5 Keys to Relationship Endurance — Endure — Rich & DawnCheré Wilkerson

so today don schrute we want to lean in the reason why we're teaching together so we want to talk today from the subject five keys to relationship endurance oh come on somebody in the studio make a little bit of noise right there five keys to relationship endurance and here's the truth dontre come on we all know at this point it's very easy to start a relationship but it's very difficult at times to endure in a relationship that is the truth and as we gather around this word endure and we've been studying the book of first peter i think it's more than appropriate that we apply the scripture to our relationships but you might be wondering like why is peter in the middle of this letter speaking directly to husbands and to wives and i think there's a couple reasons for that number one rome and uh the roman empire was growing and expanding it was very diverse and within that diversity and within that expansion there were so many new ideas and so many beliefs that were emerging and truth became relative and so peter is speaking to followers of jesus reminding them of the truth that we know through personal relationship with god he's reminding them hey truth is not relative it's not based on the newest idea we know the one who created the earth who created men who created women and so peter is reminding the early church hey let's keep our eyes focused on the truth that we know but secondly i believe that peter is speaking to us about our marriages and about our relationships because a healthy church is built on healthy families that's right so a healthy church is not just sundays but seven days a week families walking out their faith and hear me today our church can never be healthy if your family stays sick i want to say that again our church can never be healthy if your family stays sick i'm not saying that the situation you're in right now you brought upon yourself i'm not saying that the heartbreak and the brokenness in your marriage or with your children right now that you caused what i am telling you is that because of the price of calvary and a resurrected king it doesn't matter how broken your marriage your family your legacy your history the truth is is that you can look ahead with faith because of jesus and i just want to encourage you right now that this conversation today as we look to the letter of first peter as we look to the words of the apostle peter that we want to speak faith and healing and life over your marriage over your identity and over the legacy that you're gonna lead this is not a conversation just for people that are married today this is a conversation for whatever season of life you are in the enemy wants your relationships to stay broken hear me today he wants you to show up on a sunday lift your hands and sing about having the victory but never really experience it for yourself he wants you to pray for other people and believe that they're going to be healed but come to the conclusion in your own life that your marriage could never be healed that your relationship with your children could never be restored he wants you to sing that the best is yet to come and write it in your journal and speak it over other people but then go home on a sunday night and believe that the way things are in your home are the way it's always gonna be but let me speak some faith to you right where you are today that's not the truth god is able to heal he's able to restore he's able to be set free in every area of your life and he cares about your relationships he cares about the state of your relationships he cares about the conversation that you had this morning that didn't go the way that you planned and when we look to the scriptures we have to understand that the scriptures they speak to every facet of our life especially especially our relationships and i think the big tag of what we've been saying don cheri throughout the last four weeks as you study first peter the premise of what's taking place is that there's pressure on the church there is this cultural moment taking place where there's so much division in society so many different people groups so many different truths hitting the church the church is actually starting to go wait the problems out there are starting to become the problems in here here and peter is really suggesting hey endure don't give up don't quit and what we've been saying over and over in this collection is this life's not always about conquering some seasons are simply about enduring that's right and peter's gonna lean in now to how to build a happy home we've been learning about the beliefs that there's this living hope in jesus this eternal reward so now that we believe how do we behave what is our response with one another what's our responsibilities with one another and what i really believe dontre is the truth is that you really can't win in life if you fail in relationships yeah so often man the quality of your life is attached to the quality of your relationships that's right and so peter for sure is going to teach about a happy home using the premise of a marriage but today i understand that our audience people that are watching you've got single people you've got people that are dating you've got people that are divorced you got people that are struggling their marriage you got people that are happy in their marriage you got people like i want nothing to do with a relationship but but i know this today that that the keys that we're going to share yes we're going to speak to the filter of marriage but see where they apply to your other relationships there's some dads out there you're going to raise some healthy daughters you need to teach them how to become a healthy woman there's there's some moms there's some single moms in our community today that are trying to raise some boys trying to raise some girls and going i don't know what to do god's word has some answers of how you can find endurance in your relational life so i want to give you five keys these come from the text today we're gonna try to break this down we're gonna study we're gonna jump in dawn tree's gonna holler and preach i like it hopefully her earrings come off hopefully she throws a high heel at you i'm not gonna get up from this stool one time no i'm lying i'm getting up a couple times all right key number one number one your marriage needs a mission your marriage needs a mission let's let's go to our one verse or i guess our two verses in chapter two this is really closing out where we were at last week but watch what uh peter says this is chapter 2 verse 11. peter says dear friends i urge you as aliens and strangers remember that whole elect exiles conversation in week one as aliens and strangers in the world to abstain from sinful desires which war against your soul live such good lives among the pagans