5 Signs You're Dating a Toxic Person (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

in today's video we're going to be talking about toxic people and how to know if you're dating one so I have five ways that I've thought about that really indicate someone is poisonous for your life the first one in an argument they look to inflict damage not solve problems I always think that one of the defining factors of a successful relationship is when two people come together to solve problems not to argue there doesn't mean they never argue it just means that when they do talk about things they're always trying to problem-solve and try to figure out what's the best solution when you date a toxic person generally speaking they try to inflict damage they're not trying to solve problems they're trying to protect themselves I always think about it like scorpion mode you get near a scorpion it gets afraid and it stings you and you'll also find by the way that when you're doing something that makes them feel insecure let's say you're going out in the evening and it's something that maybe they're not invited to maybe it's this is just something you're going to on your own if they're feeling insecure about it they won't come to you with that vulnerability instead they'll make it a fight and then go to one upmanship or revenge so now they'll go out but it will be about one upping you doing something that will make you even more jealous than they feel right now again it's about inflicting damage not about solving problems number two they treat everything like it's an attack so when you come to them wanting to talk about something that you're not happy with maybe it's a behavior pattern that you're seeing in the relationship maybe it's something they did this week something they said you may come to them in a completely civil and rational way and choose your words very carefully and say listen I just wanted to talk to you about that thing this week you'll find that they will meet that with aggression by the way one of the common side effects of this and you may have seen this for yourself is you'll find yourself now afraid to bring up problems with them if you find that you you sit there agonizing over what words to use and treading on eggshells as you say something then if you're doing that too the extreme it means that you don't have a healthy relationship with constructive criticism in your relationship three they make you the root of all evil so whenever there's a problem whenever there's something going wrong they will always make it about you and your problems and what you're doing wrong and why you don't understand it so now instead of admitting that something is actually their fault that they need to change something they'll make you the problem they'll convince you that the problem is coming from you and this is one of the really insidious parts of dating a toxic person is that they become very good manipulators and they can make you believe that things are your fault that have nothing to do with you but proximity is power so whoever you spend the most time around in your life you will you will find that they will have an effect on your belief system that you don't even give them credit for I don't care how strong your frame of reference is I don't care how strong your confidence is those comments those those accusations their belief systems will eventually get through we become our peer group right whoever we spend the most time with and your ultimate peer group is the person that you date because you spend the most time around that person so remember that proximity is power and if you let someone too close and they keep affecting you and telling you that things are your fault even when they're not you'll begin to believe that and it will it Road your confidence over time number four they'll show you the most love when you're hurt one of the common patterns in toxic relationships is that toxic person will they'll accuse you of things they'll cut you they'll hurt you and when you're on your knees crying begging when in that moment where you're at your lowest ebb and they realize that they've been able to break you then they'll switch then they'll begin showing you love so it's this kind of schizophrenic behavior where they'll go super aggressive they'll make you feel like crap they'll make you feel insecure and when you're so insecure that you need their love and you're sorry and you you just need someone to lean on and you you need them as a crutch then they'll show you love and here's why because that point they feel like it's safe to do so because in the moments where you're feeling strong they're feeling weak which brings me on to point number five they get uncomfortable with your success you'll find that a toxic person will belittle your ambitions will make you feel unworthy even when you're doing well when you do do well when you have an achievement they won't celebrate it with you and get excited with you they'll brush it off they'll change the subject relatively quickly or they'll find a problem with it you come home saying you've got a promotion and they'll say well won't that now be a lot more work they'll actually try and denigrate whatever it is you've achieved because they prefer you when you're weak when things are going wrong when you get fired you'll get lots of love from this person but when you get that pay rise or when you go and start that new business or when you do anything that could threaten them in the relationship because they perceive you to be pulling away from them or getting stronger or needing them less all of a sudden they get vicious or they just get detached because there are two ways people go some people get aggressive and vicious and say you don't care about me anymore they go down that road you're doing all of these things now you don't care anymore they try to make you feel guilty or they just act like they don't care anyway and you'll find that they get distant from you when things are going well they start spending more time with other people giving more love to other people and giving less love to you so this video isn't about coming from a high-and-mighty place and us looking at toxic people and saying there's something wrong with you oh I realized you're the problem not me it's not that we're perfect and they're not we're not perfect and that's the whole point in a relationship we come with imperfections we come with flaws we come with insecurities and and wounds from previous relationships from parents from experiences in our lives from our failures and our tragedies when we come to a relationship in some ways we already come as scratched goods but the whole point is that you need to come to a relationship to meet a team player who is also imperfect and you can help heal each other you can't heal each other of course that's something only we our selves can do but we can provide an environment for our partner where it's possible for them to heal where it's possible for them to become strong to become great Mark Twain said that the really great make you feel that you too can become great thanks for watching guys I look forward to seeing you in the next video leave a comment let me know what your thought of this I'd love to hear about a situation where you know that you need to remove yourself from a situation like this or you need to deal with it differently and by the way you'll find that this video doesn't just apply to someone you're dating it also applies to colleagues bosses friends family these are rules that can apply across the board in our in our relationships in life and they're very important to have a check on so appreciate you being here love you I'll see you soon you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 2,074,253

Rating: 4.9593124 out of 5

Keywords: dating a toxic person, toxic boyfriend, toxic partner, signs of a toxic person, toxic relationships, Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, toxic people, Get the Guy, how to get the guy, dating advice, love life advice, love advice, life advice, dating, matthew hussey toxic, toxic relationship, toxic relationship signs, toxic person, toxic people how to end a bad relationship, signs of a toxic relationship, 5 signs you're dating a toxic person, matthew hussey toxic relationship

Id: d9JjyvHv9A4

Length: 7min 39sec (459 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 21 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/invah]

WOW.

• "Proximity is power."

• "They'll show you the most love when you're hurt."

• "They'll show you love, because at that point it's safe to do so. In the moments where you're feeling strong, they're feeling weak."

JESUS.

Thank you for posting this! I am going to sticky this for today because it is so good.

[u/MC91909]

I feel like Matthew Hussey has been through abusive relationships by how well he defines these traits. Take note!