4 insidious tactics narcissists use to MANIPULATE and CONTROL

you are actually being steadfast and not falling for the flowers and the nights out but insidiously before you know it their stuff is in your basement or your garage they're buying your family dinner they are using your car because you're working at home they are sneaking in the love bombed back door so let's talk about psychological catfishing cuz this is a lot of bearing on narcissistic relationships now it just dawned on me that something thing that narcissistic folks do is that they are in a way what we could call psychological catfishers now I'm older so when the show Catfish and the term catfishing came out I didn't know what the hell it was and for those of you who aren't up on these terms catfishing is means to entice someone into a relationship by creating sort of a false social media or I guess an online dating profile and then when the person who's pulled into that profile actually meets the catfisher in real life or on a video chat they see that that person is not at all who they present themselves to be and by and large the term catfishing then is focused on sort of misrepresenting your appearance or your gender or things like a job so a person will put up attractive photos that are not them or claim to be a gender they are not so an example would be a person will pretend to be a young attractive woman using false images and then when they actually turn up they turn out to be an old man the catfisher is the one who puts out the false identity the catfish is the person who falls for it I hope that makes sense because I actually had to do some research to figure that out myself but the basically the portrayal of something false to draw someone in and then switching it up psychologically definitely felt like something narcissists do so online spaces really provide a HomeField Advantage for narcissistic folks because they spend a lot of time in them they are rather superficial spaces and narcissistic people are really good at putting out a sort of a false self and in the case of catfishing it's based on a false self catfishing is I said seems to focus on clear identifiable issues job appearance gender race age that kind of thing but couldn't we make the argument that something that narcissistic folks do because the premise of catfishing is that you are trying to draw someone in and I guess get the sadistic Glee of playing them but that something that narcissistic do is draw people in on online spaces and while the narcissistic person may not shift their identity so in other words The Narcissist could use their real pictures their realish age their actual job though they may sort of Grant rosly fluff their job up but in the real town that they live in but instead what the narcissist may do is put out a false psychology of being chill and nice and respectful and kind and easygoing so let's say you do follow and start messaging with someone who is narcissistic their profile may seem attractive and compelling and remember narcissistic people are much better at social media and online dating than most people because they're so good at impression management but the part they may draw you in is someone who seems to be a good listener who is able to be empathic may seem well regulated give thoughtful advice be vulnerable all of which feels like the opposite of narcissism so you may have lots of virtual backing and forthing writing texting dming it may even escalate to a video call now remember this isn't a traditional catfish so the gender of this person is Right their pictures are real their background May line up with their pictures online but in your little calls they may still be showing empathy niceness regulation warmth and humility so you bite and this is a narcissistic person so maybe there is some love bombing but the fact is based on the online interaction the stuff we know that makes a relationship healthy like respect compassion kindness mutuality reciprocity they are all there so you think well what's a little love bombing this seems like a healthy person and in the weeks before that online they also in all their messages seem to have the goods of what makes a relationship good and healthy now maybe some red flags start to pop up but you ignore them because they showed you what they were on online right and it was good and it wasn't a catfish the pictures were real they live where they see say they live they work where they say they work they look like their pictures I think that a psychological catfish is much more dangerous if someone says that they are a 22y old woman and what shows up is a 65-year-old guy that's an instant reveal and you feel angry and foolish and that is that if someone says they are respect ful and really interested in you and your life and they give you good advice or support and then within a month or so in real life they're revealing themselves to be a gaslighting manipulative disregulated person you may wonder what is this in the case of psychological catfishing the reveal is slow so the dissonance and justification kicking you think I want the online person well so did the person who thought they were texting with a 25-year-old old hottie they just got the reveal faster now I remember watching 90day fiance before the 90 days and do not judge me my days are very long and one of the stories was a sweet woman who was widowed and had really nice grown kids and she fell for the weird sexy pictures of some muscle guy and she did lots of messaging with him and she fell for the romance and she felt loved and attractive and it seemed like she found her sexual drive again and then she started to try to set up a real life Meetup and after months of this had never video called him only audio called so when the time came to set up a real visit things obviously fell apart and she found out that obviously he didn't exist and was calling from somewhere else then he claimed to live and then her children did a reverse image search I am not sure why they did not think of that initially and they found out that basically the pictures were stock images of basic sexy guy as I watched the show I felt such an empathy for her it was clear that this woman just wanted a love story and maybe even a fairy tale but she