and span By the time I'm
done with them Fucking hell, some of
these bins stink It smells like summat has
gone up the drainpipe Curled up and gone off Best bit of the job is
getting my hands dirty That's the sign of
a grafter that... Look at them They're fucking ripping Ripping like leather It shows how much I've
been wanking that does That's a hard days graft If your hands don't
look like that... Then you must be on Jobseeker's Allowance Life is shit, but at
the end of the day... Tough shit There's always someone
who's worse out than you I know... It might not be the
best job I have here but It's a job And I'm making a
couple of quid So I can't knock myself Most of these
fuckers are full The fuck's that? The fucking hell is that? Have I got summat
in my eye? Have I got summat
in my eye? Fucking hell, the time
is running out Fuck Right, we're out I'm out of money I'm out of money I think I've run out of cash It'll have to do that,
won't it? I've probably spent more
money putting quids in Than I've made out of
the fucking bins anyway Sometimes you've gotta
lose money to make money So that's... Up near... Up near the school That's 3A That's 3A I guess... I can only do so much
on my tandem And at some point,
I'm gonna have to... Do something that's gonna
earn me more money Not far now Nothing is easy in life I get my good days,
and I get my bad days I might earn fifty
quid one day And then the next
day I might... I might make some
pork scratchings I might get nothing But then other days
I might make a do Yeah, not so bad I've hurt myself,
like a nob Playing football You can't ride a push
bike with one leg can you? You need two And my bike's my life You know what I mean? Without my bike... I can't make money It's one thing after another Hiya Leonard,
you alright fella? Alright thanks, yeah Good man Do you know what I mean Look at Leonard He's got one leg... I've got a foot that's sore It ain't so bad
is it in life? I've been planning
for a while now To set up my own
delivery service But now my leg is fucked I'm gonna have to find
a different way around it That looks the part,
doesn't it? So... Take a seat and I'll run
through the controls Alfie It's like a cockpit innit? So if you turn that down Perfect You've got indicators
left and right I feel right posh now Yeah Horn Hazards Then to move forward,
you just squeeze that Reverse is that Right It's just finding the
biting point Blooming heck, it's a
bit nippy innit? Steady on Right, thank you
very much I'll see you soon Thank you, bye-bye Just take it nice
and easy Step by step Fuck me Good evening love You're alright sweetheart You what? Am I going a bit too
fast for you lad? I've always realised
to myself... No one's gonna be there
to wipe your arse And pick up pieces
behind you You alright? Yeah are you? Not so bad If you get knocked down,
you've gotta get back up again And... The thing with me... I won't back down easily I'll deliver owt from
toiletries to beers To cigs to... Coal, butter... Pet food, wine, milk Whatever you want And like I were
saying before... If someone's sat
on the toilet, right... And they're on
the shithouse... And they go to wipe
their arse but They've got no toilet roll Who are they gonna call? Well that's where my
service comes in handy Would you pay £3
for a leaflet? You're not selling the leaflets I'm not selling leaflets am I?
I'm selling the food Would you pay £3 for me
to bring you some fish and chips? I think it's cheap I think it's a fucking bargain But at the same time,
if someone turned up Looking like myself
with a peg leg I'd turn it down I can't ride a bike
like that can I? Look like fucking Popeye Got pinched What do you mean? Flogged it I used it... Well, you'll have to get
a sheet of tarpaulin 'Cause I had it, I put it
down a back alley... I went to it the next day And it were gone It's part of life dad You pinch... And you've gotta just
make a do haven't you? I didn't pinch it off you Thank you This will be the hardest
part of the day this Setting up So... Obviously... Without my trolley,
I can't do so much So I'm gonna quickly try and
attempt to attach this onto Onto the transport Then crack on We're running a bit
behind on time But we don't mind that Once it's in there it
shouldn't shift at all What do you reckon? That could work I've always been
pretty hands on All my life, really You know what I mean? I do quite enjoy it But I couldn't do
it for a job For a living 'Cause... I've done mechanicing When I first left
school, I went to A car shop, James Alpe's And I felt like a
fucking mushroom You know what I mean,
I weren't seeing time of day So I thought "I don't want
this kind of job" But I like what I'm doing now I'm outside... I'm talking to local folk I'm having fun And yeah I can't complain really, it's just When you get faced with
fucking issues like Like I have now with
my foot and what have you That's just perks of being
self-employed I can't rely on someone else
to do the job for me so... It's part of it innit? Fucking hell, I can't
