Adoption Stories | A Flawless Films Production | Maureen and Elayne

adoption was legalized in 1952 since when over 40,000 adoptions have taken place affecting nearly every family in Ireland these are some of their stories in the 1960s John and Dorothy Downey from New Jersey in the u.s. adopted a little girl from best for a mother and baby home in Cork her name was Margaret Mary and she was 2 years old she still has memories of her strange and confusing her arrival was I understand what these people were saying to me they spoke money they changed my name from Margaret married to Maureen I know how Maureen was excuse me crazy her brother John had also been adopted from Basra a year earlier although they were brought up brother and sister they're not blood relatives in their early years they formed different relationships with their adoptive parents my brother was real sweet to them and they adored him truth be known my adopted mother and I had a very strange relationship I'm very sure that I was very resented anyone trying to take a place of my birth mother I have a feeling that we were very close I got my nursery records and it says I was nurse for six months I should nurse your own baby and then we expected to to give it up my mother was a hero to me she did the most impossible thing she got me just give me a little suitcase put me a little sweater shed knitted for me and um she let him take me I used to think about it all the time what I like her would she like me what I make her proud would she be would we have been able to survive if she had been able to keep me 2003 I got in touch with Despereaux they got in touch with my birth mother her first reaction was of course I want to meet her but then they told her that she had better go through counseling before she meets me and then of course she backed down I thought it was a great idea for her to start the search you know I was kind of sad when the mother didn't want any parts of her yeah I think it's a very good idea that she finds a mother he'll fill a hole in the heart now I'm not letting anybody stop me this time I want to meet her I want her to know how much I appreciate her it's been 50 years praying for a chance to get here and if I was going to share that with anybody he would be with Bob he's my rock Greg couldn't be here without him I'd fall apart it's been 50 years since Maury left Ireland and she's heading to the only place that lives in her memory desperate in Cork it will also be the first time she meets Chris Kerwin who was also adopted from Vesper around the same time they met some years ago on Facebook two years old when I left I know people say oh you don't have memories but you really do you have memories and sometimes your mind gets weak enough that you remember things where's his name yeah before you could walk like this on it just click on the red ones Oh run by the sisters of the Sacred Heart BassPro mother and baby home operated between 1922 and 1996 women stayed during the late stages of pregnancy and after the birth the mother would often stay with the baby until it was adopted there was no closure for either of us I'm getting to talk to her and let her know how grateful I am for what she did I think my East a little bit of her too and give her some closure in her life you know we're not getting any younger and like it's been said many times is that this ends with us it's been almost ten years since Maureen abandoned her first search and today she's hoping that a meeting with the HSE social worker can provide her with information about her birth mother they had the person's number they contact the mother for more likelihood but maybe not today maybe soon you know she comes out with a smile after meeting with Maureen her social worker asked her to step outside while she called her mother to see if she would agree that they could meet you want me to do it now she's my heart I know I know I know okay there's no absolutes there's always a chance you can talk them into yes you know I'm here now if she wanted to see me this would be a when she found I'll be four uh-huh that her mom did want to see her yeah she really broke down and cried you know she's really hurt her room process of trying to get tickets in that song can I come over she mentioned done it yeah yeah it was yeah really sad this time gonna be different yes it's like a long time in there yeah yeah I mean it was only 10 or 15 minutes at the very most and it felt like three hours waiting for an answer no she has my anything do it me the moment that it said no and you won't get a chance to meet her it takes my legs out from under you after a sleepless night and with time running out Maureen makes one more attempt to tell her birth mother how she feels in a letter I just say that I have to try one more time at least right or no and hopefully we'll be able to and get that to her in some way or another although she has been told there should be no contact Maureen still hopes the social worker might read the letter to her mother if I gave it to you would you feel comfortable with cornering readers and Joyce and she said no contact okay all right that's all right thank you so um can I drop it to you today okay thank you so much so do it jihui's her she's gonna ring her and she's a girl I miss her oh people fingers close I'm very sorry that we did not have a chance to meet I wanted a chance to get to tell you how grateful I am for all you did for me I truly hope