A Totally Normal Human Working His Human Job - Human Simulator

and then swing it over yeah there we go okay so now we could just take a look through that was not what I meant I just wanted to kind of push things around a little bit no no you it's my first day okay no that's a lot of explosions for a first day what's up guys welcome to human simulator a game where you play is a completely normal human with an average everyday jump I promise I'm gonna make the bold assumption that most of you watching this video are a human which should mean this will be interesting you're almost educational because not many of us know that we all undergo this process it happens when we're asleep so we're obviously not aware but that doesn't make it any less important did you catch all that I'll summarize don't worry but it says right there human protocol if human is in all caps it can't be a lie it's the process of opening our eyes okay some of us need a little help for alarm some caffeine but we all retract our visions sphincters one eye at a time it's what makes us all the same before pulling back the flaps some of us call them eyelids it's an oversimplification but you've got to ground images because you have two round eyes but your human brain combines it to make one image and there you have it the process of waking up it's a beautiful thing almost as beautiful as our family listen nothing is more romantic to a human man than running his fingers through a human woman's chest hair oh my god I look like somebody bought a Chinese knockoff action figure of a hit man at the dollar store my name is Hugh Mann and I'm apparently only five years old with a Bachelor of social studies well it's impressive it looks like I'm not the only one who thinks so because we have a job interview the essential first step for all potential future employees of handy jobs Inc the leading provider of quality handy persons an industry leader in the illustrious field of Handy technologies for over 50 years Hayley jobs ain't is proud to have been serving the community with only the most highly trained and competent handymen and women and are always looking for the best and brightest upcoming new talent to join their distinguished ranks if you're looking for an opportunity to find placement in a diverse and varied working environment where you get to learn what life is like in the shoes of hello man from all walks of life then we want to hear from you apply today that is a mouthful and a half and I felt confident going into it but now I'm kind of nervous how exactly do I practice of course we would set up a fake job interview in our basement right that's totally normal I'm gonna ask though what's with the sign of a hand holding a dog on the top of that building if that's what they mean by handyman I'm out I'm also a little concerned with his neck he's got the Hitman scowl down pat he could definitely stare into your soul but he seems to be suffering from a condition known as jelly bones his neck is made of pudding I don't really want to continue with this job interview I'm not gonna lie is it okay if I just stare off into the distance oh I'm sorry is this suspicious activity to you Oh everything is fine this is totally normal human activity isn't that right sir I'm gonna consider that practice a complete success we're ready for the real thing probably could have used a neck racer too it's fine okay he can't discriminate against pre-existing conditions like jelly bones we just need to be confident ah you must be Mr Man yes please and my father is Mr Man you can call me you my friends call me macho that was a joke macho man you can laugh continue with the interview is he testing me with an awkward silence because it's killing me inside his phone will not stop ringing I think it's really trying its best to break the awkward silence but it's not working you've just been staring at me for almost a minute now please say anything I can't say anything I didn't initiate mouth protocol this morning just eyes and neck technically oh right we can nod yes yes I am mr. man okay you know what I apologize that is my bad sir it was a brain freeze I had a popsicle in the elevator wonderful I'll be looking forward to meeting you you seem like one of the most promising candidates don't make eye contact with the audience [ __ ] look at him what are you doing just there you go didn't have any trouble finding the interview room I hope no no just a little sidetracked hmm popsicle stains the elevator not pudding no it's good right well let's get into some questions then I'm very keen to see how you'll fit into our company so let's begin why don't you start by telling me some of your strengths mr. man that isn't a yes-or-no question oh not one to toot your own horn I see humble that's exactly what we're looking for here at Handy Jobs Inc which reminds me am I supposed to be Tooting other guys horns because again if that's the case I'm out are you sure you don't want to answer that sir somebody keeps calling you over and over again and it's making me think that it's a bit of an emergency I really don't want to leave this interview and find out that your kids are dead or something like that tell me how did you hear about this position again not really you yes or no question I mean we can try to give them a yes oh oh boy I have heard over phone oh that's right a call from mr. Smith upstairs direct recommendation very impressive mr. man where do you see yourself five years from now ten years really happy that there isn't