Adoption Stories | A Flawless Films Production | Tressa and Tom & Breege

adoption was legalized in 1952 since when over 40,000 adoptions have taken place affecting nearly every family in Ireland these are some of their stories Tressa Donnelly was born in 1942 an English mother and an Irish father she was brought up in the leafy London suburb of Greenwich but as a teenager in the early 60s she was quickly drawn to the bright lights of the vibrant London club scene I of course got involved in this world of jazz clubs and artists and writers and poets and all those things I was in a relationship with as the women's magazines would say an older man and he was a jazz musician I was very young I think I was probably about 19 when I first met him and he was 31 and then I got pregnant and I decided I wasn't gonna tell him and I didn't I ran away when Tressa told her mother she was pregnant The effect of the news was devastating we were an upstanding family so of course when all this happened it was an absolute disaster through the local convent her mother organised for her to be sent to a private nursing home in Dublin to have her baby mum paid I was a paying guest I used to read I read a lot let's go to the library I used to play classical music on the radio said that my baby would would hear this lovely music and I had read aloud so that he'd get a really good education through my through me and I'd read him poetry and stuff while in the nursing home in Dublin on the 13th of March 1961 Tressa gave birth to her son Andre I left off that table would you believe and I went down a flight of stairs to the telephone in the hallway and I phoned my mum when I said I've just had a little boy and she said oh right that was the end of the conversation that the only thing she ever mentioned never ever mentioned ever again when she realized there was no way she could bring the baby back home to London Tressa came up with another plan I asked the people in the nursing home if I could stay there with them and work in Dublin and then look after the baby with me when I was at work and they said no married women don't go to working in Ireland and in fact I found out they'd already had a family in mind for me well I was told under no circumstances should I touch him because it wouldn't be fair because the first holdings of the new baby should be with the adoptive mother because she had to bond I wasn't to bond because it would be destructive to the child so he was at the foot of my bed and he was making a little baby noises little ticking noises I in fact did pick him up very guiltily and in fact I christened him I baptized him with some water that I had in the room with his name and then I but I didn't tell anybody because I had actually touched him and I wasn't going to put him back in the cult that's what happened that night and then first thing in the morning they came and took him away and that was the last I saw of him fifty years later Trust is still haunted by memories of that traumatic spring morning in Dublin I did see the people come I won't you know I looked over the banister and I could see them down stairs going into the front room which was the visitors room and I knew what they were there for a couple of days after Andres birth I was given these three sheets of paper to sign and to be quite honest with you I didn't know what I was signing I was in his I mean I signed them all the three of them on the same day one after the other and I shouldn't have done I should have signed one of those much later the papers tres assigned were formally to consent to having her son legally adopted through the adoption agency however Tracy had never heard of the address in Dublin listed as her residence nor was the finding witnessed although the walls a solicitor signature added later according to the 1952 adoption act the final consent form should only have been signed by tress as six months after Andres birth giving her time to change her mind if she wanted to my mother said to me I must never tell anybody never tell anyone especially not a man nobody will want you because yours soiled goods that's right and then a man will never want to bring up another man's child so never and you know the child will suffer because he'll be she it will be ostracized he mustn't do that tress are married Dennis reads in 1962 they'd been friends since there were 15 I realized after I married Dennis and when I used to get upset and cry about it that he was very nice I said of course I could have kept him and Dennis would have taken him on when they had their own first child a little girl called Miranda Tresa fond memories of her young son Andre came flooding back I used to get terribly upset because I would wonder whether she feeding him properly what's he wearing no no and that kids all get mumps and measles and chickenpox has he got those I did worry a lot about where they was all right I was desperate to find out whether he was all right when I went back to Dublin some years later to try and find him and I went to the agency and they said to me that they had no files was I sure I'd had this child I went up to the house and there are a lot so there was the Midwife and she said to me oh I knew you'd come back and she said um there's no record of it he won't be able to ever find him because there's no paperwork a record where he went or anything like that I'm really sorry devastated at the news that the adoption agency had no record of her having given birth and therefore there was no way of finding her son Tressa spent the following 20 years bringing up her four daughters with her husband Dennis she then decided to approach the agency again to find out more about Andres adoption it didn't cross my mind that it