that though they accuse you of doing wrong they may see your good deeds and glorify god on the day he visits us okay you got to get what's taking place here because this is super practical so so week one was kind of like big and ethereal and like doctrine and theology and this living hope but now here he is getting very very practical with us and i don't know if you notice this but what he is simply saying is he's saying that you are supposed to behave in a certain way as a believer that a broken lost world when they look at your life when they watch your life they can tell there's something different about you in fact he even goes on to say that yo people are going to accuse you as a believer of doing wrong they're going to accuse you of having wrong motivations they're going to try to persecute they're going to try to hate on you but you keep doing things god's way and as you do it what's going to take place is eventually through your life and through your actions they will glorify god this is a powerful premise that you must understand that there's always somebody watching you a couple of years ago don tree and i we were traveling and i was in an airport and social media is so funny now because with social media uh we're all connected some way somehow it's like i go around this studio and you know jd and laura from kentucky but i'm just guessing there's somebody in kentucky that i know but i've never met but follows him and they follow me and it's a weird thing that's taking place on the interweb the social dilemma is real people okay but i remember i was in this airport we're hanging out you know and i don't know i probably got my air pods in i'm probably like i'm not paying attention uh at airports too i'm i got a hoodie up i'm all like tired you know and i'm on a wall and i'm just you know i probably got i usually fly really early so if i get sleep in my eye i don't always brush my teeth right when i wake up the lord's still working on me long story short i'm sitting there and this layover and i'm hanging out not paying attention and when i get on the flight when i land from my flight i checked my social media and on instagram somebody had posted a photo of me in the airport and they said it was so good seeing pastor rich today which number one that is really creepy okay there should be a rule don't take pictures of people if they don't know they're being photographed yes but i remember talking to don trigon oh my goodness somebody is always watching you whether you know it or not i would say if you ever see me in public just come and say hi i'm actually nice and i'll actually behave a whole lot better if you let me know you're watching but the truth the matter is is that even though people act like they aren't listening they are always watching that's great and this needs to give us hope as believers the hope as believers comes into this play of going man i don't know how to reach my neighbor i don't always know how to reach my colleague i don't always know how to reach my co-worker yeah you do you have a beautiful opportunity this living hope that's hit your life it has now put you on mission every single day that although they might not ever come into the church they can watch you be the church although they might not ever gather large with us they can open up their eyes and see how you behave and here's the good news when you begin to behave differently from the world it leaves people curious i want to remind you today that you might be the only bible people will ever read you might be the only people might not ever read first peter but they're going to watch the people of god and god is looking for a people called the church to win all people called the world and when you make a simple decision yo the world's behaving angry right now come on but not you you're being a peacemaker right now the world is really really annoyed right now but come on man you're walking with the peace of god right now the world is depressed but you have the joy of the lord the world is talking all about the problems but man when you walk into a situation you're pointing everybody to the solution his name is jesus now don there's no doubt that peter is speaking in this passage to individuals and we have to as believers take on the mission as an individual to say yo every part of my life should be lived on mission that my life should be a ministry but if that is a truth for an individual who's a christian could it be true for couples see the first key to enduring in a relationship is that your relationship your marriage it needs to be more than just about him and her and just each other it needs to have a purpose it needs to have a mission what if you saw your marriage as a ministry to the world i think it could change the world i think literally your marriage could change the world with a mission mindset and i think that that mission mindset doesn't start when you say your vows i think it starts when you discover the love of jesus i think that that mission you take your first step as you become a new creation and you decide to entrust your life to the perfect love of jesus you know we read the scriptures and we understand that god created us in his image maybe you haven't thought very deeply about that before but i just want to tell you today that you've been created in the image of god what a profound thought you've been created in the image of god scriptures tell us that that the spirit of god they said let us make man an hour the trinity in our image and now that you and i know jesus and we've experienced his love i think our mission always points back to understanding how we were made i want to remind you today in case you haven't realized that you were made for a mission like the gifts inside of you the way that you think uh you your characteristics that are uniquely you you've been handcrafted by almighty god not just for beauty not just for art because you are the greatest piece of art but you have actually been crafted with your capabilities and your characteristics for a specific mission you were made for a mission and you were made in god's image male and female and when we understand that we were made in the image of god we understand that we were made to reflect his image here on earth and that literally friends is our mission period it's our mission as we walk in our single season it's our mission if we choose to be married and walk alongside someone else it's our mission if we start a business it's our mission if we have a child it's our mission if we take care of our parents in their older age it's always to reflect the characteristics of jesus and really we reflect those characteristics in a few different ways we reflect god's image being male and female by walking in relational harmony by choosing to work together by playing the long game and understanding that we're going to walk through a