A Slapping Monster Has Arrived

why do babies cry so much because they're hungry [ __ ] in their diaper all very plausible theories of course but i have a theory of my own i think babies cry out of fear i believe we come into this world afraid afraid of one man the silly kamatsuki the professional russian slapper i believe this is a primordial fear embedded deep within the dna of every living soul on this planet vasily kamatsuki is the boogeyman that haunts every sentient being he's the god of slapping for a reason but as we continue to evolve i believe there's a new name out there that will be striking fear into the hearts of everyone on this planet i'm talking about america's slap fighting champion the crazy hawaiian what i'm going to show you today is the latest super heavyweight title match between crazy hawaiian and highlander but first i'm going to show you highlanders match prior to the championship 340 pounds from green ridge missouri he is the highlander john 285 pounds from humble kansas the b m f yeah i don't know what bmf stands for it sounds like one of the songs off the do maternal soundtrack could stand for biomolecular fractal could stand for big mouth [ __ ] i couldn't tell you because i have no idea all i know is there's a huge weight differential between the two athletes here highlanders 340 pounds and does mixed martial arts he's basically like bob from tekken so bmf has really got his work cut out for him also i just realized what it most likely stands for big [ __ ] i don't know why it took me so long to get that but as i was thinking about it i i realized what it most likely is big [ __ ] and i mean bmf he's not small i mean he looks like fred durst if he was set to wumbo he is a big boy for sure [Applause] big shot to start the match here we go [Applause] a great first round from both slapping athletes here bmf delivers a pretty thunderous strike to highlander dazing him a little bit kind of getting into get him into like a stun locked state which is good and then highlander answers right back by slapping the holy spirit out of bmf's [ __ ] butthole there knocks his ass over what was supposed to happen is the guy behind bmf was supposed to catch him that's what he's there for but i guess he fell asleep for a second or was afraid to catch him just due to like 285 pounds free falling back on him so he just let him fall over like he was stage diving in a concert so that probably didn't help bmf's endurance here because he took a little extra damage on the fall so i mean i think a lot of this has to come down on the shoulders of the guy that just for some reason refused to catch him one two oh he just took it just wanted to draw attention to his shirt real quick [ __ ] will never be heroes that's one of those goofy [ __ ] like biker shirts that you see weird old men wear sometimes like yeah i fought in a war for your freedom not for you to come over here and kiss my daughter on the lips i'm old cranky and i will bury your [ __ ] in my [ __ ] nerd you know those kind of like hardcore shirts i'm a bowler but on my days off i'm an ass beater if you look at my daughter in the wrong way [Applause] bmf bmf hugging the barrel cornman was there for him round two did not go nearly as smoothly for bmf his shot was brushed off like it was just a mosquito on highlanders cheek he didn't even really feel that he didn't get dazed or anything and then highlander answers right back with some real [ __ ] meat right across that left cheek of bmf that's already been damaged from the last round and throws in the towel and that's it and just like that he has a brief conversation with his dad or whoever that is in his corner over there talking about you know hey we don't want to just carry your corpse out of here look we're not trying to make funeral arrangements can you just throw in the towel you're going to get your [ __ ] ass blasted again can we just can we just get the [ __ ] out of here and go home and after talking it over they do eventually decide to throw in the towel which i think there is no shame in even making it two rounds without dying against highlander i think is an achievement in and of itself so highlander moves on to the championship match against crazy hawaiian the highlander to my left he stands in at six foot two weighing in at 375 pounds from waianae hawaii and crazy hawaiian is one of the biggest men in all of professional slapping this man is a [ __ ] behemoth he is a titan a goliath a galactic threat with the palm of his hand he outweighs highlander by 35 pounds he is [ __ ] built for slapping and he knows it this man is an absolute monster one two not wrong apparently like this guy looks like he needs to be lifted out of here via helicopter right to the emergency room crazy hawaiian slaps are absolutely [ __ ] brutal the amount of power he's able to generate it's like his hand travels back through time on the way to its destination it's moving so [ __ ] fast it is absolutely absurd so unfortunately highlander was already kind of rattled from this match against bmf coming into this so i think he wasn't in peak fighting condition in the first place and then to go up against crazy hawaiian's ruthless assault is just that's a nightmare that's a recipe for disaster but to highlanders credit he gets up and tries to dish out some punishment of his own [Applause] i think highlander knew this match was over right here it was just a matter of whether or not he was going to survive the next round [Applause] [Music] hawaii crazy hawaiian slapped his goddamn face off i thought when the camera panned down it was going to look like something out of rock'em sock'em robots where his skull is like 10 feet off of where his shoulders are i thought i mean jesus with a slap like that i thought it was going to pan down there's just going to be like a bloodied corpse of what was once a human being absolutely brutal stuff from crazy hawaiian retaining his super heavyweight title and probably one of the best slappers in the world i really want to see the silly kamatsuki square off against crazy hawaiian i would also like to see papa square off against crazy hawaiian i would like to know how well he'd fare in the russian circuit the russian superstars that's about it see ya

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 2,571,894

Rating: 4.9621806 out of 5

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Id: 5d6YY4uoFu4

Length: 7min 55sec (475 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 28 2020