(audience cheering) - Thank you, all. Love ya, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you. All right, thank you,
all right, thank you. All right, I appreciate it. Okay, well thank you. That was, this is a nice
feeling, and thank you. I love ya and I appreciate
it, so here we go. Hello, my name is Adam Sandler. (audience laughing) And I am the 2023 Mark Twain
Humor Prize Award recipient for Greatness in American Funny, and bringing the thunderous belly laugh to the sweet people of planet Earth. Can I get a hell yeah? (audience whooping) To all my amazing buddies
who spoke earlier tonight, thank you, from the
deepest part of my heart. The whole time I was listening to you, I was filled with gratitude
that the original people the Kennedy Center asked
to come couldn't make it. (audience laughing) Nicholson, Hoffman, Pacino all had prior dinner reservations (laughs). (audience laughing) That they could not cancel. And as you guys babbled on and on about me, I couldn't help but think to hell with ratings and talent. You guys are my real friends. (audience laughing) All right. To my family who all flew
in from New Hampshire and Florida to watch me get this award. Yes, I will pay for your hotel rooms. (audience laughing) But you gotta pay for your
own incidentals, Mother. How many pistachios can one woman eat? (audience laughing) All right, I'm kidding, I love ya. I'm gonna drop the voice and
tell some, try to speak normal. And I feel bad I've been
making jokes about my mother for many years, but she is a great lady. And I'm sorry if any of 'em
ever hurt your feelings, Mom. All right, so honestly,
I've had an amazing life. I'll tell you what kind
of led me to this night. I come from a great family. A sweet, beautiful, funny, incredible, caring, loving mother who played me Barbara Streisand, Johnny Mathis. I had a as-cool-as-it-gets
badass, funny, pony-tailed dad who sang me Johnny Cash and Johnny Ray. And he showed me the Marx Brothers, Jerry Lewis, Jackie Gleason. Whenever they were on,
he'd call me into the room. And growing up, my parents
literally did everything they could to give me crazy confidence at literally everything I did. School, sports, singing, joking, they acted like I was the
best at all those things, even though other kids
were way better than me. My sisters, Elizabeth and
Valerie, they included me in everything they did. They would always tell
me to sing, tell stories, they'd go to all my
games, they'd root for me. They'd even take me on
dates with their boyfriends. They just always made me feel like I was the star of the family. My older brother, Scott, I
shared a bedroom with him my whole childhood, and
he was always nice to me. And he's always calm with me. And he would just tell me,
I'm funny all the time. He'd say, I was great on the guitar. Tell me I could sing as
good as Stephen Tyler. (audience laughing) He told me to read Mad Magazine. And we'd watch Benny Hill together. When it came time to
pick my college major, so my brother was the one who
said I should be an actor. I said, "What should I do with my life?" He said, "You should be an actor. "You're as funny as Rodney
Dangerfield and Eddie Murphy." And I never thought that, but he sort of, he just
made me feel like I was. He's the one who brought me to Boston when I was 17 years old. I was a senior in high
school and he brought me to do a standup comedy
at Stitches Comedy Club. He set it all up. He says, you're gonna get on
stage, you have five minutes to do jokes. What are you gonna say? I said, "I'm not sure, I'll just wing it." Because I really didn't even, I had no idea what the
hell, I didn't even know you were supposed to prepare. So I went up there, I was terrible. I don't even know what I said. I was like in a fog. Those weird fogs you get
when you're a standup sometimes where you lose your mind. I just kind of was babbling. I remember one guy screaming
out, "He still has a retainer." (audience laughing) Anyways, I left. For some reason on the way
home, my brother made me feel like I had the best set of
any comedian that night. And he's like, you just
gotta prepare next time. But they loved you. And in my head I was like, "They did?" But, and then I went to NYU. And first guy I meet was
the great Tim Hurley. He was my roommate. And I asked him, "What do
you wanna do with your life?" He said, "I wanna be a billionaire." And he goes, "How about you?" I said, "Oh, I wanna be a comedian." He said, "Cool." And then he asked me, "What
are some of your jokes?" And I said, "I don't have any jokes." (audience laughing) And then he went to
Poughkeepsie to see his family. He came back, and he handed me three yellow pieces of
paper with jokes on 'em. And he just did it on his own. Gave me these jokes. That's when we like became a team and started trying to kick ass together. And all my buddies, my
buddy Eric Lamonsoff, who I grew up with, and
the guys from my dorm, Jack Giarraputo, Frank
Coraci, Allen Covert who I met in my history comedy class. We just all got very
tight with each other. And comedy just, that
became our obsession. And Colin Quinn, who's a
great comedian, and I was, he used to host a show at a
