Alan Moving Out | Two and a Half Men

[Music] I'm starting to feel like maybe Jake and I have overstayed our welcome no not at all Jake's still welcome you're the one with the attitude my attitude I I thought my attitude didn't count for anything that it was just Jabberwocky jibber jabber you okay okay that sells it I think it's time we moved we yeah we we're still welcome go where I go can we get a place on the beach sure if you don't mind living under a lifeguard stand hey we managed to get by without your help before we came here we'll do it again why do you keep saying we all right uh Valley Hacienda here we come Jake say goodbye to your Uncle Charlie Uncle Charlie bye kid go get in the car listen to your father anyways learning anything here thanks for your hospitality I'm sorry we overstayed our welcome [Laughter] I thought you found a nice place I was bluffing it sucked they all suck I was first in Me by the state of Nevada and I pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride I don't freaking believe it Cheer Up Charlie you're finally getting what you've always wanted I'm moving out of your house freaking believe it aren't you listening to me candy doesn't love me anymore my marriage is over my life is in Ruins oh what deja vu it's as if I've lived through this before and didn't really enjoy it Charlie there's a difference this time you can get your own place instead of sponging off me because you have money now right uh well oh you suck it wasn't my fault that there were taxes and and the condo and and Candy's new car and Candy's new clothes and and the shoes oh God so many shoes how much do you have left eleven dollars and you know what you did you married candy and moved out anyway so if you want to know why I let the best thing that ever happened to me get away it's so the worst thing that could ever happen to me would have a place to live oh oh I guess it all worked out for the best how do you figure think about it if Mia had been living here when candy kicked me out and I came back would have been a very awkward situation oh yeah awkward walk me through this again she's beautiful Rich divorced and you want to hand her off to Zippy the champ follow my reasoning here this is a woman looking to settle down if I sleep with her I'm happy for one night but if I teach my brother to sleep with her he falls in love asks her to marry him moves out and I'm happy for the rest of my life it's a nice plan but it'll never happen don't don't don't say that dungeons give me one good reason why I should ah well we're we're family uh Brothers we share blood and and history we have a bond that unites us forever now what else you got okay uh what about my French toast do you like that you know a thick and fluffy with cinnamon and powdered sugar all right you can stay really no ha ha ha ha ha very funny Charlie you changed the locks foreign oh look who's back not back just came to get my stuff you're really gonna milk this thing huh not milking anything Charlie there is no milk I'm moving in with Melissa and her mother sounds like milk to me I need to be someplace where I'm appreciated someplace where I'm nurtured and loved [Music] [Applause] you're not taking me seriously are you oh come on Alan you ain't going anywhere you know it I know it the seagulls out there crapping on my deck know it you think he'll be back oh yeah I'm back I'm shocked I know what you're doing it's not gonna work whatever are you talking about I tell you I'm not moving in with Lindsay because I'm comfortable here and three hours later you put a giant penis eating parrot in my room and you think there's a connection yes I can do the connection [Music] how do you get a guy to leave your house who doesn't want to go tell him you missed your period and you're out of pot Jake say goodbye to your uncle bye that's it after all these years um I had a good time here who wouldn't it's a beach house in Malibu that's what I told him so I guess I'll see you at your high school graduation good one I'll meet you at Lindsay's drive safe here we are final goodbye one can only hope no no no no what I was going to say is you don't live here you moved out no not officially I never actually made it to Lindsay's house speaking of which I should get going Allen listen to me if you screw this up with Lindsay you're gonna wind up back here and you need to understand something there is no back here I got it got it you know it was a crazy impulse old girlfriend it was a one-time thing uh well technically it was a two-time thing second one was in the shower well that is where you've been practicing I have to admit this is a very curious turn of events I mean seven years ago I arrived on this very doorstep heartbroken and alone and you had chicks coming out the kazoo now look at us the student has become the master Arigato sensei you're welcome grasshopper could have seen this one coming oh please after seven years you know I finally move out of your house and within two days I burned my new home down stuff I could if I used your skin for paper in your blood for ink but I I just want you to know that as soon as we get the insurance money and repair the fire damage Lindsay and the boys and I will be out of your hair for good unless of course you burn our house down again funny see that's what we need at times like this laughter laughs

Channel: Warner Bros. TV

Views: 897,070

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Id: DXsdgTa4wXQ

Length: 8min 39sec (519 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 26 2023