went for someone kind of sleazy but obviously he was attractive to her and so she overlooked all of the red flags of the virtual relationship the no video calls and all of that because she wanted this relationship to work I shudder to think about what would have happened to if if her children had not stepped in and revealed the whole thing to be the fraud and she actually went ahead and showed up to the place she actually didn't fall for the financial Shakedown that was obviously coming but the whole thing was sort of sad right let's face it sane is a good look sane empathic caring and when we get those things and a pretty face to look at well that feels like jackpot so when narcissistic folks do this sort of psychological catfish it shows that they do know what people want they know that being caring and sweet and kind and listening is what people want so they can fake it for a catfishing minute and then boom because more and more relationships these days are starting online psychological catfishing may be the new normal and once you get past the pictures and The Superficial fluff and when they do video chat you and you see they are who they say they are it can be easy to think yay they are who they say they are they know how to fake what looks good but that look that healthy stuff it's effortful for them and once they have you they aren't going to keep breaking a sweat and doing the whole fake respect and compassion thing love bombing is a Sprint a short period of time when they can put on a show long enough to get you personally I think psychological catfishing is worse than just regular catfishing because it isn't clear the first time they walk in the door it takes a minute for you to see that you were played when a person who doesn't look like the pictures walks in that's easy when a person who looks like the pictures and for a minute acts like their messages and their video chats and then comes into your life and then after a few months switches it up in essence they drew you in with a false empathic self to me that feels like a much worse betrayal and many folks who are in relationships with narcissistic people do feel that they were duped if your relationship started in an online space you may very well feel catfished and as much as catfishing is a Trope and we're tempted to make fun of folks in these relationships we need to stop because this was real to them and they felt foolish and betrayed and hurt and when we make fun of catfished people because we all think we're so smart that we wouldn't fall for it to be careful some of you may think well what's the difference between a psychological catfish and a bait and switch maybe nothing but there is something unique about the online space because it is not happening in real time the narcissistic person can take a minute and give the responses they know will win someone over whether it's a catfish or a bait and switch to me it's all the same we get hundreds of emails from Good People smart people loving people empathic people who all got duped most of you who watch this channel likely got played in some way in a narcissistic relationship it's why you're watching this didn't happen because you're foolish it happened because you're a decent human being the Betrayal of really thinking that you clearly saw someone and then having them do that bait and switch it's an awful feeling and remember the responsibility of that is on the bait and switcher on the catfisher not on the person being catfished let's stop humiliating the people who fall for it and see the psychological Hustlers for what they are and most of the time they are narcissists vulnerable narcissism remains something that people are increasingly understanding all of the usual sort of criteria of narcissism are going to be present as with all forms of narcissism lack of empathy entitlement grandiosity but all of this comes out in more of a sullen resentful angry passive aggressive and rather victimized manner where the grandiose narcissist is extroverted many vulnerable narcissists are actually quite introverted that lack of look at me look at me everyone pay attention to me energy the absence of the classical attention seeking all of that can throw people off in fact many people who are vulner vulnerable narcissists can actually look more like they're socially anxious more than anything narcissistic if you are some who is at all prone to wanting to rescue people or wanting to fix them or help them or put them at ease then you may very much be at risk to meeting or very much be vulnerable to meeting a vulnerable narcissist because it isn't all grandiosity and flashy or even that these folks are necessarily that controlling especially in the beginning because none of that's happening people often think that they're in the clear they basically see someone who seems a little bit socially awkward but so often often vulnerable narcissistic folks can often come off as being being kind of down on their look people see someone who just needs someone to give them a break maybe help them find a job or a Better Living Arrangement or Transportation or to unlock their potential that new vulnerable narcissist in your life has the risk of becoming a bit of a project so what does the love B bombing look like in a vulnerable narcissistic relationship well it can look like intense humility combined with being with someone to whom life it always feels like to them they're always saying life has never been fair to them and kind of seems that way they will share that they they're really good at doing something so they're expert at something or they experience with doing this or doing that but that they've never had any success or never really made a lot of money or never managed to fin finish school or never pursued a certain career and then sometimes a kind of virtue signal a little and say oh that stuff doesn't matter to me and over time what you thought was humility will end up starting to look a bit more like contempt you may see someone who might feel that they March to the beat of their own drummer who doesn't need a fancy degree or a career to feel good about themselves or a fancy place to live and they will often be quite dis dismissive of those things and it will actually even seem refreshing