8 Video Game Weapons That Are Genuinely HORRIBLE

right it is time for another choose your adventure baby hello all of you little demons Jewels here for whatculture.com back again with another episode of the awesomely named and awfully hosted Choose Your Own Adventure the weekly medieval themed format where either crown jewels of whatculture.com take a list chosen by you yes you the person who won second place at the Warhammer tournament that I told you about last week I know first loser and all of that um I'm sad I didn't bring it back but King in the North Second Place 2023 let's go for first next year I'm a monkey of Warhammer yes you get to decide what list I Dole out to you each and every week and this week we have none other to thank than Pueblo native didn't you suggest last week's episode as well stop being so good at suggesting things I want to write and maybe I should have a go at myself for not reading the fact that it was from you before I started writing the script but that's on me so thank you Pueblo native for your suggestion of video game weapons that are so horrifying so damn right disgusting and evil that they go into WTF territory so let's take a look at them today because there are definitely a lot of Poker stabbers slingshots and other things that make you just go okay I guess I'm dead because of this now that exists in video games that really do push the boundaries quite far indeed because they say that a video game hero is only as good as the tools they will to get the job done and for the most part that is very very true I mean it's very unlikely that Dan over here is going to be able to slay the big evil of the north by just using a passive aggressive Post-It note really isn't it [Music] is that all you've got mate well you're in trouble no he'll need something like the rod of slapping here I'll help oh to definitely Vanquish this Horror in fact the link between video game characters and their weapons is as synonymous as the literal link is with the master sword into the good firearm a set of tonkers or even a blade the size of a school bus can definitely come to Define not just a hero's skill wielding it but also the hero themselves as an icon within the video game industry yet let's get down to fossil fuels here my friends there is no such thing as a good weapon taking a life is never good but there are some that are just downright well horrible so let's take a look at them as I'm Jules this is whatcoach.com and these are eight video game weapons that are genuinely horrible and you know the drill by now say hi to me here in the live chat and suggestions for next week's episode down in the comments section below so with that in mind let's get on with the list shall we number eight the Landshark gun armed and dangerous another Landshark gun from the incredibly underrated armed and dangerous is a weapon that is deeply hilarious until it is suddenly not I say this because the very sight of watching an enemy be torn apart by a shark that somehow swims through bedrock and then bursts through the ground is an utter laugh Riot I mean the sheer spectacle of absurdity here is something that could only exist within the Realms of a video game however it's only when you switch the game off and sit back to think about the mechanics behind the Landshark gun well then it becomes a weapon of Terror like no other I mean just imagine being on the receiving end of this weapon and your final moments alive I mean the ground is gonna start shaking and rumbling as this Finn approaches you swimming through matter as if it didn't matter and then all of a sudden boom there goes your torso because you've just been bitten by a giant great white shark that's burst out of the bloody ground pant soilingly terrifying doesn't even cut it but unfortunately your end has only Just Begun my friend for now you'll be thrashed about for a moment before being dragged down into the ground itself and trust me that is not a killing bite that the shark has on you no no my friend your death will likely come one of two very disgusting ways you'll either suffocate to death as you struggle to breathe while being dragged through the Earth itself or the Earth itself will be your undoing because the last time that I checked bodies don't go through solid floor either way gross number 7. the brick the time Splitters franchise truly the Golden Age of the FPS ended when the time splicers franchise hung up its immediately large silly hat as well I know that there have been many other decent even exceptional Shooters since none have been as fun as frantic or as goddamn full of monkeys as this outstanding series Creator modes arcade League's surprisingly deep story modes and a roster so swollen with beef that you'd swear the game was juicing those sweet roids no no no no time for you no time for you I didn't say your name I did not say beef okay that one is on me time Splitters was the franchise that simply had it all and knew how to flaunt it and yet there was one weird weapon included within its rotating wheel of pain that caused me to wince each and every time I got lobbed into my face I'm speaking of course about the humble brick friend to your ceiling or at least keeping it up and good pal to Kevin from Home Alone the brick is indeed the last thing you'd expect to wield in a game full of