a photo of your wife on this desk right now maybe I see myself somewhere to the right how about how about that photo ah what does it have your wife in it huh early retirement huh honest answer though I like that things are going pretty well what is your least favorite aspect of this industry to be perfectly honest your phone for one the dicks for another I'm also not a big fan of the lack of communication here what's you know what can you really do maybe the Russians next door yeah I'm not a big fan of the Russians oh oh oh no no no no Russians are hacking me the Russians the Russians the Russians are influencing me they're influencing me as a human don't worry sir everything is under control just going to turn my head over this way there we go oh no what okay I can so see them yeah I don't like those pesky neighborhood Russians oh the competition you're absolutely right mr. man it's hard finding people to offer Pandy jobs to these days there's no way that's a coincidence they have to be doing that on purpose handy job is my god you'd think it would be easy but someone's always trying to outdo you if you found out your company was doing something against the law like fraud or prostitution in this case I think what would you do nothing nothing nothing oh that could be a very wise decision I'm no snitch I swear a very tight-lipped how about this then if you are in my position which of these candidates would you select to work at our company oh um I don't think either of those are me I'm gonna pick the one that looks most like me how about that yeah there you go I could grow out my hair a little bit to look like him or less like you technically that's really creepy oh my god your phone it is just like nails on a chalkboard in my mind interesting okay moving on are you able to keep a level head under pressure I mean like a turn of phrase or do you actually want me to make my head level you see I can do that that's pretty level are you impressed yes yes level very level soup you could just balance a ball on that I swear wouldn't even roll off yes yes yes there we go Jesus Christ are we speaking the same language good that's important here almost halfway mr. man ready to continue I mean he looks as ready as he's gonna be he what he keep staring directly at us I'm ready to continue I feel like this job is in the bag alright next question what kind of car do you drive I Drive a dated her ah a man after my own heart beauty isn't she oh there's a car on the calendar look at whatever glows that I guess that works oh that frickin phone yeah maybe I could say it's a classic car or dated car you never really know if you knew one of your close to work colleagues was stealing small amounts of office supplies would you report them no no probably not I would do the same good to know we're on the same page who cares if a USB stick and a pencil and a stapler and a Xerox machine and a couple of desks go missing it's not that big a deal who are our main rivals here at Handy Jobs Inc ooh I wonder if I could say these guys no no I was thinking maybe the employees of the month they're my main rivals but he probably wants me to look back over at the Russians no no no the Russians got me again okay no no just pull it together you you as it you and not you is in y-o-u here we go perfect okay correct damn bastards Oprah jack of all trades oh my god really they've been dragging down our profits for months tell me mr. man and who is this company CEO it's it you did not you um that not you why oh you not you as in my name oh my god that's just gonna get confusing is it one of these idiots no is it the person oh it's you it is you okay no that's great mister man it's me now tell me would you fondle the balls of a CEO what do you ultimately want to become here in handy Jobs Inc um I want to be the next employee of the month you got every other color of tie except for mine top employee ambitious I like that in a while since I've interviewed someone like that let me tell you and you tell me one of your personal pet peeves mister man can I stare at your phone it's not gonna glow but it's not doing anything is there a my phone maybe that will get the message across your phone rather not being able to escape technology I assume know exactly how you feel these days it often seems like some of us are more robot than human I swear I don't know what you're talking about sir it's very deep of you you are you prepared to work a 70 plus hour week no no I'm not really that's good to know most people say the opposite you add your mind I'm a human not a robot are you good at performing difficult tasks for extended periods of time yeah I could do that sure gonna give me the job hmm you say so you and lastly are you good at spotting someone who isn't quite what they seem mister man like a person who is trying to hide something from you I'm starting to think that you're trying to hide a mistress from me she is really hot to trot today sir yeah yeah I can spot weird folks from a mile away I can scan them with my human eyes please please yes yes there it is sometimes you got to give him an extra hurry nod interesting I see a lot of myself in you you know you right well I think that just about does it just one last question then there anything more you'd like to tell me before we finish or we finish before you finish you still haven't quite explained what I'm doing here and if it involves balls I'm not out oh can I can I tell you no I can't tell you what's on that sign and I tell you anything it doesn't