Alan Alda Spends Christmas with the Family! | The Carol Burnett Show Clip

[Applause] foreign [Music] and will you quit eating them nuts I told you I'm saving them for our guests and turn off that TV and get your camera ready Larry's gonna be here any minute will you please calm down units you're acting as though the king of England was dropping in well it just so happens I haven't seen my brother Larry in five whole years wonder if he's as strange as ever now don't you start on him just because he ain't married that don't make him strange necessarily oh won't Mama be excited when she sees it Larry's here it's gonna be such oh there he is that's Larry I just know [Applause] when you turn that thing off let me look at you oh you hadn't changed a bit except and maybe you got a few character lines in your face that's all oh you remember Ed sure are you boy okay welcome board thank you now you just sit right down there on the couch we got so much catching up to do now let me see last thing I heard you was drawing pictures or something well in a sense I'm a commercial illustrator I uh I do illustrations for various messages [Music] will you cut that out Larry doesn't want to drink this early in the day for heaven's sakes how about a beer one beer coming up you're a man after my own heart Larry now you know what Larry last thing I heard about you was it you lost your job at some magazine or something honey I know I finished my job you know I I freelance I'm I'm doing uh I'm doing a really very interesting the boys will be here pretty soon they're out showing their toys some of the neighbor boys yeah Larry does not want to hear about our boys for heaven's sakes he was just telling me how he lost his job I didn't lose the job oh I do wish you could have seen our boy so this morning they were so cute honey they were absolutely adorable you remember Billy Joe yes well you wouldn't believe him now he's 11 years old well Billy Joe I got to tell you this Billy Joe has been wanting a Killer Kelly doll for Christmas he can sing the killer Cowley dog jingle anyway I got him one of them dolls down at saxon's on the mall yeah I got a disc out there you know because see my hardware stores that got to do with the price of potatoes so anyway I got him one of these dogs down at Saxton's on the have you seen these Killer Kelly dolls honey no they are the cutest thing they're about yay high and they wear these little gorilla uniforms they got little bayonets to poke each other with you know anybody so I thought that Billy Joe would really flip out if he got one of them for Christmas well to make a long story short he comes tippy-toeing down this morning and he opens up that present and he sees it's a killer killing all right so then you know what he did well he played with that killer Kelly doll for five minutes and then he went and got this old volleyball that we gave him last Christmas and he played with that for a whole hour laughs that's unbelievable hun how long can you stay oh and only about three days at the most I'm working on a deadline you know I I have a really interesting illustration it's going to be so exciting mama is coming with Ellen and Ellen's whole family oh just think of it Larry this is going to be the first time you and me and Ellen and Mama been together on a Christmas since we was kids some of my relatives are coming over if anyone's interested so anyway honey tell me when in the world are you just gonna get married and settle down yeah this bachelor life Larry flipping around from job to job that ain't no life for a man well I don't exactly flip surprise I want you to hide somewhere and pop out and surprise Mama Larry well look couldn't I just stand right here Larry I didn't ask you to come all this way to surprise mama just so you could stand in the middle of the room oh please honey just hide somewhere and pop out and say Merry Christmas real life okay come on you hide over here come up the stairs you don't come down till I say okay you gotta get up here remember your cue is okay you ready you you got that thing focused pretty packages thank you look at you oh yeah and you are not gonna spoil my day with that stupid camera here okay Merry Christmas Mama thank you baby you swayed down an angel boy and I asked you not to do that you don't tell him put that Contraption up I'm going home angel boy why didn't you tell me you were coming well you just wanted to surprise you are you surprised are you surprised I just wish Ellen and Arthur and the kids could have been here what do you mean in Ellen oh well they just dropped me off they had to run on home about I invited them and the whole family well they're having some kind of an open house or something Eunice they sent their apologies just like that selfish stuck-up sister mine gee can't take the time to stick her nose in the door and say Merry Christmas especially when her brother traveled 800 miles to surprise his family when you lay off a hill and how she's supposed to know you were gonna pull this stupid surprise stunt s yeah I'm kind of sorry don't you apologize Larry you never did time anything right anyway maybe later on you could drive me on over to Ellen's house her place is really the Ritz nothing like this cracker box what are you doing you taking leavey yourself just opening up one of my presents my card's right here now we agreed this morning that we was going to open up our presence in order and not Helter Skelter like maniac s now oh I'd like to watch and then Larry's turn and Ed you're gonna play Santa Claus so you give Mama her present first Don't Wanna Be Santa [Applause] oh [Applause] well mama look what sand has got for you okay now mama when you undo that you give the paper to add and you put that paper in that big box over there so that won't be a map that's your job okay right so