to some people the dismissiveness over time especially as you enter the devaluing and the discarding faces phases of the relationship will start to feel more like contempt and disgust they'll start saying H college is so stupid people who go to college are stupid or going to work every day God you're so stupid mortgages are stupid owning things is stupid you start to recognize over time that they often just appears that they think everything's stupid because they really just couldn't get it together and all of what you read as humility was actually just this disdain for a world that they are too entitled that they feel that they need to participate in or that they can't get it together to actually be able to participate in it so I'd love to hear in the comments have any of you ever met someone like this and how soon did you start seeing these kinds of vulnerable resentful patterns and start seeing their true colors as being something more narcissistic now vulnerability not surprisingly their vulnerable narcissist is another part of the love bombing the vulnerable narcissist will often share a rather sad backstory and they they may very well have had difficult childhoods but some will complain about growing up in a family for example that didn't have enough money they may have had really really nice parents but they'll say oh God I suffered so much because we didn't have enough money they may talk about childhood experiences that were very very rough like bullying and you'll want to be there as an empathic person would be and you'll want to help them and perhaps let them know that they are safe with you it can feel really comforting to be that to someone who has ever suffered unfortunately what you're going to realize over time is that no matter how much empathy or no matter no matter how many caring ears you offer them they will forever seem stuck in a victimized place and can't seem to move forward from that mindset all of that sharing that that they do on their part about how sad and messy their lives have been may actually give you the courage to share your own difficult backstory as well and not feel ashamed of it initially they may even listen to your backstory and respond in a way that feels supportive but love bombing with a vulnerable narcissist although it's not going to feel like the fancy restaurant fun vacations nights out dancing 10 Dozen Roses love bombing so it often gets missed as love bombing this sharing actually will feel like deep intimacy not just this this razzled Dazzle getting lots of gifts it'll feel like something deep so this is where this backfires it backfires in vulnerable narcissistic relationships cuz all that vulnerable stuff you shared it'll get weaponized against you and all that stuff you shared that for the first time you felt safe to share maybe will be used against you which will really really undercut your sense of trust now for people who are Rescuers this is sort of a reverse love bomb the vulnerable narcissistic person is notorious for their Failure to Launch something we've talked about in other videos and they're paranoid and victimized thinking that the world is against them and they'll believe that the world is colluding to stop them from launching in the early days of the relationship you may want to take this on you may want to Rally to solve this problem for them you may get pulled into wanting to help them find a job introduce them to contacts help them find a better place to live or even offer for them to stay with you loan them your car loan them money the vulnerable narcissistic person becomes a sort of project and initially you may see a little bump they may even accept it and even be grateful for your help for a minute but then you'll find that they don't follow up on the contacts you made for them they may expect you to find them their more permanent place to live or they'll push back and say uh that person you introduced me to they didn't even respect me or gosh that job you tried to link me to that is so below me or what do you think that now that you loan me car now everything's supposed to be perfect in this relationship and then you slowly look up and recognize that you're the one doing all of the actual labor and the emotional labor of the relationship there is no Grand Tada in these relationships it's not like that and vulnerable narcissistic love bombing also plays on difficult feelings like guilt and pity you may literally feel sorry for them and feel that it wouldn't be right to walk away from someone when they are down so you keep trying and trying you may write their behavior off to depression social anxiety and you may encourage them to seek out therapy and they will not be happy about that suggestion so in short the love bombing phase with with a vulnerable narcissist is often a bit of a search and rescue mission and it really is a rescue dance not of gifts and trips and nights out but what feels like a sort of pseudo intimacy that happens through lots of sharing lots of hearing their stories of how they feel like a victim and falling into a dance of wanting to save them it's as though the narcissistic person is playing upon the vulnerability of people who want to help people and you may feel that all of this helping and being there for them will set a precedent of the two of you being there for each other these relationships don't work that way they're always a one-way street so that's not going to be the case the vulnerable narcissistic relationship like most of these relationships is ultimately a bit of a black hole you keep throwing more and more of yourself into it and it just gets sucked away nothing you do will ever be enough the world will never feel right or fair to them the vulnerable narcissistic person will forever feel like a victim that the world owes them something that life has been uniquely unfair to them and that can hurt to he especially if you are knocking yourself out to always be there for them it is very seductive if someone loves being a helper fixer or a rescuer and you meet a vulnerable narcissist during the early phase you may feel really useful and helpful in a relationship and that can be actually a very intoxicating feeling vulnerable narcissistic love bombing is a pattern that is often missed