5 Core Wounds Narcissists CREATE And AGITATE

most dangerous part about narcissistic abuse isn't the moments of outright cruelty it takes place when the narcissist is slowly eroding your sense of self undermining your trust and triggering feelings of Shame and worthlessness within you and the reason why relationships with narcissists are more painful than any other relationship is because they're triggering one or more of the five core wounds that we're exploring today so let's talk about the first core wound which is rejection and listen nobody likes rejection but it's especially hurtful when it comes from the one person who's supposed to have your back no matter what and in a relationship with a narcissist rejection is just part of The Daily Grind it's like they have a toolbox full of different ways to make you feel small and unimportant take gaslighting for example that's when they straight up deny your reality you know what you saw you know what happened what you experienced but they tell you it never happened or that you're remembering it wrong or you're just being too sensitive and of course this isn't a one-off thing this is something that gradually happens over time and it builds up and little by little you start questioning yourself more and more and more until you start wondering whether they're right about you and maybe you are crazy or maybe you are too sensitive so let's talk about another tactic devaluation that's where they constantly criticize you put you down and make you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough you could move mountains and they'd still find something to nitpick about this is a rejection of your worth and value as a person and it can really do a number on your self-esteem so imagine you come home excited to tell your partner about something that happened at work and they just kind of brush you off or change the subject or maybe you're going through a tough time and you really need their support but instead they tell you to stop being so needy or dramatic it'll hurt each time but the real damage happens over time as these little paper cuts start exposing a much larger wound and here's a comment from one of you that explains how rejection shows up daily with a narcissist they ignore you they withhold affection also sex they slide in put downs but try to keep it light to Gaslight you make you walk on eggshells when they put you in devaluation compliment themselves and others and rarely or never compliment you so rejection shows up in so many ways from a narcissist and we've talked about a few but here's the real danger of putting up with it so over time this rejection can and almost inevitably will lead to the limiting belief of I am not worthy and if you already have this wound from childhood it just makes things so much worse it's like a poison that seeps into your mind and colors everything you do you're seeing it through that lens of I am not good enough so you start start to believe that you don't deserve love respect or happiness that you're just fundamentally flawed in some way and of course that is not true you are not fundamentally flawed so healing this core wound is definitely a journey it's a process it takes time but if you're ready to prioritize yourself comment below I am worthy of love respect and happiness my name is Christina and I'm a narcissistic abuse recovery coach if you can relate to these tactics and their impact on your selfworth you might need a little support along your healing and Recovery Journey so click the link in the description to learn how I might be able to help so the next core wound we're going to touch on is a big one and that is abandonment so if you're familiar with the cycles of narcissistic abuse you know this core wound all too well and if you need a little refresher I have a free download with a checklist that you'll find in the description but just a quick overview for now the Cycles are love bombing devaluation and discard and sometimes there's a Hoover that comes and brings you back into that cycle again but the last one that discard may as well be labeled abandonment and this one definitely goes hand inand with rejection but it's actually deeper you see rejection can come from anyone a stranger a cooworker a friend but abandonment that's a whole different ball game it's when someone who claimed to love you someone who you trusted and relied on suddenly withdraws and leaves you high and dry and it happens in many ways not just the big discard at the end so it can't absolutely be as big and dramatic as the final discard where the narcissist is Burning Bridges and they just up and leave without any explanation maybe they leave you for someone else in a dramatic fashion but it can also be more subtle like the silent treatment or stonewalling where they withdraw all affection and communication leaving you feeling alone and confused it's like you're shut out in the dark until maybe you apologize or change your behavior to something that they find more acceptable it's a manipulative tactic and it absolutely is a form of Abandonment and of course these Cycles are going to be especially triggering to you if you already have an abandonment wound from childhood so now when your partner pulls away it brings up all those old feelings of being unloved and feeling not enough it's honestly a heartbreaking thing to go through and it can really mess with your sense of selfworth and your ability to trust people and here's a comment from one of you who has been through many cycles of narcissistic abuse with the same person I can relate to that too here's the comment I honestly thought I loved him but I'm starting to think I just loved that he wanted me because I already have abandonment issues from childhood I was discarded a week ago moved into my kids' room for the sixth time I will love myself more than I love him and stay away this time for good so I love the Declaration of self-love in that comment now let's make one of of our own if you're ready to start unraveling the damage narcissistic abuse has done in your life comment below I am enough so the next core wound that we're going to talk about today that comes from narcissistic abuse is humiliation and humiliation is not just about being embarrassed or having your feelings hurt it's about being made to feel fundamentally flawed and ashamed of who you are narcissists are Masters at zeroing in on your deepest insecurity and using them against you they might take something you shared in confidence and twist it into a weapon that they'll use in front