look like it he seems to have taken whatever this is as a certain answer I'm not sure what well aren't you keen sadly we're out of time but no need to fret you've already given me everything I need to make my final decision you it is my delight to inform you that I think you've been imperfectly around here the job is yours welcome to handy jobs I just spent 13 minutes of my life booting up smile protocol 2.0 yes we got a job I would have never assumed from that job interview that we were gonna be a crane operator handy jobs received a request for a temporary crane operator to operate the big tugger okay they are definitely doing that on purpose now I thought that was my clever joke down at not sure port an excellent opportunity for budding handy persons looking for their first big gig operators can expect to load and unload crates from local trucks and duck ships assists in the management of dock hand traffic and perform other pop-up tasks as required by the dock supervisor potential operators please note operators are not permitted to play crate to Jenga with the shipping containers the Port Authority still has us unnoticed from the last time after Robert had to have his arms super amputated okay one how is in arms super amputated - you're not my mom I play whatever kind of Jenga I want and three I really hope that this crane is chin operated otherwise I do not understand how any of this is gonna work just signing my name is hard enough might seem a little intimidating but we need to keep the same mentality as the job interview just gonna keep a cool head on our pudding shoulders sweet Jesus we are underprepared and under qualified for this you can you hear me there mate yes you here's you good seems like that's working just to confirm I'm coming through loud and clear look at the cabin camera for me would you is that recording and if it is is its admissible in court great it seems like that's all working - I'll be watching you from that camera so if you have any issues let me know you didn't answer my question though wait if you know what you're doing why are you down there and I'm up here okay so let me just refresh you on the controls real quick look at that stick to your right will you this would be my right there we go that's the main control stick that sends the trolley back and forth along the jib and she also allows you to rotate the crane what's a trolley what's a jib I don't know anything the job interview just talked about Russians and phone calls and now the one on your left this one that one controls the trolleys motor and lets you raise and lower the magnet this thing apparently has a magnet Snoopy you'll need both of these to control the crane as a whole alrighty lastly there's your monitor I'm gonna turn it on look and see if it's working will you it runs on Windows XP isn't that just great stupid machine you has never been a big fan of working with broken machines he's really more of a people person cool I can send info through to that monitor so keep an eye on it from time to time oh and if you find you were ever having any trouble with the controls you can have a look at the instruction clipboard above your walkie-talkie and it will remind you how everything works oh great they gave me a single sheet print out on my first day and a peck so why don't you go ahead and get a feel for how she handles grab the right stick and see if you can get her moving I don't think my neck is gonna stretch that far oh oh okay yeah look at that good next try to raise and lower the magnet with the left stick all right so we'll do a little something like grab you and go all right now we're in business okay first things first there is an important crate down in the offloading area and you see the red crate with a large white cross you there are a lot of crates and a lot of colors I'm not seeing a red one with the white crust you need me to dig for it I can probably figure out how to dig for it give me a second my depth perception sensors are just a little bit off I can't imagine why but I think we need to go all the way back here and then just lower her down like that and then swing it over yeah there we go okay so now we could just take a look through that was not what I meant I just wanted to kind of push things around a little bit no no you it's my first day okay no that's a lot of explosions for a first hold on which is we got it we got it yeah I think he might have broke his neck um yeah I'm dry you I'm trying okay there we go there we go okay you were too suspicious and have been found out it turns out they realized that I truly am incompetent and set me out to see as punishment I know some of you might think that's a little bit excessive you can only accept so many waterlogged iPhones in dented Toyotas Borya have to make an example out of somebody or you're gonna get more Roberts on the job I just wanted to move stuff around delicately I need to find a red crate with a white cross but they're clearly oh my god it's across the street I wasn't looking over there I thought you meant on this ship this is a loading dock like a water dock for boats okay I see it I see it now we're just going to go over I do see I do I need to look at it I'm gonna try to look at it hold on first we're gonna get this sorted out and then I'm going to look I mean yes yes I do I do see it I do is this what you are that's what you want healthy communication in the workplace that's the one we'll need first to be careful with it we can't afford to lose it it's afford to lose