and in fact many people when they are in the throws of vulnerable narcissistic abuse will say yo I didn't get any love bombing actually you did it just looks a lot different that slow sort of spinning Vortex that draws the best parts of you in your empathy your resilience your desire to help people and just like a vampire these relationships will suck you dry so please drop a comment were you in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist how did the love bombing look for you was it consistent with the stuff on I'm saying did I miss anything I'd love love love to hear from you now some people may Wonder well if the love bombing Isn't So flashy in theory then it's I'm not being drawn in by all that excitement wouldn't it just be easier to leave one of these relationships during the devalue and discard cycle not really because powerful emotions like pity and guilt can often set in and the belief that maybe if I can try one more thing maybe one more thing will make this work that can also kick in too and also many people still do not fully recognize the vulnerable narcissistic pattern for what it is even if it ain't roses and Fire Works it can still be love bombing because it draws you into something where you're not adequately seeing the red flags love bombing is all about idealization and seduction that may not always necessarily being be again is under the full moon it could be any experience that plays on your idea of what it feels seductive draws you in draws in the best of you but also really really blocks you from seeing those red flags let's talk about what seaweed has to do with narcissistic relationships I'm going to be talking about sort of a seaweed strategy that we often see in these relationships and it might give you a sense of and one of those reasons you got stuck now once upon a time and the reason I think I call it this I used to be a more regular scuba diver not doing it so much now but back when I learned and I got certified I learned in the kelp beds here around Southern California places like Catalina Island and the Channel Islands places like that and Diving here in Southern California you have to be careful as a diver in those spaces because they're full of kelp that you don't get entangled in the kelp in the seaweed which could sort of wrap around you and get you stuck which would be scary under the water and you had to not panic and be skilled enough to disentangle yourself or cut yourself out of the kelp or have your dive buddy help you out which is why it's important to not dive alone so that's where this this original Vision came to me now over the years I have always looked at seaweed or kelp as a sticky place where we can get stuck and it sort of comes up on you quickly look at the big blue ocean but then it becomes sort of an oceanic entanglement when the sea we'd get to and because of what I do for a living studying narcissistic abuse one day when I was in the sea and the damn seaweed kept wrapping around me and I had to get it all off when I got out of the water I sort of chuckled to myself and I thought oh my God this seaweed is like a narcissistic relationship I had originally tried to Swim Clear of it and avoid it but it still managed to catch me quickly anyhow and snuck up on me without me even quite noticing it and then I was all entangled in it it was hard to get unstuck and now I was cleaning up a bit of a mess and panicking a little cuz it sort of ruined my swim and I didn't didn't want to get tangled more narcissistic relationship now this seaweed strategy that is often observed in narcissistic relationships is the quick creation of entanglement in a relatively new relationship it can certainly happen as part of the love bombing phase but it can also Trail into the devaluing phase and Beyond so it might be you're in a narcissistic relationship you even think you've got it figured out you know your red flags you know your vulnerabilities you are on it but without knowing it you can get tangled up and this can happen in any kind of narcissistic relationship a friend partner workplace before you know it you find yourself maybe having shared some Financial things like maybe you loan the person a little money you may meet there or they may meet your children really quickly or you may move in too quickly with them and start meeting friends and family really fast or you might get in too deep with practical stuff that of effects things like places to live or cars or jobs that stuff of life you start to really believe you're in a relationship right you're falling in love because the Practical stuff that's a relationship right and that kind of justifying often makes that seaweed WRA not only more quickly but tighter you're seeing the red flags and every sensible part of you is saying run away it's still early enough to do that it's only been a few months but those early practical Tangles are the issue and it can be really hard to cut them away that's why you need a dive buddy to help you out and in the midst of all those seaweed Tangles that's where people start making justification even when the ringing in your head in your body is this doesn't feel right this isn't right and those trauma bonded cognitively dissonant driven justifications begin and you are rationalizing rationalizing rationalizing and before you can say I think I'm running out of air in my scuba tank you start believing the false Narrative of the relationship and boom you are in a gaslighted mess this kind of seaweed tangly thing is a form of love bombing that we don't always recognize the ordinary conception of Love bombing is intense courtship excitement but the rapid entanglements are another form of love bombing and actually result in much stronger rationalization you are actually being steadfast and not falling for the flowers and the nights out but insidiously before you know it their stuff is in your basement or your garage they're buying your family dinner they are using your car because you're working at home they are sneaking in the love bombed back door all of this tangled up practical stuff is actually one of the strongest glues of the narcissistic relationship a reason that people get stuck most of us are Savvy Savvy enough to not be played and plied by gifts and fun