machine guns lasers and explosives but here we are but wield it you can and it always feels so very wrong to do so I mean clocking your mate in the head with a brick will always elicit a laugh for sure but the sound effect and then that scraping air quotes reload of pulling out a new slab of Justice really is quite Grim when you think about it I mean you're literally braining somebody in the head with a brick it's like a night out in gateshead and nobody wants that and I can say that because I live there number six everything in Manhunt easily one of the most horrifying aspects of Rockstar's controversy baiting Manhunter title outside of pixie's design that is is its approach to violence in general not content to let the player bludgeon stab and shoot their way out of a live snuff film set the game also introduces the ability to stalk your opponent and then air quotes rewards the player with increasingly more violent and horrible executions the longer you stay behind them unnoticed now it's definitely bad to see a man suffocate another man with a plastic bag that's Grim but to then have an extra animation of you break his nose so that he also drowns in his blood before then suffocating from the bag that is a level Beyond decency the line of decency is so far away that the other place has to get a Visa in order to think about visiting it for every fatality in Mortal Combat that made you squirm Manhunt has about 20 more horrifying animations that will make you genuinely worry about the developers and while the likes of Scorpion eviscerating his foes is stomach churning Manhunt delivers its violence in a very gritty and altogether more realistic way that just makes it even worse yuck 5. the cerebral boar Turok 2 seeds of Evil now it is very clear that during the creation of two Rock 2 seeds of Evil someone on the creative team lost their goddamn mind and I mean that in every single sense of the word because the fact that the cerebral boar is just a weapon of pure cruelty and it is so so disgusting I mean when you look at the other murder making weapons in this game one definitely sticks out from the pack for all the wrong reasons you've got your guns your bows naturally you miss our launches and then also your alien pieces of tech that lock onto your opponent's brain waves and then fire a drill into the back of their head which will open their skull like a rancid watermelon one of these things is not like the others the cerebral ball is an absolutely horrifying video game weapon for several reasons I mean for one just listen to that description I gave again and for two it takes so bloody long to kill its Target that you just know that they're an absolute agony far beyond reason I mean the animation goes on for such a long time it's like I've got you oh I've still got you oh this is uncomfortable I I do not want to see this this is like watching my nan in an adult film I don't need the eyes to see what is this oh and now he's dead shame on you devs for making this and shame on you players for watching this elongated event play out number four the air pump Dig Dug now you might not look at the video game Dig Dug and immediately think of horrifying weapons mainly because the title markets itself as a charmingly sweet sugar Russian which you simply dig and or dug to avoid enemies as you tunnel deeper and deeper however if you just take a step back and look at how Dig Dug gets rid of his foes in this game you'll realize that it's an absolutely horrifying way to die because he pumps them full of air until they explode that is not a Dig Dug move that is a dick Doug move imagine shoving a tube into a foe and then pumping air into their very veins then the look of panic in their eyes as they feel their skeletons separate from their now bulbas flesh and the pain involved when their skin then rips apart from the inside out seriously that's horrific and then this utter prick just goes about his day grabbing more Loot and digging yet more grays for these beasties and the worst thing about this is is that most of the monsters in this game don't even go after Dig Dug instead they just go about their daily business they're just trying to survive and then this [ __ ] just comes in just goes like spy [ __ ] number three the Finger Slayer blade Eldon ring now to be clear there are many many horrifying weapons in pretty much any from software title and Elden ring having so much scope and so much content is definitely chock full of absolutely ew Weaponry ooh gross no from dung encrusted cuddles to huge bladed monstrosities designed to bleed your opponent dry it is a game that is built on pain on a foundation of ouch and what a mighty Mansion it has made and so choosing just one horrible weapon from a title rocking so many of them was challenging indeed but then I remembered the Finger Slayer blade while this might not be a weapon that the player themselves can wield for apparently they lack a fake twitcher seems like a bit of a passive aggressive put down it is a key item that takes up residence in your inventory and allows you to inspect the blade in all of its horrifying Glory the weapon is basically like what would happen if Cronenberg was asked to redesign the mighty Soul Edge weapon for this is both a sharp and cruel device but is also one that seems to have been forged out of