find owt in here Might have to be
a tie wrap job Tie wraps won't
let you down I need that to stay like that There's always a way... I'm getting numb There's always a
way in life If it's... No matter what it is Fucking hell get on there That should hold that bar That'll do it Blu Tack and a spanner As long as it's firm in there,
I've got nowt to worry about A few more straps on that and
we should be happy with that It ain't holding a
lot of weight... It's only gonna be holding... It's only gonna be holding
food and what's in the back How's that? Hey I'm chuffed with that That's perfect Spot on When I were younger... I always thought
I were weird And I'd... Put myself aside from
other kids and stuff But... Then as I were getting
older I thought "Am I weird or
are they weird?" But... I don't think it
were how I grew up I think it's just the way I am Everyone's different in
all their different ways And what they do
and how they are There's not one the same What I quite like
about this world 'Cause if we were
all the same... It would be boring,
wouldn't it? I'm fucking wet an' all I feel like a drained rat
down a fucking pipe I've not had a
single phone call I'm fucking piss wrapped And I've got a dodgy foot What else can go wrong? I think it's just a slow
start to the day It's not one of them
jobs were you go and... Door to door sales,
it's more like you... You sit back and you... And you wait for the
calls to come in But I've not had
a single call yet Good afternoon Would you like a leaflet? I'm just doing a new service If you're at home and
you need something Like toiletries or
anything like that... If you can ring me,
I can bring it to you Might retire It's pissed it
down all day And I've not... I've not had a
single phone call Not made a penny... Not made a pound... All I've done is lost I'm piss wet through It's not often I complain
either, it's just because... Well I'll admit I was
expecting... I were expecting
a customer... You know what I mean,
I've not had a single one Phone's ringing... Welcome to the O2
messaging service There's people my age
now who are going to university People who are
getting apprenticeships People who are
getting grades and... And I guess... Because I left school early
and I had no GCSEs And all that kind of carry on So if it came to it, I've got
nothing there to fall back on Well that's it, you know
what I mean, you can always All I've gotta do is
keep my hopes up And... Tomorrow is I guess
another day You know what I mean? And it's Saturday tomorrow So I'm hoping it should
be a bit busier People going out and... Being at home and
it's weekend So they want a Saturday night
takeaway to have in at home So fingers crossed You know what I mean,
'cause so far... So far I've made a loss I've not made fuck all Alfie Fucking hell Hello? You shit me up Alfie... Are you getting up mate? Alfie... What? It's one in the afternoon mate Is it? Are you joking? No I'm rough as fuck That phone needs
turning on Sometimes... It's just not meant
to be, is it? You can't be down and you
can't be pissed off about it You just gotta fucking
get on with it I've not even bothered to
open the garage door today Doesn't work, scrap it I'll find summat else to do I'll find summat else to do Spuddy Spud Spuddy Come on There you are... There you are I'll just turn it down a bit,
it's too hot that Come on It's alright Whoa Fuck sake Betty, come on Don't be silly, come on In you get Come on Don't be silly How's that? She's a good girl, isn't she? Did you ever like bathtimes? I used to love baths It were, for me, that were
the best part of the day You know what I mean You got your bollocks scrubbed,
then you got your arse scrubbed Then you felt fresh,
didn't you? Come here... Fucking hell Worst thing to do that Worst thing to do Come on... Come on... It's a shame innit? I thought today was
gonna be a better day And I might get a bit
of custom and... A phone call I think I might just,
I'm just gonna turn it off I think that's it innit? Shall I turn it off? Might just turn it off... There's really no point now Really no point now Cheers love Thank you Have a nice evening If no one wants a Chinese... Fuck 'em, I'll get myself one Hiya love, I've come to do
your fence if that's alright? Come in! Hello My mate's here with a camera,
you don't mind do you love? I'm sorry to bother you,
I'm just wondering Is it alright if... My mate's here with a camera,
you don't mind do you If we do a bit of filming out the back? Alright Open the gate Yeah, then pull it through? Cheers sweetheart I'll see you round the back £15 No you're alright, Edna it's fine £15 will do love I don't wanna charge
folk too much How's the dog doing? How's the dog doing? I'm gonna have to
put my hearing aids in How's the dog doing, alright? Yeah... Yeah, little dog? Yeah She's going to the vets You said she had something
wrong last time I came round She wants her claws clipping Ah right She's got old We all get old, it's