especially with more and more people out there really understanding love bombing but the Practical stuff is tough especially when it involves other people it's the seaweed the big blue sea may be inviting but you can't always see that seaweed until it's too late and for all of you who are watching this who say girl I don't swim in the ocean anymore I get it I can't begin to tell you how many people have told me oh I did see the damn red flags right from the jump I knew this wasn't right but we did get into the Practical stuff too fast someone's lease came up so we thought it was silly to wait another year of paying to rents or they really thought I had a great business idea and they really wanted to invest in my business and it felt so after trying to raise funds for so long to have someone believe in me I just wanted to make it work or I just assumed that they would pay me back they had a really nice lifestyle and they seemed to have enough money they told me they were just going through a rough patch or my kids met them and they really liked them and it was so good to see my kids having such a good time where this person was actually really a big help with something I needed help with the list of these things goes on and on so many times the Practical stuff doesn't grab our attention the way way the traditionally Love bomy Stuff does this practical stuff can often feel more intimate than a candlelight dinner the shared stuff the shared purpose the shared regular life things that feels like intimacy and so it can be really hard to disentangle from that stuff keep in mind that in the midst of them maybe winning over your children or your family or just it feeling like normal let's eat dinner at home life the bad stuff is still happening the manipulation the passive aggressive stuff the gaslighting the dismissiveness it's subtle this tangled up stuff that's the seaweed the abusive stuff that's the danger and it can start feeling really hard to get unstuck because of that seaweed and the narcissistic folks aren't stupid if you try to put on the brakes and hold off say hey let's hold off on meeting families and friends and kids or loaning your car to them or moving in with each other may push back and say oh I guess you really aren't that into a committed relationship I guess you're not really interested in something more serious and if you hear a statement like that that can be very confusing you're see yeah you're seeing red flags but you do want a committed relationship it really takes a lot of clarity to say yeah yeah I do want a serious relationship and I want to take my time and then be okay with them walking away it's a great way to weed out the suckers but the trauma bonded patterns can make that stance really difficult and so when they doubt your commitment a lot of people Double Down despite the red flags so be wary of the seaweed it sneaks up on you and can get you stuck sometimes dangerously so narcissistic folks are clever if they are getting Supply from you they may want to keep you in it and may try to very quickly pull you into those sticky seaweedy practical connections and linkages in any relationship make sure you past the Practical stuff hold off overly entangling your life with them it may in seem inconvenient or inexpensive to do stuff like pay two rents but honestly it could end up saving your mental health because if they can't use those practical tangly seaweeds to get you stuck then they may walk away early in the relationship and trust me that's a good thing so be careful of that seaweed and next time you get caught in some of it I want you to chule and say Dr Romany reminder that I don't get quickly Tangled into a toxic relationship we are going to talk about a form of gaslighting that you may not even have known was a form of gaslighting and yet I bet more than a few of you have experienced it ready okay so let's take it from the top now just as a review in case some of you are new to this new to this party remember what gaslighting is it's a denial of the reality of another person and this can be actually denying events that occurred or behaviors that we engaged in or words that were said or it can just be an invalidation and denial of a person's emotions someone saying things like you have no right to feel that way or you're being too sensitive now let's face it you know this already I have talked about gaslighting ad nauseum I've written about it I've done workshops on it done videos on it and most of you by now get it but this is the type of gaslighting that has been coming up more and more and I wish ID pointed it out earlier as a form of gaslighting cuz it is most of you have experienced this too it's actually a big contributor for why many people are stuck in gaslighted and narcissistic relationships so let's tell it as a story you know the scenario well behind closed doors in a narcissistic relationship it's invalidation devaluation manipulation lying criticism anger rage but then you'll be with the narcissistic person with other people with friends or family a work event and the narcissistic person in your life all of a sudden is the most Charming gracious person you have ever met the narcissistic person in your life remembers people's names pulls people's chairs out takes the hand of an older relative and helps them down the stairs they pay the check for everyone they compliment people you feel as though you've gone through the Looking Glass into the Matrix you look at this narcissistic person and think what wa wait this person's actually really great I forgot no I really like them whoops h ah I'm actually married to them or I'm their P child or whatever their relationship is to you like wo wow they're great and you say oh no I was so wrong they're cool I'm always trying to sabotage things in my relationships my standards are too high my partner my husband my wife my parent whoever this person is I'm so lucky I need to stop overthinking this relationship and then just to confirm what you think oh I have such a great partner or something your friends and your family whoever all tell you you're so lucky what manners how nice then you go home you're kind of feeling warm and fuzzy even in the car and then the door closes when you get home and the face looking at you