lot of seasons together we've got to learn how to walk together but we also walk reflecting the image of god by understanding that we were created equally that male and female equally have a call to this mission we see this in the new covenant that when peter the one who wrote first peter when he comes out and prophesies under the power of the holy spirit he quotes the scriptures and says in the last days i will pour out my spirit and your your sons and your daughters they will prophesy showing us that under the new covenant both male and female both have an equal calling to carry the mission of god forward that we are both empowered by the same holy spirit empowered by the same mission and mandate to preach the gospel to all nations to baptize them in the name of jesus oh come on is that good news today you and i we have a mission and that mission doesn't change as we get married we carry that mission and we set our sights on eternity together knowing that we are called to live for an audience of one we must be equally minded in our mission when we choose to be married you know no matter what your story is i want to encourage you you are called i love the scripture that says now through jesus there is now neither jew nor greek nor slave nor master nor male nor female what is the scripture saying it's comparing the common misconception of what was inferior and what was superior and it was proving the point that when it comes to the message of jesus every single one of us are called to build the kingdom of god whatever your age whatever your season whether you're a male whether you're a female you are called equally and valued by almighty god what does it look like to have a mission we have to understand in our marriage there's a cost with that mission rich and i we don't watch very many movies together it's hard for us to find like a common ground when it comes to movies don't say anything great i know you have a lot of input on that i just feel like your tastes could be a little better i mean i feel the same way i just thought you could broaden it i think you have ah category no i have a category rom-com all the way baby exactly but we found this show lately that we've been watching it's called away and it's about this mission to mars and as i watch it honestly i cry like every episode we lay in bed at night and we watch it and it's just so moving like the wife is on this mission to mars she's spinning three years away from her daughter away from her husband her husband's on earth with her family and i'm like crying i'm watching it i'm like rich like i just don't understand like how could she do how can they make it how can their marriage survive they're away for years from each other they're not even like time zone doesn't even apply like it's it's beyond my imagination and rick's just like so matter of factly is like dave they have the same mission i was like wow there's something to that i think our marriage can get through anything when we both have the same mission and i see our church i see blue church built on unity i've been i see our church built on men and women who are committed to building the church i see them show up on sunday selflessly serving bringing their kids along on the journey i see people who choose to give above and beyond the tithe 10 or more you know what that's called that's called being mission minded that's called living for a mission that is larger than yourself choosing to serve choosing to give choosing to love choosing to reach out choosing the sacrifice time talent energy that's what it looks like practically to have a marriage that is mission minded you know pain has a purpose when you choose to put some purpose on that mission every obstacle that you face is not bigger than the mission that is at hand i don't know what you're facing today maybe you're going through the toughest season of your life i just want to encourage you today that god still has a call on your life that he still has a purpose in front of you nothing can separate you from the love of god we have to be we have to choose to consciously be mission minded and i think that when you start to recognize that god's given us this big mission it's far greater than going to mars we have an opportunity to bring the broken home that that's a cause me as an individual but as i have a partner in this i've got to see beyond myself and so god hasn't put don true now together just to be happy it's far bigger than that i think the thing that helps us get to the tough times is we remind ourselves wait a minute we want to show a lost and dying world that it's possible to have a healthy marriage yes that it's possible to walk in joy that it's possible to get through the tough times that you don't have to just crack you don't just have to break you can withstand and you can endure because we have a mission god hasn't put us just together to be happy he's put together to be holy so evaluation question number one for the first key is this is my relationship about making me happy or holy second question is are we actively stewarding our marriage to be mission minded in this season we're going to ask these questions this week in our crew chats and our crew live but this is a good question to sit down with your partner your spouse the person you're dating the person you want to marry wait is this person just make me happy does this person make me holy yes this person reminds me of what i'm called to live live on purpose every day we're gonna go to first peter chapter three verses one through five here we go i'm gonna read five verses we're gonna see all three keys we're gonna break them down get ready this is where it gets weird for some people the bible's doing the preaching today wives in the same way dontre take notes be submissive to your husband so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be one over someone say one over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes don't turn off the link yet stay streaming i'm gonna break some of this stuff down for you instead it should be that of your inner self come on somebody the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that's for cat rouse right there which is of great worth in god's sight for this is the way of the holy women of the past who put their hope in god used to make themselves beautiful all right key number one is your marriage has to have a mission key number two is know your roles what we see peter beginning to do this happens in many other places in scripture but he's quickly going to show us that there are two different roles in a marriage and what peter describes to us is that a marriage is made up of two parties it's made up of a husband and a wife a husband and a wife these two different roles now listen i want to make sure that we're very very clear especially the stance of vu church in such i think difficult challenging