why don't I go out to the car and get the presents again what are you you well I can't imagine what it is unless of course it's the usual bathrobe oh my bathrobe thank you Eunice you're welcome mama I thought maybe that A nice bright color would be nice for change oh my yes of course it's not my style to be garish then I guess nobody will ever see me in it well Mama that's what I got it for I mean people are supposed to see you in it it's a Hostess robe Mama it's for entertaining for entertaining who nobody ever comes to see me the mild son came to your house not mine but why didn't they go out and get this stuff somewhere under that tree no Mama no there are no red slippers under that tree so just get that right out of your head okay if you say so Eunice Mama listen to me I am not kidding we could barely afford the bathrobe as it is well what am I supposed to do where this gaudy old red robe with mole yellow slippers well what difference does it make if nobody's gonna see you in it oh sure a pair of bedroom slippers for your poor old Mama but you can afford to throw away good money on that tacky apron you can't wear but once a year change it then right I will where's the receipt I don't know right this minute I hope you didn't throw it away I don't want to go through what I did last year everybody stand still while I find Mama's receipts every single thing I ever get for you there is just no pleasing you is there why don't you be so grumpy Santa's got lots of goodies for you too it's not my turn it's Larry next well all right I'll open this one then this is just a little token thing I'd like to use thank you Larry uh I got it for the whole family and her whole family with love Larry that's very sweet I thought everybody could use it and as long as you insisted that I open up this thing least you could do is have your camera ready to snap the expression of Joy on my face don't get me in it Ed how the hell am I gonna get you in an appointment [Laughter] are you ready yeah that thing focused right all right will you give me a break I can't be standing close and the cameraman I'm rapping monitor all at the same time oh my goodness a Layman's Guide to the universe it's nice Larry thank you might be a little bit over the heads of the boys I hope they're not disappointed oh honey no be silly I mean by now our boys know you're a little bit different it's a it's really something nice with a coffee table lovely just so big though my goodness I don't know where in the world I'm gonna finish it off well hello Larry my boy turned about is fair play got something for you Mom I almost forgot here I gotta I gotta lose something for you I didn't know quite what to get you so I thought maybe if I got you a check you know that that might ah there you didn't have to do that that's very nice There You Go lyric thank you Eric you know what I wanted to get you something but he didn't know what you needed so why don't you apologize there I don't know it's the time to go out and shop for a real present s it took to scribble that thing off open up Furious now Larry oh it's uh that's very nice yeah it's a paint by numbers said you just fill in all these spaces over here and then you get yourself a nice picture of a hog a drawer and all well what do you say Larry thank you I was just going to say it I certainly hope so Larry I never will live down the time your aunt Fern gave you coloring book for your birthday and you never did say thank you Mama I was seven years old I just stood there staring at the ground I remember his answer never did forgive him not even on her deathbed how long am I going to go on having to feel guilty about that damn coloring book Larry I am your sister and I love you so I am saying this for your own good it's no wonder that you can't hold down a job when you got that kind of an attitude in front of your boss Eunice you don't even know how I work I work by individual contracts what the hell do you know about art anyway it's a jungle out there there's probably a dozen reasons we don't even know about for Larry always being fired always being fired I've never been fired I'm doing very well thank you very much I have a skylight studio with with easels and bottles of ink and pens with their own individual points and everything and when I'm not working people come over and visit me and you know what they do when those people come over you want to know what they do I'll tell you what they do they let me finish a sentence I can say a whole paragraph before I'm interrupted and nobody thinks I'm peculiar either and nobody buys their kids Killer Kelly dolls for Christmas and not one of them would be surprised if I tell you what I'm gonna do with you and my number set and that's for you Ed Fern thanks for the coloring book well he sure got a lot to learn about the Christmas spirit I forgot how touchy he can be if he don't get just the right present you should talk the way you almost flipped out this morning when you unwrap that waffle iron well what's the idea given us anyway huh just to make bigger and better waffles for you to fill up your big fat stomach wet we're about grandson don't you start on Me Mama we have God knows I don't ask for butts units but you think you could keep them here for five minutes on Christmas morning I mean it would be nice if somebody would wish me a merry Christmas well Merry Christmas [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: The Carol Burnett Show Official

Views: 277,983

Keywords: the carol burnett show, carol burnett, vicki lawrence, tim conway, dick van dyke, harvey korman, lyle waggoner, ernie anderson, sketch, comedy, laughter, the family, variety, skit, alan alda, xmas, christmas, carol burnett the family sketch

Id: qK8imR1TVIM

Length: 15min 8sec (908 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 20 2022