5 Times Amy Schumer Made Ellen Laugh So Hard She Cried

but we got all dolled up and we felt really beautiful we were like wait because I think every woman you're you're like kind of suspicious like am I maybe gorgeous like maybe maybe I'm a model and I haven't just like stumbled on the right look yet you know and uh and I got there and I felt really good and and then I walked in and was just hit with a wall of all the Sports Illustrated uh swimsuit models and I was like oh okay and I understood like I'm not really a woman I'm just I'm harvesting organs for a real woman [Laughter] in case like if Kate Upton one day needs a liver I'll be like here this is yours please right I realized that night because I feel good I know how to dress where it looks good on me like I highlight this area a lot like right above the knee or here like this this three-quarter length sleeve this is not an accident this is like look it's like how is there no ring on this finger this girl is look at this section but then like here it kind of hits the fan under here it's like kind of like a lava lamp like things are things are moving and nothing really settles you know it's very confusing in this section wow you're getting a lot of people that'll be calling you now but yeah I got courtside seats which you've set Courtside I have right I thought I went I thought it would be free booze um it's not it's not I guess you'd like be on the team to get free Booth so I go I get randomly seated next to Diana egron you know the actress she's on Glee She played the cheerleader Quinn I mean that lets you know how hot she is yeah oh there we go there's the picture thanks for yes isn't that great she's like the most gorgeous girl ever her name was Quinn on that show to pull off that name yeah like if my name were Quinn on a show they'd be like oh the Jolly Irish groundskeeper that does it jig timing again you know but so she's there is she not like an angel so and the whole night she's like she's like Beth because she knows people are taking pictures of her I obviously don't I learned a lot I learned that my resting face is just a scowl it's just [Laughter] and I learned you could see that I have what I'm now calling an at-risk chin um [Laughter] I don't like keep it at sea level it just doubles it's all just I become the dinosaur and the Jeep in Jurassic Park just [Laughter] I'm like no idea people are taking pictures I'm pounding red wine and I I thought it was free and I I want I get red wine teeth right out the gate you know yeah like just first like sniff of merlot just True Blood Mouse I look like I've been feeding and I'm eating popcorn the way I think we all eat popcorn which is you know at first don't you always kind of start out kind of like lying to yourself like oh my god oh really like one piece at a time you know and then and then like you get a little more real right and then eventually you just like you get real real and it's just good like I've split my lip trying to get one more kernel true true and my dumb mouth it is true so that's what happened if you Google me it's me and I learned I look like her actually I look like her if she were stung by a million bees it's true I look like her if she were like becoming the Hulk oh she wanted to be friends and I was like we're not the same thing like she was telling me hot people problems you know she's like he won't stop calling and I'm like I hate that do you eat popcorn like that though are you a popcorn lover yeah I do and I eat it exactly like that right yeah that's why I'm so annoyed I'm single again so I'm gonna have to start dating some guy and we'll go to the movies and he'll be like do you want to get popcorn and I have to be like oh I hadn't even thought about it he's like what size and I'm like small look at me and right like a small that's like taking one Advil like get out of here and I want to dump my head in it and and then you know I'll be pretending not to think about them hilarious but we neither of us had ever been to France because we're both trash right and so we were like let's go and so we go and it's it was like you know we want to be romantic it's an intimidating City and then we had one of those hotels where the bathroom when you're in it and someone goes like you hear it loudly in the whole room you know like you could hear everything and we both got violent food poisoning violent and so it hits him first and he's in there just and then the way it um manifested itself in me is basically I was in there just like like how do I say this just kind of like Michelle him like it was so great dating you I wish you the best luck you're gonna meet the greatest girl you know but I knew I knew it was over you know who can make it through that and then I thought I'm just gonna be the one with that end he's going back in there he's put his head where I was just and then under a year we're together and but then I start I he hears me go oh and I grabbed the trash and I had to so all ends I I was like the fountain on friends you know basically and that is when I learned not to ever throw up in a wicker fast tell me uh about tell me about your child and why you changed his middle name his name is Gene [Music] um really no reason I mean look you know how sometimes parents by accident name their children genital s the old mom's tale of Wendy's so my comedian David tell I wanted to pay tribute to him and Chris's mother's name was Jean so Jean atel Chris's last name Fisher so we realized about a month in it sounded like I don't know genital fissure a month I mean like you're so vulnerable during that time anyway and then it was just like we messed up so bad right out the gate it was just like okay well the pressure's off now because we have royally in his life all right but it's not so what's his middle name now oh this is so embarrassing it's bring us up again oh God I'm so nervous about it or something is not my thing yeah we're married four years now and it is hard to have sex you know when you're married it's hard to have sex when you're married okay because like like that's your family you know what I mean like that's my emergency contact you know I'm not gonna just have sex with him no it's disgusting yeah um and you can't really talk dirty anymore if you're if you're married because he knows me too well you know I can't be like I'm gonna he's like no you're not your back hurts you're not but we've been doing a lot of role playing wait hold on we have to take a break because I want to hear I want to hear all about okay but because this is you'll like this okay okay I want to hear about that wait this might be good to take us into the break actually because the role playing I always pick the same role I always just go okay I'm in a coma [Laughter] oh my God foreign

Channel: TheEllenShow

Views: 507,773

Keywords: ellen, degeneres, ellen show, humor, comedy, funny, celebrity, television, music, interview, tv, ellen degeneres, the ellen show, daytime tv, talk show

Id: V0WX2Jx1QX8

Length: 9min 8sec (548 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 01 2023