times god has created men and women equal like we can go all the way back to the beginning that god is for all people jesus is for all people listen jesus has been empowering women long before the women's rights movement okay you just do a little book study you do a little study on jesus ministry women were all over the place in leadership ministering doing incredible things jesus empowers people yet what we must learn in a marriage is is that we have different roles god has created us differently yet equally i think that we need to understand our differences celebrate our differences make much out of each other's strengths and stop exploiting our weaknesses and what peter begins to talk about here is he leans into really the ladies for a moment he talks about wives submitting to your husbands and he's going to break down this idea of submitting and paul does this many many different times this word submission is like a dirty word i feel like in 2020 um and maybe in many cases rightfully so we've all kind of watched um the atrocities of power um going unregulated unaccountable power no doubt about it that there is that's dangerous i always talk about in a marriage and in relationships ladies it doesn't say that you're supposed to submit to all men it says you're to submit to amen he's called your husband and you don't submit to a man who does not walk with responsibility if he's not responsible then guess what you're not accountable okay and so i want us to talk about this word a little bit because i think this word is all throughout the scripture if you get turned off by the word submitting well then you're not going to do very good following jesus because jesus was a man who lives submitted to the father and most of his call to all of us is a life of submission so many of us we live a life of ambition let me tell you something ambition will never ever ever take you to places that submission can i just i want to say it this way submission will take you places that ambition can only dream of that when you lay down your life and when you sacrifice and when you actually say i'm gonna prefer the other person it's amazing what takes place but dontre why don't you take this for a few moments because i think there's a lot of misconceptions around this word and people get really confused but if we're going to have a healthy biblical marriage we've got to know that we've got strengths we've got to play to our strengths well i think that it's really powerful for us to take the time on a sunday we never apologize for taking time on sunday to look to god's word as it applies to our relationships because we understand that it's through relationships that the world actually sees the love of jesus that's how the world gets to see his love and when we look to the family we understand that god engineered the family that he created roles within the family and if you look deep enough into the way that god's created it in no way is it meant to limit anyone it's meant to champion every single part of the family it's meant to help you achieve everything that god has called you to be and when you look at the family it's really cool because you see the roles between husband and wife but when we look to the trinity we see different roles within the trinity that here they are they are one but they have very distinctive roles and if you look at the father father god he has a very distinctive role he has a specific responsibility and i think that as you look at the father in the home that he too has a very specific responsibility he has a specific leadership role and this didn't just happen like when you look at the word submit and everybody thinks that it's part of the sin story friends you have missed it if you think that that has anything to do with it when we come to a marriage we're called to serve one another there's a mutual submission because we are able to go the distance when we choose to prefer one another selfishness puts up a wall in our hearts and only leads to brokenness and discontent right but uh when you look at the creation story before the fall there were roles there were very clearly defined roles god creates adam first and then god chooses to create eve as a helper sometimes we can choose to like resent that word helper but you need to look closer into it because there's a lot of strength there in fact that word helper is used to describe almighty god helping the israelites within the word of god and so it's not a stance of being weak it's not a stance of being less than but it does imply by being the helper that there's a very specific responsibility to lead placed upon the man that there is a responsibility that he is responsible to god for and i think it's a beautiful thing when we look at marriage and we look at the roles and we understand our strengths every marriage is different and i love like shout out to vucare how many of you guys love tuesday nights we care it's incredible if you didn't know there's so many different offerings for you to find health in your relationships and in your personal walk but one of the things that we offer at vucare every single season is pre-marital counseling and i love it i absolutely love the curriculum that we walk through but you see these couples come in and they're so fired up they're like oh my goodness i have my notebook i'm so ready i'm so in love with you i can't wait to start this life with you we're just going to talk about romantic things and you know the only thing on your mind is like playing house having sex great date nights you don't realize that most of your marriage is gonna be based upon you playing to each other's strengths day in day out as you manage your responsibility and i think that it's so empowering when we look to the word that god is not just trying to create cookie-cutter christians but that god has created every single one of us uniquely that even your thumbprint is unique different from anybody else in all of history so your marriage is going to look different from the person on your left and your right because god created you to play to your strengths the bible doesn't say that the man or the woman should manage the finances it doesn't say that the man or the woman should take care of this meal or take care of this celebration or do this or that no friend that's based upon you deciding what your strengths are understanding let's play to each other's strengths let's serve one another when i was growing up i played a lot of sports i played tennis i played softball i played a little bit of flag football couldn't help it because my dad was a football coach but i'm a lefty i'm the only lefty in my whole family i have five brothers and a sister my parents are right-handed everybody but me is right-handed but as i learned as i as i play different sports great coaches play to your strength and so great coaches would take note that