5 Tips on Cooking for One | CH Shorts

(chiming) - Hey, guys. Grant, here. If you're single like me, you might have tough time cooking or grocery shopping without throwing away a ton of food. You might also have a Peter Pan Complex and the feeling that no one loves you because deep down, you don't deserve it. Here are five tips to help with the first thing. (chiming) The first thing I recommend for single people is to skip cooking all together. Get take out. It really cuts down on the sad factor of standing over a small burner alone. Um, Grant, I'm single but I like cooking. You're lying to yourself. The only people who like cooking are the ones with someone to cook for. That ain't you, Buster, and at this rate, it might never be. (cork popping) Sometimes getting take out just isn't practical. On those nights, I like to call in the Navy. Captain Crunch and Captain Morgan. The breakfast cereal's an inexpensive source of carbs to fill your stomach but not your soul and alcohol will put you to sleep so you can stop feeling this way. Now, doctors say alcohol's a depressant but those know-it-alls don't know real depression. They probably all have kids and houses. (cork popping) From time to time, you gotta fire up the oven and make a lasagna, the way mom used to make. It has all the carby goodness of cereal and it smells like childhood. Remember that smell? Oh, God, you were so happy then, weren't you? You had so much potential. You hadn't disappointed so many people, most of all yourself. When you're done, go ahead and leave the whole pan in the sink. Who's gonna care? Please. Somebody care. (cork popping) I date. I do, I date a lot. Enough anyway. It doesn't work out and I tell myself it wasn't the right person but I don't know. Could it be that I don't want someone who wants me because what kind of person would want me? Therapist. I can't afford a therapist. I have student loans. That's another thing. Why would anyone date someone who's so fucking broke all the time? Why, would I inflict myself on someone else? Ah, yeah. Don't buy too much. (cork popping) (chiming) (popping) (popping) (popping) (popping) (upbeat instrumental music) Fuck. (heartbeat) Hey, it's Grant from College Humor. Click here to subscribe to the channel. Click here for more fun stuff. Sorry, you guys. It feels like I'm out. Am I out? 'Cause I can like, I can see the top of the camera so it's- Is this better? Alright, it feels worse. Okay, thanks for watching.

Channel: CollegeHumor

Views: 2,526,332

Rating: 4.8748279 out of 5

Keywords: Collegehumor, CH originals, comedy, sketch comedy, internet, humor, funny, sketch, advice, being single, cooking, food, lonely, FML, desperate, depression, alcohol, dark, feels, disturbing, mental health, self help, grant o’brien, CH Shorts, loneliness, grant cooks alone, grant cooking tips, grant lonely cooking, grant cooking for one, cooking tips, life hacks, life pro tips, existential dread, being alone, grant existential crisis, latest

Id: 3eY394uqk9Q

Length: 3min 50sec (230 seconds)

Published: Tue May 22 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/piles_of_SSRIs]

“Why would I inflict myself on somebody else?”

That’s just too real, man.

[u/ealdorman77]

Collegehumor used to be really good lol, still some decent lines in this one

[u/EnormousPurpleGarden]

This is terrifyingly accurate.

[u/everythingsuxsalways]

At this point I hate this type of "comedy". Pretty good though.

[u/throwawaysports112]

Lmao. I thought College Humour became shit, but this was fucking gold.

#1 is on point though - I get all my physical human contact through accidental finger brushes.