place called the Paper Moon in Greenwich Village. And they used to book me all the time, and it wasn't due to my talent, but they knew when I showed up, so did at least 30 NYU
students from my dorm. So they were like, let's hire that guy. But I had no idea I was being used because again the confidence
thing made me think, wow, these Greenwich Village comedy clubs, they get it, I'm gonna be a sensation. (audience laughing) Then I graduated college. Bud Friedman, he saw me
at Catch a Rising Star. He told me I should move out to LA. And he said he would
put me up at The Improv. I told my dad, "Should I go out there? "Should I move out there?" He said, well, if Bud Friedman
said you should come out, you gotta go out there. That guy knows what he's talking about. So the next thing I know,
I'm living with Judd Apatow. We're writing away, laughing all the time. Had the best time together. Dennis Miller saw me, told
Lorne Michaels about me. Then with the help of my
manager, Sandy Wernick, nudging Lorne, they hired me. I ended up on SNL with all my buddies. Every one of these, my castmates
became my best friends. We all had each other's backs immediately. Lots of the castmates
and lots of the writers I got to know seemed to have
that same kind of confidence about themselves I had. Like a weird comedy confidence that we thought we knew what was funny and the world needed to see it. Me and Hurley, he started writing "Billy Madison" over the fax. And Bob Simons, who produced
"Airheads," he read the script. He said, you really wanna make that movie? I can get it done for you. We were like, yeah, absolutely. And Bob did that for us. And then we really
started getting cooking. We started writing all our stuff, and producing, and directing, and editing. And very hands on, and it
became like an addiction. And we knew the movies we worshiped growing up and quoted growing up. And we kind of wanted
to attempt to do stuff like that for the next generation. And having a kid come up to you and say they liked the
line from your movie, or one of the comedy albums, or something like that, that literally was the best
feeling I could ever get until one night. And that night was will always be my favorite night of my life. So Stephen Dorff was
having a birthday party and my agent and buddy Adam
Bennett said to me, "Let's go." I go, I sit at a table. My buddy, Dallas, introduces
me to that woman over there. And from that moment on, I just couldn't keep my eyes off her. She was sweet, she was
gorgeous, as nice as it gets. And as luck would have
it, she also had the habit of telling me I was great at everything. (audience laughing) My jokes were great. And she said I have good hair,
said my cheeks smell good. Everything I did in her
eyes, I was the best. Or that's at least how she made me feel. Then. (audience applauding) Thank you, thank you. And then along came two
of the true best things, babies showing up, Sadie and Sunny. And they're the love of our lives. (audience applauding) The most pride and joy that
Jackie and I could ever feel. The life-changers. When they speak, we either laugh, tear up, or just stare
at 'em in amazement. Every conversation we have,
every day, every night, every drive, every meal, every smile, every hang we have, I'm only
wishing time will stand still 'cause being with you two and Mommy, that's the best life can get. And they look like their mama, and they're smart like their mama. And they also give me confidence every year on my birthday
too by buying me t-shirts that say World's Best Farter. (audience laughing) And I don't even (beep) fart that much, but they think it's fun. So anyways, in summary, my
career's been tremendous. I, nothing has let me down. I do work my ass off. It's fun, I wake up early, it's fun. I stay up late, it's
fun, I go on locations. If I bring the family, it's fun. Everyone in this room
tonight has made my life fun. People always would ask me
those bad reviews you get, how does that make you feel? Make you feel like (beep) shit? And I'd say no, it really doesn't. I think the reason I get
to say that didn't hurt me is 'cause so many of you guys in this room made me feel great about
what we've done together. And all my fellow
comedians, actors, writers, collaborators, crew members,
people on the streets, my family, my kids, my
forever girl Jackie, all make me feel like the critics didn't know what the hell
they were talking about. So thank you for all that. (audience applauding) Thank you. Thank you for creating a
delusional psychotic man who is now the proud owner
of the 2023 Mark Twain Award for athleticism, math, sexual prowess, guitar virtuosity, and best cheek smell, goodnight. Keep lying to yourselves,
everybody, and God bless America. Thank you so much for this! (audience applauding) Love, y'all. Thank you, thank you. (audience applauding continues) Thank you! (audience applauding continues)
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Now I lost complete respect for this award. Adam Sandler 🤢 and not Trey & Matt?
He called the shit poop.
?The 90s was a long time ago, and get a suit that fits
adam sandler in… whatever, you’ll still come see it!
Haha Adam Sandler is funny
With Rob Schneider guest staring as... A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER