AITA For Telling My Ex That He Will Not Be Seeing His Daughter [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more addict relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video whooped before calling out family members wording in her obituary as racist i was sent the final draft of my grandma's obituary my dad and a cousin wrote the obituary it was beautifully and carefully written as there are several reporters and professional editors in the family in the portion of the obituary that lists surviving family members i was shocked to see a first cousin referred to as a step-granddaughter as well as her three children as step-great-granddaughters my first cousin was legally adopted as a toddler she is not a step-granddaughter my first cousin and her three daughters are black my family is white when talking to my sister about this she told me my dad said they all had crazy sounding names and said he seemed disappointed that they had to be included in the obituary i have never in my life seen an obituary differentiate survivors as adopted or blood relatives it seems like the reason step granddaughter is being used it to make sure anyone who reads the obituary knows my cousins aren't related by blood is anyone considering these children's feelings when they inevitably read this would i be the antagonist for insisting an edit now for the top comments nta they are family adoption is hard enough they should not have to feel other for any reason i would want them to have the same wording as any other blood relative to they may not change it but i would definitely say something because you're right this could be very hurtful to those family member nta wow pretty blatant there good on you for calling it out the crazy names comment would especially piss me off like [ __ ] you carl nta a bit is an honor for the diseased but it's also for survivors calling someone a stepchild when really they are adopted is outright insulting it does look like racism i agree but i don't even think you have to assume racism for it to be wrong it's insulting and degrading to call an adopted child or step child the comment about their names being crazy makes it even more ridiculous to me that's the clearest hint they're actually being racist because they are not giving coherent reasons for excluding and mislabeling family members grandma may be deceased but we do not know if she was diseased nta when a close family friend died his family listed his adopted son a stepson child was the sdb ex-wife's child with another man whom family friend had legally adopted as a toddler only dad the child had ever known it completely ruined the child's relationship with his father's entire family and he been though the child was an adult at that point he was dealing with the very sudden death of his father and the obituary was phrased that way out of spite towards his mother nearly 20 years later and they still haven't spoken no matter what the reason it will destroy family relationships forever i'm sorry you've got our souls in your family why wnbta they are being treated differently because of their skin color and adopted status nobody describes adopted children as stepchildren given that the obituary was written by reporters and editors this phrasing is deliberate whilst referring to their names as crazy sounding is just egregiously explicit racism they need to be called out on this nta your cousin is adopted not a step anything whether or not race was the motivating factor they'll most likely vehemently deny it's certainly discrimination nta nta adoption means full family rights stand your ground exactly i have seem a bit use step many times but this cousin is not a step she was adopted nta whether it's racism or whatever they are doing that branch of the family wrong and you are right to point it out in time for them to change it you will probably get more traction if you go with saying it's inaccurate because racists hate being called on racism and will likely try to double down i did try a weight are they step grandchildren though and pointed out my brother's stepchild would be considered a step grandchild it was met with pretty sure they are am i the antagonist for telling my ex that he will not be seeing his daughter until she turns 18. some background i got pregnant with my ex when i was 26 he wanted me to get rid of the kid but i decided to keep her so when she was born he gave up all parental rights and basically left well i started to date and i met my now husband at this point in time i'm married to my husband 38 and i'm 32 now my daughter is now six and i'm a stepmom to a couple of teenagers eleven fourteen eighteen everything was going well and we were becoming a pretty good blended family before the pandemic my ex contacted me and want to get to know his daughter i agreed but then the shutdown order happened and well the pandemic went into full swing my husband was at high risk for covered so we really didn't go out and stayed shut into our house so my ex was not meeting my daughter well he kept texting me and i told him that he can't meet up until the pandemic dies down and that we are a high-risk household he stopped texting me about it about two months ago i found out about a week ago that he was talking crap about me on facebook calling me all sorts of names and that i'm keeping his kid away from him today i saw that he posted an old picture of me from when we were dating these pictures were from when i went to clubs and with captions like this horse told my kid that was the last straw i called him up and told him that he is not seeing my daughter until she is 18 that i know about the posts and that i don't trust him to not assassinate my character that if he was just patient and waited until we got or vaccines he could have seen her but instead deceded to attack me online and try to get other people to do the same that he gave up his rights and i have no obligation to help him and that it is best that i keep her away from an immature jerk like himself the whole time he was apologizing and asking for a second chance my husband thinks i did the right thing and he shouldn't be around my daughter but i'm not sure due to how important it is for my step kids to see their other parents am i the antagonist now for the top comments nta he signed away all rights so my guess is he's not even paying child support as far as i'm concerned he has no right to your daughter that being said as your daughter gets older you may want to have conversations with her about the situation and asking what she wants if she wants to get to know her dad you need to allow it because when she hits those tween slash teen years she may create a scenario where you are the mean one keeping her away from her amazing dad let her give input and as long as he seems stable job no drugs no arrests try to allow her to choose agreed not the a-hole he gave up his parental rights so her giving him a chance tomito was his second chance he doesn't deserve a third nta he gave up his parental rights he literally has no right to see your daughter is he telling people that in his social media posts probably not but i'm not sure due to how important it is for my step kids to see their other parents everyone else is focusing on your ex's rights and legality but i wanted to focus on this bit it's important for your step kids to see their other parents because those people are and have been a key part of their lives unless you're missing details your ex isn't and has never been a part of your daughter's life he's a stranger to her you were willing to introduce him but now he's being hostile towards you i think you made the right call not allowing contact right now but i do think you should take some time to think things over allowing contact in the future may benefit your daughter or not you need to figure that out if you do go that route you need to have a sit down with your ex first with a very clear message about your family's boundaries and your expectations about his interactions with your and your husband's daughter because if your husband is the only father she knows he is her father your ex is biologically related but is not her parent i also think it may be good for your daughter to be introduced slower than an immediate face to face letters or phone calls or video course should probably come first nta nta he had his chance and was never in her life he gave up all rights to see her basically without thought so if at ash dollar sign him no kidding he gave up his parental rights and asked to see the kid he didn't want and abandoned he blew up any second chance he had about seeing the child when he lied on social media nta he gave up parental rights and you are damn right he would bad mouth you to your daughter got my parents had a normal divorce no issues and my dad talked about my mum to me constantly it was horrible he was vile about her and it messed with me do not let him have any access if you can and if you ever must let him makes uranus supervised he's proven what he's capable of doing and what his true character is he's only changed his tune because he got caught i'm so sorry that happened to you i had the opposite my mother tried to blame my dad for my depression as part of the divorce proceedings to try and get more money slash limit shared custody it broke my and my dad's hearts when he asked if it was true and it's left a dark cloud over my relationship with her for 20 years ntaop your ex signed his rights away actions have consequences these are his am i the antagonist for yelling at my husband after he told me to sleep on the bed he ruined but my husband male 32 and if26 both work we used to work together on chores and backslash backslash cooking but recently he has been doing pretty much nothing no time pregnant and i feel sick all the time despite that i do all i can he lost his pet but two months ago and that's when he stopped doing anything in the apartment i understand he's grieving but i started thinking he's using the line i'm grieving to skip chores he works three days a week i work long hours nurse and every time i come home to take care of everything i kept my mouth shut thinking he's depressed and in grief but he goes out with friends laughs on sm plays boards games and watches netflix nightly and is relaxed to the fullest last night i came home at 9 00 pm he already had dinner and left dishes in the sink i cleaned up ate dinner and went to bed he was already asleep when i walked in the conflict started when i saw that my side of bed was wet i woke him up to ask him about the huge stain on my side of bed he told me he spilled milk while he was watching youtube on my side of bed and forgot to clean it up i was stunned i yelled at him and asked him if he was serious when he said he'd clean it up tomorrow and told me to sleep on it i started calling him inconsiderate and quite frankly a user since he keeps arguing that i'm cruel for not leaving him alone to grieve his beloved i told him he didn't care that much about his pet since he's having fun and playing games he looked at me shocked asked if i was done with my lecture then he couldn't believe i questioned his love for his pet then went outside we pretty much haven't talked since then i slept on the mattress on the floor since the bed socked the milk stain he took the sheets to clean them up and i felt guilty for what i said to him he seems hurt and acts as if he is shocked by what i said amateur here now for the top comments nta this is an indication of how much he's going to help you when baby arrives you're exhausted now and working on the front line in a pandemic whilst pregnant any normal man would be telling you to put your feet up when you come home and doing as much as possible especially when he only works three days a week please look after yourself and tell him you and lo need his help atm and if he is struggling with the grief of his pet still he should see a therapist he really is milking it we lost our pet dog two months ago and he was a big part of our family he was especially attached to me and our middle child we still miss him terribly and the kids talk about him all the time but we still go to work and look after our house please take it easier and don't let him guilt you as you already have so much on your plate sending you internet hugs if you would like them when i was 35 i lost my mother five weeks after her cancer diagnosis i had two young children who still needed to be fed and have clean clothes and baths the kitchen didn't clean itself it was hard but grieving doesn't mean you get to completely check out i took two weeks off of work i cried a lot i raged and ran and sobbed then did the dishes nta yes this we lost our youngest last year i screamed i cried i didn't want to get out of bed or function or exist but i had three other kids who needed me so i wiped the tears clung to any shred of routine insanity and purpose that i could find and adulted that's what adults do especially when other people are actually depending on them you know like a spouse and child ren condolences on your loss i am sure your mom was and would have been proud of you for finding such an amazing amount of strength in such a hard time i'm so sorry for your loss it is one thing to lose a parent who you expect to outlive it is a completely separate experience to lose a child truly the only factor that could keep me going would be caring for my other child thank you so much for sharing nta wow he didn't even offer his side of the bed to his pregnant wife slash slash came here to say this carrot carrot carrot wtf is wrong with this dude he's abusive abuse very often starts during pregnancy