you are happy and that life is giving you only dreamed of because of your sacrifice I was sent to a great family in the States and they were very good to me I can still remember flashes of memories of best friend and a day that you just me to go to the States it must have been very very hard to do these things knowing that I was leaving forever the very last thing I want is to interrupt your life or to hurt you in any way I will of course respect your wishes of no contact and leave the ball in your court as they say I am honestly only attempting to complete the circle of my life you have always been my heroine I just want the opportunity to tell you directly before my heart thank you with all my heart love and respect I've waited 50 years for this chance and I think that it's I've gotten it I've gotten my chance actually you know I mean even though I didn't meet her it's okay it's okay I mean I feel a warmth that are feeling that I've done everything that I possibly could and somehow someway she might feel it it's okay someday you know that it might it's just about hard time I guess you know so yeah I have to say that I feel I feel pretty good about you know it was definitely worth it it's definitely worth it you you Elaine was adopted by Jim and Betty Sherlock and grew up in Kulak and Dublin with her brother and sister her gorgeous in 2001 after the birth of her daughter joy she decided to trace her birth mother you get curious as you get older and when you see people you start to think who could that be her Kadapa Gavin and my family were real sports we went to my mom first I just said it was something that I was thinking about doing so my mom decided to help me out then and she's been supportive through the whole process we actually sat down and we discussed it at the family and we knew her she wanted to go just and we said we'll go right at the very end so she went into the adoption agency and she had to have her counseling for a couple of months beforehand then they started to make the make contact I wrote her letter and to that I know that I've been tracing her yeah it's a really simple like who you are and your age and the hold on him about your life and it's very strange telling somebody that you're related to about you like Elaine's mother who was now living in England soon replied to the letter she explained why she gave her up for adoption all those years ago she was young at the time and that she was in a position where she wasn't didn't have any option but to put me up for adoption and she just thought it would be better for for me to be with a better family than her ever shouldn't games raised me on her own I was hoping that if I did meet her it would have been just like a catch-up and eventually we would have been able to build up like a friendship if nothing else like Elena and her mother wrote to each other many times they arranged to meet on several occasions but at the last minute Elaine's mother always cancelled when she didn't turn off when she said that she was an idiot Phil put back on with Jax's and let down again Elaine didn't realize she was coming soon where she was going so as a mother wants to meet her too and want to meet her we picked her up all the pieces every time she cries you feel that you've got your hopes up and then suddenly they're just taken away from me again the ladders went on for over four years before I decided enough was enough that I couldn't say what anymore and I decided to stop contacts that are done after that I went into the adoption agency and ask them what they think and just said so look I really don't want to go on with this and they went through every step of it I made sure it was a hundred percent what I wanted before they decided that there was no more letters gonna be sent after we decided that was it she just said to me you know there is in order say Bing but she wasn't enough to shoe here that's when I found out about Russia her mother did tell her in all of the letters that George where she was an only child and I named Terry when we found out that she had a sister like that was just unbelievable Trish grew up in San tree close to Elaine's home and kulak she was adopted by Margaret and old Carrie and stays close to her adoptive father's since Margaret recently passed away when she got a letter from her adoption agency she didn't know what to expect I got a letter saying there was a bit of information about my history and because of the way it was phrased I thought it was just medical history so it wasn't I was actually driving XO thinking I'm gonna go in and they're gonna just tell me something awful is wrong with me and then when I went in with my husband's they said you know you've sister and I nearly just fainted I remember just sitting there going and in my head all I could hear was kind of the East Enders and just sitting there completely in shock and and zone and A's they said oh she's very nice and she's a hairdresser and she's called Elaine she'll write you a letter and if you want you can write back to her so it's just I couldn't wait to get the letter I was so excited about us and it was just brilliant scantiness because I could just tell from the tone but that we'd get on and you know she was really nice and she was very sensitive in a to saying look I'd love to meet you but I understand if you don't want to and she didn't seem pushy about us and she just sounded really absolutely lovely and I just couldn't wait