i was left-handed and they would put me in the right position that would play to my strengths and what i want to encourage you in today as we say that a key to a healthy marriage is to know your role i would say start to have conversations with the one that you love maybe 2020 has been rough on your relationship it may be time to pivot with responsibilities it may be time to get a new vision it may be time to go back to the drawing board and say how can we serve each other like never before and how can we choose to live responsibly with our roles but in our strengths and i think in our marriage i think it's fun to talk about it because as we're leading i want to be as transparent as we can don cherie and i just so we're clear we try to apply the bible to every area of our life and when we see words like this some people just get they so reject certain things we're trying to lean into it but i want to be really clear dontre and i have complete transparency it's transparency that builds trust that you can give people responsibility in their roles like for instance like um there's not like i don't have secret bank accounts that don tree doesn't have access to in fact when we we use this idea like submission i want to be really like for us in our home it's more like i'm leading the way or i'm setting the direction of the course of our home but there's a lot of things that i'm not in charge of in our house like our money for instance my wife is much stronger at that than i am and so she directs the path of the money and so people often ask well like um so i see the bible says wives submit do husbands ever submit the answer is absolutely yes that's great absolutely yes in fact as you read paul's writings because when you look at scriptures you don't just look at one scripture you interpret the bible with the bible another scripture would say that husbands are to love their wife like christ loved the church so submission is to a point of service and preferring but the way that christ loved the church was far beyond submission it was total sacrifice that he gave his life so you tell me who has the higher calling who has the greater sacrifice the wife or the husband the point being define get into conversation figure out the rhythm of your home make sure that there's clear roles of who's doing what have some structure it's structure that enables you when the shaking takes place to endure and to stand strong okay i would say to all the girls out there all you single girls out there oh i'm not submitting to him listen if you want to submit to him that he's not worth marrying and all you guys out there she's like oh man she won't she's not gonna ever follow well guess what i'm telling you right now like no one's gonna follow if you're a lousy leader why don't you look at yourself and say man am i a leader worth following put it back on you i'm not asking all girls to follow all men no that's not at all my stance my stance is in a home if you want to endure you have to describe some roles you have to figure out who's strong at what and prefer each other and the husband i believe is the priest of the home that he should be leading in the spiritual direction that's why when you're picking a husband yo if he can't do that while you're dating don't think he's gonna get good at that when you're married marriage is gonna magnify your problems it's not gonna solve your problems so the evaluation question that we got to ask today on this know your roles is do i know and celebrate the strengths of the people i am in a relationship with and your friendships you should be doing this figure out who's good this is what we do on our staff and our team who's good at that who's good at that we're submitting to one another in areas of strength all right number three here we go number three key number three here we go ready for it key number three what you do speaks louder than what you say this is what peter writes come on this is what he says he says wise in the same way be submissive to your husband so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over watch this without words someone say without words without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives i think this is such a powerful scripture and i think we can apply it no matter what season of life you're in no matter what the current status of your relationship because the truth of the matter is is that your actions truly do speak louder than words and i think that the common misconception in marriage is that you get to just tell the other person what they need to change and that they'll just change friends that is not the way it works and probably the first year of marriage that might be one of the biggest frustrations in a marriage is that you're trying to change each other yeah okay you need to change this hey you need to change that you did a lot of that i probably did no you didn't you did i probably do no you're fine you're perfect yeah well the truth is is that the first year like you're you're adjusting and you're trying to change a lot about the other person and as you point the finger at the other person there's nothing about your spouse that you can change so when peter's speaking to wives who who came to know christ but their husband hasn't come to know jesus yet he's saying hey i want to tell you i want to tell you the the quickest way for them to fall in love with the jesus that's captured your heart it's not going to be speaking condemnation because that's not the way that jesus revealed himself to you it's not going to be by beating them over the head with the word of god it's going to simply by allowing them to see the love of jesus come to fruition in your own life your actions you just enjoying the presence of god you staying committed on sunday whether he comes or not you choosing to speak life over him you choosing to love others even when they have nothing to give to you that kind of selfless love that kind of internal change that kind of upside down counter cultural thinking well that is irresistible that's irresistible and so peter is speaking to the wives saying hey listen i just want to give you a shortcut to seeing true transformation stop telling them what needs to change and start just letting the love of jesus speak for itself the message is strong enough the news is good enough his power is able to bring transformation and i've seen this in our lives i have friends who their parents walked for decades while the husband didn't believe in jesus or the wife didn't believe in jesus it goes both ways and that spouse just chose to continue to love continue to raise their kids together continue to speak life continue to go on date nights continue to embrace them continue to build life together and the jesus in them became a reality to their spouse and i just want to encourage you today you may have written off your spouse