part of life innit? Oh, do you have hearing aids? I think I could do with some Right, where do I start? Have I painted this as well? When did I paint that? Is that a different paint? Looks a bit shinier That's fine Edna love Do you ever go bingo Edna? Which ledges here? Oh right, yeah No, this just fits right in
so it should just get it I've only got one issue... Today I've took up fasting I'm fasting today Oh right Yeah, I'm fasting today Well I've got a mate
who fasts called Abs He drives taxis round here He's been fasting
for months now... If I can do it for a day... Then why not? I like just testing things out And plus, Edna, it's an
experience an' all Now you're tempting me... I think you've tempted me Edna I get more on myself
than I do on the fucking fence What a good idea No, you mix it
here like that... Do you have to? It seems to be No... If it does come off I'll
come back free of charge One job gets it all love I could right do with a chippy I could right do with a
pie, peas and gravy You can't eat till sun rise,
till the sun dawn So when that sun comes up,
you can't eat fuck all When it goes down, you
can eat whatever you want Until that sun rises again That's all I know... But I'm starving now And I could eat
my left bollock I'm doing it for Abs He's always been there for
me, he's a top bloke is Abs There's no one else in
this world like Abs Oh, I have haven't I? Here? Yeah... A mess? Paint gets everywhere I'm happy with that I could do with a shower now You could really, don't come
back after you've had your shower Am I alright to have a
shower here? No you're not! Not with all that
bloody paint on Right, thank you There's £1.30 there in change You might as well have it I don't mind having change,
I can save it up Thank you very much
for that Edna Thank you very much I'll come back and I'll
do that panel I wanna come back and do it I don't want it all
over my path No, I'll make sure I put
some sheets down this time See you later love,
thank you No, I'll see you next year Oh my goodness! I can make every sound
on the planet with this Abs How are you? Can we break the fast
together tonight, or not? Can we break the fast
together tonight? I've not ate or owt Well, from like twelve
o'clock last night No sorry, half eleven last
night I've not ate owt I had a bag of... Ready salted crisps
and that were it I had a bag of ready salted crisps
last night and that were it Nothing, no tobacco No kissing... I've not even touched myself Half nine, right cheers Abs Ring me... 'Cause I'll be fucking ravaging It's tough... It's tough, not easy I didn't think I'd be... I feel a bit light headed I didn't think I'd feel
like this but... When... When you see on the news
like kids need to eat at school Kids need to eat this
otherwise they can't learn right Now I've experienced
it for myself... I feel for people who
don't have food You know what I mean? When I'm in this much
destine and hunger... And I feel like I've
got no go in me... It doesn't help when
I'm outside the takeaway Where the fucking big fat
bastard camera man's had a Sausage and chips with
gravy and curry sauce I can't drink, I can't eat,
I can't do anything I can't even perv... I can't touch myself Oh, it's a right hassle but... I've got about two and
a half hours left So that ain't so bad But I tell you what, I've
got no energy at all Well, once you're pushing
that thing around with... With bits of shit on it But anyway... Have a nice day for yourself Bye-bye What are you looking at? As soon as that sun... Hits back of than hill... It's feasting time And I'm fucking ravaging I'm fucking starving This is where
we normally feast This is where he
normally feasts at This is the taxi rank where... Where they have breaks
and dinner breaks And where they
break the fast No, I don't think so I don't think so Yep, Alfie? Hiya Abs, you alright fella? I'm alright lad,
I'm just praying Oh, I'm so sorry Finishing my prayers
before tonight... Oh, I'm so sorry I've got about...
I've got about two lines left Sorry fella, I'm
sorry to disturb I'll ring you back in
five minutes Yeah, thank you Bye-bye Fucking hell, he's praying He's taking his time... Abs Hello Hello, hiya mate you alright? I'm sorry about that It's exactly at
twenty five to Yeah, I'm outside... I'm outside your Pride Cars Taxis I'm coming now Alright, cheers Abs OK, fifteen minutes Fifteen minutes? Alright See you soon He'll be here in a minute He'll be getting
food though, won't he? He'll be getting all the food and
yoghurt and shit like that Double cream Here he is He's gone again "Two minutes" "I'll be two minutes" Here he is How are you, boss? What do you call these? Dates Dates? Yeah To break your fast with And then we've got yoghurt
to dip into them It's a bit like a family innit? It's like everyone is
in it together It's for the whole world This thing is for the whole world,
if everyone did it... It's a very good thing Well I've gotta say,
I do feel a lot better in myself Alright Edna love? How's that fence doing?