to meet her so straight away in a matter of days I had a letter back for what her email address and then she sent me an email and she attached a photo of her a passport photo and it was amazing to see cuz I expected her just to look like me and then when I thought I was just like gazing out and like printed and they blew it up and I took at home and my parents were it was so excited they just hung it up in the wall and they were like that's then you found me remember now both foster aesthetic was just made up and see what happens there's no point in writing for a just women really live so close since so we just met often for a week her dad drove her to the hotel and I drove the lane to the hotel and she sat in the car and I could see her sister sitting in her father's car and we were waiting for hurts because I she was waiting for lanes because I was we knew and when the two of them stood together you could see that there was definitely a resemblance between them and one of the big worries about meeting Elaine I was really worried she wouldn't like me I was paranoid about it I was like why should me and she just hates me and she kind of walks a cursor or she thinks you're really boring I think dominantly Mary should we know that wasn't going to be any negative sides for that we did just get it on from from the beginning we had to take photos of our lives which was like photos when your kids and your communion and your confirmation I remember sitting there thinking god this is so weird you know I should I should be in those voters who you should be in those photos I think whatever eleven to twelve o'clock that life when eventually she rang and she says I think you like me now they had spent the whole day together which was lovely over the following number of years Elaine and Trish's friendship has grown stronger we keep in contact a good bit through Facebook and you know I'd often call over to her house for a glass of wine we got to know each other's friends which is lovely as well like and we'd often just quite insane and go for pints and meet up and she gets on great with my friends you know we were quite similar personality Wyatts as well and things that you wouldn't think you'd be similar and people would say oh he's no good look about you too saying the same thing and like thinking the same thing and you know small little details like that that you see a bit of a connection with as well except to say Wayans her family and she was accepted into our family we kind of became just one big family rather than two separate families my daughters his flare gun on her wedding and I was her bridesmaids with her other sister then all my relatives at the wedding were you know they'd say he's the bridesmaid all that's Trish's sister and there you could see them go nuts so they know her now which is good oh boy I'm crazy about horses of always said horses and her daughter rides as well and coincidentally she was in the same stables ozan which was not like I did know each other they love each other like you just decide lies there you know and she knows tradition she'll sign her about when she's in disables a nutritional go fits here and her lessons at Israel event chicken they have a grave once in the seven years since Trish and Elaine met neither of them has had contact with their birth mother I never had a huge curiosity about meeting my birth mother I think it was because she'd never come forward and left a letter or left any kind of information about her I realized that she probably wasn't into it or couldn't get into us then out of the blue on Christmas Day Elaine and Trish received a text from their birth mother like Trisha Sri Sri and I'm Georgia too and we've never received a message about four on Christmas Day so it's all just it's more a case of whiteness particular moments it just seems bizarre that you know she carried you around for nine months and gave birth to you and you you've never met her you know you've never seen her there's so much of their lives that she has missed out on like their communions the birthdays their dabs their boyfriends and then of course she's missed out on joy as well that's the worst part for me did she's missing out on her you know you can say in a text I'd love to meet up but it's actually following it off this day it's the next best and I don't know whether she will I just don't know whether she will I think now I don't think it matters as much as the probably wars have and because myself and Trish of mess we know that we've still that we've always got each other now you know nobody will ever come between us it's just been lovely it's it's just kind of shook the foundations they all thought I had but in a really good way I'd never really thought about being part of a genetic line before or having even a family tree and now I'm really proud that we have this little V tree we're kind of bones now like we're now neuron anymore you know the silver house though if you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this program please see our support page at tv3 - IE ford slash help lines you you

Channel: Virgin Media Television

Views: 137,997

Keywords: Adoption, irish adoption, tv3, Ireland tv3, irish tv shows, Ireland and adoption, new shows tv3, Ireland tv shows, American adoption, Ireland US adopt, adopt, usa adoption shows, United States (Country)

Id: xynDEHwUn1k

Length: 22min 35sec (1355 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 11 2013