you may have written off your husband or your wife thinking that it's already been 10 years it's been 15 years it's been 20 years and i haven't seen anything yet you don't know the day but god is not done with their story god is drawing them he is capturing their heart and let me tell you how he's doing it he's using you he's using you up close and personal day in day out keeping faithful keep drawing your strength from the scriptures keep looking to jesus your hope keeping filled with the daily grace you have the strength to go the distance and you're not the one who can save you're not the one who can set free but you know the one who can and come on can we together speak life and faith over those who are believing for those that they love god is working in your home in your marriage today i think it's so true don't you i think the truth here that we take away from this we have to be reminded is that our behavior shows our beliefs yes our behavior shows our beliefs dontre taught on this today that we have to make sure we know what we believe don't focus on behavior focus on belief but then when it comes to reaching lost people when it comes to reaching someone in your home when it comes to impacting people it's going to be your behavior yeah and your behavior is going to show people what it is that you actually believe i just want everyone let everyone know real quick donchu and are both preachers guess what doesn't work in our home preaching at each other yeah it goes really bad i have been working for 14 years to get don tree to address me at home pastor rich she doesn't do it i do call her reverend doncheri occasionally but what we've learned is that preaching actually is very ineffective but setting an example yes begins to work what you have to remember is that what you project others will reflect what you project others will reflect love is not a feeling love is a choice love is an action and peter is writing to this church because people were being converted remember christianity was a minority they weren't this big powerful hey we're strong and we're going to keep our rights they didn't have any rights and here they were being saved by the love of jesus and now this big roman empire was putting their beliefs and their truths and so women were getting saved but their husbands were no were not believers and vice versa husbands were getting saved but their but their wives were not believers and the action was don't just preach in your home don't give ultimatums in your home but instead be an example they will see this jesus on the inside of you here's the question for all of us today come on cruz you're doing some work this week do i have the self-control to let my example do the talking at times oh to all the all the all the husbands in the room all the wives in the chats all come on youtube just just point somebody out just just name your spouse i don't know just go for it all right key number four key number four universal don't name your spouse that'll be bad key number four all right pay attention to the inside that come on studio audience everyone help me on the count of three we're gonna say this ready one two three pay attention to the inside first peter chapter three verse three your beauty speaking to women once again but we're gonna use this truth for all of us your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes instead it should be that of inner self the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in god's sight for this is the way of the holy women of the past who put their hope in god used to make themselves beautiful okay i want to make sure we talk about this for a moment because this is an interesting scripture that if you're not careful you will totally take it out of context recognize that peter is writing to a culture of people peter is writing and he's making a relevant truth to those people of the day the reason why i'm saying is because there's entire movements entire churches that create rules for women like don't braid your hair or like fake gold bracelets from forever 20 what's that rest place it called restaurant forever forever you know about that forever 21 that that somehow that makes you not a believer that's not the point you're you're missing it peter is giving a much much deeper truth peter's not against you being into fashion peter's not against you into wearing weird pajama pants that's not the thing what peter is against is that you would pay more attention to the exterior than you would the interior he's pleading with women of god to say do not buy into the lie of what the culture would sell you of what beauty is of what you need to project of what you need to pay attention to it's not bad to look good it's not bad to take care of yourself it's not bad to dress nice it's just bad when you care more about that than you do your soul there's a whole lot of people in 2020 yo that spend more time fixing the shell than they do fixing their soul spend a whole lot more time painting the shell hello than they do with strengthening their soul the interior i wrote it down this week exterior beauty without inner depth is just cheap decorations it's just cheap decorations man there's a whole lot of people today that like the way society lies to us is it wants to get men and women to only be fixated right here on the outside i want you to know this body i'm trying to maintain it i want it to be healthy but it is dying and it's getting older and gravity is winning always wrinkles are appearing hair is leaving fat will not shrink as fast as it used to and it's good to be healthy it's good to maintain this body that god has given us but man i sure hope that i'm not paying more attention to this body than i am to this soul this eternal soul that will live on so it's it's about paying attention to the inside it's about discovering that beauty comes from the inside out and some of us out there were buying into the live culture and we think that our relationship is failing because the exterior is fading and it's a lie from the pit of hell you can go get some expensive shoes but yo you still got cheap character [Music] just because you got a new outfit doesn't mean you got a new mindset we just keep buying into this stuff we just i got i got a strong body i know but you got a weak spirit and you got to pay attention to something deeper you got to go deeper than what meets the eye it's like i just watch it like you know couples it's amazing even christian couples today god bless someone this happens at dawn tree night sometimes but it's like a date night beautiful date nights are awesome but isn't it funny how the culture will lie to us and get us to pay attention to all of the exterior stuff about a date night and fail to recognize what's at the core so what do we do we go to the mall we get an outfit we get all dressed up we get ourselves all put together