How To Know If Someone Is Gaslighting You

there are dangerous people in this world who will try to manipulate and control you one tool they'll use is gaslighting a form of emotional abuse that makes you doubt your own reality this lets them get away with things that most people wouldn't tolerate in a relationship so today you'll learn eight signs someone might be gaslighting you one important thing to remember gaslighting is a pattern especially with some of the more subtle signs from later in the video seeing them once doesn't necessarily mean you're being gaslit but be wary if you see these signs repeatedly the most obvious sign someone is gaslighting you is if they genuinely attack your sanity here's a quick example of what this can look like from the movie Goodfellas Ray Liotta's character has just been accused of cheating which he is doing this is all in your mind you're a lousy people use gaslighting as a way to escape admitting they've done something wrong so one potential red flag is phrases like you're being paranoid you're making this all up or this is all in your head a more subtle way gaslighters denyron doing is by rewriting the past here's an example from the show The Bachelorette for context the guy is mad that his potential wife went naked bungee jumping with another contestant I'm just thinking of you holding him bare skin and I'm just thinking in my mind like it really pissed me off I mean it really frustrated me I mean I'm looking for you to meet my family soon and I felt like it was a slap in the face no gaslighting so far just a disagreement but listen to how he responds later when she brings up that she didn't like what he said in that conversation you did say like it felt like a slap in the face you're twisting my words you want to be confident about me letting me meet your family yeah I was totally misunderstood there rewriting the past is so effective because days after a conversation it can be tough to have total conviction in your memory of what happened but that conviction is the only way to protect yourself from gaslighting I wasn't about the bungee jumping thing at all at that moment will you what you are we were talking about that and it was like in that same like totally misunderstood now that you're bringing it to me that way keep an eye out for phrases like I never said that or you're misremembering if you're constantly doubting your memories or you find you want to take notes so you can be sure you're remembering things the right way you might be a victim of gaslighting now as we just saw completely rewriting the past is hard to pull off so some gaslighters avoid outright denial instead they minimize their bad behavior across the face in a proper slot but I was hitting you it was not punching you babe you're not punched here's another example for you of what this might sound like this time with Jada Smith Trying to minimize having an affair I got into a different kind of entanglement with August if you do feel like someone is trying to diminish your emotional reaction by using inaccurate or vague language call it out you need to say clearly what happened as far as what you and I decided we were going to take our space and what happened yeah and then I got into an entanglement with August that's what I said an entanglement yes yes a relationship yes it was a relationship another form of minimizing is trying to normalize bad behavior so your sense that you're being deeply harmed gets overridden by the other person's insistence that everyone goes through these situations here's a few examples for you of what this might sound like because I feel like there are a lot of couples that go through those periods any relationship and trying to get to deeper understanding of Love is going to be forged in fire you got to go through some to get the answers it's true that all relationships have their ups and downs but this doesn't automatically justify all bad behavior so if you notice someone making vague statements like this to justify something they did get specific if you were in this situation you can protect yourself from losing touch with your Reality by saying something like most couples do go through conflict but most couples aren't dealing with their spouse having an affair with their son's teenage friend one final lesson from that Will and Jada conversation keep an eye out for empathy hijacking this is when someone justifies doing something hurtful or selfish by saying they needed it in order to heal they are hoping that since you are an empathetic person who doesn't want someone to be in pain you'll accept that this justifies their behavior for example listen to how Jada frames sleeping with her son's friend I actually don't look at it as a transgression at all through that particular journey I learned so much about myself and was able to really confront a lot of emotional immaturity emotional insecurity and I was really able to do some really deep healing it's been a huge healing on my life you do not have to accept this Frame being unhappy is not a free pass to treat you poorly the next sign someone might be gaslighting you is if they regularly deflect blame onto you here's an example from the show Euphoria of what this might sound like in this clip Cat's boyfriend Ethan has just called her in a massive light pretending to have a terminal brain disorder as an excuse to end their relationship I feel like you're lying to me lying about a terminal brain disorder that's sick now listen to how cat tries to Gaslight her way out of the situation by making him the problem and to be honest the fact that he think I would even lie about something that awful means there's a big problem in this relationship which is like literally what I was trying to say in the beginning sadly a victim of gaslighting can start to doubt themselves here wondering am I the one causing problems in this relationship it's easy to get confused because gaslighters use language that an honest person would use if they were wrongly accused the