wasn't her legal adoption not until I got letters a letter from the director and in this one for instance I was told that Andre was placed with a family in Ireland in March 1961 this family appears to have taken him as their own and there was no formal adoption order made the family had another child adopted in the same way now that was the first time I knew that he wasn't formally adopted he wasn't legally adopted information from the adoption agency led trusted to believe that Andre had been registered as the natural son of his adoptive parents and not as her son his date of birth was also changed in his official birth certificate which is a legal document no record of his actual birth or adoption existed there was no way of him tracing us if he wanted to he couldn't trace me because my name wasn't anywhere in his life information was given to me and that was um about him wearing glasses I mean good at handball and he was a good boy at school and and then later on he got married apparently and had three children then another time I was told that he was divorced and he went to Australia but the mother said that she wouldn't let him know that he was a doctor because he might get upset I was fortunate enough to be able to go back a couple of years ago and I registered him myself and this is the birth certificate that I should have been able to find years ago and it's I did go down and get it and I'm very pleased that had to get it that is his birth birth certificate Andre Donnelly Monday the 30th of March 9 to 61 male 37 ho throat counted Dublin Ireland my name on it I'm not necessarily wanting to find him I do of course but what is more important than that is him finding me he needs to know that he's got a mother a natural mother and that he's got sisters and cousins and things over here that's what needs to happen he might not want to meet me at his age but he needs to know I exist that's that's the important thing I think trustus husband Dennis worked all over the world as an engineer but in 2005 they moved to Penzance in Cornwall I mean the reason we came down here was because I oldest daughter got very sick with cancer and we came down here to mind her and the mind her children Miranda was the eldest of Dennis and tressa's four daughters and she empresa had a particularly strong bond she said she had three sisters and a brother yes she always did that yes and she called her youngest child the one who lived with me Gabriel Andre all the years I was doing my search we had an arrangement that if I died she would take the search on but there's no need for that two years after my daughter died my husband died and I couldn't take I couldn't take that and I gave up all my hobbies really just getting through the day I think I get mad about it but I can't really afford much inside my head to get that mad because it's too upsetting I've got to keep going because I've got my job to do bringing up kids and stuff but it does make me mad yes I will keep going yeah I don't never have long really and I'm getting old now when this all started my red hair started to go gray and I was very surprised to see I had this little white cap underneath this one and I immediately got sad because I thought if ever my son to them he would never have known me as a redhead isn't that funny that's what I thought I was quite excited about that you never never seen me with red hair they are you Tom and breach Walsh from Sligo decided to start a family a few years after they were married I did get pregnant once in 1996 I had a miscarriage of touching wigs so thought it would happen again but it didn't we didn't discuss it a whole lot up until the time we kind of accepted that it wasn't happening and we just said we'd investigate the option we had applied for a domestic adoption but that didn't broke out would we seem to that last in the system and have never happened for us we told the doctor gentle introduction once Tom and breech decided to adopt from another country they settled on Russia at the time you people would say if you were looking for if you wanted specifically to ask for a boy or a girl there was a waiting period but we said you know we didn't mind no if you give birth to a child you don't have the choice of is it a boy or a girl so we kind of left in the lap of the girls we said we got this email on this think was the 16th of January 2003 and we were told this little girl was available for adoption and our names with the next list and because we wanted to go there and then but we got this photograph of her and was she the most beautiful photograph I suppose is like somebody giving birth to happen to scan you know her hands with blue box changes and I actually worried wasn't around with her hands but I discovered after this - a blue from the cold because then I said but the place was where was you know it was cold you know we had heard a few people that are Dutch that no one ever personally in you you know F saves so or development the whole thing wasn't burnt into this Airport and I'll just talk and it seemed so Derek and I've never been scared of my life in this language oh no language whatsoever stands in the - version of us waiting for someone to come along how to describe it you know it was like I suppose having a baby it was just such a special time it see this little increment you're into the room and you know this whole fish is going to be yours as we got Norden that was the bachelor again because then I'm sorry easy she was yeah she was really Placid child and she still is same way to this day I wanted to go there and then and take my beautiful little girl home of me but I wasn't allowed we waited until I think of the 20 20 years of February we brought around the baby woman - was