we're like oh my god it's got my hair done got a babysitter did all this work did all these things get to the restaurant finally get to the restaurant sit down book their table spend the money the whole time we're at the table we're not even talking to each other we're not even paying attention instead we're on our phones disconnected but make sure we get a picture make sure we post it make sure we let everybody know we're happy you know you might photograph well but that will not endure well that will not battle well you got to go deeper you got to make sure that you're paying attention to the deep stuff to the right stuff into the body of christ through the marriages out there that are struggling please understand that you can endure if you'll go deeper there's more to you than what just meets the eye your beauty runs way deeper than simply your eyes or your face but i'm telling you what your personality is attractive a good attitude that's a turn-on in 2020 man somebody who's happy wow you're happy when everybody else is sad we peter's trying to say yo don't buy into the lies of this culture so i want our church not to be so legalistic and not get fixated on the letter of the law and miss the spirit of the truth and the spirit of the truth that peter's trying to say is like he's saying like you gotta go you gotta go deeper here there's more to the story than what just meets the eye don't don't get lost in what culture tells you is beautiful but understand that the attraction level in a marriage that will endure it actually goes to the soul level yeah that obsession with self only leads to more dissatisfaction there are people that are afraid to be a part of community because every time they try to go to that birthday party every time they try to go serve at church they end up staring in the mirror at home self-loathing picking themselves apart pointing out everything that is wrong with them and friends that is such an attack of the enemy and it's such a lie from the enemy because truly he missed out on community and being in the presence of almighty god because he became self-focused and so he wants us to fall for the same lie but we find freedom when we find healing when we realize it's about the inner work i want to do the inner work i want to open up every area of my heart to be renovated by god and i want to go the distance in my relationships because my heart is open i think the greatest evaluation question that we could ask right now is based on my investment of time today am i putting my hope in the temporary or the eternal i think it's something for us to think about something for us to answer but we still have a fifth key and i'm really excited about it because the fifth key today is disrespect is destructive disrespect is destructive let me read the text for you says husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner is heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers you know when i look at this first of all is speaking very clearly to us to consider one another to respect one another that we are both heirs of the grace of god and when you look at that word weaker you know people can interpret it different ways let me tell you what the text actually means doesn't mean that weaker women are weaker with their ability to think doesn't mean that women are weaker in their willpower it's just speaking superficially to the generalization that men are created with strength physical strength more than a woman but we have an equality as heirs of the kingdom of god and this is a warning to us that we should treat each other with respect and honor so that it doesn't hinder our prayers let me tell you how important it is to god the way that you treat others the way you treat others dictates the way that god is able to communicate with you it's a warning peter's saying it matters the way you treat your wife it matters the way that you treat your husband don't allow disrespect dishonor to creep into your marriage because as it creeps into your marriage and as you start to accept it day to day in your relationship it's actually putting division between you and your creator it's actually putting up a wall and hindering your prayers that's not what either one of us want in our marriage disrespect is destructive disrespect is sneaky disrespect is a chameleon it hides itself in different ways in our relationship we can we can pick up a humor that we say is funny but it's actually disrespectful we can make side statements that we just kind of sweep under the rug but it still comes out of our mouth and it wasn't said forcefully and it wasn't said loudly but it's still disrespectful uh we can do things not by commission but omission that it wasn't what we did it's what we didn't do that we weren't mindful of the person that we live with that we didn't think of them we weren't considerate that as we were honoring ourself we weren't honoring them and friends god's called us to respect one another at view church we say it this way honor is our calling that honor is tied inextricably to our mission to reach the world and it starts in our home and friends when it comes to my role as a wife like those jokes that i could make about my husband at the dinner table well what am i teaching my sons about honoring their father do i make fun of them do i tear them down do i think that it's funny or that it's no big deal but really what i'm doing is i'm destroying the culture of our home it matters the words that come out of our mouth and what peter says here which is so fundamental that i think we miss is that essentially the way that i treat my spouse is how i'm treating god wow because ultimately we are created in the image of god and a marriage in so many ways is one of the most beautiful ways that we reflect the image of god all the way back in genesis let us create them in our image let us create man in our image the us is the trinity male female the different roles of god and really what peter says what just sticks with me is that so nothing will hinder your prayers what if i told you today that when you disrespect your partner you're destroying your prayer life it's just they go hand in hand that this thing here is so powerful and so holy to god that if i can't get it right here on earth with this person in my home how am i going to get it right with my relationship with god god gives us one another to make us holy to sharpen us to whittle away at our flesh that we might be made more into his image and i just want to tell you today every one of you especially those of you that are single right now you can't force someone to respect you but you can refuse to be disrespected and if someone doesn't respect you before marriage they're not going to respect you when you do get married and the reality of it is that if you don't have self-worth you're not going to have much value to give somebody