8 Embarrassing Video Game Moments You Don't Want Anyone Seeing You Play

welcome to another episode of choose your own adventure that's what i'd sound like if i was trapped forever in a 1970 sitcom hello all of you little demons jules here for whatculture.com back again with another episode of the awesomely named and awfully hosted choose your own adventure where i the crown jewels of whatculture.com take a list chosen by you yes you you sultry piece of fine i would love to wrap you around my neck like a scarf and just go every day yes you get to choose what list i dole out to you each and every week and this week we have the brilliantly named lion boy to thank for their suggestion of eight embarrassing video game moments so shameful you wouldn't want anyone walking in on you playing them and this is the thing as a 30 year old man of 33 by last sunday's count hooray go me i survived another year the thing is there's been a lot of embarrassing times on the road sometimes even from games you wouldn't expect i'm not talking about the ones that like you know dating simulators and stuff like that when people would walk in and be like what are you doing it's more just a case of just like oh i'm just playing this game here oh my mum's walked in hey mom i just did an rpg it's a sex scene now cool now i don't need to know that you do it differently so yeah let's try and bury all of these horrible mental scarring by reopening those wounds again because these are eight embarrassing video game moments you wouldn't want anyone watching you play by the way i'm jules this is what culture.com say hi to me here in the live chat and also remember to put your comments and suggestions for next week's episode down in the comment section below but until then let's get on with that list number eight the atlantis musical section kingdom hearts 2. so when it was announced that disney and square enix were crossing paths in order to create a brand new video game a lot of eyebrows were raised i mean on the one hand you had a publisher that made melodrama epic war fantasies and on the other it was well a company designed to make films for kids how were these two going to intersect well pretty well actually because kingdom hearts one was an absolute stonking hit but it doesn't mean that the series has not been absolutely full of cringe and while it would be easy to point at mickey being presented as an edge lord with that hood trying to be all hard are you now make come on then all the overwhelming references to heart heart light darkness heart etc etc the king of cringe came from the atlantea level or atlantis if you want to just be normal about it in kingdom hearts 2 which takes the form of a rhythm action sing-along from start to finish watching sora flail his pipe cleaner guppy in the throes of death body around was just so incredibly awkward and the worst bit about it was that it was so long it was so long like real long brother and it just meant that anyone passing by would just be like i thought you were playing a game about sort of saving the hearts of humanity and fighting off against darkness and you should be like i am but i've just gotta listen to this mermaid and a clamshell bra tell me about her treasures number seven mr libido and the video store yakuza zero now we're all aware of video games mocking those players who like to get a bit pervy sometimes you know by either just embarrassing them by having characters call them out on their lewd actions or indeed rewarding them with achievements that will highlight their shame forever for example when you try to look up 2b skirt or juliet skirt in lollipop chainsaw and near automata potato potato but sometimes video games just hit you with this sort of stuff out of nowhere because nothing nothing was more embarrassing than the adult video store in yakuza 0 or your subsequent interactions with mr libido if you happen to pop inside the gandhara satan bori looking to catch the latest michael bay output then you might be a bit disappointed as this store instead offers a different type of tit and box office bust because the videos here are just soft core erotica of the most recoiling nature what makes them so uncomfortable to sit through is actually twofold the first being that they aren't animated which somehow makes the experience even worse and the fact that the final shot is of a box of tissues complemented by a satisfied groan what you've just been a part of is a wince inducing wank how the hell would you explain this to somebody just walking in and you know what you better get your excuses ready because there's an extended conversation with mr libido as soon as you exit the store for the first time to put it into context he's a man in his pants who is constantly thrusting like this he just never stops he just never stops it's actually quite impressive but he just always is looking for sexual gratification wherever he can and you have to have a regular conversation with him explain that you're not as big a perv as he is even after what you've just done so if somebody didn't walk in and saw you with the soft core thing and saw them that they'd be like oh why is he talking to you you'd be like um just birds of a flower together yes mr libido claims that your love of the lewd means that you two are destined to become bosom buddies please send help i have just died inside number six sonic and elise kiss sonic 06. now you might say any moment from sonic 06 as a reason to be completely embarrassed to play this title what with the litany of bugs and the myriad of issues that it faced but you know what there's actually one moment that stands above this because while the developers didn't intend for all of the terrible things about that game to happen the one that they did intend to happen is somehow even worse and that is the moment where sonic and princess elise share a kiss now this moment in question is far more ridiculous than just this kiss though because the setup is needlessly dark and sombre after all sonic has just died at this point and his friends are all gathered around in mourning hoping and praying that elise's utterly terrible dialogue and delivery will somehow bring him back to life when all appears to be lost elise does the one thing that no one saw coming and nobody wanted to see and plants a big smacker on his lips and what i want you to do for me right now as a little treat to yourself is not actually look at the image that is searing itself into your eyeballs don't look at the kiss directly because it's like the sun it will blind you but instead look over here to knuckles look at his face he has got an expression on his gormless mug that is just like dude what the [ __ ] is going on you and me both mate what the [ __ ] is going on number five resonance of fate raisins right to begin with let's talk about how brilliant resident of fate actually is if you've never played it before it's from a company called try accent it is [Music] chef kiss not only is it actually pretty humorous in places it's got a really interesting story about a city that's suspended above a poisonous fog and it's all been ruled by an elite class and a church that seems to be keeping everyone in tow but it also has an absolutely outstanding battle system which sees you combining parkour mechanics and dealing chip damage to enemies before finishing them off in like big over-the-top spectacle attacks it's really really complicated but it's really really fun that's how i sold it to my friends i actually got this game and i was so jazzed about it that i got my friends to come over to watch me play it and they