of others to make you feel exposed and vulnerable like if you confided in them about a past mistake they might bring it up casually at a dinner party watching with satisfaction as you squirm in your seat or maybe they constantly compare you to others always pointing out how you fall short your sister has better style your co-worker is smarter your best friend's a lot funnier than you in ways big and small but very very consistently they chip away at your self-esteem making you feel like a subpar version of everyone else the worst part of it all is that it makes you internalize The Narcissist view of you you start to believe that you really are defective and that shame can color every aspect of your life making you feel like an impostor at work a failure as a parent or a disappointment as a friend shame is so incredibly damaging because it tells us there's something deeply wrong with who we are and that's simply not true so if you're ready to start healing this core wound comment below and maybe say aloud I love and respect myself and here's an example from the comment section of a narcissist attempting to trigger that shame wound one of my closest friends betrayed my trust and humiliated me telling people how they made a fool out of me behind my back there were already cracks in our friendship but after that stunt they pulled I lost all respect for them and had to cut it off so yeah there might be some overlap with that and the next core wound that we're going to talk about and that core wound again another biggie it's betrayal betrayal is one of the deepest most devastating wounds of all and in a relationship with a narcissist betrayal can come in many forms it might be a shocking Discovery like finding out your partner's been cheating on you or lying to you about something major or it might be a series of smaller more Insidious betrayals like broken promises shared Secrets or emotional manipulation and the pain of betrayal is twofold there's the initial shock and heartbreak of realizing that someone you loved could treat you so badly but then there's the longer lasting damage to your ability to trust both others and yourself if you could be so wrong about this person how can you ever trust your instincts again this this is where the limiting belief of I can never trust again takes root it's a defense mechanism a way to protect yourself from further harm but it can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy making it hard to form deep connections or allowing yourself to be vulnerable with anyone new so healing from betrayal it's not an easy Road by any stretch but there's something a lot of people get wrong about the process and that's obvious by the most common question I hear after narcissist istic abuse how can I ever trust anyone again and the answer is that there's only one person you need to trust and that person is you because even the best intentioned people may one day let you down it's sad but it's true it's that self trust that will let you know that you'll be okay no matter what happens so what does this look like it's trust that you'll honor your gut feelings trust that you can handle whatever comes your way trust that you'll love your yourself enough to walk away when it's time so if you're ready to change your relationship with trust after betrayal comment below I trust my intuition so now let's talk about another core wound that is so common and for obvious reasons with a narcissist and we're talking about Injustice and nothing hits quite as hard as the Injustice of the narcissist causing so much destruction and riding off into the sunset you're left with this gnawing sense that you've been wronged wrong and there's nothing you can do about it so this often starts way back in childhood as core wounds do and really it describes the feeling that comes up when you're forced to take accountability for your actions and sometimes the actions of others and other people do not have the same consequences in fact there are some people in your life that maybe never seem to face consequences when they really should and it's just not fair and as a child especially there's nothing you can do about it so when you cross paths with a narcissist as an adult it's like pouring gasoline on that old wound you can watch them charm and manipulate everyone around them always coming out on top while you're left to pick up the pieces and the worst part is watching them get away with it time and time again lie after lie hurt person after hurt person and they just keep skating by without any consequences meanwhile you're left to deal with the Fallout the broken friendships the damaged reputation the crippling self-doubt over time that sense of Injustice can Harden into this limiting belief that things never work out for me it's like you start to see your struggles as inevitable a sign that you're somehow cursed or doomed to fail and that hopelessness it seeps into every corner of your life stealing your motivation and making it hard to even try for things you want so if you are struggling with this right now try your best not to dwell in the story of Injustice recognize it for what it is but then switch gears and start looking for the positive things that you have in your life the more you Flex that mental muscle the stronger it will get so essentially the more you focus on positive the stronger the positive influences will be in your life okay so now we've gone through the core wounds that the narcissist triggers what next well typically after these wounds are triggered we do the best we can with what we have and that works to an extent but it can also leave you wondering after some time where the trauma response is and and You Begin so if you can relate to that watch the video that just popped up on the screen where I share 10 trauma responses you may adopt after narcissistic abuse and you can see how many you relate to but before you go be sure to like this video if you haven't already and I'll see you next time

Channel: Common Ego

Views: 8,717

Keywords: toxic relationships, narcissist relationship, core wounds narcissists create, core wounds, narcissist, core wounds narcissistic abuse, 5 core wounds, covert narcissist, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse, life coaching, how narcissists destroy your self esteem, narcissist relationship patterns, 5 core wounds covert narcissist, narcissist and manipulation, narcissist love bombing, reprogram core wounds

Id: z6SeUdzS9LA

Length: 12min 59sec (779 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 10 2024