an actual body gross doesn't even cut it here as you study the horrible Twisted shape the thinned out handle that seems to have been squeezed and torn off and the sickening crust and ooze surrounding it you'll be glad that your character never has to touch this weapon for long but Linger on in your memory this sword will as it is truly disgusting number 2. the chain sword Warhammer 40K Space Marine now for being truly honest there is something so much more intimately horrible about melee weapons I mean sure shooting somebody in the head a mile away with a sniper rifle still isn't great I mean God upstairs is probably going to be like oh that's a big boo-boo on your permanent record but still there's something about watching the life drain from somebody's eyes up close and personal that definitely adds that extra ick Factor right right agreed yeah yeah oh Standing Ovation thank you very much yeah that was my Ted Talk on why weapons are bad so now take that concept and apply another concept of being showered in your opponent's blood teeth and whatever organs get in the way of your two meter long chain sword ah the humble chainsaw tin opener of the Imperium of man and one of the most iconic weapons in all of Warhammer 40K it's an item that you'll get well accustomed to using in Warhammer Space Marine and when you actually look at what you're doing after the blood rage has subsided it is utterly horrifying I mean you've just carved through Orcs Heretics and demons alike with this weapon severing flesh from bone and heads from torsos and ye Golden God is it pretty rank plus I imagine that the cleanup afterwards is also pretty Grim I mean imagine taking it in for like a servicing just kind of like oh the rotary bits sticking a bit what's that there oh it's it's multiple orc skins condensed into a little wad at the bottom of the base luckily I've got a tool for that and number one any poison weapon at all ever the they're horrible so let's be clear about something no matter what weapon it comes from nor which side of the moral coin pulls the trigger or loses the arrow poisoned weapons are the epitome of dickishness in video games I mean you're literally sapping the strength and stamina of your enemies causing them likely horrendous amounts of pain and turning an encounter into an unfair fight as your opponent struggles to maintain their bearings also it's really annoying it's just really annoying I'm sorry seriously guys that's the worst thing about poison weapons I I hate having to stop a fight and just be like hold on a mate well I just Bosh a herb oh I feel good now oh you've done it again you've done it again you you little prick you little bit two seconds don't [Music] because there's nothing worse than being hit with a poison weapon reaching into your travel backpack or betwixture buttocks seeing as there's no other place for your hero to carry items and finding out that you have no means of curing yourself from Poison which then turns a run into a desperate Sprint to safety or at least a forced Retreat to stock up poison weapons stop the flow of gameplay much in the same way the poison itself thickens and slows your blood and as such are doubly horrible when it comes to video games so yeah another Ted Talk kit Jewels why poison weapons are bad two in one two and one fantastic just like Pueblo native getting two ideas of the lists and there we go my friends those were eight video game weapons that were genuinely horrible I hope that you enjoyed that and please let me know what you thought about it down in the comments section below I'll leave you suggestions for next week's episode down there as well and I will pick the best I promise it won't be Pueblo native for a third time running or maybe it will if they can provide something with solid gold I can't deny it mate if they got the Midas touch then call me a piggy bank where's that metaphor even going I don't even know and if you want to chat to me on the social medias and follow all of my Warhammer paintings that I've been doing go over to Instagram where it's at retro J but the O is a zero hope to see you over there my friends you can follow Dan the lovely editor of this series over here on his social medias as well what a lovely chap he is eh but before I go I just want to say one thing hope that you are treating yourself well my friend with love and respect because at the end of the day we can all be weapons of Justice positivity and just Good Vibes if we keep ourselves sharp mentally clean and prepared for battle because let's face it life sometimes does feel like a bit of an uphill slog doesn't it so remember to give yourself a break remember to support yourselves with friends family and Professionals in the support industry because these people want you to do well as do I my friend because you are a massive ledge and you deserve all the best things in life like love happiness and success and let's get you out there back in the battle and let's slay in the name of positivity all right oh what that was so deep as always I've been Jules you have been awesome never forget that and I'll speak to you soon bye

Channel: WhatCulture Gaming

Views: 177,747

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Id: QkVMIsPtA_8

Length: 14min 52sec (892 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 07 2023