were like yeah this is actually really good love the menu system love all of this fantastic menu system why don't i pull that am i asking they loved everything about it that was until that i decided to go and accept a a little side quest from lady barbarella things change pretty hard and that is because this lady is a rather busty lass and party lothario vasheron instantly starts fantasizing about her rack and the prospect of her fertile soil before lamenting that while barbarella is full-bodied like the wine that she wants the heroes to collect all he has in his party are raisins aka leanne's breasts the sheer amount of recoiling that i did in that moment sent me back in bloody time and i was declared socially dead from that moment onwards and i lost all my hair what a day number four just all of dead or alive extreme beach volleyball three i can't even defend this game by having decent volleyball sections anymore because you want to know why the first two games at least had the pretense of trying to get the mini games up to a standard where they were the talking point other than the fact that it was definitely an oogle booble box but no dead or alive extreme beach volleyball 3 decided to change all of that by giving you access to items that you could buy that affect the physics of both the boobs and the butts of the girls in the game meaning that this has got to be it has to be the first and only time where a game can embarrass you from being in the menu alone then again you knew what you were doing with this game the moment that you bought it so you know what have fun just don't expect to shake my hand afterwards number three the hot springs scene final fantasy x2 now i know that a lot of you are probably expecting a certain scene from final fantasy 10 to be an auto include on this list a certain moment which sounds like two seagulls who hate each other mating very hard and aggressively you know the one i'm on about however the one that people actually often miss actually occurs in that game's sequel final fantasy 10 x2 now here we're thankfully low on laughing scenes but in its place is the hot spring cut scene that plays out like some anime filler as the trio of heroes falls into a sacred hot spring and decide to take the chance to rejuvenate okay so the screen fades to black probably just gonna cut to the next scene where they're all in disguises because after all that is the quest that they are on right now oh no no they're just they're just in their underwear and now riku is comparing her body to theirs cool cool wait a minute who are these blue voyers over there getting a peek on and cheering as the trio wrestle in the water in fact so disturbing is this moment that it's gonna make this week's musical interlude ozily are you ready to have a very shameful sing-along i'm not suspicious i was in electrical doing wires james put down the bongo mags and pick up the bongo drum because it's time for a little musical interlude i'm blue dabba dee dabba durf you're a big blue puff dabba dee dabba doo who the [ __ ] are you dabbing number two ride to hell retribution the sex scenes it is so hard to put into words how utterly wretched ride to hell retribution is as a video game i mean it's paradoxically one of the laziest gaming experiences that i've ever played while at the same time being laser focused on delivering utter cack and also its depictions of sex in this video game are utterly abhorrent at numerous points in the narrative our shovel-chinned dad rock vibing hero will end up saving a woman from the clasps of a nasty nerdwell and then in an act of true heroism we'll proceed to have some fully clothed sex with her to some horrible bargain-bin porn music just what you wanted after being nearly sexually assaulted right some sex now you might have called some of your friends over to be a part of the utter car crash experience the awful action scenes the abysmal fighting controls and laugh as you just go this was utterly terrible but then the sex scenes hit and the vibe might change uncle fallout 76 might have entered the room if you know what i'm saying and things just get a lot more bleak when you look at their dead fish eyes and you feel the light of slime jesus just escaping your soul never to return and number one watching your parents have sex south park the stick of truth so surprisingly on the list of things that i would never ever under any circumstances ever want to witness is watching my parents make the beast with two backs it's right up there with uh you know beating a puppy to death with a brick or watching kingdom of the crystal skull again it's that bad and my parents are divorced so it'd just be weird yes here we are trying to return to normal size after being shrunk by the dastardly underpants gnomes now being subjected to the horrifying image of our protagonist dad railing their mum like he was seconds away from death and the only thing keeping him alive was his erection for anyone unlucky enough to have ever heard or walked in on their parents in real life this scene will tear down the mental barriers that you've spent years building up and will be the new waking nightmare of your day today and yet the experience can get even worse because in a later fight your dad's testicles swing down into shot and you have to bash them to get through the fight i don't want to talk about this anymore oh god there's even an achievement tied to it for you standing around watching them for ages what was wrong with the developers of this game man ah i'm just gonna end the show now i just feel completely deflated after that jesus just remember kids gamer score does not pay therapy bills it is not worth it oh and there we go my friends that was eight embarrassing video game moments that you really wouldn't want anyone watching you play i hope that you enjoyed that and please let me know what you thought about it down in the comment section below if you want to chat to me further you can do so on twitter at retro j with a zero or you can swing by live and let's dive some personal gaming channel where i stream every single wednesday and sunday video games on a wednesday d on a sunday and remember to pop your suggestions and comments for next week's episode down in the comments section below but before i go my friends i just want to say one thing embarrassment is something that will happen to us all at some point in our lives and a lot of people associate it with failure or things like that but you should never be afraid of putting yourself out there in most circumstances the worst thing that's going to happen to you is that you will just embarrass yourself and it's not actually as big a deal depending on the circumstances as we might believe it in our own minds it doesn't mean that we're failures you've got to put yourself out there every once in a while and you will experience knockbacks sometimes again and again and again but if you keep trying if you adjust your energies if you know when to seek help and where to rebalance your energies to make sure that it's the best path of action for you you will find success at the end of that road so never ever give up and don't let anyone or anything tell you that you are worth less than you actually are because you are a big ledge big love from me to you now go out there and smash it as always i've been jewels you've been awesome never forget that and i'll speak to you soon peace [Music] you

Channel: WhatCulture Gaming

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Id: UqUwVV91Mhg

Length: 15min 49sec (949 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 06 2020