A Million Ways to Die in the West | "People Die at the Fair"

let's hit this fair because you know what i want to do eat hot food in 100 degree weather no get my picture taken i've never done it before that's horseshit no it's the truth no that's horseshit oh oh that is more okay all right [Music] okay everybody hold still you know supposedly there's some guy in texas who smiled one time while he was getting his picture taken shut the up are you serious that we were just talking about that last week is that true i don't know i mean i heard it somewhere i don't know if it's true yeah it sounds like the kind of somebody would make up so we know what kind of girl you like what kind of girl do you not like what do you mean like what's the worst quality for you in another person it's an interesting question me me oh no thanks you know that deal breaker thing that you just absolutely cannot tolerate for me it's tobacco chewing i mean i don't care how much a guy smokes but if you choose forget it there's no way i'm kissing that and he's definitely not going down on me that's a beautiful sentiment you should stitch that into a pillow oh i have it's all embroidered and fancy and it says don't go snacking if you've been tobacco yeah that's that's perfect so what about you all right you're gonna think this is kind of up because it is um i can't handle it when a girl looks like her dad okay that's yeah i know i know why because when i'm dating a girl and i meet her parents and it turns out that she looks like him and i see like all the matching facial features and the bone structure and whatnot from then on when i'm kissing her i'm just very aware that i'm kissing the dad's facial geography you know and it just has a slightly gay feeling i'm surprised your girlfriend left you okay everybody hold still god this fair every year something like this happens every year people die really every year last year there were two gunfights there was a knife fight a stage collapse there was a drowning and the indians attacked god why are the indians always so mad i don't know we're basically splitting this country 50 50 with them they're just selfish ladies and gentlemen step right up step right up try a sample of sir and madam may i divert your attention over here just for a moment welcome welcome can i interest you in a miracle cure i have only the finest healing tonics and elixirs procured from the farthest corners of the globe ogden's celebrated stomach bitters can i can i just ask celebrated by who who's celebrating about stomach bitters good look at the ingredients cocaine alcohol morphine mercury with chalk what the hell is mercury with chalk science and red flannel red flannel there's shirt in here pieces of shirt okay thank you very much oh my god what that's them that's them right uh uh quick let's uh pretend you just said something funny oh my god you are you are so hilarious where do you come up no no you pretend i said something funny stop stop just introduce me i'm not gonna introduce you oh hi hey uh floyd and louise right that's right uh this is anna she's i'm his girlfriend she's my girlfriend she's the new gf big-time lot of sexual activity all the time it's i live inside her so if you want to send me a letter you got to address it care of her vagina yep i have that skirt oh you do yeah i wore it to the fair like two years ago but good for you for trying to bring it back well i figure only a complete idiot would throw away a perfectly good thing we were gonna go check out the shooting gallery over there you guys want to join what yeah it'd be fun right oh yes let's make things interesting a nickel a target you know that's actually uh a little rich for my blood uh how about a penny what's the matter albert is business bad oh no a penny it is good lord albert you're such a sheepskate oh oh wow let's go louise you can cheer me on oh no i didn't he's too funny baby come shall come on wait wait no no there you go my good man indeed oh wow that seems unnecessary what's wrong with like ducks or rabbits or something [Applause] six shots six hits quite the marksman there you go ma'am thank you care to try oh god spread didn't you date that guy yeah but it didn't work out it was like i was dating my dad aren't you dating your dad now yeah how's that going pretty good seems you owe me six sheep herder yeah yeah i know wait hang on a sec you want to make this interesting if i can shoot six out of six on albert's behalf you'll win a dollar if i can't he owes you a dollar wait what a dollar i've never seen a dollar nobody's got a dollar let us see the dollar well this is interesting all right do your best ma'am uh how fast can this thing go you can play double or triple speeds but that's for the experts as fast as you can holy congratulations you're a winner thank you come on give him a dollar there it is it's beautiful take your hat off boy that's a dollar bill well a man whose girlfriend does his shooting for him isn't that a fine how do you do i said isn't that a fine how do you do [Laughter] [Applause] how how is that funny what why is what's funny about that how do you do as a greeting why is that funny you why why are you laughing i don't know he was laughing it seems your ex-boyfriend doesn't have a sense of humor i can see why you dumped him hey you want to back up that attitude oh you're kidding never been more serious in my life you and me pistols you wouldn't have a prayer kiddo tomorrow 8 a.m sharp all right challenge accepted oh gosh tomorrow is bad for me and i really want to be there why don't we say a week from today that works for you right alber yeah yeah that's fine a week from today i got cheap stuff i got to do tomorrow anyway one week come on louise i'll buy you some sugared butter shavings uh oh wow what the did i just do you just challenged boy to a gunfight i honestly i have no idea what just happened i was i i was like out of my body robert did you see the look on louise's face no why she was aroused she was impressed you had a fire in your belly for a second there pal but you never showed her that side before yeah i i don't have that side to me i honestly don't know what just happened you got her attention you beat this guy at a gunfight i bet she thinks twice about dumping you anna i can't be in a gunfight what am i clinch leatherwood here i'll get killed why would you say that because he's the most vicious gunfighter in the territory which i am not no you're not clinch leatherwood you're gonna be okay albert that week i just bought you is enough time for me to teach you how to shoot you'll be fine oh yeah by the way that's another thing how the can you shoot like that who the hell are you my father was a gun maker i could shoot a gun before i could walk yeah whatever it's i i'm i'm sick to my stomach my stomach is you're worked up that's what it is let's get a drink come on hey it's our sweet young couple could i interest you folks in some wild root cream oil people die at the fair they'll die at the fair you

Channel: Universal Pictures

Views: 4,560,863

Keywords: universal pictures, a million ways to die in the west, a million ways to die in the west fair, a million ways to die in the west fair scene, a million ways to die in the west county fair, a million ways to die in the west neil patrick harris, a million ways to die in the west neil patrick harris scene, a million ways to die in the west amanda seyfried, a million ways to die in the west charlize theron, a million ways to die in the west seth macfarlane

Id: u8SOQM4SpxM

Length: 10min 4sec (604 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 07 2021