else you got to understand who you are that god has created you different and he's created you valuable and then when you get self-worth now you can add value to somebody else's life this is how it works over and over and over again i just want to speak to all the men because that's really where peter's leaning in right now and i know it's a different kind of sunday but i actually believe that the quality of our church will rest on the quality of the homes and quality of families a man who can't respect a woman or a man who disrespects a woman is a man who doesn't deserve a woman it's interesting because what will happen is the enemy will take your weakness and he'll exploit it so some of you fellas we know that communication just generally is not always our greatest gift so how do you disrespect your wife you ignore her you silence her opinion you silence her voice when she speaks up you cut your eyes you don't allow her to be heard you don't value her opinion are you always choosing your desire over her desires are you always choosing your wants over her wants are her dreams just as important as your dreams this is what it means to respect this is what it means to go wow we're joint heirs that we're going to receive together that together we have been joined but ladies absolutely it is up to a man a man is meant to respect you i just wonder are you giving him something worth respecting because ladies it just goes hand in hand i wonder today it's funny because the enemy will take your gift to gab right we know that in the very beginning that eve she had the gift to communicate and she used that in a negative way to twist and to manipulate the truth and it's how sin entered the equation the enemy took her gift and it created a weakness many times our strength will become our weakness i just wonder ladies i wonder do you do you cut down your husband do you belittle him do you compare him to other husbands let me tell you that doesn't encourage any man that's not going to make him any better let me if you were just more like you know you know sarah's husband she he he does don't compare your husband you didn't marry the other guy you married that man is he the reason for all your problems are you blaming all your problems on because of that man he's never going to get better he's never going to grow he's never going to rise into his potential you've got to respect him we live in a world right now that says if you disagree with someone you can disrespect them marriage and relationships are full of disagreement but just because we dis disagree doesn't mean for one second that we can allow ourselves to disrespect each other because when i start disrespecting my wife my marriage begins to be destroyed and vice versa and our culture right now it's scary out there it's scary out there i can hardly watch any level of television with my two-year-old because even these g-rated and these disney so much disrespect it's just it's just natural dishonor just natural to cut each other down i'll be honest don't at me i would not let my sons if they were under the age of 16 watch the last presidential debate i'm not trying to dishonor our presidents i just don't know what that is at the greatest two voices and faces of leadership in our nation just the amount of disrespect the amount of dishonor through disagreement it's just it's rampant in our culture and the church must push back the church must say no we're drawing the line here it's not coming into our home even though we disagree we will not disrespect one another we will endure we're going to endure we're going to endure it's really simple evaluation question number one based on how you treated your husband today what did you teach your son to look for in a wife valuation question number two based on how you treated your wife today what did you teach your daughter to look for in a husband this is five keys to relationship endurance your marriage has to have a mission oh it's gotta have a mission you gotta live for something more than just you you gotta live for something more than just your happiness it's gotta be about your holiness it's gotta be a ministry come on world that's broken you're looking for a model you're looking for an example we're not perfect but we have a perfect savior we're building our marriage on jesus i feel like sandy jesus works like jesus works i'm telling jesus works give him a try trust the truth jesus works your marriage it's got to have a mission you got to know your roles you got to play to your strengths over and over again what you do man it speaks louder than what you say you got to pay attention to the inside what's going on here because that's the thing that's really attractive i'm telling you today friends you've got to remember that disrespect is destructive this is how we will endure today we're going to sing and we're going to worship god together but i want to let you know today that it's the father that we're singing about the father in heaven that as we worship him as we run to him today as we're running to the father that father he's leading us he's guiding us he's directing us he has plans for our life and today he wants to lead you and he wants to guide you he has truth for your life he has truth for your home he's not mad at you he patiently waits for you to come home and the scripture in luke 15 says that the father he he runs towards us when we just turn towards him he's running towards us i don't know what you need today in your home i don't know what you need today in your life but i know this if you'll turn to the father a good father a perfect father a strong father a father who loves you a father who accepts you a father who approves over you if you'll just turn towards him today he is running towards you he has good plans for you he loves you come on church would you lift your hand come on with your boys come on stick it out hey rich wilkerson here i want to say a big thank you for watching today's content believing and trusting that it impacted you and if it did help you or and encourage in any way i would love you to like it and share it with some other people make sure to subscribe to the vu church youtube page where you can get more content just like this and while you're there go peruse the gallery as they say and see past talks and past content that i believe is going to help you i love you best yet to come

Channel: VOUS Church

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Keywords: vous, vous church, rich wilkerson, rich wilkerson jr, dawnchere wilkerson, miami, church, live stream, worship, church live, live stream church, sermon, miami fl, miami chuch, preaching, the gospel, good news, the message of jesus, jesus, relationships, endurance, advice, couples, marriage, family, love

Id: QAeEugzEK0o

Length: 58min 22sec (3502 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 11 2020