6 Must Know Facts About Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[Music] borderline personality disorder or BPD is talked about constantly online many people are sharing their personal experiences others are from professionals like me but some are hurtful stigmatizing and untrue so today I wanted to set the record straight with six facts about [Music] BPD first fact borderline personality disorder can present in four distinct ways there was a book written in 1995 by Theodore Millan called disorders of Personality DSM for and Beyond and in it he identifies four distinct types one type he mentions is discouraged or quiet BPD and this comes along with an intense fear of Abandonment and this can be real or imagined we can also find ourselves being clingy and people pleasing going along with whatever is happening could also be really codependent or show signs of ement which really means a complete lack of boundaries if we struggle with quiet BPD we can also have a low self-worth or a poor self-image overall this is the type of BPD where we turn our upset or discouragement inwards we can also self-injure or struggle with Suicidal Thoughts another type he identifies is impulsive BPD this type comes along with symptoms that cause us to act in thoughtless ways like we can spend a lot of money in a short period of time we could also find ourselves binge eating self-injuring or engaging in other risky behaviors like having unprotected sex or going on a trip with someone that we barely know doing drugs or even driving Under the Influence we can also find ourselves being more outgoing charismatic and like having people around find ourselves being a little flirtatious even enjoying attention if we have this type we can be more High energy find ourselves getting bored easily we can also be more aggressive start fights think of splitting Behavior we can yell and break things another type is self-destructive BPD now this is when we do things to sabotage ourselves and our relationships and we may or may not be aware that we're doing this this can come out of our suicidal Behavior feelings of emptiness and self-loathing thoughts some beliefs just like the impulsive type we may also engage in Risky behaviors although these tend to be more focused on demeaning or hurtful things like doing illicit drugs having unprotected sex picking a fight with our boss and things like that we can self injure as a way of just feeling something because we feel so numbed out from our life we can also find ourselves being easily enraged and bitter about life and finally the last type he addressed is petulant BP BD now this is the type that represents all of the mood-based BPD symptoms people with this type can be angry one minute sad the next these mood swings only last a few hours but on a rare occasion they can last for days we're unpredictable and irritable we can be passive aggressive we can even show inappropriate and intense anger lash out at those around us splitting Behavior can also OCC in this type as we swing from loving someone to hating them thinking they're all good or all bad we can find ourselves complaining a lot people can call us extremely stubborn and we can feel torn between wanting people around and wanting to be left alone like we need the support because of our fear of Abandonment but we're also worried that they're going to leave us and let us down if you have ever felt like the way that BPD has been described by your therapist or someone online never really quite fit your experience expence then it's possible you had only heard of one type of BPD instead of all four I want to take a minute to thank today's sponsor delete me did you know that every year there are over 1.4 million cases of identity fraud with the median loss per victim being $500 one of the reasons this type of crime is so common is because our personal data and information is being sold online to data Brokers data Brokers are corporations that collect huge amounts of personally identifiable information from a variety of sources like 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promo code Katie at checkout that's join delet me.com Katy moving right back in with fact number two the the self-injury portion of BPD isn't necessarily a suicide attempt or cry for help often it's a way for us to express all the pain and upset we're feeling for many of my patients and members of our community they share that self-injury is a way of letting it all out creating a physical wound to show just how much emotional pain we're in others have shared that it's a great distraction from the emotional pain and some of you have even told me that it's a way for you to take care of yourself possibly the way you wish your parents would have for example many of my patients have shared their rituals around self-injury and how they clean up the wound and bandage it this is often a result of childhood abuse most commonly neglect and it's our way of showing ourselves the kind of love we wish we'd gotten whatever the reason behind it it clearly serves a purpose for us and is a way that we try and cope I find this to be one of the symptoms that people have the hardest time understanding which is why it can be so stigmatized many of you have shared how you feel ashamed of it have had family members laugh about it or even your therapist call the police or try to put you in the hospital thinking it was a suicide attempt and I understand why people can be scared for our safety but we need to be having more conversations about this why we do it and what purpose it serves and possibly having a safety agreement in place with our loved ones and mental health professionals I also think it's important to mention that not all people with BPD self- injure which is why non-suicidal self-injury was added to the dsm5 in 2013 it can happen with or without this diagnosis fact number three that people with BPD are not master manipulators almost every single one of my patients with BPD has told me that one time or or another someone called them manipulative and they don't really know what to do with that except believe that it's true this can increase our shame and our difficulties in relationships the truth is when we have BPD we are constantly thinking about other people and how they're feeling about us and this comes from our fear of Abandonment and we think that if we try and read every situation closely we can stop someone from leaving us this can that we text or call a lot check someone's Social Media constantly place a lot of value on how people talk to us what they say and how they're acting this is all because of our hypervigilance and our intense concern of being left we can find ourselves acting in ways we know will elicit a response from someone in the hopes that they will assuage our fears which if we're all honest we've all done that to some degree in our life but to think that some with BPD is a master manipulator sounds way more malicious than it actually is most people I know who have BPD are just so worried about people leaving and because we feel everything so intensely we fight like hell to make that feeling go away this can mean we lie to get someone to come over react emotionally when we don't think someone really cares about us and can be hard to calm down once we're disregulated not one of those things means that we are master manipulators we're simply trying to feel a bit better and more secure in our relationships and frankly we don't know how else to do it which is why therapy usually dialectical behavior therapy can be so incredibly helpful it gives us tools to cope that don't hurt our relationships