prime definitely the happiest day of my life it's just like getting a new baby really you know people talk with wind lover you know Rutter's nothing compared to something like that you know the same with for having a baby you know I suppose it's just such a special time you know my sister M died the year before we dr. kachur on her name was Catherine she knew we were going to adopt so and I promised her before she changes her huskily girls would call on Catherine we had to get a Russian passport organized before we came home and when we got her back - had Petra leave an app which we kept her Russian names we kept a second him and it was Katie our Ian and we thought that was a legal document so we talked but that's the Scourge breeze go with spelling and then we were told because of Kandra absolutely auntie mom didn't really make me difference she was just such a placid child slept on the plane I think we'll try to fight over whose stage decision I think I won it was just such a wonderful feeling to know that we were finally back in this she was ours you know everybody was so excited to see her it was a race FC will get up scare forces here from my three sisters of course that batters every preference and flowers and teddy bears everything so lovely there's Christian pop tonight - dragged home she arrived room and remember that pop mmm my dad's pop you screw over every more and see her and he fed her porridge every morning for a long time do you remember that when Poppy's feed everyone dear it was a very special time for him is reading on and they still have a very close bond bottoms of you know which one is blossomed as hidden she was a very serious and baby when we got from question if she's the most beautiful smile she could be quite serious but him size-wise I mean you know she was a tiniest thing and I think I was obsessed with feeding her in the beginning to try and strengthen her up you know I suppose we always felt that we did my question to be on her own and maybe apart from the only child patran the fact that she was adopted but suddenly I be thankful to have someone that she could associate with that or identifiable to her we say as she gets older Tom and breech returned to Russia in the new year of 2006 they'd been told about a little boy for adoption there we would love to get better as a baby home protection was pushing it actually there's no children available for adoption in that region at the time so we went to a place called Orenburg Daniel can have a big smile in his face and he's still smiling to this day first of all Daniel went directly from the hospital where he was born to the baby home so Daniel never knew anything else except the hospital baby home and that was this factory who saw traumatized was this he'd never been known to those environments before so he was bought I was at home to a completely different world and the two strangers probably babbling as a very foreign language and he had never heard English before good morning Emma couldn't even with anyone because he just he was crying yeah year and a half I always check on them and plan to kiss under heads you know and in this video could entertain because he was just Quincy possible just as anybody and dealing what about that course of a situation so him but now he can 22:10 him you know I kiss him every night he never moves in the bed ten is real diplomatic a future politician I love you too this is kind of a special time for myself and Daniel because once three o'clock comes catching his end and dinner has to be done and all that so it's a very special time yeah he's very active child and he still likes to go Lola's I was worried for catchable school I was so worried because I was afraid to him somebody would say something to her or be nasty to her we've never come across that but you know everybody knows captioners adoption so it's not it's a big deal concered unclick egg over an reefer the pensioner there is just no she's outstanding she's been really really helpful towards me and it was supportive but too Daniel was diagnosed with ADHD attention deficit disorder and works with a special needs assistant in school Daniel kitchen or from day one data reduction we've always talked about it and we've done a lot of region and workshops and that's what's your advice to do to him speak about adoption so stuff big surprise for the micelle it's no big deal to them you know didn't order dr. Daniel tell you he's from Russian he knows his name was action before he was adopted we celebrate their Adoption Day as well as their birthdays it's nice to celebrate that because your Adoption Day is a special to us as their birthday the birthday is really you know for the birth parents and we always think of your birth parents especially on other birthdays because it has to be tough care for them you know I couldn't imagine been any closer to do kids I couldn't imagine life without them to do that we have anyway I know obviously if I was assured of everything in my life as I am the Danny loves me I wouldn't have a worry for the rest of my life we don't know what it's like to have our own best children but put imagine of a child that I would have birthed any more than I love the two of them you know if you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this program please see our support page at tv3 - IE ford slash help lines you

Channel: Virgin Media Television

Views: 32,076

Rating: 4.7463412 out of 5

Keywords: Adoption, irish adoption, tv3, Ireland tv3, irish tv shows, Ireland and adoption, new shows tv3, Ireland tv shows, adopting a baby, russian adoption, twin adoption tv shows, London adoption

Id: Gw8xmZJTllY

Length: 22min 32sec (1352 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 11 2013