anything apparently go ahead and pick it up using the magnet okay um just going to do that real quick sure that's easy enough bring this here like that oh we got a shadow to work with and then were I'm I can't go any lower am I missing something I'm clearly missing something here why is there a target what what's what's the target you press right oh oh I see I see okay I need to right-click there we go I'm not looking at the screen I'm looking at what I'm doing otherwise I might get sent out to sea okay good work easy does it now pop that over to the side we'll be needing that a bit later carefully put that one into Zone A for safekeeping thank you for setting zone' on fire I appreciate it just gonna raise this up so that it doesn't hit anything because I've learned my lesson and then we go easy does it again got a shadow to work with how delicate are these things can I just okay good hold everything you I've just been told that a bloody safety inspector is on the premises Oh No why today of all days the doc hands are all back from their lunch break and he's probably trying to blend in with them okay see them before we do anything further with the crane I'm sending you the security footage from the cameras cycled through and see if anyone looks like a dirty red would you are you kidding me what do you mean by dirty brat am I supposed to kill this person they all look the same oh oh it's this guy it must be this guy for reasons look look at him I point out his dick there I don't recognize him at all that must be our guy they all look like me look I'll level with you here we are in serious breach of a bunch of safety regs yeah you're telling me and we can't take another hit from these guys I know you're new here and it's only your first day what pick him out yeah I I said in the interview that if I was gonna do things that are illegal I wouldn't mention it so I guess we're just going to have to murder a guy even though uh we got a problem they all look alike they're all wearing the same thing how exactly am I supposed to take him out does it make any sense about this I'll pick up a crate and I'll make it look like I'm smashing people by accident was that not him I don't think that was him oh I don't think that was him okay well I guess it's just gonna be carnage down here on the docks today folks can I get a hint for warious Oh No I've guessed wrong a hundred percent of the time I don't see any survivors there anybody back here no oh oh oh it's just one back there I see you hold on I'll get him you'll get him just got a touch this explosive thing ever so slightly got him got him he was the last one we're gonna hire some new dock and yes great work kid great work that'll show the mongrel I'll have a little cleanup crew put together so what say we just keep this between you and me huh bud the fact that he has like a cleanup crew on call is concerning am I gonna fall from this crane if I do something wrong all right now that that's taken care of just one truck left to deal with give me a sec you brilliant all right there's something wrong with this Joker's gearbox so essentially he isn't able to stop his truck we're gonna have to get creative and load over the green create on the fly hey hey hey no I can I can not gonna be able to stop him with that okay oh then I'll just drop this and green crate grab this and be ready I've been dropping them this entire time I know exactly how this works just gonna pull it up and close close try try again try again I'll get it I'll get it just gonna do a loop turns out I'm using the wrong kind of green crate I actually need one like this we go I forgot to move that other green crate sorry sorry mm yeah that's not gonna buff out in the morning it's fine though with the right one nail they're also running over the bodies which is again concerning you think that a bunch of broken gearboxes and concerned people would be out of the normal but no fantastic you're one hell of an operator kid as a solid day's work maybe you should come back full-time Hey okay I'll leave you there in case is anything you want to do before finishing up but when you're ready to go ahead and log out of your shift using the end shift button on the touchscreen I really want to blow more stuff up but if it sends my neck into a flurry then I might lose so I think it's probably for the best that we just end shift around kid I never even got your name mr. disembodied voice okay thank you thank you for all your help and the murder you know I think that's gonna be it for this episode of human simulator guys and funny enough one job interview actually got us a bunch of different jobs we completed crane operator but there are others that are even more tricky and complicated and dangerous and hilarious so if you guys want to see that as always be sure look like in this video let me know and do you man the totally normal you man will return soon I think someone's watching his video I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you next time [Music]

Channel: CaptainSauce

Views: 670,954

Keywords: human simulator, human sim, human simulator game, human simulator gameplay, human simulator crane operator, human simulator job interview, job simulator, job sim, work simulator, work sim, crane simulator, crane sim, human simulator funny moments, human simulator funny, human simulator walkthrough, human simulator playthrough, captainsauce, captain sauce

Id: wGeRPHjkncs

Length: 27min 38sec (1658 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 31 2020