isn't the same face of the person who pulled out a chair for an older relative or helped someone down the stairs or picked up the check or complimented people the face the person now is unseeing unempathic and contemptuous or distracted the warmth the charm poof all gone now you're really confused what is real this back and forth we had such a fun time at dinner they're lying and manipulating me but we laughed a lot at that movie they're really criticizing and devaluing me a lot that back and forth that Whiplash it's the architecture of the narcissistic relationship these relationships are always three steps forward four steps back but the cognitive dissonance means that you focus on the three steps forward and you don't notice with those four steps back you are always falling behind one step at a time and it becomes easier to blame yourself than the relationship but these big grandiose shows of generosity and solicitude in front of other people especially other people who may matter to you that may be one of the ultimate gaslights because now everyone is in on the delusion people see the generous helpful solicitous Charming person and because most people out there don't understand or recognize narcissism or gaslighting they think you are the problem and since there many people out there who are experiencing narcissistic abuse can be anxious sad and self-doubting people may actually view them other people may actually view the person experiencing narcissistic abuse as the problem and the sunny narcissist is a saint for putting up for the negative Nelly who's complaining about this relationship this is gaslighting the narcissistic person who needs narcissistic Supply is no fool they often know that they need to put on a show to get supply but narcissistic people are built to be interpersonal sprinters they can only wear the mask of charm for so long before the exhaustion gets to them and then they are back to being their malcontented and contemptuous selves it's why that cown that mask comes off as early as the car ride home so in the end many people think of this as a disconnect they're a charmer in public they're a cruel manipulator at home it's actually not a disconnect the narcissistic person is doing what narcissistic personalities do getting their supply in public and then getting rid of their tension and regulating their Shame by attacking you you the person who stimulates their shame because you got in too close the narcissistic tendency to be dismissive and even disgusted by true intimacy closeness emotional depth and empathy in a relationship means that they are often contemptuous of those in their lives who need that closeness and intimacy like children or spouses narcissist can do the shortterm charm and Charisma show for those who don't need them on the daily for example people like extended family or colleagues and friends they can put on the show for them this Dynamic may be most pronounced in Intimate Relationships but if you grew up like this you get it the Charming beloved parents in public who were actually cruel invalidating and emotionally Abus abve in private you were viewed then as the ingrate the spoiled child in other people's eyes because you didn't see how great your parents were and your parents got their narcissistic Supply from the world and then turned their children into emotional and sometimes physical punching bags they would use to regulate their tempers and their rage it is an awful confusing way to grow up now this cycle Charming in public abusive or mean in private is a profound gaslighting experience because it leaves people questioning their perception and their reality it's why over time these relationships leave people so anxious so confused so full of self-doubt so helpless and so hopeless and to people out there who are not in these relationships but maybe have had that experience of your your friend or someone close to you suffering in a relationship but your experience has been of the grandos public version of that person recognize that this dichotomy is a thing and don't be one more gaslighter to the people in the world going through this don't be the person who says well I don't see it because they're always so nice to me recognize that this is really a pattern these two masks these two fa and it really does harm to the people stuck in it so this idea that somebody can be someone so different in public so different with their friends so different with other people and then show you an entirely different face is a very fundamental tenant of these relationships it is also a form of gaslighting because your reality is tested you're like okay this person is not nice this is not a healthy relationship boom you're out in the world with other people and they're the most Charming person ever because not only does it confuse you to see them being like that it also can really cut out the amount of support you can get because other people actually really fall for it it's amazing how many people can be bought off by someone buying picking up the check after a meal but people see the generosity they see the warmth they see the friendliness and they assume it's you who has the problem because because as you know narcissistic abuse shrinks us makes us small it makes us anxious it makes us almost afraid of the world in some ways people see us as Shrinking Violets and they think GH this narcissist is so Charming no wonder they don't like this relationship who wants to be with that anxious person I'm putting this information out there because people need to understand these masks that narcissistic people wear so they can understand that if your friend comes to you and says what you're seeing out here is not what's happening at home that this isn't your friend being out in left field listen to them because this dual life this very confused Jacqueline Hyde frankly that's the life many people going through narcissistic abuse go through and it is nothing but gaslighting which is why you so often feel confused and upside down I hope that clarifies that Dynamic thank you again

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 28,197

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Id: O7ncTTbpCxY

Length: 42min 55sec (2575 seconds)

Published: Sun May 26 2024