fact number four that borderline personality disorder can be managed I was having lunch with a colleague of mine years ago and he laughed at me when I said that I thought BPD was completely treatable now for a bit more context he was nearing retirement he was a psychiatrist not a therapist and didn't actively treat anyone with BPD so maybe BPD wasn't as understood back when he was in school or in training as it is now regardless I've never been so disappointed in a fellow colleague especially one who was still seeing patience it's because of stigmas and misunderstandings like this that we have to add this fact in BPD can be managed through therapy and by using tools that help us better navigate our symptoms is it curable no but neither is the common cold yet we still treat it and we get on with our lives and that's what we can do when we have BPD it will take work but we can get to a place where we're able to identify our most worrisome symptoms and instead of acting on them right away we can give ourselves a beat to decide what we want to do with that thought or emotion and act in a way that's better for us DBT or dialectical behavior therapy is a great option as well as CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy schema theapy and any trauma treatments can work as well find what works for you and know that you can get to a place where your BPD symptoms don't run your life anymore fact number five borderline personality disorder is often born out of trauma that's why so many of the symptoms and experience es of BPD can mirror that of PTSD especially complex PTSD although just to be clear the fear of real or imagined abandonment is only seen in those with BPD now when we talk about trauma we think of fight flight freeze Fawn and we need to consider this when it comes to BPD as well I honestly believe that each one of my patients with BPD when they're acting out of their symptoms are doing so while in their stress response meaning that they're either either fighting like think being impulsive or splitting Behavior or they're trying to run away right flight sabotaging our relationships numbing out through self-injury or we're freezing we're dissociating or we're fawning or people pleasing when we try and read everyone's emotions without them telling us anything I believe this is because when we have BPD we're in a constant state of stress and hypervigilance which is also true for most of my PTSD patients this is why I've always called those with BPD emotional burn victims now I didn't come up with that phrase but it definitely fits we feel everything happening to us so intensely that regular everyday interactions can push us into our stress response causing us to react and remember when we're in our stress response that means that our prefrontal cortex is offline and we're reacting out of our and lyic system which really just means that we can't think things through completely we we're acting on impulse and that impulse will always be to save us from any perceived physical or emotional threat the fact that BPD is often born out of trauma can help those of us who love someone with BPD I think it allows us to see the cause feel more compassion for them and understand that the way they might be acting actually doesn't have anything to do with us it's because of what they've been through already usually stemming from their childhood and I know it's difficult but it's almost like the reactions they're having are because somewhere deep inside of themselves they don't think that they're lovable or worthy and that you're eventually just going to leave so in their mind it's kind of like well it then and you pair that with emotional sensitivity that those of us with BPD have and you can see why we can be reactive on edge and sensitive to your every word fact number six many of the symptoms we see in those with BPD come from our real or imagined fear of Abandonment here's an example of how a person with BPD thinks and I really Lov this example because it shows the emotional roller coaster that those with BPD go through in any and all of their relationships it's morning I open my eyes turn off my alarm the first thing I noticed is whether you texted me or not you did great you earned a good morning and a response from me it makes me so happy to have you in my life I love you and want you to know that you didn't oops guess I'm ignoring you until you text me since apparently you don't give a about me maybe I'm having a good day and I text you good morning at least but with no Emojis so you know how hurt I am I check my phone whenever I can and every minute you don't text me me I get angrier then I get impatient then I get scared did something happen to you did I do something wrong are you angry with me I go over every possible way I could have upset you I get angry with myself I debate if I should text you again or if I should wait what if I appear clingy what if I scare you away but what if you're waiting to hear from me I go from being angry with you to feeling jealous because whatever you're doing is more important than me then I get sad over that then I hate you then I hate myself then I plan to cut you out of my life oh you responded who cares I'll ignore you like you ignored me you're fine you could have texted me all this time and made me worry 5 minutes later I respond like nothing ever happened and let you know nothing about my thought process at all because I'm ashamed I know it's not healthy I know it's wrong but it's how I feel when we are always worried that someone's going to leave us that makes us hypervigilant to their every move and we can act in ways to either try and get them to stay or we can push them away preemptively so that we feel more in control of the leaving I think this can also account for much of our impulsivity and self-destructive Behavior because we can worry so much that someone is going to leave that we lash out at them then we constantly ask them if they still like us and unfortunately because of all that we caused them to do the one thing that we were trying to avoid and they leave looking at the behaviors of someone with BPD and you can see how much of it relates back to this fear of Abandonment and the important piece to remember is that it's real or imagined abandonment it doesn't matter if it's really going to happen or not it's all about our perception of it and since BPD can present itself in four distinct ways this can even cause us to isolate never engage in any romantic relationships and keep friends at arms length it's our way of protecting ourselves from potential abandonment keeping this in mind can really help us all better understand BPD and what's driving the behavior I know there are a lot of misconceptions and stigma out there about borderline personality disorder and I hope this helped clear some of that up for you if you feel I should have mentioned another fact feel free to leave it in the comments below thank you so much for watching have a wonderful week and I will see you next time

Channel: Kati Morton

Views: 73,894

Keywords: kati morton bpd, bpd kati morton, bpd, bpd disorder, bpd symptoms, bpd splitting, bpd relationship, borderline personality disorder, borderline personality disorder relationships, symptoms of bpd, signs of bpd, signs of bpd psych2go, bpd signs, am I bpd, facts about bpd, facts about borderline personality disorder, bpd misconceptions, bpd podcast, bpd information, bpd psychology, types of bpd, bpd facts, borderline personality disorder facts, bpd info, bpd diagnosis

Id: 9zT01mkTMMI

Length: 17min 20sec (1040 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 30 2024