he's showing all the signs of conditioning her into being hissy showing her that he holds all the power in the relationship and she holds none he feels he has baby trapped her so now he doesn't have to be decent anymore now he gets to show his true colors just shared the term bang made with my wife thank you for that nta you backquotery husband is just searching for an excuse to exploit your kindness you are a pregnant hard-working woman he is a lazy leech with no remorse am i the antagonist for giving away clothes my mill has given my son because theater julie my infant son is my mill's only grandchild she delights in buying him things he does not need egg coat hangers when she knows we have nowhere to hang his clothes fear all folded in drawers she also loves to give him clothes the problem is the clothes she gifts are all really girly some of the clothes she has bought him include a pink shirt with a crown and the words beauty queen a pale pink on issue with girl power spelled out in flowers a white honey she with nando's girl embroidered on in pink a pink tutu the only things she has ever given him that air and pink were a frilly romper with red and blue flowers which he hasn't grown into yet a frilly romper out of a very cute beehive fabric which i can't use as it's so badly made it's unsafe strangulation risk a white and green onishi size newborn after she had spoken to me about clothing sizes and he'd confirmed he was two sizes larger than newborn now i'm not terrified of my son wearing pink he has plain pink clothes he has clothes with pink apples on he has clothes with purple pink and blue stripes he has clothes with yellow love hearts he has a purple and gray cardigan but the clothes my mill buys are something else i always just say thank you for the thought but he has plenty of clothes and if she asks for ideas i suggest what about a toy or a book mostly she just says anything we don't need to pass on to a friend who can use it which i do everything was fine until mill asked over easter why my son never wears anything she gives us and i explained it's all a little bit jealy but i have a friend who has a girl and we swap clothes her girl is the first after a long line of boys and so she gets nothing very girly in her hand me downs mill huff that she didn't think people worried about that these days which i get i buy him dolls and trucks 95 of my son's clothes are what i consider gender neutral has a baby he doesn't need his shirt to state if he's nana's girl or nana's boy if when he's old enough to make a preference he wants more girly stuff then i won't ever tell him it was for girls but while has a baby with no preference i don't feel comfortable dressing him in stuff which says nana's girl even just for a photo for nana my mill says i'm being too fussy and it's not fair she never gets to see him wear anything she's given him and giving away excess i don't need isn't the same as giving away everything they give him am i the r now for the top comments nta she's giving clothes that are clearly gendered not giving clothes that break gender norms she's not a hero she's just weird op should buy her stuff that says world's best grandpa give her that on a coffee mug for father's day nta it's obvious your mill wanted a granddaughter she doesn't get to run that agenda on your son absolutely this she wanted a girl and is better now which is terribly sad hopefully grandma will grow up and change her attitude nta it's fine if the clothes are pink you're not even against that it is not about the colors it is about what is printed on them your mill is misgendering your boy and that is an issue maybe you can explain it to her that the gendering by the prince and not by the color is the problem but i assume she won't like that either maybe she wanted a granddaughter so badly instead of a grandson does she have daughters her own because it seems as that might be the underlying issue and that is a problem of hers enforcing your boundaries to keep her from pushing something into your son won't change that fact it still is her problem this isn't even just extremely girly clothing she gets in things that literally announce that he's a girl i'm all for not forcing gender roles on kids but that's a hard line for me and i'm not surprised it is for rob as well oh yeah that's what i was trying to say milla's forcing a gender role onto a baby that doesn't even match his sex assigned at birth it's absolutely weird nta all the way it's very clear she wants to push a concept onto a boy before he's old enough to know what's happening nta i'm a four-gender neutral baby clothes and letting kids wear stuff designed for the opposite gender but aggressively gendered clothing beauty queen girl power etc is dumb for either gender and demo frilly stuff and babies don't mix they are messy lol it does seem to me like mill is purposely picking clothes she knows are ridiculous so she can make herself the victim i don't even know anyone with a baby right now but i could acquire some cute baby clothes that aren't ridiculous within a minute of stepping into the baby section i don't see how she hasn't found a cute outfit with a cute animal on it that would look adorable on a boy or a girl yet almost like she's going out of her way not to yeah when i bought stuff for a friend's baby i bought bigger sizes so that he could grow into them but they were just things with dinosaurs and mama's little monster on them i would have had to really go out of my way to find things that are as aggressively gendered as the millies most stuff seem to be pretty generic aside from the color themes even in the girl sections you can find a lot of gender neutral things like bright orange t-shirts or polka dots it really does not need to be something that says he is a girl some of the honors is are just a plain color that is way brighter slash cuter than the ones in the boys section i know i'm the oldest and help my parents pick out clothes for my siblings boys always seem to have dark blue or green while girls have teal salmon slash bright yellow neons to me it makes no sense to buy those outfits with obviously gendered words on them when the mill could be buying her grandson cute outfits with stripes or cats on them yeah i don't get it either granted i was only looking at boy hones's but it all did seem pretty neutral in terms of wording i have a feeling mill just really wanted a granddaughter for whatever reason nta it's not that they are too feminine it's that they're literally labeling him as a girl this isn't wanting to fight gender stereotypes this is weird behavior

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 1,905

Rating: 4.9259257 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: UZO16XZ-VDo

Length: 21min 41sec (1301 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 11 2021