Oh, it's for Dogs Trust Dogs Trust? Dogs Trust, yeah How's your fence
doing, alright? Yeah, it's ok... I think that'll be it,
I'm not bothering no more I've got past it You've got past it? I've got past it Why, have you sold it? No I've got too old Oh, well that's what
I'm here for Do you want a treat dog? Kelly... You bugger, you've had
enough treats at the minute There you are love Have a go on that There you are If you want owt doing
with the garden Let us know love Alright, have a nice
day for yourself You like that I'd just say be careful
because she eats her own shit Oh, it's alright don't we all? I'm doing dog walking The whole idea is just to
walk a couple of dogs... Make a bit of brass For a good cause Dogs Trust Sit Hello mate, are you well? I'm alright mate Come here dog, you can't
go in there, sorry about that Alright Rex Come here love Cheers for that Come on See you soon See you later yeah, come on They'll be alright once
they get going She's a bit happy when
other dogs are about Come on lad,
we'll be alright Cheers fella, thank you Come on love Here... Stop it! Ruby! Ruby, stop it I can't deal with this These two... One's a pensioner and
one's just getting going He's ready for retirement And she just wants to just
have a play but... He can't be arsed He wants to chill out him He's ready for the coffin him We all go through the
same process... We get happy, we get young,
we get jolly... And then we start getting
old and shriveled up So that's... That's where he's at
in his part of his life Come on fella... Come on mate, let's go He's not happy, is he? Come on lad, let's go Fuck off Forgot about the size
of these shits Couldn't do it any bigger Come on, eat it Come on Eat it up Dirty Right Rex, come on lad This is Ruby Meet Ruby Is it shitting? Hey! Stop being giddy! Hey! Ruby Hey! Come on love Not that way love Poppy, this is Betty Betty, that's Poppy Thank you Come here Sid Sid! No, you're alright fella Come on You can't mount her no No Sid For a start, you're
doing it wrong It's been a right mess... Hey, get off her please Come on They're all tangled up... Please mate, can
you please stop? Hey What are you eating? Oh for fuck sake Dog treats have dropped The bag is wrong way round It's like gravy Fucking hell I come up here a lot, right... There's one thing that
drives me mad, right And I don't get annoyed
a lot at this town It's a lovely town, but... Things that piss me off a lot Is graffiti... Because once it's on,
you can't get it off And I've come up the castle
for a nice stroll, right... And I'm faced by
a couple of cocks Well, it's pornography I don't mind pornography,
but when it's all over Fucking streets of Clitheroe And folk are coming here
to see our beautiful town And they're faced by
a couple of cocks On the pavement It's when it's... It's when it's spunking
up an' all... That doesn't help
either does it? That just puts the
icing on the cake I best crack on and clean them 'Cause if no one else
does it then... They'll be there till
next July them Well... I don't even clean my own So I don't know why
I'm cleaning these fuckers There's not one thing
that WD-40 can't fix If it's cocks or a door knob It'll do it all Clitheroe is a nice place, and
it's not often you get stuff like this But, you get robberies and
stuff like that It's part of what it is Youths are growing up But, when they're spreading
the love all over the paths... When folk are walking over it I've just got a bit of
bleach on the floor I don't wan't the
dog to lick it up No, there were a
couple of... Have a good evening People love the gossip It's like the town
crier has been out Just a couple of
cocks on the floor People are thriving over it People are thriving over it If there's a lightbulb
out on the street... They'll talk about it Because it's such a small place,
and there's only a few people in it They all gossip For some folk They'll talk about this
up to Christmas They've put my face
on the front page Like I've done it... If I were reading this... And I didn't know... I'd look at that and think
"Disgusting graffiti at top tourist" And my face is right there Sometimes you put in
and try and do good But you get shit back I could get ten year for that... There's nothing more in
life that you want Except just to be happy, you could
have all the money in the world You can be healthy in life But it's all about being happy No matter what your
circumstances As I'm getting older, you
get more wise don't you? And you understand
things a lot more Some things work in
life, and things don't I couldn't ask for a better
community to live in And it's not long ago
we got named The happiest place to live I've always seen it as
you only get one life to live You've gotta take it by
the bollocks and live it I've come into this
world with nothing So I'll leave with nothing And that's what I think
is the key to life... You come with nowt And you fucking
go with nowt And that's it... That's it...