only way to know if it's gaslighting is if you see a pattern of Shifting the blame to you so notice if you feel you're walking on eggshells around this person because they always find a way to blame you for anything that goes wrong the only way to protect yourself from this is to maintain conviction in your reality which is much easier said than done one thing that can help is stating your version of reality out loud in the beginning I feel like you started to break up with me and then you pivoted to telling me that you got like a terminal brain illness and now I feel like you're using my skepticism that's like a reason to break up with me that's your experience no I think that's the experience another red flag to watch out for is projection this is when the gaslighter will accuse you of having the negative qualities or intentions that they have for example watch what happens when Ethan gives cat a chance to end their relationship yeah you don't want to be in a relationship with me and I get it if it's okay just say it just have like the courage to actually be honest because what you're doing right now is just like feels like [ __ ] here's the first example of what projection might look like I can't believe this you're literally trying to break up with me no I'm trying to help you say what you want to say a gaslighter will even go so far as to project their manipulative Tendencies onto you yeah use gas like me tell me how to feel all because I don't meet your expectations this can be very confusing especially if the person has Gaslight you enough in the past that they've weakened your faith in yourself you start to wonder wait am I accidentally doing this bad thing that they're accusing me of that's their goal to put you on the defensive and shift the focus away from their own manipulative Behavior a more common form of Shifting the blame onto you is making your emotional reaction the problem here's an example of what this might look like from Jay shetty's YouTube channel for context this guy is cheating with his friend Karina I'm a little uncomfortable Steven Karina's friendship what baby come on I told you I just look at her like one of the dudes okay I really think you're overreacting this is such an effective form of gaslighting because it's exactly what someone would say if they weren't cheating and you were overreacting so how can you tell if you're being gaslit one thing to consider is if you've gotten this feedback before from people that you trust if so it's possible this is just an accurate way to describe you but if it's only this one person who accuses you of emotionally overreacting to things and it's mostly When you mention something they've done wrong that's a red flag so what's the impact of all these gaslighting behaviors they lead you to regularly feeling confused second guessing your own feelings and thinking there's something wrong with you that you can't trust yourself to accurately understand what's happening in your own life so what can you do if you feel like you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter here's a four-step action plan first speak up and share your perspective calmly let the person know that you feel like they aren't respecting your view of reality if your partner seems to really be listening acknowledges your feelings and then permanently changes their behavior so that you stop seeing the signs in this video then it's possible it wasn't purposeful manipulate relation if the person tries to completely shut down the conversation and your feelings that's a sign to move to step two calmly takes space once you're away from the person get other people's perspectives this can be professional help or friends and family that you trust outside perspectives can help you realize that you've been a victim of gaslighting this is why abusers will often try to separate you from the other people in your life if you can confirm that you are in fact being gaslit it's time to strongly consider ending the relationship if you have a family member or someone you co-parent with who gaslights you this may not be possible but you can still work to create space and minimize the relationship and if your gaslighter is a friend or significant other you don't share children with your best path forward is to cut ties with them all together I know this is easier said than done but when it comes to being emotionally abused very often cutting the person off completely is the only path towards healing if you are in a relationship with a gaslighter or if you haven't in the past please recognize that you are not flawed for falling for the tricks of an emotionally abusive person this isn't your fault abuse can happen to anyone it's recognizing emotional abuse that takes courage and strength and by watching this video you've already taken the first step towards reclaiming your life and regaining some of the self-compassion you may have lost the next step is to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and self-love get back to the basics prioritize your health by eating well getting enough sleep and exercising get back to doing the activities you enjoy spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and potentially seek support from helplines a therapist or an organization specializing in abuse recovery it won't happen overnight but taking these steps will lead you to a better life with more genuine love respect and happiness

Channel: Charisma on Command

Views: 789,319

Keywords: signs of manipulation, charisma on command, charismaoncommand, coc, charlie houpert, charisma, charisma on command gaslighting, gasligting, how to spot a gaslighter, signs youre being gaslit, manipulation tactics, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation tactics, signs of a master manipulator, gaslighting 101, gaslighting emotional abuse, gaslighting example, gaslighting explained, emotional manipulation signs

Id: jVKSUeGXV9w

Length: 9min 44sec (584 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 19 2023